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I'm 28 and I've been out of my parents house since I was 19. My parents are a bit older than most people my age and they are begging me to move back home with them. They say they need some help around the house. I've thought about it, but I think it would drive me crazy to live with them again.
That guy has some issues though. Really.
There really are a few different kind of "Mom's basement' dwellers.
Some of them are the classical ones we roll our eyes and scorn (rightfully so)
Still, there are others with legitimate reason.
When my MIL was aging, her single son, who was a lifelong apartment dweller moved in with her to help her in her last years. I'd call that bona fide.
We have a guy out here that's my age(58) that moved back in with his widowed mom a few years back afteer a divorce. At first, some of us were skeptical over what kind of guy would do that, but it makes sense for him when you think about it. He's never home and an unoccupied apartment is a target for thieves.
When he is home, he takes care of things, as she is an old woman and can use the help.
hsracer, In your case it is a reasonable option to pay your parents back, but there has to be a sit down pow-wow.
It has to be made clear that you are NOT coming home as their child, but as their ADULT child and therefore no comments regarding your lifestyle are desired nor will be tolorated. It has to be made clear that YOU are coming back to help THEM and that's the way it is. They are NOT doing you a favor, YOU are doing THEM a favor.
If you mom is like mine was,, this will be a bitter pill for her to swallow because it means that your mother has to admit that you no longer need her and that she need YOU.
A situattion like this will only work if either the parents keep their mouths shut or they are willing to live with a gag stuffed in their mouths.
It really can be a healing time for you and your parents or it can widen any existing rifts.
They also have to make damned good and well that they do NOT mistake your kindness for a weakness.
BTW, if you are in a dating relationship of any sort, you probably ought to either make it clear your g/f will be coming by OR simply keep your dating life out of the house.
Well, to start with, dad is 67 and has heart problems. Minor heart attack and a stint a couple years ago. He's doing ok, but he can't really keep up with all the yard work and stuff anymore and generally just needs help doing most things. He busted his butt with manual labor his entire life and even though he is only 67 his body is worn out. He still does a garden and tries to split his own firewood and all that jazz.
I just don't want the aggravation, as petty and ungreatful as that sounds. I've got my own little house I rent and my life is fine just the way it is. I only live about 8 miles away from them so I just go over there and help them out as much as I can and then I get to go home at the end of the night. They are just lonely and would love to have me living there again. I hate telling them no, but I just don't see it working out very well. They mean well about everything, but they can be a bit much sometimes.
It's not even a money thing. My rent is cheap and my utilities aren't bad, so I can't even view it as a way of really saving that much. If I did it, it would be strictly to help them out, but I know I'd get stuck there for a while. I've been with my GF for 4.5 years and we all get along fine. She's part of the family so no real problems there. That is, no problems now. I can see the potential for problems to arise though.
I just don't see it being a very productive or helpful thing to do. There's always the jokes about the mom doing the son's laundry and cooking him meals and stuff, and that is EXACTLY what she would do. She'd be going down into the basement, going through my things and getting my dirty clothes even though I stressed to her that I can and will do my own clothes. That's just the way she is, and that's why I say it wouldn't be a good thing. She sees it being a thoughtful and nice thing to do, and I would view it as her over stepping her boundries and it would cause a scene.
I just feel like if I continue to say no and then something happens to them that I will always regret not helping them out for a few years of my life.
They've always been great and in a sense I feel I owe it to them to help them. But at what cost? Give up my house now? I've got it made renting where I do. I've got land to shoot at will, hunt, fish, etc. I'd be giving all that up. But, I gotta give it up sometime to buy a house of my own. See my problem?
I just really don't want to be the guy who moves back in with his parents at 28.