Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy." I call mine Sex.
Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex.
He said, "I'd like to have one, too."
Then I said, "But this is a dog!"
He said he didn't care what she looked like.
Then I said, "But you don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old."
He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex.
He said every room in the place was for sex.
I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night!"
The clerk said, "Me too."
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away.
Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around.
I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest.
He told me I should have sold my own tickets.
"But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV."
He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight custody of the dog.
I said, "Your honor, I had Sex before I was married."
The judge said, "Me too."
Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me.
He said, "Me too."
Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him.
A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at four o'clock in the morning?"
I said, "I'm looking for Sex."
My case comes up Friday.