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Posted: 4/2/2002 5:43:18 PM EDT
So, I'm standing outside, enjoying this wonderful day, when I see an ant walking by my boot. I stick my index finger down by him and allow him to crawl up. Me: So, do you like hot wings? Ant: Initiate protocol "seek GRUBWORM"... must harvest GRUBWORM for colony/feed LARVAE/feed the QUEEN/feed WORKERS/feed DRONES/.. awaiting protocol: search outside of colony 500cm northwest/turn 30 degrees south/[awaiting query] Must repair cavity destruction on top of mound [Approximately 28 full hours required] - Oversee new larvae from the QUEEN/MUST PROTECT THE QUEEN/REPEAT PROTECT QUEEN Me: Heh.. it was pretty funny, at Hooters on Saturday the girl kept pressing her breasts on this guy as she kept reaching over to place the food on the table, I think it was too obvious she wanted to be tipped, what do you think? Ant: [Awaiting query]Restructure [and] complete remaining architecture of subterranean Unholy Catherdral ///Hollow out remains of locusta acrididae corpse #8/feed QUEEN/standby to receive rancid flesh of canis familiaris/upon completion of flesh harvest of canis familiaris: commence food distribution (GNAWED FLESH to ANTS [WORKERS]) (GNAWED FLESH to ANTS[DRONES]) (GNAWED FLESH to LARVAE) [awaiting protocol]:... [feed divine glucose and sap to QUEEN]/... upon completion of nutrititive hive distribution: Enable 450 workers into creation of 9 extra air canals to QUEENS chamber/MUST PROTECT QUEEN/Must produce LARVAE Me: Today while driving to work, I tried to think of any excuse I could to turn around and just go back home. But goddamn it I promised the Boss I'd finish that project today. Ant: [Allow patrolling of 900 soldiers extending out 1200cm in circular proximity]/[awaiting query]... Must protect FOOD from ANT HIVE # 39568204/MUST PROTECT QUEEN/Must protect EMPIRE/[Protocol initiated] Retrace pentagram at bottom of hive/Bow down BEFORE THE ONE YOU SERVE/[Awaiting protocol] Incantation of MANTRA - [QUERY SENT] /COLONY under observation by ANT HIVE # 39568204/[repeat query]ANT HIVE # 39568204/Prepare to ORDER/ - DECOMPOSE AND DESTROY///ANT HIVE # 39568204 represents THREAT TO QUEEN representing THREAT TO HIVE representing THREAT TO FOOD/REPEAT THREAT to QUEEN in THE WORKS/ Exactly 590 soldiers from ANT HIVE # 39568204 rapidly approaching/Use of STING initiated/ Initiate command upon deathmatch[Squeeze ventricles with sting inserted between soft spot of thorax and abdomen WITH use of mandibles TO SPLIT THORAX and other threatening extremities]/Must protect HIVE/MUST protect LARVE/repeat MUST protect LARVE/repeat MUST protect LARVE/repeat MUST protect LARVE/repeat MUST protect LARVE/MUST PROTECT QUEEN
Link Posted: 4/2/2002 5:50:37 PM EDT
You need to stop taking LSD!
Link Posted: 4/2/2002 5:59:26 PM EDT
OH MY GOD.
Link Posted: 4/2/2002 6:06:23 PM EDT
TMI, TMI!! [shock]
Link Posted: 4/2/2002 6:16:38 PM EDT
WTF
Link Posted: 4/2/2002 6:46:06 PM EDT
Does this have anything to do with Israel?
Link Posted: 4/2/2002 6:51:23 PM EDT
Ron, you know those funny little cacti that you seem to be finding? Stop eating the buds off of em, okay? Otherwise, interesting commentary.. Meplat-
Link Posted: 4/2/2002 6:54:25 PM EDT
You've just gotta share whatever you've gotten in your system !
Link Posted: 4/2/2002 6:58:19 PM EDT
I have a couple of aunts and the conversation always goes the same way.
Link Posted: 4/2/2002 7:24:40 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/2/2002 8:25:52 PM EDT by sharky30]
I thought you left off the 'i' in anti still I got a good laugh
Link Posted: 4/2/2002 8:02:13 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/2/2002 8:04:07 PM EDT by gardenWeasel]
I usually let my pre-ban do the talking. [img]http://home.earthlink.net/~thegardenweasel/can.jpg[/img]
Link Posted: 4/2/2002 8:13:35 PM EDT
Hey Ronnie, how's about trying on this new "shooting jacket"? Don't worry about the sleeves being too long, we can trim them later. Just relax big fella, everythings gonna be just fine.
Link Posted: 4/3/2002 7:11:20 AM EDT
#include int main() { int ants = 99; while ( ants > 0 ) { cout << "Squish ant with Thumb" << endl; cout << --ants << endl; } return 0; [50]
Link Posted: 4/3/2002 11:49:03 AM EDT
And stay away from those red mushrooms. Can't be good for you.[xx(]
Link Posted: 4/3/2002 12:59:29 PM EDT
I remember my converstaion with the singing Ant. Something about the rubber tree plant and high hopes................
Link Posted: 4/3/2002 1:46:59 PM EDT
LMAO. Ron, I like you already.
Link Posted: 4/3/2002 1:57:07 PM EDT
I've just wet myself...and there's nothing anyone can do about it!
Link Posted: 4/3/2002 2:28:43 PM EDT
Whoa, heheheh. That was pretty cool. Don't forget to pass, my good man, after you puff. And whatever it was, DEFINTELY pass that shit!
Link Posted: 4/3/2002 2:35:42 PM EDT
I also had a talk with an ant today...Along the same lines as you. He also asked me to stop spraying Miracle Grow giving him Hemorrhoids. Told him would cut the spray dose down and gave him some Preparation H Cooling Gel
Link Posted: 4/4/2002 12:02:24 AM EDT
Q: What has 2 balls and eats aunts? A: Uncles
Link Posted: 4/4/2002 12:14:41 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/4/2002 12:15:42 AM EDT by IMHO]
Your post is very much like an "Ask A. . . " honeybee, or something, from "The Onion." I wonder if it inspired this post. Just so similar! A bizarre coincidence?
Link Posted: 4/4/2002 12:26:16 AM EDT
ron... you rock.
Link Posted: 4/4/2002 12:59:27 AM EDT
And I thought I got interesting when I am tired/bored. This is some seriously funny shit, and whatever you got a hold of, pass it around.
Link Posted: 4/4/2002 10:32:11 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Stealth: ron... you rock.
View Quote
[i]Thank You[/i] I wanted to bring some amusement where it was sorely needed, with the Arab/Israeli arguments going on! [;)]
Link Posted: 4/4/2002 10:46:33 AM EDT
Creative... I'm impressed!
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