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Posted: 10/25/2002 7:43:57 PM EDT
Well, although my wife loves me very much, it seems like there are some things she just can't stand about me. Namely my obnoxious leakings. And I can't say as I blame her. The worst part about it is I do it in my sleep, thus waking her up (yes, it's that bad). I just can't see any reason too punish her with this. So....................... I'm thinking about taking something like Gas-X or Beano before I sleep, so as to aleviate her discomfort. Has anyone else had this problem? And if so, what cured it?
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 7:47:09 PM EDT
beano, it's what's after dinner
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 7:54:02 PM EDT
Cork?
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 7:54:55 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 7:57:23 PM EDT
[B]Originally Posted By ShamusMcOI: Has anyone else had this problem? And if so, what cured it?[/B]
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No.....You're the first Just don't do it when she's blowin you. No known cure....she'll get use to it or she will leave
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 7:59:46 PM EDT
[img]www.ar15.com/members/albums/M4%5FAiming%5Fat%5FU%2Ffart%2Egif[/img] Try a slight change in diet, it helped my uncle.
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 7:59:48 PM EDT
Yes, Gas-X is a good idea. Take it for a while and see if it makes a difference. It should do the trick. If not, check with your doctor. You may have a digestive problem that he can help you with. I think I'm the only one taking your situation seriously. USPC40 [img]www.ar15.com/members/albums/USPC40/line.gif[/img] [url=www.nra.org][b][red]NRA[/red][/url] [url=www.nra.org][blue]Life Member[/blue][/url] [url=www.gunowners.org][b][red]GOA[/red] [/url] [url=www.gunowners.org][blue]Life Member[/blue][/url] [url=www.saf.org][red]SAF[/red][/url] [url=www.saf.org][blue]Supporter[/blue][/url] [url=sas-aim.org][red]SAS[/red][/url] [url=sas-aim.org][blue]Supporter[/blue][/b][/url] [img]www.ar15.com/members/albums/USPC40/alabamaflag.gif[/img]
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 8:00:03 PM EDT
I was never here. Since I'm not here anyway may I suggest you also look at several other things as well; most importantly diet, also I believe there are charcoal tablets available which might help.
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 8:00:35 PM EDT
The only problem with doing it in your sleep is you lose the chance to pull the sheets up tight over her head....
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 8:12:31 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 8:19:36 PM EDT
Originally Posted By thebeekeeper1: Seriously, your lovely wife does not deserve this, even though you can't help it. Most of the methane produced by digestion is the result of vegetable matter being digested. This can vary, but such things as cabbage, beans (of course!), some fruits, notably apples and bananas, and most vegetables produce noxious fumes. It really is not good to avoid them, as they are "good for you" as Mom used to say. I would mention it to your Doctor and get his opinion. Bottom line: your wife is too good of a cook. My wife and I know this from personal experience, but I'm sure you never thought it would be a curse. Good luck, and I'll be chuckling about this every time I think of you.
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Very good point, If I may add a veggie to his list to keep away from is Spinach. This will make your gas peel the paint off the walls!
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 8:35:30 PM EDT
One of the supplements to fight gas is charcoal. Have you tried charcoal pills/tabs?
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 8:52:32 PM EDT
I use chlorophyll tabs before hunting or a date. They are the same thing aren't they? They can be bought in most serious hunting supply stores. Also, try a fast every so often, maybe once every 3 months. 48 hours is enough. It helps too.
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 9:09:37 PM EDT
You could try sleeping attached to a personal gas collection appliance and pipe it outdoors to be burned off with a flare tower like they do at oil & gas refineries. Just make sure you pay extra for the good kink-free hose because it could be very dangerous for that stuff to back up.
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 9:19:35 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/25/2002 9:22:43 PM EDT by MilkMan]
The image of an elaborate exhaust system comes to mind. Something in the nature of eight to ten feet of habitrail pipe all stuffed with cotton swabbing, beach sand and charcoal (and of course, some sort of water tank device in the middle with the in pipe coming in low and the exit pipe up high, blub, blub). With one end out the bedroom window and the other end crazyglued (tm) to the offending orifice. I mean, it might not work, but just imagine the sympathy points you'll earn with the little lady for just trying that hard.
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 9:34:49 PM EDT
Are you lactose intollerant?? I am. If I eat anything remotely dairy product related, my emissions peel paint off of the walls.. -T.
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 9:56:17 PM EDT
Also, try a fast every so often, maybe once every 3 months. 48 hours is enough.
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Hmm, a fasting recommendation coming from someone named "soylent_green"... Interesting!
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 10:37:22 PM EDT
Okay... who just cut one?
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 11:00:42 PM EDT
Originally Posted By thebeekeeper1: Seriously, your lovely wife does not deserve this, even though you can't help it. Most of the methane produced by digestion is the result of vegetable matter being digested. This can vary, but such things as cabbage, beans (of course!), some fruits, notably apples and bananas, and most vegetables produce noxious fumes. It really is not good to avoid them, as they are "good for you" as Mom used to say. I would mention it to your Doctor and get his opinion. Bottom line: your wife is too good of a cook. My wife and I know this from personal experience, but I'm sure you never thought it would be a curse. Good luck, and I'll be chuckling about this every time I think of you.
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So in other words you think its extra fiber causing it??
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 11:07:38 PM EDT
GasX won't do much for that problem, but beano should do the trick. Charcoal caps are good but not as effective as the beano I think.
Link Posted: 10/25/2002 11:15:26 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/26/2002 1:33:03 AM EDT
all together now sing!!! ...BEANS BEANS THE MAGICAL FRUIT .. THE MORE YA EAT'EM THE MORE YA TOOT .. THE MORE YA TOOT THE MORE YA EAT .. THATS WHY THEY CALL THEM THE MAGICAL TREAT [:D] only bad part about farting in your sleep is that you miss out on seeing your wifes horrified expression ... hehehehahahahaha remember -- dont fart and waste it, burp and taste it.
Link Posted: 10/26/2002 1:51:35 AM EDT
Originally Posted By NOVA5: Cork?
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LMAO!! See a (qualified) doctor. My mate had similar problems. He got some medicine for the thing. I bought my mate's wife a respirator for Christmas present. How dare you fart before me?!? Oh sorry baby, I didn't know it was your turn... Regards, Petri
Link Posted: 10/26/2002 3:02:46 AM EDT
Originally Posted By M4_Aiming_at_U:
Originally Posted By thebeekeeper1: Seriously, your lovely wife does not deserve this, even though you can't help it. Most of the methane produced by digestion is the result of vegetable matter being digested. This can vary, but such things as cabbage, beans (of course!), some fruits, notably apples and bananas, and most vegetables produce noxious fumes. It really is not good to avoid them, as they are "good for you" as Mom used to say. I would mention it to your Doctor and get his opinion. Bottom line: your wife is too good of a cook. My wife and I know this from personal experience, but I'm sure you never thought it would be a curse. Good luck, and I'll be chuckling about this every time I think of you.
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Very good point, If I may add a veggie to his list to keep away from is Spinach. This will make your gas peel the paint off the walls!
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another one is onions.. it adds a very odd scent to the gas.
Link Posted: 10/26/2002 5:08:09 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/26/2002 5:10:50 AM EDT by Lumpy196]
Originally Posted By thebeekeeper1: Seriously, your lovely wife does not deserve this, even though you can't help it. Most of the methane produced by digestion is the result of vegetable matter being digested. This can vary, but such things as cabbage, beans (of course!), some fruits, notably apples and bananas, and most vegetables produce noxious fumes. It really is not good to avoid them, as they are "good for you" as Mom used to say. I would mention it to your Doctor and get his opinion. Bottom line: your wife is too good of a cook. My wife and I know this from personal experience, but I'm sure you never thought it would be a curse. Good luck, and I'll be chuckling about this every time I think of you.
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My beer farts really stink. Does this mean beer is a vegitable???!!! [:D] What movie was that with the great in bed fart scene? The one where the guys says "Oh yeah, I got game" after the worst one? Damn Im old....CRS.
Link Posted: 10/26/2002 5:22:39 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/26/2002 5:24:00 AM EDT by Grock]
[size=5][yellow]MIDAS MUFFLER WEAR[/size=5][/yellow](patent Pending)... also available with activated charcoal liner and optional flame arrester! Actually, flatulence is a byproduct of the digestion of cellulose by the bacteria present in your intestines. It is a good thing, means the little buggers are healthy, and should not be interfered with. Certain foods can add interesting nuances to the aromas, thereby providing hours of entertainment to the local celebrants. Additionally, mastery of the rectal sphincter can lead to a finely adjusted tonal and duration control, sure to please the crowd! In closing let me state- "there's nothing better than a 45 second, 3 octave fart, the kind that makes the dog get up and leave the room!" [:D]
Link Posted: 10/26/2002 5:27:51 AM EDT
Link Posted: 10/26/2002 5:50:59 AM EDT
Drink lots of beer , dark beer is the best it will defizz the gass in your system.
Link Posted: 10/26/2002 6:04:14 AM EDT
might as well use this situation in a productive way: may i suggest a guest appearance on the Howard Stern show? and while there, issuing a challenge to a regular guest, Mr. Me-thane? how about selling the gas to a small third-world country for their energy needs? bottling and dating your by-products and sending them to your favorite relatives for the holidays! you can tell them it comes from the heart. or someplace close to that organ. power that broken old jet-ski! who says you need a friggin engine when you can provide your own thrust?
Link Posted: 10/26/2002 7:10:49 AM EDT
I believe Shamus has a [b]post-ban sporting anus[/b][;)]
Link Posted: 10/26/2002 2:28:07 PM EDT
Originally Posted By P806: I believe Shamus has a [b]post-ban sporting anus[/b][;)]
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Silent.... but deadly
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