Not sure why the house and contents wouldn't go straight to you (do you have sisters in the will? Is there a will?) but we have lawyers here who could probably help advise you on sorting out that legal mess. Probably as easy a starting a new thread (with plenty of paragraphs ).

Ex showing up at the funeral with her new dick was a low class move. You go to a funeral to support the living not the deceased. If your presence is only going to salt the wounds stay home and say a prayer instead.

BTW for you folks in mental stress, be very careful in life, as you are venerable to making mistakes.

When I drive to the local grocery, I have to make a left at an intersection where I have a stop sign, but not the cross traffic, I nearly collide with another car; so now I drive an extra few extra blocks to where there is a traffic signal. Also if you watch the other drivers through the windshield, if they don't turn their head, they usually are not aware of your presence. Stay safe everyone.

ETA(1): I think the correct word is "klutzy." I even leave my checkbook at home, and I just take a check with me in my wallet, when I need it, and have a little sticky to make notes on to be entered in the check register later.
ETA(2): It is getting to the point where my trusted friends are starting to get tired of me.

edit

HEATSEAKER & rmdye: There are many insensitive people like that in this world, you should try to ignore them., yeah I know it's difficult.

hughewil: Being a father is not an easy endeavor, contrary to what is being taught by the news media(ie after our 15 minutes of fame), most dads love their children more than they will ever know, but men don't have the DNA(really...) to endure such pressures. BTW I have the same problems with my children, when they don't like something I tell, the ex would tell them to ignore me.

One of the reasons why Robin Williams was super-depressed is that his wife filed for divorced, and his share was like $50 million, and he didn't have that. His TV-series was also cancelled, and to make matters worse he has Parkinsons, the same affliction as Micheal J. Fox, and it was getting worse, so the prospects of him getting another acting job was dropping.
=========================================

19 powerful lessons from Robin Williams on life, love, money, and loneliness
I found this on my Facebook News Feede. This story is quoted in its entirety

BBC-Suicides among Japanese young people hit 30-year high

=============================================
BBC-Why does Japan have such a high suicide rate?

Edit.

I know the Darkness.  It's been there through much of my life.  I am grateful that I am apparently not the suicidal type; ideation along those lines just doesn't occur.  I'm more of an "endure it" type.

36 years married and there's not much left, despite me wanting desperately for it to get fixed and things to be better.  Two people are involved.  It feels like personal failure, though, you know?  Profound failure, and rejection, and loneliness, and grief.  I'm sleeping in a second bedroom, because the Grand Canyon in that common bed has become unbearable.  I'd rather sleep in a separate room than slam alcohol to numb myself to that air gap.

But the sun will come up tomorrow, and we'll see what it brings.  Repeat as necessary.

Damn. Can't even imagine going through a divorce as an adult. My dad went through 3 before I was 14. Wife #4 was the ticket.  IMHO divorce is almost as bad as losing wife to death.  Hang in there guys.

My divorce has been going pretty smoothly, if such a pain in the ass can be called that. This makes # 2 for me and it is much harder due to having an 8 year old son involved this time. He is taking it well and i thought i was until I started the process of selling the house so i can pay off the ex.

At least I get 50% custody and see the boy every other week. I feel for all of you guys that are going tbrough difficult divorces or ccustody issues etcetera. I have started to go shooting more often and the trying to learn more long range stuff. I feel like that lets my pressure off trying to be still doing that. Thanks for all of your input in this thread as it helps mse along too and best wishes for all of our troubled brothers out there.

Had the first big argument with the wife after close to 10 years. She keeps telling me I need to talk to my mom more because her's never seems to want to have much to do with her. Mine spent close to ten years trying to get pregnant before she found out she was sterile because she had to take birth control to deal with acne or some shit like that. She did everything to protect me because I was her little baby. Can I go over to my friends to play Nintendo? No, all teenagers do drugs kinda shit.

Now that I'm older I get to hear all about how her friends kids have jobs where they make a couple hundred thousand a year, but she doesn't get that you can't get those jobs with the job experience you have when you have a kid when you're 19.

My cousin invited us to her wedding, and my mom was worried that I was going to judge her for a lesbian wedding when I'm the white trash, trailer trash black sheep of the family. I mean I've broke 9 out of 10 Commandments, you really think a lesbian wedding's going to slow me down going to Hell?

If anyone needs an an ear, PM me for my number.  I’ve dealt with, and am currently dealing with plenty of shit.  No need to keep it bottled up.

I found this on my Facebook news feed. Copied verbatim.
========================
author unknown

https://www.facebook.com/onesparkcanstartafire/photos/a.213522791998326/937981992885732/?type=3&theater

From page 11. BornToLooze: She speakth the truth. Your mom is not getting any younger, and you are very precious to her. You are now an adult, she is very lonely without you. Loneliness is not good for physical health, it will make her depressed.  Remember what affects the mind also affects the body. Good luck!

For those who are having a hard time right now, this is only temporary.
https://www.facebook.com/thegoodquote/photos/a.1291230090952251/2251797811562136/?type=3&theater

I know that, and I feel bad about it, but there's only so much I can take of hearing about every single person she knows is better than me. I may have not made the best choices as a teenager, but I manned the fuck up and dealt with it. And what she can't get is, while she might be embarrassed of her poor trailer trash son, when I got my girlfriend pregnant I was going to school 2 hours away and could have easily have just cut the line, but I did what was right. I gave up my chance of being an Arfcom millionaire, and started working for $9 an hour because college credit hours don't buy formula and diapers.

Another thing that really bothers me, when my parents split up, my dad was talking to me about how much he wants me to stay with him, but my mom needs me to go with her. But the thing is, my dad was trying to teach me a solid work ethic, my mom was one of those get a college degree in anything and you'll never have to work a day in you life people. And she kept making me change majors so I could make more money, so after like 4-5 years I had enough credits to be a sophomore, and pissed away I don't know how much of her money. I just can't help but feel like I made the wrong choice.

And they had a marriage so good that Ray Charles saw the divorce coming, so my mom would drag me over to my grandparents house where my grandma was dying of pancreatic cancer so I didn't have to be around my dad. I mean my dad was a hardass who made sure I knew when I fucked up, but goddamn, I would have rather him beat me than watch someone I love die over the span of 3 years. Or like when I had to go tell my grandpa goodbye when he passed and I didn't want to because I wanted the last time I remembered him to be when he was fine, not a vegetable with a bunch of tubes going into him and get to hear his death groan when you kiss him on the forehead. Like I said, I would rather my dad beat the fuck out of me than have to see that shit when I was barely a teenager.

That's the truth. What first got me thinking that way was my parents always fighting and I was often brought up. The only thing that saved me at the time was I didn't want to inconvenience them anymore than I already did.

Also, every time I post in this thread I realize how crazy I am, but I feel like I'm doing a good job holding it all together.

Whenever I felt down like that I just went on backpage and discreetly got an escort, now i have no outlet.  My lil feller is practically skinned raw as it is, with no relief in sight.  Please drop the case on backpage, feds....

It. never. goes. away.
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True, but it can be managed to a point where its not burdensome in everyday living.

I'm at the point where I don't think so anymore.

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Im surprised I only saw it mentioned once in this thread.

Consider Ketamine infusions.

@Hulley
It can be done, and is done. Have you had vitamin D levels checked? Are you in counseling? Taking meds?

Maybe for some.

My blood work is good, testosterone is good, I do strength training 3 days a week, no meds or drugs at all, did counseling years ago.

It. Never. Goes. Away.

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Bro, I am the most "lonely" person you will ever encounter.  I'm divorced, live alone and have to travel for work often.  But, I'm still alive and kicking.  Right now I am cooking a ham for the people that work for me for their thanksgiving pot luck.  Just got to find you're place in life!

It sucks at times, I cannot go see the family at thanksgiving...  So it goes,  I see them at Christmas but am usually limited to a couple of days.  The respect I get from my kick ass employees more than makes up for it

What was the diagnosis?

I went for a couple years right after my dad died, I was 18, I'm 45 now. I don't remember the diagnosis, I basically just live with it.

Everybody who has it lives with it. Some people naturally have the tools to keep it from being overwhelming, others learn what it takes through therapy/education to enjoy a much higher quality of life, and other people just deal with the daily grind and may never improve. Some lives come to a tragic end.

The first requirement before setting out on the road to improvement is the willingness to put in the work over the long term.

Have you learned to recognize the physical manifestations that occur immediately preceding the onset of unwanted emotions?

I basically keep myself occupied, this is not really a conversation I want to continue online for everyone to see, I should never have responded to this thread.

I hesitated to post this because I wouldn't want someone to think I believe this is some golden bullet or that I take the subject of this thread flippantly. Quite the contrary.

But, I think a lot or at least some aspects of mental health, attitude, emotions, expectations, perceptions can be helped with a change in outlook and thought process. Especially when dealing with loss or things not going as one expected.

I have found a lot of helpful information and thoughts in this book. If it helps someone, great. It's at least worth a try if you haven't been exposed to this way of looking at life.

https://www.amazon.com/Meditations-Thrift-Editions-Marcus-Aurelius/dp/048629823X

It's even harder if you don't have any people that love you...

I started renovating a part of my house when it hit me like a hammer. I asked myself what the fuck I'm doing here? Nobody will ever use this room.

The one that meant the most is gone, the others that should, don't really care......What's the point anymore?

"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."

-Robin Williams

My dad died when I was 18, it was sudden and I was unprepared. My older brother and sister have a different father and always resented me, haven't spoken to my brother in 24 years and my sister blames me for her woes. My mother loves me but leaned heavily on me since my dad died, until she remarried. My wife and I just kinda exist, I'm sure she would be fine without me. We never had kids.

I feel like an empty shell just walking through life, wishing it would end. I never got to tell him how much I really loved him and needed him, I didn't know until it was too late.

It'll. Never. Go. Away.

Hulley, have you tried looking for meaning in your life? Any kind of goals? Made any changes at all?

I know the feeling of just walking though life and hoping it would just end. I used to get chest pains, sometimes with dizziness and other bad symptoms, and all I thought was "finally, this bullshit is over." It took me well over a year to see a doctor about my chest pains, and that was mostly out of idle curiosity.

Sometimes things aren't that bad. Sometimes I'm almost okay for a little while. Those times are an opportunity to examine what is different. What is different between the "okay" times and the bad times. What can be done to shift the balance towards the okay times. I think that if I can shape the conditions of my own life to allow for mostly okay times, maybe I can move on to "good" times. I won't know unless I try. Worst case? I spend the next few decades trying to get better. For what it is worth, the changes I've made so far have helped. They were big changes that I haven't taken lightly.

I know that holding on to negativity will eat you up. Clinging to regret will wreck you. I've done that. Keeping negative people in your life will weigh you down like a cannonball in deep water. You don't have an older brother and sister anymore. Them resenting you is their problem, not yours. Move on.

Does your wife even know how you are actually feeling? Have you told her, or have you kept up a strong facade this whole time? You said that you "just kinda exist." Do you think that she shares that opinion?

I do have goals and aspirations in life and those are some of the things that keep me going, sometimes I'm good and sometimes I get weighed down with guilt, regret or loss of ambition.

What it boils down to is I have to just keep on moving forward, focus on my goals and nurture the relationships that I do have. I'm not really wanting to discuss my marriage online, I only continued to post because someone DM'd me and suggest that it may help others, I'm really not very good at showing this side of me.

I'm pretty sure that a lot of us here aren't. The anonymity of an online forum and made up identities can help, though.

True, however there still remains the fear that if you share your ordeals online that you will be opening yourself up to attack from online aholes. This is a publicly viewed forum, but I think everyone who posts here has gotten the message that if they have nothing positive to add they better step back from the keyboard. This thread is a great support tool and, hopefully, a good educational tool for those not having to deal with depression and anxiety.

What's even worse than that is being in a room full of people who love you and would try to move mountains for you, and wishing you were alone because you don't want to be loved that much.

That's one of the things that helps me. I can talk to my wife or my friends, but on here even if I say something really crazy I can change my avatar and 99% of y'all won't know who I am.

This thread is relevant to me

Feel free to share as much or as little as you are comfortable sharing.  No one here will judge or chastise.  We only want to help!

Having this feeling a lot lately.

Never thought I'd post in a thread like this, and maybe doing so is just for cathartic purposes, but the past few years have been tough and I feel like there is just something missing in my life.

Seems like this all started about four years ago when my work screwed me over on a promotion that I really wanted. My department's supervisor confided in me she was retiring and felt I was the best candidate to replace her, so upon her encouragement I went back to school to get my master's degree (on my own dime and time) so that I would meet the job requirements. Then my department's leadership brought in this individual from another department to "help with some unfinished projects" (of which there were none) and all this woman did was shadow the outgoing supervisor (who hadn't yet officially announced her retirement) to learn how to do the supervisor's job.

A year later the supervisor announces her retirement, the job is posted, and this person gets the job (after most the other applicants were "disqualified" on minor technicalities). I saw the writing on the wall so I didn't even bother to apply. Now I've got a master's degree I'm paying a student loan on but not earning more money to help pay for it, a job I don't dislike but am bored with and unchallenged by but pays me decently and affords me a ton of freedom since I work from home, and I want to find new work but feel locked in since the work I do and region where I live has limited opportunities and my family doesn't want to be uprooted and start over again somewhere else (we moved halfway across the country for my job almost twelve years ago). I've dusted off the resume and started perusing job postings in my region, so hopefully something new will drop in my lap one day.

Extended family-wise things are stressful. My 46 year old sister, who is an un-medicated bipolar paranoid schizophrenic with sociopathic tendencies, moved in with my parents two years ago last summer. It was a disaster and she became progressively more agitated and violent as the years went by. She would verbally, emotionally, and physically attack our mom and I felt helpless because I lived 2,000 miles away. I would spend hours on the phone almost every other day trying to mediate their problems, calm situations down, pleading with the police or county services to intervene, etc. It took two years until my mom finally worked up the courage (after a particularly violent attack by my sister) to get a restraining order and have her evicted. Now my mom lives in fear she will return, jumping every time the doorbell rings.

I also feel bad for my mom because she is the caregiver for my dad who is 86 yrs old and fairly debilitated due to some mini-strokes he had around 3-4 years ago. She is also the caregiver for my 21 year old autistic nephew (think Lenny from Of Mice and Men - ten year old brain in a 6'2 ~220 lb body) who lives with them. My dad's temperament and selfishness isn't helping and he shows utterly no appreciation for all my mom does to care for him. He pisses his pants, dribbles poop down the hallway carpet on his way to the bathroom, and falls all the time due to intoxication (he has been an alcoholic for most of his adult life). Yet he refuses to wear adult diapers (or even underwear), won't use a walking aid like a cane or walker, smokes about a pack of cigs a day in the living room (even though my mom doesn't smoke, hates the smell, and the landlord was adamant about no smoking in the house), and never once says "thank you" to my mom.

My mom, who is a spry woman in her early seventies, yearns for companionship. Someone she can take walks with, someone she can go out to dinner with, someone she can go to a movie with, someone who will have a nice conversation with her as they do dishes after a meal, etc. My dad does nothing other than sit on the couch drinking wine and smoking while watching golf with the mute on, and occasionally grunting a one or two word order at her ("more coffee" or "get cigarettes"). My mom can't afford to put him in a nursing home, and he would refuse anyway (since they wouldn't allow him to smoke and drink booze), but she feels obligated as his wife to care for him no matter how bad it gets. Part of me wishes he would just die to release her from this prison.

I was flying back to California a lot this summer to help my mom when things got really bad around the time my sister beat her up (which is what led to her arrest, restraining order, and eviction) but I feel guilty that I should be doing more to help in some way, but what that way is I don't know. Right now I can't financially help her, and living 2,000 miles away there isn't much I feel I can do.

My family has its own issues. Both my kids have behavioral disorders. My son is ADHD and ODD, and even though he is medicated (for the ADHD) parenting him is very stressful and a real challenge. My daughter has executive functioning disorder (EFD), and parenting her is also an uphill battle (in a different way than my son). A day doesn't go by where my wife and I aren't dealing with the fallout of their issues. I crave a day, just one, where I don't receive a call or e-mail from the school about some problem related to one of my kids, or I don't have to hear from my son how he "had a bad day" in this class or that, or my wife and I don't have to reprimand our kids for their behavior, or I don't have to intervene because my kids are arguing/fighting, etc. It's very stressful, and anyone that hasn't raised kids with behavioral disorders can't even comprehend what it's like. Only comfort I take is knowing someday they will graduate high school and [hopefully] move out.

My wife put on about 50 lbs of extra weight over the past 5-6 years. She just got lazy, stopped exercising, stopped counting calories, and just stopped caring about her physique. At 5"6" she was sitting around 190 lbs for quite a while and it got to the point I was physically repulsed by her. I finally convinced her to start dieting and she began the keto diet four weeks ago. But this was just one more stressor in my life over the past few years.

Even in light of all these issues I was doing okay until my lifelong best friend died three months ago. I'm one of those people that prefers to have a small number of really close friends versus a lot of not-so-close friends. After graduating high school two really close friends and I stayed in contact even though we all moved far away. We would still connect on the phone weekly, fly back to visit each other multiple times per year, were in each other's weddings, and connected socially weekly via on-line gaming. Just before I got married fifteen years ago one of my two good friends died in a car crash. I didn't find out until a few months after the funeral because none of his family knew how to contact me. That left just my life long best friend as the only close friend I had.

My best friend started having personal problems about two years ago. His work was becoming very stressful, he was struggling with the death of his mom from cancer five years prior, and after falling down some stairs a long-buried traumatic memory from his childhood suddenly flooded back and haunted him. He started having anxiety and panic attacks that were so severe he would become afraid to leave his apartment. He turned to alcohol and prescription drugs, and within two years his liver totally failed and he was dead. I've never had to deal with the loss of a really close loved one. Both my parents are still alive and my grandparents died when I was around 10-12 years old (was never really close to any of my grandparents). The few uncles I had also did before I was fifteen, but again I wasn't close to them.

My best friend dying has left me feeling alone in the world. My wife is my friend, but it's different. He was my friend I could do guy stuff with, talk guy stuff about, and reminisce about all the great memories we shared growing up. We would talk over a beer, or over the phone, about all the trouble we got into as kids, the great times we had in middle school, the fun we had in high school, and the good times and memories we still had to make. Even after high school a day didn't go by we didn't communicate with each other. The risk you take of being someone that invests everything you have to give in a small cadre of really good friends is the loneliness you experience when you find you are the last one standing. This feeling might be lessened if I were in my eighties and reflecting back on the long lives we lived, but I'm only 45 years old my two best friends are now dead.

When I think back on the past five years I feel like I've slowly lost the happiness in my life. Things that once brought me joy no longer do. Shooting sports, hunting, video games - I used to love those things. Now, I do them and find little joy in them. I sit in my deer stand but all I think about is wanting it to get dark sooner so I have an excuse to come in. I fire up a video game but within minutes turn it off. My firearms have sat unused in my safe for a year and I've got no interest in a day at the range.

I'm not suicidal (so don't worry about that), or depressed really, I just feel like something is missing (if that makes sense). I also feel guilty because there are people out there dealing with far, far more terrible things than me. Parents who lost their child to leukemia, soldiers who were crippled and lost limbs in war, people who were abused as kids, women who were raped, etc. What I've dealt with the past few years pales in comparison to what they have endured.

I feel kinda like a robot these days - I get up, get the kids to school, work, do chores, take care of hobby farm critters, make dinner, do dishes, spend time with the wife, go to bed, and repeat it all exactly the same way the next day, every day. At least when my best friend was around he made it a little more interesting and enjoyable.

Anyway, no real point to this post. I've always tried to be an optimistic person who believes tomorrow is a new day, and I will hold to the belief that some day much of this crap in my life will be behind me. Maybe then some of that joy and happiness will begin to creep back into my life.

If you made it this far give yourself a pat on the back, and thank you for listening to my long sob story.

If nobody has mentioned it - good post, and thanks for reaching out.  Hopefully if someone needs, they will take you up on that

@Reno_Raines

Stay strong & hang in there.  Any chance of getting a new hobby, recreation, exercise or anything else to occupy yourself even for a few hrs a week?  Something you
could find another connection with a couple of guys to hang out with occasionally? (Even volunteering doing something, or picking up a few-hr-a-week part time job
to occupy time)

Good luck