I have never seen a human or animal violated like my poor dog was yesterday.

So my older dog (stumpy, see [url]http://www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?id=126023[/url] ) has been doing the Scoot all around the house.  This has been accompanied by an unusual amount of interest in his nether region as well.  

Since he's due for his booster shots right about now, I figure when I take him to the vet I'll see if they can check it out.  That and the green stuff that magically appeared on his weiner about two hours before we went to the vet.  Great.  

Now, the stumpmeister is usually quite happy to go to the vet, due to the inordinate amount of attention and more importantly, treats that are bestowed upon him.  Today was no exception up to the point the vet came in.  

My vet is an attractive asian woman, who is damn cute, and LOVES my dogs (trust me...the nurses there all tell me she talks about them for hours after we leave [:)].  So she's quite happy coming in and check my mutt out.  

Exam is going ok until she has to inspect the weiner.  She's going to check for any cuts, stuck things, etc, so I hold him up for her.  She promptly squeezes the crap out of his weiner, and he's whining like a stuck pig.  Then, cuz he's wiggling the whole time, she does it again!  

At this point he's a little perturbed, cuz, you know, this is unexpected for him.  So his tail's now down and he promptly sits so she can't look at his rear.  Again I get to hold onto him so she can inspect.

Once she lifts his tail, she knows exactly what wrong and proceeds to start pulling on the latex gloves and getting out some lube. We have to express his anal glands.  MY sphincter clenches at the SNAP! of the glove being put on.  Stumpy looks at me and is licking my face begging to be let out before any more "medical" treatments are inflicted upon him.  

I know what's about to happen is for the best, so I again, grab hold of my dog so she can fix what's ailing him.  She lifts the tail, and I look away, and try to comfort stumpy, who's whining already.  Then she inserts.  

Let me say that I'm no weakling.  I benched 300# at the gym a couple of weeks ago, and am working on improving that number still.  Stumpy, however, was quite determined not to let Dr. insert.  

After two minutes of struggling with my less than happy dog, I now have a firm grip on him, a new cut on my hand, and a healthy respect for his feelings as a fellow man.  

Vet then proceeds to insert, and expunge the first gland.  

I cannot adequately describe the awful smell that follows, except to say that I do not know how I didn't ralph.  My eyes watered, I couldn't breathe for a minute, and I started to choke.  

"oh, he's got some projectiles" adds the vet to this beautiful bonding of man and best friend.  We are both in an uncomfortable state and want to leave as quickly as possible.  He licks me.  I look back and notice the spattering of light brown droplets on the table, and turn my head aside so as not to spew lunch.  Stumpy is making a sorrowful noise like I've never heard a dog make before, and hopefuly, never again.  I want to join him, cuz my throat is burning from the smell by now.  

She then proceeds to express the second gland.  

If I live to be 230 years old and never hear the words "expressing an anal gland" again, I think it will be too soon.  

Having cleaned the mess and removed her gloves, she compliments my ability to restrain dogs and asks me if I want a job.  I'm barely able to speak and laugh about this since I've just been laid off the previous job.  She entices me with "We can train you for anything you need to know about the rest of the job!"

Stumpy, meanwhile, is sitting on the corner of the exam table, looking at me like I've just betrayed the whole of the male race.  I kind of feel like it, too.  My sphincter is still clenched.  

The rest of the vet visit goes without incident.  I walk stumpy to the car, and the whole time his tail is down between his legs, and it's not coming out till he has to squeeze something out on his own.  

I think prison b!thces get better treatment.  

LMAO!! Only because I know about the smell!

I had one of my Collie bitches into the vet last week for the same thing (Anal glands)
She was running a fever because the glands are directed towards the inside and were clogged, this caused a serious infection. All better now[:D]

[url]http://www.petsmart.com/pet_library/home_remedies/anal_sac.shtml[/url]

Don't worry, I didn't know about them till yesterday.  Now if only I could forget.

A couple of months ago my German Shepherd started swelling. I mean swelling bad his legs, face, thought, tail, belly and yep his peewee. I took him to the vet. He checked him out and wanted to put a catherder in him. Kai, my Shepherd and only true friend, was swelled so badly his knife wouldn't come out of its sheath. The vet stuck two fingers in the sheath to insert the tube. needles to say it hurt me too. He died a couple of weeks later, never did find out what was wrong.  R.I.P. Kai.

Yeah, RIP.  yikes.  sorry to hear that.  

Oh, and stumpy has allergies to various things in my yard, btw.  He's on antihystamines, which are making him sleep even more than usual.  

Hey sfoo,

Our little girl will sometimes express them herself at night.  Wonderful smell to wake up to.  I have found a waterless shampoo that knocks the smell out pretty quickly though.

BTW, once you start having to have them expressed, it tends to be a reoccuring issue, usually once every couple of months.  Life with dogs is great, isn't it. [:)]

When I was a kid, we had a dog we had to do this to about four times a year.  Ugh - I feel for you and your pooch!

Lemme tell ya, after that I looked forward to a big bowl of chili loaded with onions and peppers and the time in the can afterwards - at least that smelled better.  If I had to guess, it's something like popping a zit on your sack, and pushing a large marble thru the pore...

FFZ

Ok,I kinda scared to ask but how did he get hung with the name "stumpy"? He's not missin a paw or something is he? My buddy Buck is almost 14 and he's never had anything like that. Revised to say I saw the other thread and see he  has everything....ha

My ex had a male pug that would 'express' himself on our sofa, pillows, bed, etc...  It wasn't intentional and seemed to be like accidentally soiling onesself while farting.

The smell still gives me nightmares.  He had to be 'cleaned out' fairly often or it would happen accidentally.  Some dogs got it, some don't, usually males from my exp.

I swear to GOD that my cat holds hers in reserve, saving it all up for when we shave her in the summer ([i]long haired and gets mats easily[/i]).

We discoverd this the hard way, and never knew what the hell was wrong with her when this greenish-grey ooze started to putrify the house.  We QUICKLY cleaned her up and finished her haircut, before she became any more upset.

I would rather eat fresh vomit that have to deal with that odor ever again! [puke]

Heh, you said anal sacs.

Wow, that's just about exactly how I feel about it.

I can't explain why but this thread has got me laughing uncontrollably! [:)]

Anal sacs are not a laughing matter.

Yeah, they're a giggling matter instead [:D]

It's my fault for ignoring the warning.

I wish I could unread that story.
[puke]

From what I have heard the glands can be surgically removed to prevent this from happening.  By the way this is what dogs smell when they stick their nose up another dogs rear.