There are people in every field that will take advantage of someones unfortunate situation... Take mechanics for example, they too are renowned for F%cking people over...but we don't all want to kill the mechanics do we?
Anyway, not all lawyers give itemized bills to their clients. My law firm does not bill for faxes, photocopies or anything else like that, and we tailor our fees to the ability of the client to pay. Lawyers have a fiduciary obligation to "zealously" represent their client, so obviously, if your wifes lawyer is making you feel a pinch, then he is doing his job. On the other hand, lawyers must also follow a code of professional responsibility which prohibits the filing of "frivolous" law suits. If there are no merits to your ex-wife's claims, then you need to find a competent attorney to call the other guy on it. Frivolous legal action can result in sanctions against not only your ex, but also against her attorney and the suit can be dismissed with prejudice as well...
Look, you're not going to beat the system, so you might as well do what you can by fighting within it...