For those who have kids past this age this is hilarious. For those who have kids at this age this is NOT funny. For those who have kids nearing this age this is a warning. For those with no kids this is birth control.

The following originally came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas.

Things I've learned from my children...(honestly I'm not kidding)
1.A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
2.If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades they will ignite.
3.A 3 year olds voice is louder than 200 adult in a crowded restaurant
4.If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 room.
5.you should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.The glass in windows(even double pane)doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.When you hear the toilet flush and the words "UH-OH" it's already too late.
8.Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it
9.A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock, even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
11.Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
12.Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
13.Super Glue is FOREVER.
14.No matter how much Jell-O you put into a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
15.Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
16.VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
17.Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
18.Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
19.You probably don't want to know what that odor is.
20.Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
21.Plastic toys do not like ovens.
22.The Austin TX, Fire Dept. has a 5 min response time.
23.The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however make the cat dizzy.
24.Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Please feel free to add your own.

Even though I am drunk and it took me a long time to read that, it's funny as hell

Keving67

These are mine.

25.When your wife asks you what is causing the car to make that noise, its going to be expensive.
26.A two year old will inevitably find the one thing still within her reach which is fragile.
27.As soon as you get the BB-Q grill lit for the BIG picknic it WILL rain.

Ain't it the goddamned truth?!?

The corollary to this is that they won't ask what the noise is for a period of not less than the time required for the necessary fix to become even more expensive...

the_reject