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4/25/2017 7:42:44 PM
Posted: 6/27/2002 9:39:19 AM EDT
Subject: Capitalism > > > TRADITIONAL AMERICAN CAPITALISM: > > > > You have two cows. > > You sell one and buy a bull. > > Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. > > You sell them and retire on the income. > > > > > > ENRON/WORLDCOM/ANDERSON/ETC. CAPITALISM: > > You have two cows. > > You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, > > using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the > > bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general > > offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for > > five cows. > > The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary > > to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder > > who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. > > The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one > > more. > > No balance sheet provided with the release. > > The public buys your bull. > > > > > > A MODERN AMERICAN CORPORATION: > > You have two cows. > > You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. > > You are surprised when the cow drops dead. > > > > > > A FRENCH CORPORATION: > > You have two cows. > > You go on strike because you want three cows. > > > > > > A JAPANESE CORPORATION: > > You have two cows. > > You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and > > produce twenty times the milk. > > You then create clever cow cartoon images > > called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide. > > > > > > A GERMAN CORPORATION: > > You have two cows. > > You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, > > eat once a month, and milk themselves. > > > > > > A BRITISH CORPORATION: > > You have two cows. > > Both are mad. > > > > > > AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: > > You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. > > You break for lunch. > > > > > > A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: > > You have two cows. > > You count them and learn you have five cows. > > You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. > > You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. > > You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. > > > > > > A SWISS CORPORATION: > > You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. > > You charge others for storing them. > > > > > > A HINDU CORPORATION: > > You have two cows. > > You worship them. > > > > A CHINESE CORPORATION: > > You have two cows. > > You have 300 people milking them. > > You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, > > and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers. > > > > > > AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: > > So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? > > They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, > > and then sell the movie rights. > > They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. > > So, who needs people? > > > > > > AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION-CLINTON STYLE > > You have two cows. > > That one on the left is kinda cute >
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 9:42:53 AM EDT
Many a truth is told through humor... That was funny... KEEP IT UP GARANDMAN...
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 9:56:40 AM EDT
Not worth a new thread but along this threads line. Subject:New Element A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named "Governmentium." Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as: "Critical Morass." You will know it when you see it.
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