sesat_ram you have just backwards. You DO want to take the moral high ground.
I did this when my ex- and I divorced. I even let daughter hang the only family portrait in existance above her bed at my place. I am involved in her life even though her mother is the custodial parent. I never said anything bad about her mother to, or in front of her. Did I get the same consideration? I don't know, probably not. But I don't care. Psych ops warefare, with daughter's mind at stake. [;)] As in "gee...dad isn't as bad as mom says he is."
Daughter will turn 14 in a couple of months and she worships the ground I walk on. And here for the past few months she's taken to saying not so nice things about her mother. I do let her vent a little but will not tolerate her from going too far with her rantings. She may be pissed at mom, but she still needs to respect her elders, etc.
Always take the moral high ground. Never stoop to their level. The kids will see it and learn from what they see. It is worth it in the end.
As a side note; Daughter was involved in an after school program where they would visit a nursing home and strike up friendships with the residents. She was telling me one time how sad it was for the residents to be there, with no family to care for them, no one to love them, etc... And that she would NEVER stick me in a nursing home. When I get old like that she will take care of me in her home.
But she has threatned to put her mom in a nursing home NOW, and to her face. [:D]