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Posted: 6/19/2002 3:24:06 PM EDT
Mr. Baker, As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superior shares an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself, and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired cause I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, sightlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp-dressed, useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green >algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting points. 1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own. 2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.
Link Posted: 6/19/2002 3:24:36 PM EDT
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your damn mistakes.) Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow, not ONE minute later. One word of this to anybody and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*ck with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time. Sincerely, Ted Brewer
Link Posted: 6/19/2002 3:30:42 PM EDT
Originally Posted By BenDover: Never f*ck with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.
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Amen
Link Posted: 6/19/2002 3:32:25 PM EDT
That, Sir, is one of the finest examples of a letter of resignation I have ever read... My friends, we are in the presence of greatness...
Link Posted: 6/19/2002 3:58:38 PM EDT
Originally Posted By BenDover: Mr. Baker, ....a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superior shares an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel.
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I knew it was going to get good when the second sentence ended with a double barrel salute. [:D]
Link Posted: 6/19/2002 4:04:00 PM EDT
But watch out - someone CAN legally give you a bad recommendation IF IT'S TRUE. It's only illegal to give a bad recommendation if it's NOT true. And while your letter is quite humorous, it could be construed as threatening. That alone could generate a police report, and along be reason for a poor recommendation. Other than that, quite funny.
Link Posted: 6/19/2002 4:08:42 PM EDT
Seriuosly, DAMN! That's a keeper and already printed for the archives! Funny to think that I worked in maintenance for a fool like that. Explain to me how it's more cost-effective for me to take a PAID hour to go buy a $5 flush valve, rather than keep some on the shelf and have a pisser fixed in five minutes FLAT. I don't get it... FFZ
Link Posted: 6/19/2002 6:15:28 PM EDT
This is wonderful. Congratualations man, you have him by the BALLS and are on your way to much bigger and better things. I really wouldn't worry about it being considered threatening...I mean "ketchup bottle"? for christ's sake, this guy would probably happily let his wife smoke your pole before letting that get out. Congrats, and you're right, it's damn good to be the admin. Most people just don't realize how much power we can bring to bear. Mike
Link Posted: 6/19/2002 6:22:14 PM EDT
Great letter. Does the ex-boss by chance have pointy hair? Sounds like he's straight out of Dilbert. Stepped-init
Link Posted: 6/19/2002 7:01:35 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/19/2002 7:02:36 PM EDT by NOVA5]
Originally Posted By DarkStar: That, Sir, is one of the finest examples of a letter of resignation I have ever read... My friends, we are in the presence of greatness...
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very old but still funny. he didnt write it. its interesting to see how many were suckered in and belive he did it.
Link Posted: 6/19/2002 8:50:26 PM EDT
The way the narrator on FIGHT CLUB did it worked rather well...
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