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Posted: 4/29/2002 8:54:51 AM EDT
Seems the entire lower half of my femur is protruding out the side of my thigh. It's a real stinger. Anyone know what's good for pushing bones back under the skin? I tried with my hand but the broken end was so sharp I impaled my hand on it. And that's another thing, what do you do if you've accidentally stabbed yourself in the hand with a broken piece of your own femur?
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 8:57:20 AM EDT
Just get a hacksaw and cut the end off.
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:03:05 AM EDT
What normally happens in a situation like you described is when the bone breaks, the flesh in your leg compresses and you have to stretch it out to fit your broken ends together. Try this: Tie a rope around your foot and fasten the other end of it to an automobile. Have a buddy jerk the car forward, stretching your leg so you can fit the two broken ends together again. If that doesn't work let me know.
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:06:55 AM EDT
Just duct tape that bad boy up real tight. It will heal over in a couple of months
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:07:16 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Wobblin-Goblin: What normally happens in a situation like you described is when the bone breaks, the flesh in your leg compresses and you have to stretch it out to fit your broken ends together. Try this: Tie a rope around your foot and fasten the other end of it to an automobile. Have a buddy jerk the car forward, stretching your leg so you can fit the two broken ends together again. If that doesn't work let me know.
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Well, I took your advice and had my friend, Bob Sakamana, do the driving. Well he f@cked up and put it in reverse! Now I got another problem. I just "cored" my cranium with the tailpipe. My wife's gonna kill me when she sees what I've done to the car.
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:10:00 AM EDT
LMFAWOSBIH!!!
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:16:37 AM EDT
Heckler and Cock.. LOL..
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:21:15 AM EDT
Originally Posted By toaster: Heckler and Cock.. LOL..
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Wrong thread. You want the "How to be a troll" thread [:D]
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:22:46 AM EDT
ROTFLMAO, Well, since ou now have another slight injury to deal with, lets tackle one at a time. On the leg injury, the car thing is kind of dangerous. Here is what I would do. Hobble up onto your roof with a 10' piece of rope. Lasso one end around the chimney, and attach the other end to your leg. Then jump off the roof. The gravity will uncompress the leg, and the bone will kinda go back into place. then use the duct tape that KStateRodeo explained, and you are right as rain. On the new head injury, try to remove the brain matter from the tailpipe first. You may have that "banana in the tailpipe" problem that Axle Foley encountered if you don't. Then try to fit the cored portion back into your head. A trick to this will be to look at the hair pattern on the core, and the skull around it. Try to get the hair to follow the same direction. Then liberally duct tape around head as noted in the above paragraph. P.S. Don't forget to bring large edged weapon with you as you jump, in order to cut tape and rope when finished. Good Luck.
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:23:49 AM EDT
Originally Posted By KStateRodeo: Just duct tape that bad boy up real tight. It will heal over in a couple of months
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If the ancient Egyptians had duct tape, the Spinx would still have a nose: Duct tape is forever. Jay [img]http://www.commspeed.net/jmurray/images/iroc-cop.gif[/img]
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:25:44 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Wobblin-Goblin: LMFAWOSBIH!!!
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what in the he!! does that mean?
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:27:56 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Wobblin-Goblin: Tie a rope around your foot and fasten the other end of it to an automobile. Have a buddy jerk the car forward, stretching your leg so you can fit the two broken ends together again.
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This obviously won't work for the simple reason our patient will only be pulled forward as his torso isn't properly anchored. The above recommendation should be amended to say; Attach an appropriate length of rope around your neck and fasten the opposite end to something secure. Now that our patient has one leg tied to a car (in drive, not reverse and he's tied to the rear bumper) and the other end of his body is anchored to something such as another parked car, his leg should be properly extended once the driver pulls forward 3 feet or so.
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:29:41 AM EDT
Originally Posted By KStateRodeo:
Originally Posted By Wobblin-Goblin: LMFAWOSBIH!!!
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what in the he!! does that mean?
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Laughed my fvcking ass off so bad it hurts! ("W" added for emphasis)[:I]
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:30:21 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Aladdin: ROTFLMAO, Well, since ou now have another slight injury to deal with, lets tackle one at a time. On the leg injury, the car thing is kind of dangerous. Here is what I would do. Hobble up onto your roof with a 10' piece of rope. Lasso one end around the chimney, and attach the other end to your leg. Then jump off the roof. The gravity will uncompress the leg, and the bone will kinda go back into place. then use the duct tape that KStateRodeo explained, and you are right as rain. On the new head injury, try to remove the brain matter from the tailpipe first. You may have that "banana in the tailpipe" problem that Axle Foley encountered if you don't. Then try to fit the cored portion back into your head. A trick to this will be to look at the hair pattern on the core, and the skull around it. Try to get the hair to follow the same direction. Then liberally duct tape around head as noted in the above paragraph. P.S. Don't forget to bring large edged weapon with you as you jump, in order to cut tape and rope when finished. Good Luck.
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[b]LMFAWOSBIH!!![/b] whatever the hell that means.
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:31:19 AM EDT
This thread is killing me...
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:31:25 AM EDT
ONE WORD: RUTGER_HOWER. ROTFLMAO.
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:38:28 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Aladdin: A trick to this will be to look at the hair pattern on the core, and the skull around it. Try to get the hair to follow the same direction.
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Still [b]LMFAWOSBIH!!![/b] [:D]
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:40:11 AM EDT
1st the hand: Get your hot glue gun from your workbench and heat it up. Fill the wound with a generous amount of glue. Go ahead and use the whole stick, now is no time to be cheap. Now, on to the leg. You have a TV in your bedroom? Use some of the paracord you bought at the last gunshow and tie the TV to your ankle. Leave about 10 feet of slack between the TV and your ankle. Push the TV out the window. That should jerk the bone back through the skin. Seal the wound with additional hot glue. Oh, and cut the paracord. Finally, the head wound. Extact the core sample from the tail pipe, shake off any loose tissue and (you guessed it!) hot glue that baby back into place. Make sure you get it back in the original position or you'll have a funny looking cowlick. Hope this helps.
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:42:55 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Golgo-13: 1st the hand: Get your hot glue gun from your workbench and heat it up. Fill the wound with a generous amount of glue. Go ahead and use the whole stick, now is no time to be cheap. Now, on to the leg. You have a TV in your bedroom? Use some of the paracord you bought at the last gunshow and tie the TV to your ankle. Leave about 10 feet of slack between the TV and your ankle. Push the TV out the window. That should jerk the bone back through the skin. Seal the wound with additional hot glue. Oh, and cut the paracord. Finally, the head wound. Extact the core sample from the tail pipe, shake off any loose tissue and (you guessed it!) hot glue that baby back into place. Make sure you get it back in the original position or you'll have a funny looking cowlick. Hope this helps.
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I jus' can't take it anymore...LMFAWOSBIH!!
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:43:55 AM EDT
Glue and String will work
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:52:11 AM EDT
Originally Posted By The_Macallan:
Originally Posted By toaster: Heckler and Cock.. LOL..
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Wrong thread. You want the "How to be a troll" thread [:D]
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For the record, I was joking!!
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:53:35 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Golgo-13: 1st the hand: Get your hot glue gun from your workbench and heat it up. Fill the wound with a generous amount of glue. Go ahead and use the whole stick, now is no time to be cheap. Now, on to the leg. You have a TV in your bedroom? Use some of the paracord you bought at the last gunshow and tie the TV to your ankle. Leave about 10 feet of slack between the TV and your ankle. Push the TV out the window. That should jerk the bone back through the skin. Seal the wound with additional hot glue. Oh, and cut the paracord. Finally, the head wound. Extact the core sample from the tail pipe, shake off any loose tissue and (you guessed it!) hot glue that baby back into place. Make sure you get it back in the original position or you'll have a funny looking cowlick. Hope this helps.
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Now does the TV have to be on? Cause the only TV I got has a big hole in the screen. Don't ask how that happened. Suffice to say I won't be needing to feed the dog anymore.
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 9:55:12 AM EDT
Originally Posted By toaster: For the record, I was joking!!
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I know - me too. No harm no foul.
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 10:00:09 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Aladdin: ROTFLMAO, Well, since ou now have another slight injury to deal with, lets tackle one at a time. On the leg injury, the car thing is kind of dangerous. Here is what I would do. Hobble up onto your roof with a 10' piece of rope. Lasso one end around the chimney, and attach the other end to your leg. Then jump off the roof. The gravity will uncompress the leg, and the bone will kinda go back into place. then use the duct tape that KStateRodeo explained, and you are right as rain.
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I take it the quads will act as a kind of natural bungee and snap the femur back into place after the sudden stop and the end of the rope?
On the new head injury, try to remove the brain matter from the tailpipe first. You may have that "banana in the tailpipe" problem that Axle Foley encountered if you don't. Then try to fit the cored portion back into your head. A trick to this will be to look at the hair pattern on the core, and the skull around it. Try to get the hair to follow the same direction. Then liberally duct tape around head as noted in the above paragraph.
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That is beautiful! Of course if the hair was going the wrong way, you might end up with permanent bad hair! Would the hot glue work here to hold the skull-disk in place?
P.S. Don't forget to bring large edged weapon with you as you jump, in order to cut tape and rope when finished. Good Luck.
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Detail, details...
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 10:03:48 AM EDT
Originally Posted By The_Macallan: Now does the TV have to be on? Cause the only TV I got has a big hole in the screen. Don't ask how that happened. Suffice to say I won't be needing to feed the dog anymore.
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No, in fact you want to unplug the TV so that the cord doesn't interfere with the TV going out the window just right. I guess that I should specify that you want to use a pretty good sized TV but don't go overboard and use a rear-screen projection model or anything dumb like that. If you don't have a TV in your bedroom, you can use a field-expedient like a dresser. Night stands don't weigh enough. Don't ask me how I know.
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 10:09:05 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 10:16:29 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Golgo-13: 1st the hand: Get your hot glue gun from your workbench and heat it up. Fill the wound with a generous amount of glue. Go ahead and use the whole stick, now is no time to be cheap. Now, on to the leg. You have a TV in your bedroom? Use some of the paracord you bought at the last gunshow and tie the TV to your ankle. Leave about 10 feet of slack between the TV and your ankle. Push the TV out the window. That should jerk the bone back through the skin. Seal the wound with additional hot glue. Oh, and cut the paracord. Finally, the head wound. Extact the core sample from the tail pipe, shake off any loose tissue and (you guessed it!) hot glue that baby back into place. Make sure you get it back in the original position or you'll have a funny looking cowlick. Hope this helps.
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Okay - I'm gonna go with your advice. But first... there isn't anything toxic in the glue is there? I mean, I don't want to use anything dangerous on my skin (or what's left of it).
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 10:21:48 AM EDT
Due to the fact that a large amount of time has now elapsed since the initial injury, you may want to consider pouring anti-freeze into the wound. It has good preservation qualities. Don't use that eco-friendly "Sierra" brand, it's watered down too much.
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 10:27:42 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/29/2002 10:28:58 AM EDT by deadeye47]
I'd install one of those festive looking paper deals they use on a standing rib roast and pour your self up a Macallan and [<]:)]. Of course if this is what caused the problem in the first place then I'd be more careful this time.[:D]
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 11:33:27 AM EDT
Originally Posted By The_Macallan: Okay - I'm gonna go with your advice. But first... there isn't anything toxic in the glue is there? I mean, I don't want to use anything dangerous on my skin (or what's left of it).
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Hell no! Hot glue is perfectly safe. Just this morning (before the pee-pee incident) I patched a shaving nick on my face with it. Last night, the neighbor kid fell off his skate board and I repaired his knees, palms and elbows just as good as new. No well stocked first aid kit should be without a hot glue gun.
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 11:34:55 AM EDT
A BFR would probably work.
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 11:39:06 AM EDT
Originally Posted By DonR: A BFR would probably work.
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Oh man! How do you think I broke my leg in the first place??
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 11:40:48 AM EDT
[shock] Sorry!
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 11:47:18 AM EDT
Two words "Staple Gun"
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 11:52:19 AM EDT
Originally Posted By FirearmTom1: Two words "Staple Gun"
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And if that isn't enough for the task, a pneumatic stapler or nailer.
Link Posted: 4/29/2002 12:55:55 PM EDT
I've got a full set of Snap-On tools. I'm sure I have something in the box to take care of this
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