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Posted: 11/19/2002 10:59:02 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/19/2002 10:59:38 AM EDT by bunghole]
Why do brides wear white at their wedding? Because, it's nice for the dishwasher to match the refrigerator and oven. [:D]
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 11:31:31 AM EDT
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! Women are like parking spaces. All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped. Which are you, Bitch? There was an old lady who had just recently lost her husband from a heart attack. Since she loved him so much and missed him, she decided to committ suicide. So she went to her bedside table and pulled her handgun. She went to the kitchen, placed the gun on the table, and calles her doctor. The doctor answered his phone and said "Hello". She then said, "Doc.,where is the heart located." He replied, "Under the left breast. Why?" "Oh no reason." and she hung up. Then two hours later, the local sheriff came by and asked him if the lady had called earlier. "Why, yes she did. Why?" "What did she ask you" "Where the heart was located. Is there a problem?" "Yes, she shot herself in the leg." What is the diffrence between a blonde and a refrigator? A.When you pull the meat out of the refrigarator it doesnt fart
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 11:44:33 AM EDT
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 12:04:34 PM EDT
Cats 1. Cats do what they want, when they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play they want to be left alone. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 8. They're moody. 9. They leave their hair everywhere. 10. They drive you nuts. Conclusion: Cats are little, tiny women in cheap fur coats
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 12:07:20 PM EDT
Why are washing machines better than women ? Cause you can dump a load in it and not have to say I Love You.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 12:13:07 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/19/2002 12:13:28 PM EDT by PosterChild]
What's the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth? Einstein's dick.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 12:19:24 PM EDT
Why don't women need to wear a watch because theres a clock on the stove
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 12:20:20 PM EDT
Why do women have smaller feet? So they can stand closer to the sink[:D]
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 12:47:11 PM EDT
BEE STING..... A woman is playing a round of golf, when a bee stings her. Infuriated, she storms off the course and hunts down the greens keeper, explaining her disgust in him for allowing all these aggressive insects on the grounds. After getting the lady to calm down, he asks her to explain how and where she was stung. The lady replies between the first and second hole. "A-ha," says the greens keeper. "The problem is that your stance is too wide."
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 1:09:44 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/19/2002 1:11:42 PM EDT by echo6]
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nothing. She has already been told twice.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 1:10:56 PM EDT
How can you trust anything that bleeds three to five days a month and dosent die?
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 1:12:09 PM EDT
Why do women give birth? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Because it hurts and they deserve it.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 1:12:25 PM EDT
I certainly hope the ladies miss this thread. [;)]
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 1:15:14 PM EDT
Mrs.E6 [b]REALY[/b] read me the riot act once for the giving birth one. I then reminded her that we were Catholic, so actually it wasent a joke. It is a [b]FACT[/b]according to Scripture [:D] echo6
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 1:41:10 PM EDT
Whats the difference between a Blonde and a stick of butter? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A Blonde is eaiser to spread
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 1:43:38 PM EDT
Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Mosquito? . . . . . . . . . . . . . A Mosquito stops sucking when you slap it
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 1:50:57 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/19/2002 1:56:33 PM EDT by mojo]
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 1:56:15 PM EDT
[Sergeant Shultz]I see [i]nothing![/i] I know [i][b]NOTHING![/b][/i][/Sergeant Shultz][:D]
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 1:56:25 PM EDT
Oh boy, unabashed sexism....
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 2:13:00 PM EDT
Thought from women: I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I'm also not blonde. * Dolly Parton You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. * Erica Jong If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. * Sue Grafton Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. * Laurie Kuslansky I think - therefore I'm single. * Lizz Winstead You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears. * Geri Jewell When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. * Elayne Boosler Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. * Maryon Pearson In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man - if you want anything done, ask a woman. * Margaret Thatcher I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. * Gloria Steinem I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home who answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night. * Marie Corelli If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck? * Linda Ellerbee Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. * Eleanor Roosevelt
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 2:22:03 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/19/2002 2:22:24 PM EDT by bunghole]
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. * Maryon Pearson
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Let's change this one up a bit. [b]Behind every surprised woman is a successful man. [sex] * bunghole[/b]
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 2:38:46 PM EDT
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