I'll go first.

Gonzo, 15 year old African Grey parrot.

Supposed to be as smart as a 5 year old human.

Has drawn blood many times, just because he can.

We got him when he was just over 10 years old, from someone who didn't want him anymore.

He was nice for a couple months, already spoke, and could imitate anything.  Very docile, so it was easy to not "show" fear.

Then, one time while I was holding him, he just went nuts and leaned over as if to touch my thumb nuckle.  He grabbed the skin there, began grinding the lower jaw against the upper, and, for good measure, did a front flip so he was hanging by my skin.

I pushed him off, got down to his level, looked at him and said "BAD BIRD, NO BITE."

His reply, and I swear this is both true and the first off color thing I ever heard him say, was

"FUCKER!"

Situationally appropriate cursing is certainly indicative of higher intelligence than a mere 5 year old.

My wife hates him, and wants him gone.

He's not a very good "pet," and he's takento making annoying loud noises in addition to his bloodthirstiness, but I feel like he should stay.

Your turn.  

My wife... I'm keeping her, because I married her! [}:D]

You know, them parrots is good eatin'.

Several years ago, I bought some furniture from a couple who were moving out of the country.  They had an absolutely psychotic Pekinese that was ten pounds of pure terror.  The man's sister had been visiting, sitting calmly on their couch and talking with the wife, when the dog attacked her and tore her upper leg to shreds.  Both women just barely were able to drag the dog off her.

This was just one of several unprovoked attacks it had done.  Apparently the dog was a known problem, and had been for a long time.  They usually kept it penned in a bedroom when visitors were around.  It would sit by the gate and glare silently at everyone, waiting and hoping to be able to attack -- or at least it did the two times I went over to pick up furniture.

I don't understand why anyone would keep a dog like that.  Time to snuff the little puppy.  Even if it was once a cuddly little pet, it sure wasn't any more.

My Chiuaua is viscious.  If you didn't see her you wouldn't believe how small she is when you did.  Scares delivery guys as they're coming up to the door.

Rules the house.  All four cats are frightened (yet the dog does sort of want to be friends at times).  And even the mean cat stays away...I'll show a picture of her when I get my digital camera in 2 or 3 weeks.  She looks like a deer.  Prettiest and sweetest looking thing but is also the Satan's pet.

i had an iguana when i was younger. mean as hell. it stopped eating, so my mom helped me force feed it, and it bit right through her thumbnail. i found it in the bottom of its cage the next day, dead in pool of the yellow goo we'd forced down its throat.

Had the best cat ever in highschool.  He was a barn cat that we adopted from a nearby farmer when he was a kitten.  He would play fetch and when I'd come home from work after school he'd be waiting for me in the driveway, even though the rest of my family was home.  I called him my dog-cat.  He wasn't big but very stalky and muscular.  In addition to having amazing hunting skills and acrobatic abilities, he was a terror to the local dogs.  My neighbors german shepard chased him across the yard.  That damn cat ran up up a tree and then leaped on the dogs head from above and proceeded to beat the shit out of him.  It was an amazing sight to see 90+ pound shepard schooled by a 14 pound cat.  Not mean to us in the slightest, but tough like a tasmanian devil!  He was the best pet I ever had...

I've got a female grey named Talko (my son named her). She used to be very docile. She's about 4 or 5 and talks up a storm. I have always been the only one who can handle her. All of a sudden she's going through some kind of adolescence. She bites damn hard. I'm going to wait it out and see if she calms down. She imitates my wife's voice perfectly, really freaks out the guests! She also does all 3 kids and tells the dog to "get out!" She's just too funny to get rid of.

I have a grey tabby cat named Lefty (Pancho didn't sound right for a cat).  The littel bastard thinks it's hillarious to sink his teeth into your toes or fingers or ankles or whatever else he can get a hold of.  I keep him around cause it's funny to watch him bounce off of the walls and because he's the only 10 pound cat with no front claws that I have ever seen kill and eat a cottontail that was bigger than him.  He's a hunting little SOB.

ML

I guess my young dog is meaner.  I don't know about the meanest.  She is great with kids and my wife and I.  One command and she is all over you like flies on bin laden.

She should get her Schutzhund I & IPO I titles in the fall.  She is just a yound pup.

10 pound cat named pooky.  She is 10 years old now.  Very smart.  Too smart.  She opens folding closet doors in the middle of the night, just to take a look.  She used to play fetch, but now she just brings a toy to you when she wants to play and puts them in her food dish for storage.

She's got a hell of an attitude.  We put her outside on a leash and harness.  We keep a close eye on her for everyone elses sake.  She has no front claws, but makes up for it with pure evil attitude.  She was out on her harness one day and I was watching her.  A lady walking a lab not on a leash walked by.  Pooky ran around a tree and boofed the dog on the nose and face 4 times before he knew what hit him.  The dog ran off yelping.  I went out side, and the lady apologized...don't know what for as her dog took the brunt of the abuse.

citadel, your parrot remindes me of this joke:

The Parrot
This fella has a friend going out of town for Thanksgiving and accepts the job of watching his parrot over the holiday. Problem is, this parrot swears like a sailor, and this guy's a quiet, conservative type and before long the bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. It's now the day before Thanksgiving, and he's having guests over! The guy snaps and grabs the bird, shakes him and yells, "QUIT IT!!!" This, of course, just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you!" and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush!

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you old chap. I will do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. "So, by the way," the parrot says, looking nervously back towards the freezer, "what did the turkey do?"

Hell hath no fury over that of a pissed off Korean woman.