Definitely check it out if meds have failed you. For me the 1st session help me instantly.

It's interesting that I've never heard of it. Maybe the profit margin isn't there, so big pharma tries to marginalize it.

Anyway, yeah I think I will look into it. The meds had side effects I didn't care for.

@58Eldorado

I can relate to the side effects. I tried Cymbalta and had a hard time urinating. Was put on Abilify and couldnt sweat. Not to mention sexual dysfunction on nearly all of them.

I’ll never go on any of them again.  I lose a drastic amount of weight. Anorexic levels.  I get “brain zaps” you’ll have to search that.  The latest research is that SSRI’s might not even be treating the right thing anyway.

delete

I can't imagine that.  Anything I would write would sound trite.  Good luck brother.

I am so tired.

it might not be much but remember that as messed up as this place is......there are lots of dudes (and a few gals) who care.

Been better this week so far. Finding new things to focus on to keep my mind distracted. Trying to do things that I see some happiness in. Hoping to find some light at the end of the tunnel, some purpose or meaning. I’m sure I’ll fall back but I’m trying to enjoy the better times as much as possible before I slip.

You might be the person others are praying to meet

This is how I’m feeling more and more. Some days are better than others but overall I feel absolutely terrible.

The bad thing is, I'm literally looking for ways to fight this, change in foods, exercise, a new hobby but it's difficult to get motivated.

There really are some good folks here for sure.

I have to have some kind of imbalance obviously, i have been on a couple different “depression” meds and the side effects were too much to handle so I stopped

I have been on a variety of meds for insomnia and migraines since my early 20s and always felt like a walking zombie, they never really helped so I stopped altogether probably 7-8 years ago. So, I don't have the medicated, zombie brain but am exhausted and the headaches just shut me down when I get them.

this is pretty hard to type.  i walked into the woods yesterday sat down with my 45 to my head.  i have 2 girls.  i couldn't pull the trigger.
what led me there is obviously my problem.  probably losing my business of 20 years.  i devoted my life to it.  supply chain problems caused a multi million dollar project to go into a holding pattern.  customer stopped paying. money ran out.  line of credit ran out.  im at the end of the line man, 12 families are going to lose their security.  my family depends on me.  its all in my court, and im fucking it up so badly.
i snapped in my head.  just like a switch.  im inconsolable at times it comes and goes.  ive been on anti dep for a long time for anxiety related to UC (effexor xr 150).  it doesn't work but its impossible to get off.   im very lost right now.  i feel cornered and everything around me is crumbling.  the worst part is i cannot do anything to help.  its a slow and very excruciating process.  i don't know what to do

Brother— money comes and goes. I admire you for worrying about 12 families.  You know what? They will be fine.  

All any of us can do is think about what we can do today and tomorrow.  Yesterday is truly gone.

You are obviously talented to have built a 20 year business. A lot of smart dudes have been bankrupted before you and have built something even better.  I love the quote from Einstein — “in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity”

I’m not trying to sugarcoat this.  Life will probably suck for awhile.  But, you will be stronger on the other end and you will have set a fine example for your family.  

Please don't, I lost my dad when I was in high school, I'll be 50 in a few months and I still have break downs because of it. I get it, I got laid off in April and haven't found squat other than PT work, I feel like a failure but, my wife is very supportive, one of the few things keeping me going.

You're in NC. Let me know and we can do lunch.

My mom's liver is failing it seems.  I'm her caretaker and I am not handling it as well as I'd like.  Like I want to die and fear I will die before her from the stress.   I'm laying in bed right now and she's asleep in her room.  4th stage breast cancer, had c diff in hospital 2 weeks lost most muscle mass.  Someone from the hospital hospice thing called me today and I was already crying and I'm just overwhelmed I need help.  I don't know what to do.  I try to get her to eat but she is just getting weaker and it seems mentally slower like the lack of food and normal hydration is killing her slowly.  She pukes up a lot and is mostly eating Orgaine protein drinks.  Just bites of things.  There's no way in my mind that she can recover and her brain needs glucose it's no wonder she doesn't seem as sharp her brain isn't getting enough of what it needs.  And I don't know what to do.  It's crippling for me because I know a lot of stuff about nutrition and health related subjects and it's not helpful if you can't get the lesson to do the things you know will help.  We've always had problems with her not listening to me.

I came across this video yesterday and didn't realize how much I needed to hear this guy's message.   I'm sharing it because I feel that others need to hear it as well.


https://twitter.com/Gerashchenko_en/status/1577390382358347781?cxt=HHwWioCyycCMguQrAAAA

If anyone ever needs to talk, my inbox is open.

Talk to her docs and see if they can get her on a feeding tube, and then you can syringe her assure and other calorie rich liquids..

I just went through taking care of mom through epiglottal cancer, and dad through COPD, so I understand how taxing it is for the caretaker, let alone the son watching their parents slowly suffer and die...I know brother, I know...

You cannot make her eat, if it makes her feel bad, would you eat if it made you feel worse...Neither would I...So, you need to give her some sugar water, get her some hard candy that she can suck on, something to give her a bit of a glucose bump...Ask the doc about the nausea, and see if you can give her something to help that, even for a little bit so she can get some food into her, but she might need a feeding tube...

Just make her comfortable, make sure you care for her, and clean her up and do your best and just tell her you love her, and let her knowshe is not a burden to you...Just give her the same love as she gave you growing up...

That is all you can do...I know its hard to know what is best, but you have to have a relationship with her doctor, and ask questions...

I am sorry, as it is the hardest most heart-breaking job you will ever have, and when it is all over, you can feel proud of yourself for taking care of your family...That is what men are supposed to do...

Good luck buddy, I will pray for you...

You come to the conclusion that you want to end your life and you have a family??? WTF...How do you take care of them dead??? What a selfish prick...You would escape your pittilly little problem, and cause your family a lifetime of grief??? WTF woman...Men dont quit, especially when they have a family...Buck up soldier and get your shit wired tight most ricky fucking tick, or I will come out to wherever you may dwell, and kick your living loving ass...

Or most likely I would get severely hurt, but either way you won't be tempted to dirt nap yourself...You will be having too much fun jumping on my decrepit old body to think about hurting your family...It does not hurt you, it hurts the ones left...Dont be a selfish prick...

My god man, I get it, life is a bitch, but you have loved ones to care for and love you back...They will suffer without you, so how dare you be so selfish!!!!!!

You better ruck the fuck up and realize you have family to take care of, and getting a part time job at walmart, or whatever to help until you get your next great idea, or maybe when this supply chain shit stops, go back to the old industry...But whatever, the family will suffer without you, and will be ok with you...So now what...

You are not the first nor last to get fucked in this hell hole called America...Shit is being made tough for a reason, and when the going gets tough, the tough get going...We need good men and strong families to endure this shit coming, and be the ones to help rebuild when its over.... And how do you think your family would fair without you, honestly, and not thinking just monetarily...Think emotionally, and physically and mentally??? You would ruin them for selfish petty reasons...

Things will get better, and money comes and goes, but family is the true treasure of life and you have it... You have everything you ever need: family and love...

There are people, like me, that are the last of their family..We have no relatives, no wife, no kids, no friends...We have absolutely nothing...

And if I can hang on to suffer through all this shit for my dogs, you sure as hell can for your girls...

It will get better, and the business is not your life, your family is...The business was a way to make money... FOR YOUR FAMILY!!!!!

Realize what you have, wipe the tears, take a good nap, wake up and start working plan B, or C, or Z, whatever one you are on...I will pray for you my friend, and please don't give up, because it is not you who suffers, it is your friends and family and they dont deserve that...Be a good man and take care of those beautiful girls and everything will work out...

God bless you...

damn i needed that.  thank you.

When you are miserable all day, every day

How is it rational to continue when all signs point to things getting worse?

In this hypothetical you have no one to guilt you into continued existence.  Not even a dog.

Why are you miserable? Make a change, move somewhere new, get a dog.. serious about the dog, mine kept me going before I met my wife.

We all have these "anchors" that weigh us down or keep us in place, if you can raise the anchor, move it to somewhere else. Unfortunately some anchors can't be moved and you'll just have to deal with them the best you can, I get that, trust me, I do.

Mine are, horrible insomnia since I was 18yr (I'll be 50 in January) and I have nerve damage in my left eye from my mid 20s, so I get constant headaches and migraines to the point where I just shut down. I've been to several neurologists and had a wicked surgery in 2016 where they pulled my eyes out, cut the muscles and reattached them in a slightly different spot, (the nerve damage was causing me to go slightly crosseyed and my left eye constantly shakes, you can't tell unless I point it out) the migraines are much less frequent but my neuro told me it'll come back and it's something I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life.

So my anchors will follow me where ever I go and get worse as I get older, so you can see why depression is real fucking thing with me.

BTW, I had lasik surgery in 99' when I was 26yr, that's the start of my headache problems, look up lasik complications, people have ended their lives because the constant pain was unbearable, I can't believe I made it this far.

Not a professional just a nobody but I did go through depression after getting wrecked as a Marine. I am out of it now. If anyone wants to talk to someone I am happy to be that someone.

I am sliding back into that black hole.  Lost my job in October, got married in September.  Had no savings due to layoffs in 2020.  Now the last of the money is running out.  My wife is agoraphobic and has no income.  If I can't find a job by the end of October I don't know what to do.  She needs me but I can't help.  Maybe she'll find someone better when I am gone.  

Listen man, some times you have to eat shit.  It sucks, but is what we do.  Dad died, mom is batshit crazy, son is not doing well, and neither am I (basically the same details as your wife).  I am unemployed as well.  I am not trying to compare or contrast our differences, cause I dont know you, but man, this is NOT a fucking option.  My dad died by suicide.  It sucked, like really sucked.  People that do that think they are only doing it to themselves.  That is not true.  It hurts everyone you have encountered especially family.  I have been there, and then thought about it, and then said no.  Not no, but a big fucking no.  I used to wake up everyday and.....well, some would try to find a reason to do it.  I woke up trying to find a reason not to.  Then I thought how my fathers death wrecked the entire family, friends, ect. and I did not want to hurt anyone else.  That got me through one more day.  ONE MORE DAY.  I dont have a solution for ya, but hey, let's get through today, ok?

Posting this here to maybe help others that are in our situation.

https://www.ar15.com/forums/general/Psychedelic-Therapy-for-mental-health-anyone-done-it-/5-2593519/?page=1#

I'll toss something out there - I live within a shit storm of pain and suffering due to health.  

There are some things that aren't hardcore industrial chemicals made in a nuclear reactor on a space station like SSRI's....and they help me some.

1.  CBD.  If you haven't tried it you owe it to yourself to give it a go.
2.  Vitamin D.  You'd be surprised at how many of our coping mechanisms stop working good if you don't have some Vitamin D.
3.  Try the keto diet.  it can surprise a dude as to what it can make happen.  Just don't do it while you are in a critical "can't be angry at shit" timeframe.  Like a job interview.  Or you will show up like Bill Burr to that shit.  
4.  The vitamin b12 type stuff.

Take 2 of 1-4 and call me in the morning.  

...

Stick with it.  As for the friends thing...I dunno.   I back off when stuff gets weird but don't burn the bridge if you can avoid it.  

I would put together a scheduled stress relief thing thats just for you and get after it every week.  Like shooting or hiking.  

Thanks.

The friend thing is a bit more complex than I made out but I'd rather not go into it. It stung and hurt a LOT though.

Unfortunately my only real physical recreation option here is maybe an hour of gym time every couple of days. We work 84 hours a week so free time can be a little hard to come by.

I really need to take at least a year off.

Goddamn, man. Is there any way you could get a different job?

Well, coworker #4 since 2014 shot himself in the head this Saturday in front of his wife after they were arguing in yet another alcohol-related incident.  Now his immediate coworkers are in a funk and I can’t imagine what the woman he loved and married is going through.  The man was intelligent, a mechanical genius, a hard worker and well liked.

Don’t don’t do it fellas.  All 4 suicides brought about pain and suffering to those around them.  Think of those that love you and push through it.  Get the help you need and don’t be afraid to ask for it.

Don’t continue to rock doubles if you are starting to have mental health blowback.  

It's not even doubles, that's our regular shift (12hr days, 7 days a week).

My company is actually great but as subcontractors we can't really change anything.

I don't have many stateside skills that translate into decent money. I'm casually looking though. The only thing keeping me here is the fact that it's the highest paying job I've ever had and I'm terrified of walking away from it.



One of the friends I mentioned said the only reason he hasn't killed himself is because of what it would put his mom through. No mention of me, his best friend for years and how it would affect me

I'm sorry about your coworker

I walked away from the highest paying job I ever had because I knew it would kill me. I spent a few years rebuilding things financially, and now I'm making just a little under what I was making while having a job that I like.

I don't know exactly what you do, but if it is what I think it is, it is a very technical job that requires a lot of training. I would think that that alone would open doors for you that you never considered opening. "If I learned how to do this, then certainly I can learn how to do that."

Lay awake all night struggling with thoughts of wanting to end it. On a rational level as a psych nurse I know every response to every ‘yes’ response on the risk scale. I know it would devastate my kids ad loved ones. I know how much losing a loved one to suicide hurts. Knowing all those things and dealing with patients who’ve felt this way doesn’t negate or diminish how much pain I’m feeling inside.

My oldest son got married today. His wedding was postponed/rescheduled three times in the last year because of Covid, venue restrictions, illnesses and scheduling conflicts. Monday he and his fiancé abruptly decided to do a pop up civil ceremony in a park a couple hours away, just immediate family, not even bridesmaids or groomsmen.

I got off early from work, rushed home, changed, and my daughter and I rushed to get to the park.

Ex wife is there with her new husband, the guy her friends found on Tinder, the guy she had a year long affair with behind my back, the guy she ran off with when our oldest daughter tried to commit suicide after being sworn into keeping the affair secret.

Ex had demanded her new husband officiate the wedding.  I wasn’t told. First I knew was when I asked where the minister was and new husband stood up in front of the bride and groom. He made a speech about husbands and wives loving each other, honoring each other and (seriously) building a home and a family and keeping it strong, healthy and whole and never letting anything destroy it.

My daughter was freaking out, I was growing numb. Both families were lined up on either side of bride and groom. My kids, my in laws, grandparents and great grandparents on our side. I was put at the end, wasn’t allowed to stand next to my ex wife as father of the groom. Why? I wasn’t given a reason, just told not to ‘ruin’ the wedding.

A fat woman with harsh makeup was photographing everyone and had placed us all in our positions. I wasn’t sure who she was, but heard her name and started scrolling through my phone. Six months ago I got a data dump from new husband’s ex wife, the one he left to be with my wife. That’s where I vaguely remembered this woman from. I have pictures and texts between her and my ex wife, she is someone they met on Tinder as a threesome partner. I have text messages between her and my ex, graphic horrific shit. This is who my ex brought to the wedding to coordinate and take pictures.

I ended up walking back to my car as soon as the ceremony was completely. I was in my car crying as the photography etc was being done. My two oldest daughters came over, really upset that new husband was the officiant. They tried to hug and comfort me abs I tried to keep it together.

My ex father in law came over, asked if I was ok, I told him I didn’t really see that one coming and hearing new husband say the stuff he did really did a number on me. He nodded and said he thought it was hypocritical and shitty of them.

My son came over abs told me he loved me. Said his mom pushed it in him when the original officiant cancelled. He asked me to call him Saturday.

Everyone left to go to a reception at ex wife’s house. I sat in the car with my daughter, cried a bit, and finally managed to pull myself together. Drive home and lay awake all night. My oldest daughter knew who the Tinder woman was (my wife actually told her about it, wtf) and she told her brother and sister. I have no idea why to say to them.

Around midnight my ex texted me. She said ‘I know it was emotional for you. I hope you’re ok. I’m sorry you were hurting’.

I'm going to say this as nicely as I can because normally I don't use language like this...

Your ex is a cunt.  She knows exactly what she is doing to you.  She also made her son's wedding day about her and not him and his new wife.  If your daughter in law has a spine I foresee fireworks between the two of them.

My daughter-in-law is a fantastic person. My kids all adore her. A few weeks ago my son sat down and told her what happened between my wife and I. She really looks up to my ex and the story she’d been told was that we ‘grew apart’ and made a mutual decision to separate, and a year later she met her new husband out of the blue. My son told her everything and it really shocked and stunned her.

I didn’t say or do anything to bring drama into their wedding. I smiled as long as I could and when I couldn’t keep it under control I backed away and went to my vehicle.

Hearing the photographer (hah!) ask for the “*blank* family” to gather for photos—my kids, my son and his wife, my ex and her husband—and addressing them all collectively by HIS last name was a kick in the guts. My son came over afterward and said that really upset him. My oldest daughter, the suicide survivor, was furious. Apparently they all got paper invitations that had HIS last name and the brides parents last name but not the last name of me and the kids.   “The *blank* family is happy to announce the wedding of...” Even my ex’s 90-year-old grandmother came over and hugged me and whispered “I know you’re hurting. We love you.”

I drove home with my 16-year old daughter. I didn’t talk a lot but my eyes were streaming tears. I just wanted to go home, go to sleep and never wake up or open my eyes again. Lay awake wondering how I’m gonna pay my bills, how I’m gonna stretch my gas through to next payday. And I keep thinking back to years past when my entire family would gather for life events. Birthdays, holidays, graduations, weddings and such. Even going home for my dads memorial. We were a family. All of us. I felt like I belonged, like I mattered.

I wish I could hate her with so much virulence that I didn’t feel sad or empty or alone. I wish I could hate everything about her. I’ve seen friends marriages end and they’ve behaved like that. Maybe that would hurt less if I felt that way.

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.  You need to learn to stop caring about your ex.

@wilson is a thesaurus...LOL...I had to look up the word veracious, as I was thinking of the definition of the word; Voracious, and thought to myself: "how the hell did wilson get out of bubbles post, that he eats a lot of food...LOL..

Carry on, my self deprecation for the day...

I have passed over this thread for years because I sometimes issues with melancholy.  I have only read this page and it breaks my heart to see so many brothers hurting.  I wish I could help but I can only give you my own experience.  

in 2019-2020 I had pneumonia and covid several times and lay gasping like a fish out of water.  Nights were the worse as I would have coughing fits for 30-45 minutes at a time.  The doctors would not even see me because of the covid scare.  I kind of was waiting to die, alone, in the dark so I started reading the bible for some comfort.  Between bouts, when I felt a little better, I would pray to God that I could help someone else who was also hurting.  So, I would pray for the Holy Spirit to guide me and then drive downtown to Portland to help those in greater need than me...the old man picking food out of the dumpster, the guy with no shoes or jacket, the old woman crying as she lay on the street, the dude in a wheelchair that was feverish and so many others.  I couldn't do much, but I helped them with their immediate needs.

My own problems seemed so miniscule when compared to these folks.  I suddenly felt so grateful for what I did have and not so depressed about my own condition.  It's a hard thing to do to take one's focus off of self and to care for a stranger, but it does bring rewards.  We are all called to show mercy.  I wish I could help all of you.  This is our only shot at life and we are supposed to do unto others as we would have them do unto us.

I am so done.  I’m such a loser that I have to,post here because I have NOONE. My life has been nothing but failure after failure leading to this point. I really don’t want to live anymore. The only thing keeping me here are my pets. I wish I didn’t have them so I could just check the fuck out. I’m 58 unemployed and my money is almost gone. Looking at being homeless. I just got a denial letter from the prison. I was counting on that. I needed that it would have been life changing for me. With my experience they were going to pay 27 an hour. Maybe my pets would be better off with someone else.
I cant recall any joy or happiness my whole life. My childhood was only tolerable when my abusive father was out to sea with the navy. I’ve been fired more times than I can count. Haven’t had a GF in 30 years.  Absolute waste of oxygen.  Life just throws out carrots on a stick for me then yanks it away when I feel the slightest excitement. I can’t do this anymore.

So, what do you have to lose?  If running your life by your will has not worked out and has led to disaster, then turn your will and your life over to the care of God.  He always listens and answers us if we truly believe that he can work a miracle in our life.  Hook up with a good church and fellow believers who are always willing to help out.  

Also, humble yourself and take any job for right now that brings in money no matter if it seems below what you are worth.  You can always work a $15/hour job until the good job comes around.  The important thing is to remember that we all have low points in our life.  We just have to pick ourselves up from the dirt and trudge on.  Do not give up before the miracle happens.

I could really use some prayers.  I've been dealing a lot with anxiety, fear, depression.  Its minor things that don't amount to anything but something triggers the anxiety and I cant get it to go away, even when I stop and think to myself this is no big deal.  I'm a believer, so I'm trying to trust in the Lord and get through this.

Prayers sent.  We are really living in strange anxiety ridden and fearful times.  However, as believers, we are called to not live in fear.  I think if we humble ourselves, trust in the Lord and ask for his guidance, the Holy Spirit will make our path known to us.  It always seems to not happen on the timeline that I wish, but as I look back, I can see where he has directed me.  Not sure if that make sense but the Lord does listen to our heartfelt prayers.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.