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Posted: 8/13/2002 7:50:29 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/13/2002 8:26:10 PM EDT
I can relate!! Hell, my father died this year and there is still bad mouth talk! Me thinks, I be scared for life. No plans on getting married.
Link Posted: 8/13/2002 8:33:49 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/13/2002 8:35:53 PM EDT by flashman]
Yeah, I saw this kind of crap, but I had one big advantage - it happened when I was in my early 20's. It still caused problems though - I didn’t marry till I was 40. I really feel for the kids who are around 10 when this stuff happens. I survived, so there is hope. I’ve been happily married for 10 years. Mike
Link Posted: 8/13/2002 8:45:17 PM EDT
I know where you are coming from,I have been married twice to two great gals. I say this because I'm the butthole here,and always taught my daughter to never say anything bad about her mother as she is the only mother she will ever have! But children learn at an early age how to use both parents against each other for their max benefits. The old ask your dad,well he said if you said its okay,well I always called her mother and made it quite clear as to the way I felt about things. End result of coarse daughter never tried to run crap around us . I'm probably not the only one here to come from a dysfunctional family,But that's not the post is it? So like you said Sweep keep it kind,cool,and to your-self about the way you feel about your former(hate the word X sounds like dead) wife. bob [8D]
Link Posted: 8/13/2002 8:57:55 PM EDT
My last "ex" is a worthless POS. But I (or the wife) have never said that in front of the kids(2). About the only time she comes around to get them is when she has a new"friend". I haven't seen any support money in two years, but let her or her family see them just about any time they want(as long as we don't have plans first) The kids are old enough to realize that their "mother" is worthless. They ask us why she doesn't come around and we say "Ask Her". She never has a good answer. Says, because she's workin' then later says she can't pay support because of no job. The kids are only 10 and 12, but they aren't stupid. Of course then we haven't heard from my wifes "ex" since the day he left. That means there are 3 more kids that we have to explain why (the other parent) doesn't care. We ain't perfect, but we're tryin' our best. Just to finish the math.....2 of mine from last ex + 3 of hers from her ex + 1 of ours +1 of mine (that lived w/her mother,now on her own[the oldest])=7 ........and a grand-daughter YEE HAW Never a dull moment.......and I wouldn't have it any other way[:D]
Link Posted: 8/13/2002 9:07:18 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/13/2002 9:55:37 PM EDT
Well, what are you supposed to do? If you don't badmouth your spouse to your kids, your spouse will badmouth you to your kids. Kids aren't stupid, but they're rather impressionable, especially when they are hearing it from a parent! Do you really want to be the one with the moral high ground, if it means that your kids will grow up hating you as the POS parent? It seems like a tough decision, and going into a badmouthing war seems like an attractive option. You know, the person who does the badmouthing first and most impressionably will win the PR war. I hate this. I'm unmarried but I fear such a situation, certainly more so than I fear the blue berrets and black helo kinda situation.
Link Posted: 8/13/2002 10:04:04 PM EDT
Hey, I got along great with my ex. Never said a bad word about her. In fact we got along so well that ...um...never mind. My son reads this board too. My ex is great [:D]
Link Posted: 8/14/2002 1:45:27 AM EDT
Originally Posted By sesat_ram: Well, what are you supposed to do? If you don't badmouth your spouse to your kids, your spouse will badmouth you to your kids. Kids aren't stupid, but they're rather impressionable, especially when they are hearing it from a parent! Do you really want to be the one with the moral high ground, if it means that your kids will grow up hating you as the POS parent? It seems like a tough decision, and going into a badmouthing war seems like an attractive option. You know, the person who does the badmouthing first and most impressionably will win the PR war. I hate this. I'm unmarried but I fear such a situation, certainly more so than I fear the blue berrets and black helo kinda situation.
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Marry someone you'll do anything for but leave. May sound simple but that's the only thing I could figure out. I waited till I was 41 to marry so I had plenty of time to know a boatload of women. Found a lady who will fight to keep our family together. Her parents broke up when she was early teens. Tough time for a girl's folks to split. Some females get emotionally screwed up when this happens. Others get real strong. I found one of the latter. Our house is sort of an open house for the neighborhood kids and we've got a pretty stable home environment for the local kids to enjoy. Miz Arock stays at home so we're kinda 1950's. All I can offer is look for a strong woman you can like and you'll do anything for. You won't have to worry about moral high ground or who's got the kids this weekend. You do.
Link Posted: 8/14/2002 3:47:59 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Arock: Marry someone you'll do anything for but leave.
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That's easy, what isn't is finding someone who wont leave you! Is there anything worse than loving your wife and children, and she end up wanting to leave you and brainwashing your kids to hate you?
Link Posted: 8/14/2002 3:42:15 PM EDT
sesat_ram you have just backwards. You DO want to take the moral high ground. I did this when my ex- and I divorced. I even let daughter hang the only family portrait in existance above her bed at my place. I am involved in her life even though her mother is the custodial parent. I never said anything bad about her mother to, or in front of her. Did I get the same consideration? I don't know, probably not. But I don't care. Psych ops warefare, with daughter's mind at stake. [;)] As in "gee...dad isn't as bad as mom says he is." Daughter will turn 14 in a couple of months and she worships the ground I walk on. And here for the past few months she's taken to saying not so nice things about her mother. I do let her vent a little but will not tolerate her from going too far with her rantings. She may be pissed at mom, but she still needs to respect her elders, etc. Always take the moral high ground. Never stoop to their level. The kids will see it and learn from what they see. It is worth it in the end. As a side note; Daughter was involved in an after school program where they would visit a nursing home and strike up friendships with the residents. She was telling me one time how sad it was for the residents to be there, with no family to care for them, no one to love them, etc... And that she would NEVER stick me in a nursing home. When I get old like that she will take care of me in her home. But she has threatned to put her mom in a nursing home NOW, and to her face. [:D]
Link Posted: 8/14/2002 3:47:14 PM EDT
Sweep, you're like an uncle to my kids, so you'll understand this. We stay together because neither of us wants to wind up with the kids! [:D]
Link Posted: 8/14/2002 3:55:45 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/14/2002 3:56:55 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/14/2002 3:58:00 PM EDT by MillerSHO]
Good thread sweep! Yes, that the beginning of a child's downfall. Parents nowadays are soooo selfish! My mother was smart and only told me things when I asked. But I still remember the day when she packed our bags and we left Alaska for a long journey to Oregon. Right out of our town, Valdez, she starting crying and yelling and took her wedding ring off and threw it out the window. I just turned 5 at the time and I remember it like it was yesterday.
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