your theory may be correct but it is not the law in most areas.

Jeebus man... never heard of birth control?

I'm not a fan of out how much of a litigious society our country is becoming, but in that case I would sue... for everything she had plus a few times. That's crap right there, I feel for you.

Mine was $475/month plus any medical/dental not covered by insurance.

here's what i get to do next month:

Sure, except my statement is a fact and yours is purely emotional and wish based.

 

$2000 a month for my two girls.

Edit - I am not complaining at all. I consider my monetary contribution the least I can do since I can't be with them every day. The money allows their mother to stay in a nice part of town, and go a nice school.

$870 a month for my son.

$525.95 for my daughter

About 50% of my take home plus half of expenses - I have to work a second full time job to support my wife and other 2 kids.

LOL.  Fact based

How long were you married?



 

...no.   However, I am practicing what society, the feminist movement, government, and the media preach.   Woman are equal and the same as men.   However, society and the laws, or at least the application of the laws when it comes to divorce and child support, seem to unequal.   IF a father wants to walk away from his children, or simple wants to be a visitation dad then perhaps child support should be broken down so that it compensates the custodial parent for their time and energy raising the children.  However, that is not often the case.  Mothers have to really screw up to lose their option to retain custody.   All things being equal, good mother and good father both wanting the children to live with them the mother is going to win, and with that win comes child support.  

I understand the law, but the intent of the law is to make sure that parents don't financially abandoned their children.  A parents obligation to provide nutritious food, shelter, clothing, and facilitate the education of the children so that they may grow into adults does not end with marriage.  I get it.  

But a perfectly rational law would accurately intemize the basic cost for raising a child, that cost is NOT a percentage of a parents income.  The food cost for all children are the same regardless of a parent's income.   Housing and utility cost for shelter can be averaged.   Providing basic clothing could also be estimated or averaged.   The same might be said for transportation and communication.   Medical and dental insurance costs are fixed for at least a year at a time.   All of these are the basic cost for support of a child.

Private school tuition, entertainment, summer camps, activities, "expensive" clothing, and toys are discretionary expenses that fathers may pay.   However, they aren't necessities.   Good fathers will do all they can to enrich their children's lives and provide these luxuries to the kids if they can afford them.   I think for these types of expenses divorced fathers should be treated like married fathers.   The court isn't going put a married father in jail if he doesn't provide his children these luxuries.  

The thing is our society is hypocritical.   We say woman should be treated exactly like men, but the application of that principal only occurs if it is in the woman's best interest, or desire.  She has choice.  We also treat mothers and fathers differently.  

So no, I am not a feminist.   I am a rational objectivist

I get off pretty easy.  State takes a base $725 a month, I carry insurance on teh children (2), and cover 50% of all copays etc.  Usually work out to be about 1200-1400 a month since I have them three days a week and that takes another $100 or $300 depending on what adventures we do that week.

It is fact based.



I practice family law and know a lot of attorneys that do.



Men who actually want custody and will fight for it are rare.



As I said before, most of my male clients that actually want it, have it.



Maybe half of the rest of my clients say they want it, but when push comes to shove, they settle for visitation with no complaints.



The other half simply don't want it.  They may want a lot of visitation - and they usually get it - but they don't want to have physical custody.



 

Where were you when I got divorced???
My lawyer threw me under the bus, and settled with the judge without asking me first. (which is why he didn't get paid)
I wanted custody, and would have spend my life savings fighting for it. Now I have to prove she's unfit (which she isn't) in order to change custody arrangements.
My ass was sore for a year.

that's a pretty big factor right there.  maybe if i had, say, 20% more income

it took 6 years before my dad was finally able to get custody of me...

0 - nothing, nada. I had a very good lawyer + I took my time and played the game right. I have no child support for 2 kids, no alimony, nothing. And trust me my kids are not suffering or hurting for anything.

Two months ago, my wife's brother just wrote his last check for child support. He's had a few over the years with four women and made good on every penny.

By the way...he paid child support for 35 consecutive years with no breaks.

That's got to be some kind of record

13 years

I've got a few lawyers in the family too bud.  Their experiences don't necessarily mirror yours.

BS flag will remain hoisted and appropriate posts will continue to be lol'd at.

Nondurational maintenance for a 13 year marriage would be rare up here in NY, barring some kind of special circumstance.  Does she work or have marketable job skills?  How old was she when you got divorced?



 

Do they practice family law?



Laugh all you want.  This is what I do, every day, and I happen to know quite a lot about it.  Certainly more than you do.



 

I wonder how many men who have answered this poll fought for full custody and didn't get it.  

Not fighting for custody is the result of cultural conditioning.  Oh, and lets face it.  If a fight for custody ensues the divorce attorneys are going to pull off the gloves. Lets face it, the once happily married couple knows lots of dirt about each other and divorce lawyers love for it to get bloody.  Paying thousands of dollars to get ass raped in court kinda sucks.  I think a lot of men would chew their own foot off to end a divorce proceeding.    

Besides, with all due respect to the attorney the divorce process is harsh enough.   I think woman are better suited for it.  They don't seem to mind airing out their dirty laundry for the world to see.  If I could wave a magic wand I would eliminate state marriage altogether.  I would allow couples to optionally form legally binding domestic partnerships, but it would be optional.  If a couple decided to enter into a legally binding partnership I would require the agreement to be comprehensive and detailed.   All marriages wold have a "free look" period of no less than one year.   The young "in love" couple would be required to meet with out- of-work-divorce attorneys to review the agreements point by point.  Their agreement on each point would be voice recorded, and video taped, and a court appointed stinagrapher would take notes.  The agreement would require every partnership to put in place a dissolution agreement, and require that agreement to be updated every 7 years or 30 days after material change occures (child is born).   The dissolution agreement would itemize which assets are whose, and clearly define the rolls and responsibilities of each party including expenses.   Divorce is the most miserable and tedious process known to man.  

I would have, but my lawyer screwed me out of it.


One of the problems I faced, was that my ex and I wanted to have "split" custody, where the girls lived with me every other week. The judge that presided over our case initially didn't "like that idea", and forced us to choose a primary residence, and then my lawyer threw in the towel. Since when do a lawyer and judge know whats best for my family?

She does not work but does have marketable job skills. She was a surgical equipment rep. when we married and was making very good money ($60,000 annually). She was 40 when we divorced. Permanent alimony kicks in in Florida after 11.5 years of marriage and is contingent on the paying spouse's income. At least that's how I understood it.  

I know many who have 50/50.  Though how the "time" is figured up I have no idea.  I mean, I don't know if it's court ordered or if they just handle it themselves.

 

Damn.

I did not. My kids live five minutes from me and I see and have visitation with them as often as I want. I have to do a lot of International travel for my business so taking custody of the kid's wasn't really a option. Besides my ex-wife may be a lot of things but she is a good mother.

Cheaper to get remarried eh?

Did you have another ceremony?

The lawyers had us split up in different rooms, and we were negotiating back and forth. The judge refused to allow split-physical custody, and without talking to me first, the lawyer offered joint legal, and sole physical, with visitation.
Once the wife had full custody, she refused to go back.

Wow.  The rules here are not so hard and fast; it's discretionary.  There are forces trying to change that, though.



Generally around here, the judges award between 25% and 33% of the difference in income, for between 25% and 33% of the length of the marriage.  There are numerous factors, including the length of the marriage, length of any pre-divorce separation, job skills of the payee spouse, age of the parties, etc.  Maintenance is not automatic.



 

Ugh.  That sucks.  


 

I'm truly sorry to hear that.  There are good and bad in every profession, and it sounds like you had a bad lawyer.  How old are your children now?





 

7 and 8

$900 per month for 1 child

Change it from 2 kids to 1 kid, and mine is exactly the same.

I am very fortunate in that I was awarded custody of my daughter.  My EX pays $650 a month in CS.  She also pays for Health insurance.

There's nothing like having a job which should pay your bills only to have the courts take so much of it that you can only afford to eat more than a bowl of rice or mac & cheese or other simple shit.

Then when you try to explain the hardship to the courts they accuse you of not loving your child. "Obviously you don't care because you don't want to pay child support".

That is why I married a rich woman.

I ain't that good lookin'.

I did, TWICE over a 2 year period. Judge didn't like how the first suit was written up and threw it out before it could hit the court. The second time I had my lawyer do a much better job with all the paperwork, judge threw it out again. He didn't want the hassle of having parents living in two different states fighting it out in his court in a totally different state. Cost way more than I could afford but I managed to pay the attourney fee's and was basically told that a third try would end the same way. Yea, the courts are really fair to the father.

I did twice. Once I was told by the Judge "you're a man, you work for a living, why would you want to yank this child from her mother?"

Even though I've been ahead on my CS payments I spent $30K fighting to make her abide by the visititation order. Don't pay CS, go to jail, do provide court ordered visitation......sucks to be you

Well, depending on your state's laws, they may be able to decide for themselves in a few years.



 

I don't really understand what you mean.  How could it be his court if it was a totally different state.



I don't know the circumstances of your case, but generally you have to meet some kind of burden to change a custody order.  In NY, you have to show a substantial change of circumstances since the previous order was entered.  Sounds like you didn't meet whatever the burden was.



One of my male clients who won custody got taken back to court by the child's mother but she didn't meet the burden.  I moved to dismiss, the judge looked at the other lawyer and indicated that he was inclined to grant my motion, and the other side withdrew the petition.  It does work both ways, believe it or not.





 

When you say fought, did you take it to trial?  Because that's what she meant.





 

Nope. Very few of our extended family knew that we'd divorced anyway. We still took vacations/visited family just the same as we did when we were married.

-Mark

for fear of coc violation I will not say what I think about Child support , the judges who act like gods and the women who have all the rights.

then what the fuck is the 1500 for??