User Panel
User Panel
User Panel
|
Posted: 10/17/2010 7:57:59 PM EDT
[#1]
Chuck Norris is a brilliant inventor, he invented Death.
If Chuck Norris was in Twilight, the series would only be half a page long. Every time Chuck Norris Round House kicks someone, an Angel gets their Wings. Guns don't Kill people, Chuck Norris kills people!
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/17/2010 8:07:46 PM EDT
[#2]
Quoted: This one really got me laughing, almost had beer all over the.... hold on someone knocking on the door, brb.....Chuck norris can skip a rock underwater Huh. Mr. Norris just informed me the rock skips in a complete circle right back to him. |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/17/2010 8:38:36 PM EDT
[#3]
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun....
Chuck Norris won the 1998 World Series of Poker tour with a three of clubs, a six of diamonds, a bus pass, a get out of jail free card from Monopoly, and a blue 3 from UNO! |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/17/2010 8:39:19 PM EDT
[#4]
Four out of five doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Eighty percent of doctors also die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths. They tried to put Chuck Norris on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't tough enough for his beard. And, in case you're wondering, the answer is: Yes, I have the desk calendar. 
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/17/2010 8:42:31 PM EDT
[#5]
I love these Chuck threads.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/17/2010 8:49:24 PM EDT
[#6]
Chuck Norris got his martial arts skills by selling his soul to Satan. As soon as the deal was signed, Chuck roundhoused kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. Satan thinks this is funny, because he should have seen it coming, and he and Chuck play golf every Wednesday. Chuck wins, every time.
Chuck Norris has so much energy, even his piss is full of it. We call it Red Bull. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Problem is, Chuck never cries. One one of his time travel trips, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Albert Einstein so hard, he flew into the future all messed up. Now we call him Stephen Hawking. Chuck Norris can make coal out of a diamond. 191f1an |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/17/2010 8:58:32 PM EDT
[#7]
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/17/2010 10:04:45 PM EDT
[#8]
If Chuck Norris ran NASA he would make outer space come to him.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a cell phone he just listens closely and talks louder. Chuck Norris once killed a Nazi soldier at 1000 yards by throwing an M1 Garand at him. Chuck Norris can't donate blood because no needle is tough enough to pierce his hide. Chuck Norris can jump start a car with his bare hands. If Chuck Norris stands in one place to long diamonds start to form under his feet from the immense pressure. Chuck Norris can play three guitars at once. Chuck Norris once knocked a helicopter out of the sky with a glance. Chuck Norris doesn't use question marks because he already knows the answer. The Chinese were making a life size statue of Chuck Norris, but had to stop because the earth was going to tip over. Chuck Norris once swam 6 laps in a volcano. On average Chuck Norris converts 72 lesbians a week. Chuck Norris doesn't watch the sun set he makes it set. Chuck Norris wears out a pair of boots daily. If u look closely at your childrens faces you'll probably notice they look a lot like Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris was born 3 months premature because he had shit to do. If u spell Chuck Norris's name wrong your pen will explode. 98% of all women lose thier virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 2% were to ugly for him. If god consulted Chuck Norris it would have only taken an hour to make the universe. What do you call Chuck Norris in a wheelchair, nothing or he will kick your ass. How many Chuck Norris's does it take to screw in a lightbulb, one. |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/17/2010 10:23:09 PM EDT
[#9]
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest...on accident.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/17/2010 10:31:15 PM EDT
[#10]
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/17/2010 10:33:57 PM EDT
[#11]
Quoted:
Chuck Norris once ate a 72oz steak in under an hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Furious Pete.. 72oz steak in 7 minutes. (With sides) |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/17/2010 11:26:30 PM EDT
[#12]
when you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/17/2010 11:31:39 PM EDT
[#13]
Bruce Lee once beat Chuck Norris in a scripted movie scene. To exact revenge, Chuck Norris killed him in his sleep.
Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/17/2010 11:36:12 PM EDT
[#14]
Chuck Norris can Digest Corn.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/17/2010 11:37:16 PM EDT
[#15]
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/17/2010 11:38:18 PM EDT
[#16]
 Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 12:46:41 AM EDT
[#17]
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris doesn't eat, he kicks ass until he's full. Chuck Norris got his driver's license at the age of 16, seconds. Chuck Norris was banned from bull riding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles to Milwaukee to pick up his dry cleaning. |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 12:58:24 AM EDT
[#18]
The ninja turtles are a true story.
It started when chuck norris swallowed 4 turtles. Six months later he crapped them out. They were 6' tall and had learned karate. |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 1:04:49 AM EDT
[#19]
While walking down the street one day, Chuck noticed a group of people gathered around a freshly dead baby lamb. He walked over, and picked up the lifeless body and nuzzled it to his beard.
The baby lamb instantly sprang to life. Just as everyone began to clap and cheer, Chuck round house kicked the lamb, presumably sending it into the next zip code. He did this to prove a point, that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck taketh away. |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 1:12:48 AM EDT
[#20]
It took 15 women 7 days to give birth to Chuck Norris
whiskers from Chuck Norris's beard woven together is what bullet proof vests are made of |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 1:28:40 AM EDT
[#21]
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 1:39:54 AM EDT
[#22]
< you guys are starting to bother me. Don't make me turn this car around.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 1:43:29 AM EDT
[#23]
Only one person has outsmarted CN. It was Stephen Hawking, most people feel he got what he deserved.
CN can clog a urinal. CN's cowboy boots are made from real cowboys. Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 11:49:05 AM EDT
[#24]
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 11:53:41 AM EDT
[#25]
Quoted:
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim through land walk on Jesus. Fixed. |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 11:58:42 AM EDT
[#26]
I thought the 6000 horsepower EMD-SD90MAC that I operate was powerful, until I saw Chuck Norris himself pulling a 170 car manifest in the opposite direction on the parallel track.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 12:07:02 PM EDT
[#27]
Chuck Norris rhymes with orange.
Once in the 80's Chuck Norris was having sex in a 18 wheeler and a little bit of his seed spilled in the truck..... That truck is now known as Optimus Prime. |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 6:48:24 PM EDT
[#28]
More from the calendar:
It doesn't matter if Chuck Norris is playing poker or not, every time he drops a deuce, it's a royal flush. Chuck Norris can taste lies. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. Think there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either. Chuck Norris knows exactly what happened in Roswell. Divide and conquer? Try obliterate. Chuck Norris doesn't have time for games.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:02:34 PM EDT
[#29]
Chuck Norris once shot down a nazi fighter by pointing his finger and yelling "bang"
Brokeback Mountain is not a movie, it's what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his yard. Chuck Norris let the dogs out. There is no such thing as a tornado, Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks. |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:09:35 PM EDT
[#30]
Chuck Norris does not use condoms. He simply sticks his cock in one woman and uses her to fuck another.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:11:41 PM EDT
[#31]
Chuck Norris uses live rattlesnakes for condoms.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:14:13 PM EDT
[#32]
"I think, therefore I am". But in reality, Chuck Norris thinks, therefore we are.
Chuck Norris doesn't use a lugwrench or jack when changing a tire. He holds the Ramcharger up with one hand, and loosens the lugnuts by finger and pulls the wheel off with the other hand. |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:29:14 PM EDT
[#33]
Chuck Norris's first sparing partner was Stephen Hawking
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:36:35 PM EDT
[#34]
Little kids wear superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
If Chuck Norris were a man, he'd be Jack Bauer. 
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:48:22 PM EDT
[#35]
As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills
of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:50:03 PM EDT
[#36]
Quoted:
Chuck Norris is the reason that Cap'n Crunch's eyebrows are on his hat. I rost... |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 7:54:18 PM EDT
[#37]
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 8:04:30 PM EDT
[#38]
Chuck Norris is so tough, he doesn't have a chin... only a third fist!
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 8:12:33 PM EDT
[#39]
The only reason Chuck Norris is still conscious is that Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry him.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/18/2010 8:14:31 PM EDT
[#40]
After a hard night of drinking, Chuck Norris does not throw up––He Throws Down.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/19/2010 6:15:28 AM EDT
[#41]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Chuck Norris and Superman fought once. The winner loser had to wear their underwear on the outside for the rest of their life. Thanks....drinking involved. |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/19/2010 6:27:06 AM EDT
[#42]
You do realize that the original poster has put his self in great danger by using Chuck Norris. And JOKE in the same sentence." Notice how I inserted a period to seperate my statement! "
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/19/2010 6:57:03 AM EDT
[#43]
When Chuck gets hungry... he eats rubix cubes and poops them out solved.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/19/2010 7:00:31 AM EDT
[#44]
Chuck Norris was once shooting his 12 gauge shotgun loaded with 3 1/2 inch magnum slugs. When he complained about the recoil, someone told him he had it turned the wrong way.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/19/2010 7:07:19 AM EDT
[#45]
Chuck Norris doesn't teabag girls, he potato sacks them.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/19/2010 7:33:09 AM EDT
[#46]
Jesus there are a lot of dupes here.
Chuck Norris can't be burned, only warmed. |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/19/2010 7:43:11 AM EDT
[#47]
Quoted:
Chuck Norris was once shooting his 12 gauge shotgun loaded with 3 1/2 inch magnum slugs. When he complained about the recoil, someone told him he had it turned the wrong way.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/19/2010 1:05:08 PM EDT
[#48]
Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes, he steps on necks.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 10/19/2010 1:29:38 PM EDT
[#49]
Chuck Norris can kick start a Buick.
Chuck Norris built the log cabin he was born in. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father. |
|
|
|
Posted: 10/19/2010 7:31:58 PM EDT
[#50]
Chuck Norris will light a fart in 2012. The explosion will be so powerfull it will actually go back in time and become what we refer to as 'The Big Bang'.
|
|
|
Win a FREE Membership!
Sign up for the ARFCOM weekly newsletter and be entered to win a free ARFCOM membership. One new winner* is announced every week!
You will receive an email every Friday morning featuring the latest chatter from the hottest topics, breaking news surrounding legislation, as well as exclusive deals only available to ARFCOM email subscribers.
AR15.COM is the world's largest firearm community and is a gathering place for firearm enthusiasts of all types.
From hunters and military members, to competition shooters and general firearm enthusiasts, we welcome anyone who values and respects the way of the firearm.
Subscribe to our monthly Newsletter to receive firearm news, product discounts from your favorite Industry Partners, and more.
Copyright © 1996-2024 AR15.COM LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Any use of this content without express written consent is prohibited.
AR15.Com reserves the right to overwrite or replace any affiliate, commercial, or monetizable links, posted by users, with our own.
