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3/20/2017 5:03:23 PM
Posted: 6/1/2002 6:37:02 PM EDT
Today was my first time in literally years that I have sat on a bare toilet seat, without placing toilet paper between the seat and my legs. Even my own. Seriously. It was cold.
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 6:43:00 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 6:43:42 PM EDT
Originally Posted By eswanson: Congratulations on conquering your paranoia. I always kinda figured that my ass probably wasn't any cleaner than the last guy's - after all, it [i]is[/i] an ass.
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No way in hell will I ever do it in a public restroom!! Nasty!
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 6:48:48 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 6:52:17 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 7:52:51 PM EDT
Good thing it was cold. It's the warm ones that are yucky.
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 7:59:24 PM EDT
You and Imbroglio outta go camping. TOGETHER
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 8:02:01 PM EDT
Originally Posted By ComputerGuy: No way in hell will I ever do it in a public restroom!! Nasty!
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I bet the inside of your head is a swirling cauldron of hell. You've got issues.
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 8:15:12 PM EDT
Originally Posted By ComputerGuy:
Originally Posted By eswanson: Congratulations on conquering your paranoia. I always kinda figured that my ass probably wasn't any cleaner than the last guy's - after all, it [i]is[/i] an ass.
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No way in hell will I ever do it in a public restroom!! Nasty!
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I'm with you on that one. I fucking HATE public restrooms! It has to be serious for me to use one. Otherwise I will cramp it up and hold it till I get home. Public restrooms are just vile disgusting depositories for who knows what kind of volitile germs, bacteria, and other assorted creepy crawlies. Even when urinating I use my foot to lift the lid and flush the toilet so I don't have to touch anything. Who knows what kind of infected human scum has entered there before you and violated that public arena? Now before you go getting Fruedian on me people, take a look at the wierdos around you at a gas station and tell me how close you want to get something they touch.
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 8:18:41 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 8:19:45 PM EDT
God, and I thought I was the only one![:D]
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 8:23:41 PM EDT
... I'll wait as long as possible to get home. Here's something I cannot stand: You're in a public facility, you hear some asshole go though whole routine, zips his pants and flys out WITHOUT washing! Get back to your dinner table and there is that asshole finger-food fondling his and his kids food. WTF? ... Freaking nasty uncivilized heathens
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 8:24:49 PM EDT
Originally Posted By ShamusMcOI: I'm with you on that one. I fucking HATE public restrooms! It has to be serious for me to use one. Otherwise I will cramp it up and hold it till I get home. Public restrooms are just vile disgusting depositories for who knows what kind of volitile germs, bacteria, and other assorted creepy crawlies. Even when urinating I use my foot to lift the lid and flush the toilet so I don't have to touch anything. Who knows what kind of infected human scum has entered there before you and violated that public arena?
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You know what's the WORST part about using the public restroom? Trying to open the door to leave without touching the doorhandle! [puke] Think about it.
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 8:30:39 PM EDT
Originally Posted By The_Macallan: You know what's the WORST part about using the public restroom? Trying to open the door to leave without touching the doorhandle! [puke] Think about it.
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... There is an easy solution to that too. If it's a fast food joint with those damned air blowers take a napkin. Otherwise, use the paper towel you just washed your hands with!
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 8:32:44 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/1/2002 8:34:44 PM EDT by Lazyshooter]
Opening the door w/o touching the handle? I always grab a paper towel to use on the door handle on the way out. Then I hold the door open with my foot and make a throw toward the garbage can. God I'm sick![:D]
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 8:33:10 PM EDT
Originally Posted By The_Macallan:
Originally Posted By ShamusMcOI: I'm with you on that one. I fucking HATE public restrooms! It has to be serious for me to use one. Otherwise I will cramp it up and hold it till I get home. Public restrooms are just vile disgusting depositories for who knows what kind of volitile germs, bacteria, and other assorted creepy crawlies. Even when urinating I use my foot to lift the lid and flush the toilet so I don't have to touch anything. Who knows what kind of infected human scum has entered there before you and violated that public arena?
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You know what's the WORST part about using the public restroom? Trying to open the door to leave without touching the doorhandle! [puke] Think about it.
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thats what i was just gonna say macallan. that is the worst thing. all those people that dont wash their hands... thats the first thing they touch after they finish their business. it nasty to think whats on that handle. just one of those things i guess... i feel the same way about railings on stairs and excalators. you cant pay me to put my hands on them. im not a germ freak but i avoid the ones i can.
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 8:35:32 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Winston_Wolf: ... There is an easy solution to that too. If it's a fast food joint with those damned air blowers take a napkin. Otherwise, use the paper towel you just washed your hands with!
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The more wretched and sewage-like the restroom, the less likely there'll be ANY paper around (even TP).
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 8:38:32 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/1/2002 8:40:21 PM EDT by Lazyshooter]
Heck, I even use a paper towel to turn the faucet on and off. Flush with my foot, of course! The bad part, is if you have to flush [i]before[/i] you sit.[puke]
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 8:40:02 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Winston_Wolf:
Originally Posted By The_Macallan: You know what's the WORST part about using the public restroom? Trying to open the door to leave without touching the doorhandle! [puke] Think about it.
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... There is an easy solution to that too. If it's a fast food joint with those damned air blowers take a napkin. Otherwise, use the paper towel you just washed your hands with!
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Amen. There is ALWAYS a way around touching things in a public restroom.
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 8:42:42 PM EDT
Hey, by the way, anybody ever have to "limbo" to get in one of the pay toilets? You can get mighty soiled if you fall!
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 8:52:13 PM EDT
I saw on the news a few nights ago that there's more evil bacteria on the average office worker's desk than there is on the toilet seat in most public restrooms. Hope that makes you feel better.
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 9:22:33 PM EDT
Originally Posted By mattja: I saw on the news a few nights ago that there's more evil bacteria on the average office worker's desk than there is on the toilet seat in most public restrooms. Hope that makes you feel better.
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Back in high school biology class, we did that exact test. We had to swab practiclly everything and culture it. The samples were first from areas around the school, then we went out in public. Oddly enough the toilet seat was the cleanest! Even the porta-john toilets were good. Hell the cafeteria counter top was worse, even after they cleaned it! The worst place for nasties, a keyboard. Door handles were in the middle, bathroom or standard door handles. Really not that bad. Faucet handles were slightly above door handles. So... don't fret about putting your bare bottom on a toilet seat. Door and faucet handles, ehhh. But your keyboard, get surgical gloves!
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 9:30:37 PM EDT
And I thought it was just me! I spent a week in Seattle and held it until I got back home. Funny thing is...after the first day or two I didn't have to go.[:D]rocko
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 9:37:40 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/1/2002 10:43:06 PM EDT
Bathroom technique 101 1. Do your business. 2. Wash hands. 3. Dry hands with paper towel. 4. Use same paper towel to open door. 5. Hold door open with foot. 6. Throw paper towel in trash. 7. Leave. If the trash can is not next to the door (rare), wad it up and try a hoop shot into the can. If you are the PC type, take paper towel with you and throw in nearest available trash receptacle. Follow this technique, also watching doorknobs, etc., and there is a very good chance you will not come down with the flu, or a cold, when everyone else in the office is sick.
Link Posted: 6/2/2002 5:08:10 PM EDT
We just had this discussion at work. You forgot about the handle on the paper towel dispenser...Think about it! Add to the top of the list: Hit the paper towel handle a few times when you walk into the bathroom(single stall type) to get your towel ready first... You're not paranoid if they ARE out to get you. ByteTheBullet (-:
Link Posted: 6/2/2002 5:16:00 PM EDT
The [red]WORST[/red] thing is when you get splashback in a public john.
Link Posted: 6/2/2002 5:49:10 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Winston_Wolf:
Originally Posted By The_Macallan: You know what's the WORST part about using the public restroom? Trying to open the door to leave without touching the doorhandle! [puke] Think about it.
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... There is an easy solution to that too. If it's a fast food joint with those damned air blowers take a napkin. Otherwise, use the paper towel you just washed your hands with!
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Yep, that's what I do. If there isn't a trash can near by, I'll just wad it up and put it in my pocket for latter disposal, but I've noticed the majority of restaurants have a trash can by the door, for I suspect exactly this reason...
Link Posted: 6/2/2002 5:54:41 PM EDT
Originally Posted By ByteTheBullet: You forgot about the handle on the paper towel dispenser...
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Nope, didn't forget it. I figure that my chances are excellent that anyone getting paper towel has just washed his hands, and can be removed from my threat list ;)
Link Posted: 6/2/2002 6:19:56 PM EDT
Fair enuff. What if he just piddled on himself and only wanted to 'towel off'? I have seen it, go to any sporting event...well they usually run out of towels there any way. ByteTheBullet (-:
Link Posted: 6/2/2002 8:16:10 PM EDT
I just had to post this again: THE GHOST POO The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo on the toilet paper, but there's no poo in the bowl. THE CLEAN POO The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl, but there's no poo on the toilet paper. THE WET POO You wipe your bottom fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your bottom and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks. THE SECOND WAVE POO This poo happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realise you have to poo some more. THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE POO Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Poo". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke. THE CORN POO No explanation necessary. THE LINCOLN LOG POO The kind of poo that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush. THE NOTORIUS DRINKER POO The kind of poo you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush. THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD POO" POO The kind where you want to poo, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting. THE WET CHEEKS POO Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your bottom so fast that your cheeks get splashed with the toilet water. THE LIQUID POO That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your bottom, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute. THE MEXICAN FOOD POO A class all its own. THE CROWD PLEASER This poo is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing. THE MOOD ENHANCER This poo occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again. THE RITUAL This poo occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper. THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS POO A poo so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations. THE AFTERSHOCK POO This poo has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected. THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" POO This is any poo created in the presence of another person. THE GROANER A poo so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance. THE FLOATER Characterised by its floatability, this poo has been known to resurface after many flushings.
Link Posted: 6/2/2002 8:19:53 PM EDT
CONT: THE RANGER A poo which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper. THE PHANTOM POO This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there. THE PEEK-A-BOO POO Now you see it, now you don't. This poo is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control. THE BOMBSHELL A poo that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to poo or you are nowhere near pooing facilities. THE SNAKE CHARMER A long skinny poo which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless. THE OLYMPIC POO This poo occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Poo. THE BACK-TO-NATURE POO This poo may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car. THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN POO An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T poo. PREMEDITATED POO Laxative induced. Doesn't count. POOZOPHERENIA Fear of pooing - can be fatal! ENERGIZER vs DURACELL POO Also known as a "Still Going" poo. THE POWER DUMP POO The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done. THE SPINAL TAP POO The kind of poo that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got be coming out sideways. THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY BOTTOM" POO Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Poos. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards. THE PORRIDGE POO The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep gong, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless. THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" POO When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning. THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" POO Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and gasping for air.
Link Posted: 6/2/2002 9:43:12 PM EDT
You guys know nothing. Come and let me tell you about the joys of the port-o-john. Ever had a frozen turd poke you in the ass? Happened to a friend of mine on a busy jobsite, the temperature was hovering around zero that day. Of course we all had to go look. Even more fun is dropping a large rock down the vent tube and waiting for the screams when the mint blue tidal wave hits them in the ass. Or stuffing a rag in the vent in the self burning crappers that are used on remote jobsites(Don't block the door with a truck and then stuff the rag in the vent...a laborer almost died that day). Or throwing rocks at it. Don't forget the old favorite of bumping it with your work truck. Be sure and listen for the sloshing sounds.
Link Posted: 6/2/2002 10:52:53 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/2/2002 10:54:44 PM EDT by bunghole]
Originally Posted By mattja: Bathroom technique 101 1. Do your business. 2. Wash hands. 3. Dry hands with paper towel. 4. Use same paper towel to open door. 5. Hold door open with foot. 6. Throw paper towel in trash. 7. Leave. If the trash can is not next to the door (rare), wad it up and try a hoop shot into the can. If you are the PC type, take paper towel with you and throw in nearest available trash receptacle. Follow this technique, also watching doorknobs, etc., and there is a very good chance you will not come down with the flu, or a cold, when everyone else in the office is sick.
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Hell yeah! That's the way I do it. I am a germophobe.
Link Posted: 6/2/2002 10:53:29 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Winston_Wolf: You're in a public facility, you hear some asshole go though whole routine, zips his pants and flys out WITHOUT washing!
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Sounds like his Dad must have taught him not to piss on his hands when he takes a leak.[;D] Borg
Link Posted: 6/2/2002 10:55:31 PM EDT
THE CLEAN POO The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl, but there's no poo on the toilet paper.
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That's the best kind. In. Out. No muss, no fuss.
Link Posted: 6/2/2002 11:00:24 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/2/2002 11:00:53 PM EDT by bunghole]
I used to work with a guy who claimed he was in his 60's but looked like he was in his 90's. He had some kind of problem with his colon and I felt sorry for the guy. He had a couple of "accidents" and resorted to keeping a spare pair of underwear in his locker. The other guys at work made fun of him but I am a strong believer in Karma. I don't want to live like that! I had the misfortune of being in the head at the same time as he one day. It sounded like someone was pouring a pitcher of water into the toilet. He zipped up and proceeded to walk out without washing his hands.
Link Posted: 6/2/2002 11:03:23 PM EDT
Originally Posted By LAWDOGKMS: THE LINCOLN LOG POO The kind of poo that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush. THE PORRIDGE POO The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep gong, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.
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Reminds me of that story... "TIMBER!!"
Link Posted: 6/3/2002 3:04:00 AM EDT
[i][b]I bet the inside of your head is a swirling cauldron of hell. You've got issues.[/i][/b] This goes for a whole bunch of you.[whacko]
Link Posted: 6/3/2002 3:14:26 AM EDT
This may be alittle off topic, but related. You know those little mints in the bowl at the front of the restaurant. I read a report where they tested those little mints to see what was on them since they were in the open. Guess what they found? URINE
Link Posted: 6/3/2002 5:04:13 AM EDT
I dont care how free of bacteria a toilet seat is, I ain't gonna touch it unless it's mine... On a related note, the modern restroom is really starting to tick me off: hand dryers that are barely adequate for that - and you can't dry your face or blow your nose, automatic faucets that don't work, automatic flushers that splash you every 15 seconds because the sensors are off. I was in Scotland a month ago, and it seems that the Scots (haha) don't like paper products, I went into maybe one bathroom that had paper towels and none of the hotel bathrooms even had tissues! The toilet paper was these annoying little squares from napkin dispenser like things...
Link Posted: 6/3/2002 5:56:05 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Winston_Wolf: Here's something I cannot stand: You're in a public facility, you hear some asshole go though whole routine, zips his pants and flys out WITHOUT washing! Get back to your dinner table and there is that asshole finger-food fondling his and his kids food. WTF?
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That problem apparantly is rampant at my office. Even the CEO thinks he's too good to wash. And it's a problem for people doing a #1 AND #2. These people were raised in a barn or something. I've heard about the studies that the toilet is cleaner than everything else. Well that's not the case for seats here. Some people here have some phobia about urinals that forces them to piss in the toilet w/o lifting the seat! Let me tell you, the sight of yellow drops all over the toilet seat is one I can do without.
Link Posted: 6/3/2002 8:30:29 AM EDT
Worst place I have had to go to the bathroom... Honduras. 1. They don't put the used paper down the toilet. They have a wastebasket next to the toilet. Really gross!! Something about their plumbing not being able to handle the paper. 2. They don't put towels in the bathroom, paper or cloth. I never did figure out what the locals do. I made a habit of keeping a bandana in my back pocket to dry my hands. And I said to hell with putting used paper in the basket. I just flushed it down without an incident.
Link Posted: 6/3/2002 8:59:22 AM EDT
I fricken worship porcelain. Try squatting in the desert, in front of an M113 personnel carrier, while your partner covers you with the .50 cal M2. When we had time we used a wooden ammo crate to sit on. Some how we got a hold of a toilet seat and bolted it to the crate. Cleaning it? Left it in the sun and wind for that. How about getting the MRE shits and hanging your ass out the back door just long enough to dump? That's fun. How about holding a shit because your in MOPP (chemical protection) gear for 12 hours. Then there are the military portable toilets. Rows of holes in a plywood bench. Close enough you rub shoulders with your buddies when you lean over to wipe. And I had the good life. How about our special forces guys that live in a hole for days shitting in a coffee can? You toilet head cases need some prospective.
Link Posted: 6/3/2002 9:15:55 AM EDT
Originally Posted By ShamusMcOI:
Originally Posted By ComputerGuy:
Originally Posted By eswanson: Congratulations on conquering your paranoia. I always kinda figured that my ass probably wasn't any cleaner than the last guy's - after all, it [i]is[/i] an ass.
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No way in hell will I ever do it in a public restroom!! Nasty!
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I'm with you on that one. I fucking HATE public restrooms! It has to be serious for me to use one. Otherwise I will cramp it up and hold it till I get home. Public restrooms are just vile disgusting depositories for who knows what kind of volitile germs, bacteria, and other assorted creepy crawlies. Even when urinating I use my foot to lift the lid and flush the toilet so I don't have to touch anything. Who knows what kind of infected human scum has entered there before you and violated that public arena? Now before you go getting Fruedian on me people, take a look at the wierdos around you at a gas station and tell me how close you want to get something they touch.
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How much protection does a paper ass gasket really provide? I think it's mostly psychological protection rather than any real biological protection.
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