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Posted: 6/20/2002 5:58:28 AM EDT
Since there are folks here with a wide variety of living experience, I thought I pose this question here. My dad is 82. Up until October of last year, he has lived on his own, alone, in Florida, since my mom died seven years ago. He got sick in October, and my two sisters decided he should move in with one of them, who lives out of state. They told him it would be a temporary arrangement. They hired a in house assistant to help him out, from 11AM to 4PM every weekday. Physically, he has improved dramatically, and wants to go back to FL. He and my sister are not getting together at all, and it is an extremely unheathly situation from an emotional perspective for the both of them. I have suggested assisted living back down in FL, as thats where he wants to be, where most of his friends are. My sisters argue that he needs to be near one of us. I say he needs to be where he is most happy. So I'm looking for some general advice/comments here, as well as specific advice on finding an assisted living place in Fl. ie what to look for, range of costs, what to avoid. Thanks
Link Posted: 6/20/2002 6:18:14 AM EDT
If he is mentally competent, I'd let him know that he is loved and welcome in your home...then let him make his own decision. After all, at 82 years old, he is an adult and no adult likes to be treated like a child or a burden.
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 11:43:44 AM EDT
Let him go back to Florida. If that is what will make him happy. If a person isn't happy where they are at, they die. When checking out homes, just go in, avoid the salesperson. Wonder the halls and observe, watch the nurses to see if they respond quickly to a patient in need. Talk to some of the patients, ask them what they HATE about the place, then ask them what they LIKE about the palce (in that order). Don't go for the "look" of the place. It may look pretty and clean, with a nice garden, but it is the personel that is important. Oh yea, forget the places with a nice garden. The gardens are practilly never used by the patients or families. I don't understand that one personally, but that is what I noticed when I had to look for a place. My sister and I had to put my father in an assisted living home for awhile. My sister pushed us into this place that was freshly painted, clean, and nice gardens. They damn near killed my father because the staff was crap. I found a place that had a far much better staff, but the placed looked like crap later on. Never did get dad in there. He ended up back in the hospital where he died while we were looking at "comfort care" home. Got the call during interviewing the staff of the comfort care home, he had passed.
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 11:58:22 AM EDT
I checked into assisted living for my mother a couple of years back. Most of these places are much better than your traditional nursing home. Care levels range from independent living with amenity services like transportation, to full care. The only problem is that the assisted living homes tend to be rather expensive. In my area of Houston, they ranged from $1,500 per month to $2,500 per month.
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 4:25:33 PM EDT
Thanks, guys. I think I've convinced at least one of my sisters to let him do what he wants. Guzzler, thanks for the info, makes good sense to talk to the other residents, but how can you tell if the staff is crap or good?
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 4:31:34 PM EDT
Originally Posted By entropy: Thanks, guys. I think I've convinced at least one of my sisters to let him do what he wants. Guzzler, thanks for the info, makes good sense to talk to the other residents, but how can you tell if the staff is crap or good?
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The residents will tell you. Other than that, you have to watch them. If they are chatting with other staff memembers, noses in mounds of paperwork are signs of possible issues. If I didn't know better, I would say that the nurses or doctors that work at those homes are people that were not qualified to work at normal hospital. (just my observation, I am sure I will get flamed for this one)
Link Posted: 6/21/2002 4:48:41 PM EDT
Same thing with my Mom. She was living alone in the house by herself and it became evident that her ability to feed and care for herself in a healthy manner was inconsistent. This was in Fort Lauderdale. We looked around at various places and got some recommendations from some of the health care providers etc. Mom said she wanted to be in a smaller place but all the ones we saw were not as well kept nor did they have the range of activites or facilites that some of the larger ones had. We settled on a place in Hallandale called the Peninsula and have been very satisfied. It is around $1500+ a month for a room she shares with another person. It is very new, very clean and they serve three well blanced meals a day. They have nurses on staff to supervise the medication shcedule, vans that take them shopping and to the movies. Plus assist with the showers etc. Have a variety of activities and events and Mom has been happy there. No way would Mom come up to Georgia. That may change in the future though since she recently fell and broke her hip and is now struggling with rehab. I may have to get a therapist or some sort to go there and get her physically along a little farther since something like that is beyond the capability of the staff to handle. If the Hallandale area is near your family in Florida you might want to take a look. Ask for Cindy or Regina. Also the South Florida area has a lot of resources for elderly care. The insurance provider Avmed gave us some of the best advice thanks to a knowledgeable and independent social worker that they dispatched. The phone number for the Peninsula is 954-893-7755
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