But my all time favorite quotes come from Simpson Tide, when Homer joins the Navy:

Smithers: Uh, sir, we found the problem.  Some idiot threw this in the
         reactor core.
  Homer: [sees charred doughnut] Success!
  Burns: You did this?  How could you be so irresponsible?
  Homer: Eh... it's my first day!
  Burns: Since I've never seen you before, maybe it is your first day.  
         Very well, carry on!
         [Mr. Burns begins to walk off, when Smithers catches up with him.]
Smithers: Sir, that's Homer Simpson.  He's been working here for ten years!
  Burns: Ohh, really?  Why did you think you could lie to me?
  Homer: It's my first day!
  Burns: Well, why didn't you say that be...[realizes] Yawoo! You're fired!

a commercial for the Navy comes on.

Announcer: Daybreak: Tucawka.  The proud men and women of the Navy are
          fighting for freedom.  But you're in Lubba, Texas, hosing stains
          off a monument.  You're in the Naval Reserve.  America's
          seventeenth line of defense, between the Mississippi National
          Guard, and the League of Women Voters.  After basic training,
          you'll only have to work one weekend a month.  And most
          of that time, you're drunk off your ass.

Marge: Homey, I really don't think this Navy thing is a good idea.  What if
      you get called into combat?
Homer: Not to worry, honey.  We live in a highly technological age where
      fighting a war is as simple as turning off a light!
      [To illustrate, Homer claps his hands together twice and looks at the
      lamp.  Having no luck, he continues clapping.]
Marge: We don't have a clapper.
Homer: Sorry, I can't hear you Marge, I'm clapping.


Homer: See you in a week!
Lisa: Good luck, Dad!  Although I'm morally opposed to the Military
      Industrial Complex of which you are now a part.
Homer: Aw, that's sweet, honey.  I'll bring you back a hat.
Bart: Hey, Homer, bring me back a torpedo.
Homer: No.
Bart: But Flanders got his kids torpedoes!
Homer: Oh, he did, did he?  I'll show him!  I'll bring you a weapon of
      unimaginable destructive power!
Marge: Homer!
Homer: But only if you're good! [to Bart] Even if you're not.

   Abe: That's not a war story!  I'll tell ya a war story!  I was on PT-109
        with John F. Kennedy!  I was the first to discover his terrible
        secret...
        [In Abe's flashback, he and three other seamen listening to Kennedy,
        who's standing at the front of the boat.]
Kennedy: Ich bin ein Berliner.
   Abe: [gasps] He's a Nazi!  Get him!


Announcer: Attention on deck!  Captain Tenille wishes to address you!
 Tenille: [clears throat] I'm a man of few words. [pause] Any questions?
   Homer: Uh, is the poop deck really what I think it is?
 Tenille: [laughs] I like the cut of your jib.
   Homer: What's a jib?
 Tenille: [laughs, then speaks to announcer] Promote that man.

% At the UN Building in New York City, a meeting of nations is in progress.

Russian official: The Soviet Union will be pleased to offer amnesty to
                  your wayward vessel.
American official: The Soviet Union?  I thought you guys broke up.
Russian official: Yes, that's what we wanted you to think! [laughs]
-- "Simpson Tide"

% Well, it looks as if the century's greatest lie has been exposed, as
% communist factories start producing tanks again, the Berlin Wall re-erects
% itself out of the ground, and Lenin rises from the grave, saying "Must
% Crush Capitalism, Rrr!".  These new developments in world politics panic
% many, including Principal Skinner, who addresses his students.


Ahh, so many, yet so little time.

All quotes gleamed from [url]http://www.snpp.com[/url]

Captain Tenille, LMAO.

These aren't quotes, exactly, but in the episode where Bart wins Stampy the Elephant from a radio contest, and Stampy rampages through Springfield, he bashes through both the Republican and Democrat conventions.  In both conventions there are large banners hanging:


   - Republican Convention
       - We want what's worst for everyone
       - We're just plain evil
   - Democratic Convention
       - We hate life and ourselves
       - We can't govern

I almost hurt myself laughing at that.

"Hmmm, they have the internet on computers now..." - Homer

Hands down the best show on television IMHO...

The episode where Homer is made the Trash Engineer of Springfield and simply dumps all of the trash into an abandoned mine shaft.

Marge:  Homer, your turning it into a big trash hole.
Homer:  Marge (irritated), ixnay on the asholetray.

-White Horse

Groundskeeper Willy to Skinner:  "You blouse wearing poodle walker."

Homer to Apu:  "No offense Apu, but when they were handing out religions, you musta been out taking a whizz."

A gun is not a weapon, Marge.  It's a tool.  Like a butcher knife, or a
harpoon, or...uh, a...an alligator.  

One thing I loved is what bart wrote on the board one day.
"Pork is not a verb"

Another line with homer at the gun store,
"It's a handgun!  Isn't it great?  This is the trigger, and this is the thing you point at whatever you want to die."
Riz

Sea Captain McAllister:

“Have ye tried the Baltic squid? They can suck the bolts from a submarine’s hull!”

For those of you who have a Palm Pilot/PDA, go to this site for a utility that you can put on your PDA that gives you Homer Quotes on the PDA:  [url]http://downloads-zdnet.com.com/3000-2360-9415630.html?tag=lst-0-2[/url]

The one you are thinking of is:

   "Oh! Look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man, from happy land. In a gumdrop house on lollypop lane!"

Said with extreeme sarcasm.

I also always liked:

Mr Burns:"And if its illegal to bribe a jury, then I'll soon be guilty of that also"

Homer(putting his hand over his heart)"God bless America!"

They're singing! They're singing, Marge! Why aren't they killing each other?


Scott

[beer]

Most any of the one liners by Ralph Wiggum, he gets some of the best ones.


"I bent my wookie"


"I found a moon rock in my nose"



Then there's the Lenny quote from the episode where Homer joins the NRA, "Most of todays assault weapons are neccesary to combat the thread from today's super animals, like the flying squirrel and the electric eel"   It was something to that effect.

HOMER:
the INTERNET?... is that thing still around..?

[img]www.shtf.net/homerboogie.gif[/img]

Fat Tony:
"I knew we needed more than three bullets.  Let's go to Big-5."

Homer's nerdy college roommate: I designed a program to download internet porn one million  times faster.
Marge: Who needs that?
Homer: MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm One million.....

Scott

At the post office:

Homer: Hello, my name is Mister Burns.  I believe you have a letter for me.

Post office clerk: Okay, Mister Burns.  What is your first name?

[pause]

Homer: I don't know.



At the casino--

"My wife is in the clutches of a horrible demon--a horrible demon that is gambling!  I call him "GAMBLOR!'"

Cletus (the slackjawed yokel):  Mister Ter-williger!  Come quick!  There's trouble down to the cement mixer, sir!"

"We's playin' fetch with Geech.  He's our smell-hound."

Cousin Merle: He's gone to Heaven, Mister Ter-williger!"

Scene: Marge bored because Homer has stopped doing stupid things and enters the Demolition Derby. She is trapped in the stationwagon as her car is repeatedly bashed by a 4x4. Homer goes out to rescue Marge riding a donkey while doing Popeye imitation..

Homer: "I needs gas for my ass"...pours a can of beer down the donkey's throat and donkey passes out.

Homer: Standing in middle of arena watching 4x4 crashing into the stationwagon Marge is driving.. "Quit banging my wife!"

From the episode where Flander's house gets destroyed by the hurricane.

Rod:  Look Daddy, I'm with Todd and he's stupid.  Now mommy's stupid.
Ned:  Looking good Rod, lookin' good.

Earlier in same episode, when Todd is stuck in the tree:

Todd: My head hurts....

Homer: I'll kill myself if Portugal doesn't win!

I have about 15 pages of Simpsons quotes on my computer. If anyone wants a copy, send an e-mail and I'll send them to you.

In keeping with the theme of the original post, here's another quote:

Bart: You're right Mom! I'm in television now! It's my job to be repetitive. My job! My job! Repetitiveness is my job! I am going to go out there tonight and give the best performance of my life!
Marge: The best performance of your life?
Bart: The BEST performance of my life!

Wiggum: Sorry. Wrong number. This is uh 912...


Scott

Homer: Quick! What's the number for 911?

"The goggles....... they do nothing!"

As Ranier Wolfcastle is swept away in a river of acid.

See my sig line.  Paraphrased from Bart in the episode where he was on Rydalin.  I believe the actual line was "They say most people only use 10% of their brain.  I am now one of them."

Homer: "What about those smart monkeys, the ones that wear roller skates, smoke cigars, and live among us?"

(Scrabble game)
Bart: My turn.  "Kwyjibo."  K-W-Y-J-I-B-O.  22 points, plus triple word score, plus 50 points for using all my letters.  Game's over, I'm out of here.
Homer: Wait a minute you little cheater.  You're not going anywhere until you tell me what a "kwyjibo" is.
Bart: Kwyjibo - big, dumb, balding north american ape, with no chin
Marge: And a short temper.
Homer: I'll show you a big, dumb, balding ape.
Bart: Uh oh, kwyjibo on the loose.

Homer: "Does it go in the butt?"

Keving67

Homer: Lisa, you know the boys in Brazil are clones of Hitler. I saw it in a movie. I wish I could remember the name of it....


Scott