Any other Simpsons fans around? Here are some of my favorite quotes...

What was I laughing at? Oh yes, that crippled Irishman.- Mr. Burns

Look Bart, it's Alf. Remember Alf? he's back! in pog form.-Milhouse

Burns: Stop everything! I don't remember wrighting a check for bowling.
Smithers: Uh, sir, that's boweling.
Burns: Oh, yes. That's very important.
Smithers: Yes, sir. Remember that mounth you didn't do it?
Burns: Ah, yes. That was unpleasent for all concerned.

We'll live like kings! Damn Hell Ass kings!-Bart

“…Police say the phony pope can be identified by his high-topped running sneakers and incredibly foul mouth.”-Kent Brockman

Everything's coming up Millhouse!-Millhouse

And my 2 all time favorites...

I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all! The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure, I might offend some of the blue noses with my cocky stride and musky odors. Oh, I'll never be the darling of the so called City Fathers, who cluck there tongues, stroke their beards, and talk "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"
-Homer

Homer: Hey! [grabs egg sandwich, stomps on it] I saved your life! That egg sandwich could have killed you by cholesterol!
Lenny: Pfft, forget it, Homer. While it has been established that eggs contain cholesterol, it has not yet been proven conclusively that they actually raise the level of serum cholesterol in the human blood stream.
Homer: So one of those Egg Council creeps got to you too, huh?
Lenny: Aw, you've got it all wrong, Homer…It's not like that. [a man in an egg costume creeps, then runs, away]
Homer: You'd better run, egg!

"When I can't stop me fiddling...
I just takes me Ridilan...
I poppin' and sailin' man!"-----Bart

Sgtar15

I sure hope I got this right, because I've been quoting it for a couple years now [:D]

H) Hello dean? Your a stupid head.

D) Homer is that you?



H) Doh!

_______________________________________

H) Look at me, Im in happy land.............making people happy............lollypop lane. (cant remember it verbetim)

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V

o.k. then mr jackass, i'll just type this up on my invisible typewriter.

marge, i just wanna get into heaven, not run for jesus!


oooh, they've got the internet on COMPUTERS now!

sweet merciful crap! -Homer

If you try something and dont get it right away, then its not worth doing. -Homer

So many to chose from.

Ralph Wiggum:

"It tastes like... Burning!"

"I broke my wookie!"

Not to mention any quote from the NRA episode:

Gun Shop Owner: Well, you'll probably want the accessory kit.  Holster...
        Homer: Oh, yeah.
Gun Shop Owner: Bandoleer.
        Homer: Baby.
Gun Shop Owner: Silencer.
        Homer: Mmm-hmm.
Gun Shop Owner: Loudener.
        Homer: Drool...
Gun Shop Owner: Speed-cocker.
        Homer: Ooh, I like the sound of that.
Gun Shop Owner: And this is for shooting down police helicopters.
Homer: Oh, I don't need anything like that...yet. Just give me my gun.
Gun Shop Owner: Sorry, the law requires a five-day waiting period.  We've got to run a background check.
Homer: Five days?  But I'm mad now.  I'd kill you if I had my gun!
Gun Shop Owner: Yeah, well, you don't.
Homer:  Lousy big shot, thinks he's so big 'cause he's got a lot of guns, if he didn't
have any guns I'd show him a thing or two...

Lenny: Assault weapons have gotten a lot of bad press lately, but they're manufactured for a reason: to take out today's modern super animals, such as the flying squirrel, and the electric eel.

[b]Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.[/b]

[b]What are you gonna do? Release the dogs?! Or the bees?! Or dogs with bees in their mouth so that when they bark they shoot bees at you?[/b]

Way too many to list, but those are 2 of my personal favorites.

Bart: "What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it."

Homer: "Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?"

Bart: "What a day, eh Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them-as is my understanding."

Milhouse (seeing Bart prepare one of his pranks): I fear to watch, yet I cannot look away!

Burns: Excellent!

Groundskeeper Willy: Grease me up, woman!

I want fugu!

Fugu Me!

Anything said by Ralph Wiggum, including such memorable classics as:

"I bent my wookie."

and

"My cat's breath smells like cat food."

My all-time favorite would be when Homer happens upon the gravestone of Walt Whitman:

"I hate you Walt freakin' Whitman!  'Leaves of Grass', my ass!"

the_reject

"Tramapoline!!!  Trapapoline!!!!"

in Homer's stage whisper talking to the witness protection program guys.... "I think he's talking to you."

Ralph Wiggum re: "Tomacco" "...This tastes like Grandma!..."

Chief Wiggum "..You're right Ralphie, this DOES taste like Grandma!"

Thanks guys,
This thread made my week!
Later,
R

I like it when homer talks to his brain.  Off hand, I can think of these:

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LISA:  'Tis better to close your mouth and be thought a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt.

HOMER'S BRAIN:  What does that mean?  . . .Uh-oh, better say something or they'll think you're stupid.

HOMER:  Takes one to know one!

HOMER'S BRAIN:  Swish!
----------
HOMER:  Wait, Bart!  You forgot your spaghetti and Moe balls!

HOMER'S BRAIN:  Quiet, you fool!  It can be ours!
----------
[i]since I like this whole thing, I'll quote the stuff surrounding the homer's brain part:[/i]
HOMER:  Time to read up on some of my old favorites.  Honey roasted peanuts.  Ingredients:  Salt, artificial honey roasting agents, PRESSED PEANUT SWEEPINGS! [i]*drools*[/i]
Ahh, the last peanut.  Overflowing with the salt and oil of its departed bretheren. [i]*Throws to mouth, misses*[/i] Hey, there's something wrong here. . .Gasp! [i]*reaches under couch*[/i] OW!  Pointy! Eww, slimy.  Uh-oh, moving!  . . .Ah hah! *[i]pulls out $20 bill*[/i] Aww, $20!  I wanted a peanut!

HOMER'S BRAIN:  $20 can buy many peanuts.

HOMER:  Explain how!

HOMER'S BRAIN:  Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

HOMER:  Woohoo!
----------
HOMER:  [i]*Homer gets up from breakfast and stretches*[/i] Well, time to go to work.

HOMER'S BRAIN:  Little do they know I'm ducking out early to take the Duff brewery tour.

HOMER:  Roll in at nine, punch out at five.  That's the plan.

HOMER'S BRAIN:  Heh heh heh, they don't suspect a thing.

HOMER:

HOMER'S BRAIN:  Well, time to go to work.

HOMER:  Then to the Duff brewery!

HOMER'S BRAIN:  Uh-oh, did I say that or just think it?

HOMER:  I gotta think of a lie fast!

"Saxomophone!  Saxomophone!"

"Purple is a fruit"

Burns: Oh quit cogitating Steinmeds, use an open face club, a sand wedge.
Homer: MMMMMMM, Open Face Club Sandwich.


Lisa: Prayer, the last refuge of a scoundrel


ByteTheBullet  (-:

I also like the scenes in which they insult Fox:

----------
KENT BROCKMAN:  Fox was kind enough to let us have this video footage they caught while filming their new documentary, "Bigfoot:  real or hoax?"

[i]*large white hairy thing with a wristwatch lumbers around in front of the camera*[/i]

OFF-CAMERA VOICE:  Hey Bob, I can still see your watch!

BIGFOOT:  Aww, crap.
----------
LISA:  You know Luke Perry?

KRUSTY:  Know him?  He's my worthless half-brother!

BART:  He's a big TV star!

KRUSTY:  Yeah, on [i]Fox[/i]!
----------
HOMER:  WHy would Ned murder his wife?  She's such a fox! [i]*Marge eyes him*[/i] . . .I mean, what's on Fox tonight?  Something ribald, no doubt.
----------
HOMER:  Tonight we're going to the Springfield field and we're going to FIND THAT ALIEN!

BART:  What if we don't?

HOMER:  We'll fake it and send it to the Fox network!

BART:  Ha ha, they'll buy anything.

HOMER:  Now son, they do a lot of quailty programming too.

BART/HOMER:  HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

HOMER:  I kill me!
----------
MARGE IN THE FUTURE:  Fox turned into a hardcore sex channel so slowly, I didn't even notice!

Homer: "I am so smart. I am so smart. S M R T. Oh, S M A R T."
Kent Brockman: "Thanks to mayor Simpson, we'll all be taking [i]golden[/i] showers!"
Marge: "He's such a butthole."

Homer - "Doh, stupid fingers!"

Homer:"I talk to God every day!"
Marge: "That's not God!  It's a waffle stuck to the ceiling!"
Homer:[i]Homer takes the waffle off the ceiling and takes a bite[/i] "Mmmmm...Sacrilicous."

There's the episode where Homer gets an overdue notice from the public library -- he pulls out the book and starts to read the Children's version of Odysseus.  Ned Flanders is the King of Troy and Homer is Odysseus.  Homer brings him the Trojan Horse, saying, I heard you collect large wooden animals, I hope you don't have a horse.  There's a quick pan and he has a wooden horse as well as a Scottish Terrier.  Ned says, well, I don't have one from you.

Anyway, the line that killed me was:

Ned says, Now, whenever someone gets wood, they'll think of Trojans!

I can't remember which is which . . . is Eddie the black cop and Lou the white one?  Anyway, here's another of my favorite parts:

[i]*Wiggum, Eddie and Lou dragging something into the police station*[/i]
EDDIE:  You're goin' DOWN!

LOU:  Oh, I want a piece of him!

WIGGUM:  You think you're pretty hot, huh?  Well we have everything we need on you!

[i]*Cops begin eating pizza*[/i]
------------

And here's another great conversation:

EDDIE:  Y'know, I went to the McDonalds in Shelbyville on Friday night.

WIGGUM:  The McWhat?

EDDIE:  Uh, McDonald's resturanut.  Uh, I never heard of it either, but apparently they have over 2000 locations in this state alone.

LOU:  Must've sprung up overnight.

EDDIE:  Y'know what the strange thing is, though?  It's the little differences.

WIGGUM:  Example?

EDDIE:  Well, at McDonald's, you can get a Krustyburger with cheese, right, but they don't call it a Krustyburger with cheese.

WIGGUM:  Get out!  Well what do they call it?

EDDIE:  A quarter-pounder with cheese.

WIGGUM:  A QUARTER POUNDER WITH CHEESE?  Well, do they have Krusty partially-gelatinated non-dairy gum-based beverages?

EDDIE:  Mmm-hmm, they call 'em "shakes".

LOU:  Hmmph, "shakes".  You don't know what you're gettin'.

WIGGUM:  Well I know what I'm gettin', some doughnuts!

Anyone see the show where Stephen Hawkings guest starred?  I like it when his computer voice says to Homer at Moe's Tavern, "I like your theory of a doughnut-shaped universe.  I may have to steal it."

haha, all the ones i think of have been said

That's called "The Cartridge Family". I've been trying to get a copy of that on video forever. I'd love to use parts of it as humor when I teach at the academies.

If anyone has a copy.......

They were all at the Springfield Pavillion and Hawking was talking. Homer was saying, "Listen to Larry Flint".

I forgot about the Evil Homer Dance.

I am Evil Homer! I am Evil Homer! I am Evil Homer!

Favorite Simpson's quote?  Anything that comes out of Ralph Wiggum's paste covered mouth.

Check out [url]www.andrewziola.com/xoom/wiggum/[/url] to hear Ralph in all of his splendor!

Now if you will excuse me, I must go... I'm gonna be in a pie!

Homer: "Listen brain you don't like me and I don't like you, lets just get through this and I can get back to killing you with beer."

Ralph Wiggum: "Mrs. Hoover, I'm not allowed to use scissors."
*Children laugh*
Mrs. Hoover: "Ralph. The children are right to laugh at you. Those scissors wouldn't cut through butter."

Comic Book Guy: "That is a picture of Sean Connery signed by Roger Moore."

"Don't eat the yellow snow..."

mug

Here is a few of my favorites:

"You suck-diddly-uck, Flanders!" ~Homer

"Anything that takes 12 steps isn't worth doing," -Homer Simpson

"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer." - Homer Simpson

"Skinner: Wigim, Ralph
Ralph: I won, I won!
Skinner: No, no Ralph, this means you're failing English
Ralph: Me fail English, that's unpossible!"

"This ticket doesn't just give me a seat, it gives me the right, NO, the DUTY! to make a complete ass of myself." - Homer Simpson

"Vampires are make-believe, just like
elves, gremlins, and Eskimos." - Homer

Keving67

Marge trying to tactfully explain to Homer that the guy who owns the toy store is gay.

Marge: "Uh, Homer, I don't think you understand, he...um..., he, uh, prefers the company of other men."

Homer, still not getting it: "WHO DOSEN'T MARGE."

Don't know exactly who said, either Fat Tony or one of his gang: I'm feeling stabby today.

Burns: I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing there are too many fat children."

Apu: "Please do not offer my god a peanut."

Chief Wiggum: "Well well, look who it is. It's Mister No Bribe. Well, let's just sit here and wait for Detective LikeIGiveADamn."

Homer: No Beer and No T.V. makes Homer something something.

Marge: Go crazy?

Homer: Don't mind if I do.

Homer: "I thought, 'This is how God must feel when He holds a gun.'"

Bart is at Apu's store playing a video game called "Death Row" while a girl watches.
On the screen, a Con in striped prison uniform is being chased by a cop.
BART "Dammned conservative judges!"
GIRL "He's almost got you! Hit the 'Change of Venue' button!
BART hits button
GIRL "Oh no! You landed in Texas!"
On the screen, the Con is strapped into an electric chair; the Warden throws the switch, shouts "Ye Haww!" and with a revolver in each hand starts shooting into the air.

Here are a few of my favorites in MP3 format. . .

[url=http://home.earthlink.net/~ttubbiola/homer_at_the_gun_shop.mp3]Homer at the Gun Shop[/url]
[url=http://home.earthlink.net/~ttubbiola/homercrazy.mp3]No TV[/url]
[url=http://home.earthlink.net/~ttubbiola/simpsons_cletus.mp3]Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokel[/url]
[url=http://home.earthlink.net/~ttubbiola/simpsons_mcdonalds.mp3]McDonald's vs Krusty Burger[/url]
[url=http://home.earthlink.net/~ttubbiola/simpsons_magical_animal.mp3]Magical Animal[/url]
[url=http://home.earthlink.net/~ttubbiola/simpsons_apes.mp3]Planet of the Apes[/url]
[url=http://home.earthlink.net/~ttubbiola/simpsons_moe_lie.mp3]Moe vs the Lie Detector[/url]

Enjoy

Did I forget to mention the new plate that's coming for my truck? [url=http://home.earthlink.net/~ttubbiola/new_plate.jpg]My New Plate[/url]

Edited to fix links

When Homer had to take a job at the quickie-mart with Apu, and Apu is showing him around the store. Apu turns to Homer and lifts his shirt, showing several round marks on his chest.

Apu: "Homer, in this job you will be shot.  I wear each of these bullet wounds as a badge of honor."

"He couldn't find ugly at a Radclif mixer"- C. Montgomery Burns.

Plus: I like my steaks rare, my TV loud, and my homosexuals FLAMING!

Many of my favorites were said by extras:
Ed Bagley Jr.: This car runs off my own sense of self satisfaction.

Clinton: I've had sex with pigs. Real, no foolin' pigs.

Marge: Thats an awful lesson to teach a girl, Mr. President.
Clinton: Well, I'm not a very good president.

Newspaper: PREZ SAYS SCHOOL IS FOR LOSERS

Oh yeah, Homer explaining why he didn't give up the gun for his family:
Holding the gun gave me the feeling God must have when he is holding a gun.

I love these threads. I've already burst out laughing a couple of times. Let's see my favorite Simpsons Quotes. Where do I start?

Homer:"If you are going to be mad everytime I do stupid things, I guess I'll have to stop doing stupid things"

Millhouse:"Bart! Nelson hit me!"
Bart:"He sure did"

Bart:"We're not going a grammer rodeo, Milton"
Milhouse:"Martin"
Bart:"Martin"

Homer(calling Moe):"Hello, I'd like to talk to a Mr. Snotball, First name Youra"
Moe:"Youra snotball?"
Homer:"What!?! How dare you!?! If I ever find out who it this is I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!"

Al Gore Doll(talking slowly):"You...are...hearing...me...talk"

Poocho:
"One kids seems to LOVE the Speedo Man"

Bart:"Don't have a cow, Lis"
Marge:"Bart's right: let's none of us have a cow."

Prohibition episode:
Homer:"Beer: The cause of and solution to all of life's problems"

Bart's Bully:
Homer and his rules of the schoolyard: "Always make fun of those different than you"

Lisa's a Vegatarian:
Grandpa:"Just leave me in the car with the window open a crack"
Homer:"That's the plan!"

Skinner: Good morning class.  A ..agitator...for privacy's sake let's call her...Lisa S. No, that's too obvious...uuuh, let's say L. Simpson"
Chili Cookoff:
Homer: "Well, Chief, don't quit your day job, whatever that is"

Homer: "This is crazy. I hope I didn't brain my damage"

Homer: "Note to self: Stop doing anything."

Homer: "If your still made at me, I'm going to be really mad!"

Homer: "Ahh! A ghost train! And so little time to get away. Now less! Now None!"

Homer: "I didn't drink, I went to a strange fantasy world."

Homer tries to find his soulmate via a pay phone...

Hello?  Is this... [reads his paper] GBM?  Uh, yeah.  I read in the
personals that you were seeking a soulmate.  Well, I also like rainy
days and movies.  Uh-huh...  [apprehensively] Uh, no, I don't like
that...  Or that...  No, it's not that I'm afraid.  [very quickly] I'm
going to hang up now, bye-bye.

Homer:
I'm a lonely, insignificant speck on a has-been planet orbited by a
cold, indifferent sun.

McAllister: Jonathan Livingston Seagull!  We're on a collision course!  
   Hard a-starboard!
   Sailor: [just checking] Uh, port?
McAllister: [quietly] Aye, port.


Homer: "They said if I come in late again I'm fired. I can't take that chance!"

Hurricane Neddy:

Ned's Dad: We don't believe in rules, like, we gave them up when we
           started livin' like freaky beatniks!
Dr. Foster: You don't believe in rules, yet you want to control Ned's
           anger.
Ned's Mom: Yeah.  You gotta help us, Doc.  We've tried nothin' and
           we're all out of ideas.

Lisa's Sax:

Brockman: And so Springfield's heat wave continues, with today's temperature
         exceeding the record for this date, set way back four billion
         years ago, when the earth was just a ball of molten lava!


Homer's Heart

Homer to Dr. Hibert who is abusing him: "Don't forgot your hippopotamous oath!"

I loved the soccer opening on one episode:

TV Announcer: The Continental Soccer Association is coming to Springfield! It's all here--fast-kicking, low scoring, and ties?  You bet!

Bart: Hey, Dad, how come you've never taken us to see a soccer game?

Homer: I...don't know.

TV Announcer: You'll see all your favorite soccer stars.  Like Ariaga! Ariaga II!  Bariaga!  Aruglia!  And Pizzoza!

Homer: Oh, I never heard of those people.

TV Announcer: And they'll all be signing autographs!

Homer: Woo-hoo!

TV Announcer: This match will determine once and for all which nation is the greatest on earth: Mexico or Portugal?!