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Posted: 6/27/2002 8:56:59 AM EDT
I'm posting this under an assumed board name, becaue I normally don't post about my personal life. But I know you guys love to give advice on this stuff so I thought I'd give you shot. This isn't fiction, this is actually what's happening in my life at the moment. I recently started dating again after 15 years. Been on a few dates and then met a woman that I really clicked with; we had a lot in common, were physically attracted to each other, and enjoyed each othr's company quite a bit. The problem is I'm currently living an 18 year old's wet dream, and as a 40 year old, the reality isn't as much fun as I once would have thought. I show up to take her out to dinner and we never leave her place, spending the next 6 hours in bed; we go to the mountains to go hiking and never get out of the hotel room. We make love til she tells me she can't take any more, fall asleep at midnight and she's waking me up at 4:30 to start all over agian. I've now also met three of her closest friends, all of whom have offered themselves to me, either directly, or through her (and the offers have been for all sorts of adult activities involving multiple people). Frankly, this is weirding me out quite a bit. I've never made any claims to be the best looking guy in the universe. I'm attractive, intelligent, and financially secure, none of which had any positive effect on my dating life when I was in my 20s. Apparently it does when you're 40. I really like this woman, even when we aren't sleeping together. She was seeing a few other guys when we started dating and is now focusing solely on me. I don't know how to move forward with this as a base. And we do talk quite a bit, there's more to the relationship than just sex; we've spent hours just sitting and talking about all sorts of things. I know this sounds like a weird thing to be worrying about, but I'm really at a loss with how to deal with this situation. Any and all advice is appreciated.
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 9:00:52 AM EDT
You need an assistant. [:D]
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 9:01:45 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/27/2002 9:03:43 AM EDT by Chimborazo]
Is she pressuring you at all to participate in an orgy (or whatever you call it)? You probably know this, but I'll say it anyway - Don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or weirded out. She needs to understand that maybe that sort of thing is not for you. If she hasn't said anything about it, then maybe she sent her friends to feel you out (no pun intended) with regards to less conventional sexual practices. Just some thoughts... Edited to add - Feeling pressured about something so intimate and personal is a bad, bad thing. Don't accept it, it will just hurt you more in the long run.
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 9:04:32 AM EDT
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 9:06:54 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Houston: You need an assistant. [:D]
View Quote
How about two assistants ?
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 9:09:15 AM EDT
It seems the she is the open minded type and you less so.Conservative perhaps?Would you want her to continue her current lifestyle when perhaps marraige comes along? Sex is a great thing but its not everything. When they get old and less attrative at least you can talk to them.
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 12:40:17 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/27/2002 12:42:16 PM EDT by AmunRa]
Chimborazo - No pressure to do anything except have sex with her, and it's not so much pressure as a "we enjoy it, let's do it" attitude. The weirded out part comes more from her and her friends attitude towards sex; I guess I'm a little more old fashioned. I keep pointing out that the sex is not the only reason I want to spend time with her. Paul - I'm dating to meet people and make new friends. I'm not looking for a life partner at this time, and as far as I know, neither is she. Lack of physical intimacy is what killed my marriage, so it is something I'm looking for. Meat-man - I'm a libertarian, not a conservative [:)]. The attitude towards sex is fine with me, and so far, most of the group suggestions have involved me as the only man, which is quite flattering. We're already old, so I'm not worried about that part, and we have quite a bit in common, which is what got me interested in the first place. One of the things that makes me the most uncomfotable is the compliments paid me by her and her friends. I've never been a chick-magnet; always more of the older brother type. I've had lots of close female friends but it almost never went beyond friendship. Now I have women complimenting me on everything from my appearance to my skills in bed, and I don't have any idea how to handle it. It seems they are sincere, but there's this little voice in the back of my head telling me that there must be a catch somewhere. I'm beginning to think that maybe Paul has the right of it; there are a lot of single women in the late 30, early 40 range who are finally setting themselves free. This woman was married for 25 years before her husband left her for a submissive housefrau type. Her friends are all sort of in the same boat; 38-45, a long term relationship that ended badly, and not finding anything but dickheads when they meet men.
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 12:50:28 PM EDT
Just enjoy it.
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 12:56:29 PM EDT
Originally Posted By AmunRa: No pressure to do anything except have sex with her, and it's not so much pressure as a "we enjoy it, let's do it" attitude.
View Quote
Where were these girls when I was a teen?
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 1:13:52 PM EDT
As long as nobody in the relationship has any undue expectations, I'd agree...just enjoy it. -kill-9
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 1:33:51 PM EDT
Originally Posted By AmunRa: Chimborazo - Now I have women complimenting me on everything from my appearance to my skills in bed, and I don't have any idea how to handle it. It seems they are sincere, [u][i]but there's this little voice in the back of my head telling me that there must be a catch somewhere.[/u][/i]
View Quote
I'm 36, and that "little voice in the back of MY head" has kept me out of trouble. You have that intuition that's going to help you when everything isn't clear-cut in front of you. From having been in the same situation as you're in now .... be careful and don't put your full heart into it until you've quieted that "voice". Chris
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 3:01:28 PM EDT
It's one of the perfect age groups these days.. I went through a "dating" phase about 6 years ago and almost all the 40ish females I met were extreemly sexual... I think it has something to do with the fact that they were all divorcees, who's ex husbands had found someone more exciting and were trying to prove that they could still be "HOT"... It was a great boost to my ego and I eventually married one of them... Sometimes I think it would be great to "go back there" but I'm getting too old for marathons... [sex]
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 3:24:56 PM EDT
I think this belongs in Penthouse Letters.
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 3:34:56 PM EDT
And you're point? F*** them all! Dude, you're just a tool to them. Don't you think that the one you are interested in is talking to her friends about it. Women are just as much sexually oriented as men are. It's just taken a few hundred years to get it socially acceptable. My advice: [size=3][red]Get Your Honorary Plumbing License, and Start Laying some Serious Pipe[/red][/size=3] 223REM and stick it to'em
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 4:25:01 PM EDT
Hey, Man bang them all, and take pics !!
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 4:48:36 PM EDT
I understand. We’re DEMOGRAPHICALLY DESIREABLE. [:D] I’ll be 49 next month, I’m of modest means and my looks never inspired anyone to lust before. It’s different now. [:I] I think part of it is that a significant number of the men who are single in our age group are going after women way under our age. This leaves the “older” women outnumbering us and feeling that they are at the short end of the bargaining.
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 5:12:02 PM EDT
What the hell are you doing taking time out to post here? Get back to work![sex]
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 5:12:31 PM EDT
Sounds like a bunch of old fart Baby Boomers trying to relive free love at Woodstock. [:D] Seriously... gang bang em' all. There's a million women in the ocean and you are just hanging around with a couple of them. Get it while it's there because you never know when a dry spell might set in. You are "back in the scene" so it doesn't sound like you are anywhere close to settling back down now. Even if you were, I would tell you to stay loose for a while since you would probably regret it if you didn't.... unless you are one of those "needy" types who can't stand being alone and have to define yourself by being with another person in a serious relationship. Just remember one thing about gangbangs though... it's like trying to drive two Porsche's at the same time. You are so focused on keeping them both on the road, you can't really enjoy the ride.
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 5:18:57 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 5:48:27 PM EDT
My spidey sense is tingling as well. These marathon sessions are definitely being talked about to "the girls". If you bang the others expect to start hearing about her being with other guys. This may be where it is heading, where everyone does each other and they need some new blood in the group. If so that is way to weird for me. Good Luck, and wear that sock!
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 8:17:11 PM EDT
Start talking about how your stock portfolio is going to shit and now you think you might have to keep working till you are 80 just to afford health care and depends undergarments. If she sticks around thinking you don't have a fat wallet that will show where her interest really lies. If it were me I would tend to be atrracted to an adult woman over a girl.
Link Posted: 6/27/2002 10:08:51 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/28/2002 1:18:17 AM EDT
may I suggest starting an amateur adult (as in really adult) porn business on the side?
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