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Posted: 9/7/2010 8:29:13 PM EDT
So I had an interesting interaction with one of my neighbors today….what is the correct response from the GD crowd?

So the situation, we live in a nice development and have for about four years. The houses are like $275K houses on ¼ acre lots. We are friendly with the neighbors but really only talk to about three of them. We have a 1 year old at home.

So two days ago, (Sunday night) my neighbors across the street and three houses down have what turns out to be a surprise 50th birthday party for the woman who lives there. I wave to them when they are out and such but we are not friends to the point of getting invited and wouldn’t have gone if we were. So they have a tent set up in the yard and a PA system with a guy playing guitar and what not.

It gets to be about 9:30 – 9:45 and my wife is getting my son settled in for the night and trying to go to sleep as well but by this time it has digressed to a bunch of drunken girls singing along with Billy Joel songs as played by the guy on the PA system.

She’s pissed and sends me over…there are about 100 people there or so and most seem pretty drunk. I’m looking for the guy who owns the house but people are everywhere. My neighbor from across the street spots me and calls me over. I should have know better than talk to her as she’s a busy-body but it’s the only person I recognize. I ask her if she has any idea what time this thing is going to be rapping up as it’s pretty loud. She says she has no idea and I leave.

I get home and the wife is not pleased with the answer so she calls the police…great, now all the neighbors are going to know it was us that called, oh well. So the noise dies down about 10:30.

Fast forward to today, two days later…said neighbor sees me outside moving my sprinkler and walks over. Several of my other neighbors are out and I’m not sure how much of this they witness or hear. We proceed to have the following conversation as he stands on my sidewalk.

Him (H): If you have a problem with me you need to come to me and not run to the neighbors.

Me (M): I didn’t go running to the neighbors and I did walk over trying to find you and there were so many people there and I wasn’t even sure who else lives there even (like I said, wave in passing, don’t even know if I have seen her before. It’s dark and at least 100 drunk people there).

H & M: some other little bullshit small talk back and forth, no threats, no anger, no blading at 45. He is very careful to stand on my sidewalk the whole time this conversation is happening.

H: “If you ever come on my property again it will be the last thing you ever do!”

M: I ask him directly, “Are you threatening me?”

H: Yes

H&M: Some other little small talk again without threats or heated words, then things start to warm up a bit on his side but nothing specific enough that I remember it. I give him an out and once again ask him directly.

M: “Are you really threatening me in my own yard?”

H: Something in the affirmative

M: I actually chuckle a little

Things end and I finish moving my sprinkler and go inside to tell my wife what just happened. No mention of the police being involved on Sunday was made so I don’t even know if they responded, got out of their car, or he knows they were called. My wife suggests that I call the police and tell them that he just threatened me. I decline and continue on.

So what to do? This is somewhat funny to me but worries me a little in that I have a wife and son at home while I work nights (she has a CCL as well) but this guy seemed way to crazy for this to be two days after the event. I could cut him some slack if it was the same night, he was angry and/or drunk but what the hell?

So what course of action to take next if any? I don’t want to be that neighbor but I also don’t want to feel threatened in my own yard.

I think I did most stuff right, if I was having that kind of party though I would have notified the neighbors and given them my cell number to call if there were any problems with it. I wouldn’t have called the cops but my wife did it as she wasn’t feeling well and trying to get sleep as well as get my son down for the night.

Oh well, what’s done is done as far as that goes but do I later attempt to have a rational conversation with this guy from his sidewalk? Let it go? Anything I should have done or should do differently? If nothing else it will make for an interesting GD thread.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:30:09 PM EDT
In
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:32:54 PM EDT
You should have checked to see if he was in the pool before leaving.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:34:51 PM EDT
I would have waited until at least 10:30 or 11:00 before going over and asking for them to quiet down.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:35:12 PM EDT
I would not test his resolve and would keep off his property. But at the same time I would not cut him any breaks.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:35:43 PM EDT
I need TP for my bunghole!
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:36:08 PM EDT
wow
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:38:48 PM EDT
Every time you see him from now on, stop whatever it is that you are doing, and stare at him until he either leaves or goes inside.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:39:10 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/7/2010 8:40:16 PM EDT by Banshee35]
Originally Posted By Overlord66:
I would have waited until at least 10:30 or 11:00 before going over and asking for them to quiet down.


I never even got a chance to speak with him that night but did ask busy-body neighbor if she knew what time it was going to end. It was rather loud and pissed off SI + baby = forced to do shit sometimes that I wouldn't otherwise do. Party did die down at about 10:30 but don't know if that was on its own or a result of PD involvment.

I don't have a problem with them having a party or anything but would have been told what to expect or when it might be over.

Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:39:21 PM EDT
9:30... really.

Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:39:44 PM EDT
If this was the first issue with noise from your neighbors, wifey should myob.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:40:02 PM EDT
Let me get this straight.

Your neighbor who has not annoyed you for years has ONE party that goes beyond OMG 10pm. You go over act like a douche and request they quiet shit down.

THEN you get pissy when the guy acts like an ass the next time you interact with him?



I side with the neighbor having the party given the information in the OP.

MYOB.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:40:41 PM EDT
Now I'm new here but I've lurked for awhile...I think the general consensus in this situation would be "you should have wolf stared him until he subitted to your superiority"?
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:41:13 PM EDT
This kind of party happens what, once a year? Once every few years? Get over it.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:41:50 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Banshee35:
So I had an interesting interaction with one of my neighbors today….what is the correct response from the GD crowd?

So the situation, we live in a nice development and have for about four years. The houses are like $275K houses on ¼ acre lots. We are friendly with the neighbors but really only talk to about three of them. We have a 1 year old at home.

So two days ago, (Sunday night) my neighbors across the street and three houses down have what turns out to be a surprise 50th birthday party for the woman who lives there. I wave to them when they are out and such but we are not friends to the point of getting invited and wouldn’t have gone if we were. So they have a tent set up in the yard and a PA system with a guy playing guitar and what not.

It gets to be about 9:30 – 9:45 and my wife is getting my son settled in for the night and trying to go to sleep as well but by this time it has digressed to a bunch of drunken girls singing along with Billy Joel songs as played by the guy on the PA system.

She’s pissed and sends me over…there are about 100 people there or so and most seem pretty drunk. I’m looking for the guy who owns the house but people are everywhere. My neighbor from across the street spots me and calls me over. I should have know better than talk to her as she’s a busy-body but it’s the only person I recognize. I ask her if she has any idea what time this thing is going to be rapping up as it’s pretty loud. She says she has no idea and I leave.

I get home and the wife is not pleased with the answer so she calls the police…great, now all the neighbors are going to know it was us that called, oh well. So the noise dies down about 10:30.

Fast forward to today, two days later…said neighbor sees me outside moving my sprinkler and walks over. Several of my other neighbors are out and I’m not sure how much of this they witness or hear. We proceed to have the following conversation as he stands on my sidewalk.

Him (H): If you have a problem with me you need to come to me and not run to the neighbors.

Me (M): I didn’t go running to the neighbors and I did walk over trying to find you and there were so many people there and I wasn’t even sure who else lives there even (like I said, wave in passing, don’t even know if I have seen her before. It’s dark and at least 100 drunk people there).

H & M: some other little bullshit small talk back and forth, no threats, no anger, no blading at 45. He is very careful to stand on my sidewalk the whole time this conversation is happening.

H: “If you ever come on my property again it will be the last thing you ever do!”

M: I ask him directly, “Are you threatening me?”

H: Yes

H&M: Some other little small talk again without threats or heated words, then things start to warm up a bit on his side but nothing specific enough that I remember it. I give him an out and once again ask him directly.

M: “Are you really threatening me in my own yard?”

H: Something in the affirmative

M: I actually chuckle a little

Things end and I finish moving my sprinkler and go inside to tell my wife what just happened. No mention of the police being involved on Sunday was made so I don’t even know if they responded, got out of their car, or he knows they were called. My wife suggests that I call the police and tell them that he just threatened me. I decline and continue on.

So what to do? This is somewhat funny to me but worries me a little in that I have a wife and son at home while I work nights (she has a CCL as well) but this guy seemed way to crazy for this to be two days after the event. I could cut him some slack if it was the same night, he was angry and/or drunk but what the hell?

So what course of action to take next if any? I don’t want to be that neighbor but I also don’t want to feel threatened in my own yard.

I think I did most stuff right, if I was having that kind of party though I would have notified the neighbors and given them my cell number to call if there were any problems with it. I wouldn’t have called the cops but my wife did it as she wasn’t feeling well and trying to get sleep as well as get my son down for the night.

Oh well, what’s done is done as far as that goes but do I later attempt to have a rational conversation with this guy from his sidewalk? Let it go? Anything I should have done or should do differently? If nothing else it will make for an interesting GD thread.

Originally Posted By Overlord66:
I would have waited until at least 10:30 or 11:00 before going over and asking for them to quiet down.

This...but YMMV.

Exactly how did the nonchalant "small talk" continue after he threatened your life?

Should have gone out into the street and taught him the meaning of life.

Naturally this endeavor would begin with an attempted handshake and a smile for the benefit of witnesses.

...or you could giggle when people threaten you and then post about it on the Internet.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:41:57 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Gaboonviper85:
Now I'm new here but I've lurked for awhile...I think the general consensus in this situation would be "you should have wolf stared him until he subitted to your superiority"?


Huh?

Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:42:00 PM EDT
If someone says 'if you do A then I'll do B' it's not legally a threat IIRC
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:42:22 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/7/2010 8:44:28 PM EDT by flyfishnepa]

hmm. it was still early considering it was an end of summer holiday weekend and it seems like you put little effort into finding the guy to talk to him that night.

beyond that, the guy sounds like a punk.

Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:42:42 PM EDT
Your wife probably needs to chill. You could tell her I said that. Blame it completely on me, though. Wouldn't want you to have to stand up to your wife on your own.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:43:19 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Barrelburner:
If someone says 'if you do A then I'll do B' it's not legally a threat IIRC


Also the use of force was not implied until the OP would have placed himself in a position where legal use of force is authorized IE trespassing.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:43:49 PM EDT
I knew where this was going to go but read th post again.

I didn't see him that night, made no requests and simply asked someone what time it might end.

I did not get pissy with him at all...I was willing to hold a perfectly rational conversation with the guy, then he threatened me. I was asking for direct confirmation of this in case any of the neighbors who were outside were listening, just in case.

Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:
Let me get this straight.

Your neighbor who has not annoyed you for years has ONE party that goes beyond OMG 10pm. You go over act like a douche and request they quiet shit down.

THEN you get pissy when the guy acts like an ass the next time you interact with him?



I side with the neighbor having the party given the information in the OP.

MYOB.


Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:45:14 PM EDT
Not in the state of PA

Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:
Originally Posted By Barrelburner:
If someone says 'if you do A then I'll do B' it's not legally a threat IIRC


Also the use of force was not implied until the OP would have placed himself in a position where legal use of force is authorized IE trespassing.


Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:45:25 PM EDT
You're whipped.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:46:00 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Nlinc:
I would not test his resolve and would keep off his property. But at the same time I would not cut him any breaks.


+1

Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:46:28 PM EDT
I think you need to go to your neighbor and have him join Arfcom so we can hear his side of the story.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:46:35 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/7/2010 8:47:38 PM EDT by Banshee35]
Originally Posted By Pontius:
You're whipped.


So be it, sometimes it's easier to go along to get along
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:46:56 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Banshee35:
I knew where this was going to go but read th post again.

I didn't see him that night, made no requests and simply asked someone what time it might end.

I did not get pissy with him at all...I was willing to hold a perfectly rational conversation with the guy, then he threatened me. I was asking for direct confirmation of this in case any of the neighbors who were outside were listening, just in case.

Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:
Let me get this straight.

Your neighbor who has not annoyed you for years has ONE party that goes beyond OMG 10pm. You go over act like a douche and request they quiet shit down.

THEN you get pissy when the guy acts like an ass the next time you interact with him?

I side with the neighbor having the party given the information in the OP.

MYOB.




alright, how tall is the guy? weight? reach?

how tall are you? weight? reach?

i think i could set up an MMA style fight if you guys match up evenly

Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:47:45 PM EDT
Neighbor should have cleared his plans with anyone he wasn't inviting.
You should have waited until at least 10:30 before saying anything to the neighbor.
You should have found the guy and talked to him before calling the police YOURSELF.
Wife needs to stfu.
You should have hyperextended his fucking knee when he mouthed off to you in your own yard.

I think that sums it up.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:49:55 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/7/2010 8:51:13 PM EDT by Choctaw444]
just a hunch...
but- did it ever occur to you that your wife needs a dose of reality and might need telephone privledges removed. another thing to consider -you might want to get some pants the next time you are at JC Penney's. unless you wear your wifes size- cause she has a closet full of them.

part of being neighborly is giving a pass to the neighbors every now and then when they get out of hand. i realize it was an inconvience for you but it was a one time deal.

cone of shame the wife.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:49:56 PM EDT
Just leave it. That guy's an asshole and a hothead, you're never going to make him your friend. Let him live on his little corner of the block and you live on yours.


But be prepared for him to do something stupid.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:50:19 PM EDT
Originally Posted By MikeS369:
Originally Posted By Gaboonviper85:
Now I'm new here but I've lurked for awhile...I think the general consensus in this situation would be "you should have wolf stared him until he subitted to your superiority"?


Huh?



the chuck Norris stare...

Either I fail or you just killed the joke:-(?
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:50:22 PM EDT
It sounds like your wife overreacted. Sounds like it - I won't conclude that because there's a ton of information present when experiencing a situation in first-person that gets lost in type.

However, your neighbor threatening you is not a justified reaction. I wouldn't report it to the police because it does not seem that you sincerely felt endangered (as you said, you chuckled a little). Had he pulled a weapon and threatened you, it would be a different story, but this sounds like someone running a little hot and saying crap he probably didn't mean.

Regardless, the ball is not in your court. He doesn't want you on his property, so respect that.

I'd say let it go. Doesn't sound like a neighbor that meant much to you before this, and now it sounds like a neighbor that you just plain don't care for at this point. No need to build ammo forts, no need to blade, no need to consider yourself at war in the 'burbs... Just ignore the guy and go about your life.

It was a misunderstanding, but hey, he made it clear he doesn't want you on his land. So much for going over there, knocking on the door, and attempting to explain it and/or peacefully resolve the matter. Not his loss, but certainly not yours either.

_MaH
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:51:24 PM EDT
Burn his fucking house down!

That'll show him and his busy-body wife.

Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:51:35 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/7/2010 8:52:41 PM EDT by SaintMichaelArms]
Originally Posted By Banshee35:
I knew where this was going to go but read th post again.

I didn't see him that night, made no requests and simply asked someone what time it might end.

I did not get pissy with him at all...I was willing to hold a perfectly rational conversation with the guy, then he threatened me. I was asking for direct confirmation of this in case any of the neighbors who were outside were listening, just in case.

Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:
Let me get this straight.

Your neighbor who has not annoyed you for years has ONE party that goes beyond OMG 10pm. You go over act like a douche and request they quiet shit down.

THEN you get pissy when the guy acts like an ass the next time you interact with him?



I side with the neighbor having the party given the information in the OP.

MYOB.




The fact you went over and asked "what time you be ending" is confrontational for a party and you know it. Rational discussion when you state you know everyone there was drunk. I'd tell you to fuck off myself.

9 fucking 30?

Your wife is going through the change of life isn't she?

Look at it like this. You didn't cut this guy ANY slack for the only irritating thing he has done against you. What happens when you are having a party, or say have a ND. Would you like a busy body neighbor who butts in citing the minutia of HOA or local ordinances, or one who keeps an eye on things in case some emergency happens and otherwise cuts someone a brake?

I still cannot understand how city folk think they have the damned right to tell another man what he can and cant do on his own property.

What arrogance!
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:51:37 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/7/2010 8:52:51 PM EDT by Znak]
I'd be pissed if my neighbors called the popo on my wife's surprise party...

Were they puking on your lawn? Were they wandering around the street drunk? Or were they just 'making noise'?
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:52:15 PM EDT
I think the OP did ok. Quiet laws are about 9pm, give or take. It's one thing to have music, it's another to have it blaring across a PA system. OP tried to make contact, but couldn't see the owner through the gaggle of people. How about the dickhead (the guy having the party) showing a little respect for his neighbors? I guess that would be too much to ask.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:53:15 PM EDT
You should have kicked his ass when he confirmed he was threatening you instead of coming here hoping we would make you feel better about wussing out.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:53:41 PM EDT
Get naked and pee on his lawn. When he comes out side do the macaranna and run into the woods laughing. It's what I would do
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:53:55 PM EDT
Originally Posted By zwvirtual:
I think the OP did ok. Quiet laws are about 9pm, give or take. It's one thing to have music, it's another to have it blaring across a PA system. OP tried to make contact, but couldn't see the owner through the gaggle of people. How about the dickhead (the guy having the party) showing a little respect for his neighbors? I guess that would be too much to ask.


From the OP, this is the only time this has happened from this neighbor.

A pattern I can understand taking the hardass route.

One god damned party? If you people what quiet, move the fucking country on 10 acres then!
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 8:59:44 PM EDT
Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:
Originally Posted By zwvirtual:
I think the OP did ok. Quiet laws are about 9pm, give or take. It's one thing to have music, it's another to have it blaring across a PA system. OP tried to make contact, but couldn't see the owner through the gaggle of people. How about the dickhead (the guy having the party) showing a little respect for his neighbors? I guess that would be too much to ask.


From the OP, this is the only time this has happened from this neighbor.

A pattern I can understand taking the hardass route.

One god damned party? If you people what quiet, move the fucking country on 10 acres then!


hell i would have been partying with them. invited or not..
get a baby sitter and enjoy.

Link Posted: 9/7/2010 9:00:50 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Choctaw444:
Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:
Originally Posted By zwvirtual:
I think the OP did ok. Quiet laws are about 9pm, give or take. It's one thing to have music, it's another to have it blaring across a PA system. OP tried to make contact, but couldn't see the owner through the gaggle of people. How about the dickhead (the guy having the party) showing a little respect for his neighbors? I guess that would be too much to ask.


From the OP, this is the only time this has happened from this neighbor.

A pattern I can understand taking the hardass route.

One god damned party? If you people what quiet, move the fucking country on 10 acres then!


hell i would have been partying with them. invited or not..
get a baby sitter and enjoy.



Now I like this.

Link Posted: 9/7/2010 9:01:29 PM EDT
Best response yet

Where in TN are you, my parents live in Murefreesboro and I think that they may know you.

Originally Posted By Bluewaterheaven:
Get naked and pee on his lawn. When he comes out side do the macaranna and run into the woods laughing. It's what I would do


Link Posted: 9/7/2010 9:02:02 PM EDT
Do NOT initiate any further contact/confrontation, except if he crosses onto your property.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 9:02:07 PM EDT
Originally Posted By zwvirtual:
I think the OP did ok. Quiet laws are about 9pm, give or take. It's one thing to have music, it's another to have it blaring across a PA system. OP tried to make contact, but couldn't see the owner through the gaggle of people. How about the dickhead (the guy having the party) showing a little respect for his neighbors? I guess that would be too much to ask.


Noise ordinances are usually around 11 PM.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 9:02:30 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/7/2010 9:05:02 PM EDT by Mall-Ninja]
This is arfcom. the proper response for an asshole neighbor is SSS.



Oh, and on a serious note, you done fucked up. Excessive noise from a neighbor that is not your next door, and not one you normally talk to, should be dealt with using an anonymous phone call to the non-emergency line of the local PD.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 9:03:16 PM EDT
Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:
Originally Posted By zwvirtual:
I think the OP did ok. Quiet laws are about 9pm, give or take. It's one thing to have music, it's another to have it blaring across a PA system. OP tried to make contact, but couldn't see the owner through the gaggle of people. How about the dickhead (the guy having the party) showing a little respect for his neighbors? I guess that would be too much to ask.


From the OP, this is the only time this has happened from this neighbor.

A pattern I can understand taking the hardass route.

One god damned party? If you people what quiet, move the fucking country on 10 acres then!



I sort of agree, I think OP did OK given the situation but you live in a city, occasionally it's going to be noisy. Our neighbors had a BLOWOUT one night. till 2 in the morning. We just knuckled down and put one in the bank, so to say.


about three years later, our kid turned 16 and we had an outdoor birthday party that ran till 2'ish. we went to bed with a smile on our face knowing they wouldn't say crap.

I know you were technically "in the right" but calling the po-po when nobody was in danger was a bit shrewish if you ask me.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 9:03:59 PM EDT
Originally Posted By SaintMichaelArms:
Originally Posted By zwvirtual:
I think the OP did ok. Quiet laws are about 9pm, give or take. It's one thing to have music, it's another to have it blaring across a PA system. OP tried to make contact, but couldn't see the owner through the gaggle of people. How about the dickhead (the guy having the party) showing a little respect for his neighbors? I guess that would be too much to ask.


From the OP, this is the only time this has happened from this neighbor.

A pattern I can understand taking the hardass route.

One god damned party? If you people what quiet, move the fucking country on 10 acres then!


Yeah Big city thinkers crack me up. They live on top of each other and expect to hear no noise from their hundreds of neighbors.....
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 9:04:25 PM EDT
Originally Posted By crashburnrepeat:

I know you were technically "in the right" but calling the po-po when nobody was in danger was a bit shrewish if you ask me.


"A bit". I wouldn't want to be the OP's neighbor.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 9:05:01 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 9:05:04 PM EDT

Originally Posted By ZedsDeadBaby:
Burn his fucking house down!

That'll show him and his busy-body wife.



Link Posted: 9/7/2010 9:06:13 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Mall-Ninja:

Oh, and on a serious note, you done fucked up. Excessive noise from a neighbor that is not your next door, and not one you normally talk to, should be dealt with using an anonymous phone call to the non-emergency line of the local PD.


This is why neighbor wars usually begin.

If you'd just talk to somebody to begin with and be reasonable, this probably wouldn't be an issue.
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