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Posted: 3/20/2002 8:22:25 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/20/2002 9:12:39 PM EDT by ComputerGuy]
This topic came up at dinner tonight (don't ask)..but you know those really obese people? Seriously now, how do they wipe? Can you buy some kind of curved stick that has a cloth on the end???? If not, maybe I outta patent one??? Hmmm.. AR15.com wiping stick..hahaha... ok, but seriously, how do they do it? Have someone else??? I don't really mean any offense to anyone here, just curious... Thanks
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 8:24:08 PM EDT
A better question is: How does a blind man know when he is done wiping his ass? Does he have someone proofread it for him? Hmmmm......
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 8:25:18 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 8:27:13 PM EDT
That was a good laugh.
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 8:27:35 PM EDT
How do fat people wipe?.... very carefully
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 8:32:38 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Shadowblade: I'm still laughing. I saw an ad once for "butt floss" but I think it was a joke. Maybe they all own a bidet or just shuffle on over to the shower when they are done... Maybe they can still reach between their legs to get the job done... Now you made me picture these disgusting acts... You have to PAY!
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If I was that fat, the bidet would be the way i'd go..
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 8:32:45 PM EDT
[rolleyes]
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 8:34:02 PM EDT
Seriously, Cappy, my hat's off to you. Just about the time I think you can't get any more ignorant, you come through.
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 8:39:06 PM EDT
You want that Dale Earnhardt lighter???
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 8:42:34 PM EDT
Not that bad! [;)]
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 8:43:51 PM EDT
Female,front to back ,male back to front .Just like everybody else.Unless they sit on the dog.
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 8:48:09 PM EDT
Originally Posted By swampdog: Female,front to back ,male back to front .Just like everybody else.Unless they sit on the dog.
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I'm male, and I go front to back... --- DonR: I'd like to sell it (serious), make me an offer...
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 8:51:15 PM EDT
Uhhhh....... bottom to top?
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 8:52:56 PM EDT
I see a lock comin
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 9:05:42 PM EDT
... It's obvious you don't know Jack Schitt (click here if you don't know Schitt) [url]http://www.sparklet.com/~royce/trams/KnowJackSchitt.swf[/url]
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 9:05:43 PM EDT
I wonder the same thing each time I see a morbidly obese person. How do they do it? Or worse, do they just say "screw it" and pull their pants back up????? The Horror..........
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 9:16:12 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Necromancer: I see a lock comin
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Your new name should cause a lock
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 9:24:23 PM EDT
Hey, I feel a whole LOT better knowing I'm not the only sick puppy on this board! I "cracked" up reading this thread... The curved stick idea rocks![;D]
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 9:32:38 PM EDT
This wins the award for most tasteless thread, I think...not that I really want anyone to try to top it. Maybe we should put up a poll? It could include such items as: (Pick all that apply) I'm male, and I wipe from outside I'm female, and I wipe from outside I'm male, and I wipe from between my legs I'm female, and I wipe from between my legs I don't wipe because nature didn't intend for us to do that or we'd have been born with toilet paper in hand. I'm less concerned about how the morbidly obese handle this chore than I am about how they can even use a toilet at all. A thirty inch wide butt on a fourteen inch wide toilet is NOT a pretty combination! I totally can NOT understand how anyone can permit him or herself to get in such a condition. They'll say 'But it's my genetics! I can't help it!' but as they're saying it, they're reaching for their fifth pizza of the day, with everything and extra cheese. I say to those people, it's an inviolable law of physics and biology that if you eat 3000 calories a day and need 4000 calories a day to sustain your activities, you will lose the fat equivalent weight of 1000 calories per day. I don't care WHAT your genetics are, you can't gain weight if you're using all the food you eat to sustain your ACTIVITY level. It's like they're terrified of being even a LITTLE hungry for few minutes. Practically every week, I have one day where I eat NOTHING just because I'm too active and interested in what I'm doing to be attracted to food. Fasting is routine for me. And I don't have a weight problem...but I've learned that if i get "three square meals a day" then I WILL gain weight. So I eat one, or none. And I really don't know what this 'hungry' feeling is. I almost have to be reminded to eat something, some of the time. CJ
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 9:42:39 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/20/2002 9:43:24 PM EDT by ba291]
"Your new name should cause a lock......" Dunno - I thought the name is cool. A nod to The Professor, Lerxst and Ged.....
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 10:26:35 PM EDT
Originally Posted By cmjohnson: I totally can NOT understand how anyone can permit him or herself to get in such a condition. They'll say 'But it's my genetics! I can't help it!' but as they're saying it, they're reaching for their fifth pizza of the day, with everything and extra cheese.
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Without getting into a medical debate, have you ever met anyone with a thyroid condition? Sometimes, the weight gain *really* is not controllable. (Actually, we wipe by backing into thin people and using them as floss. Hmmmm; y'all look kinda thin to me... C'mere!)
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 10:35:25 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 10:43:07 PM EDT
That's where all the midgets are. They are personal asswipe assistants to the superfat and are small enough to be carried in one of the many fat rolls quite easily.
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 10:48:53 PM EDT
Ok, well I had a girlfriend who had a realllly fat dad. Like, huge. She told me about how her dad would just randomly tell her "you know, sometimes after a nice good one in the toilet, I like to take a mini shower." Her brother also attested to these stories. Her dad carries a handkerchief too. Maybe he hooks that up to his belt and somehow uses that as "butt floss." Hmm, interesting.
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 11:22:32 PM EDT
Originally Posted By cmjohnson: And I really don't know what this 'hungry' feeling is. I almost have to be reminded to eat something, some of the time. CJ
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I find that getting drunk makes me hungry. Back in high school there was a certain recreational plant that was very capable of making me hungry. Not eating for a full day is probably not a great idea. When I was a teenager I would do this every now and then simply because I never got hungry. When I started weight lifting I realized just how important a proper diet is.
Link Posted: 3/20/2002 11:39:47 PM EDT
This is embarrassing to admit, but a female relative of mine had to have help. Her poor husband usually had to help, then when her daughter was old enough, she did. Can you imagine the nightmares the poor kid had? Her husband also had a humilating experience at work several times, because she would drive by where he worked for help if she couldn't wait until he got home. Imagine his embarrassment when everyone knew why he followed his wife into the ladies room. I helped her daughter move into college, and the mother, in front of the girl's new roommate she just met, told her daughter to go to the bathroom in a minute, because she needed a wipe. Great way to start college. A couple of years later, her husband passed away, and she moved into an assisted-living facility even though she was only in her mid-forties. Now, about five years later, she can't even get out of a chair without help. She, literally, eats an entire pound of pork fat each day. There are 454 grams in a pound and 9,000 calories per gram of fat. So, one pound of pork fat has about 4,100,000 calories (or 4,100 Calories if you use the typical marketing lie). That's in addition to what else she eats. It's disgusting.z
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 12:46:54 AM EDT
Somewhat on the same topic-The CEO at work wanted to know why there always was piss all over the toilet in the production area can. Was someone doing it on purpose,etc. Told him it had to be Randy. The guy was so fat he could'nt see his willie so how would he know which way it was aimmed until the stream started? He thought about for a few seconds and started laughing so hard everyone on the production floor looked over at us.
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 1:18:15 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Necromancer: A better question is: How does a blind man know when he is done wiping his ass? Does he have someone proofread it for him? Hmmmm......
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Hopefully he didn't lose his sense if smell.[:X*]
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 1:20:15 AM EDT
Originally Posted By 1GUNRUNNER:
Originally Posted By Necromancer: I see a lock comin
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Your new name should cause a lock
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"Merlin" from the days of "King Arthur" was a necromancer. Hopefully this is what he's making reference to.
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 2:29:28 AM EDT
Originally Posted By ComputerGuy: If I was that fat, the bidet would be the way i'd go..
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True story, for which I'm glad my real name is not on this ... When I was a lot youger I went over seas. I had never seen nor heard of a bidet. I went to the bathroom in the house I was staying in and saw a toilet and what I thought was a urinal. I used the urinal, then tried to flush it and was hit in the face with a stream of water shooting up from what I had assumed was the drain! Also, from the Simpsons where there was scene where Bart was morbidy obese and bed ridden: "I wash mahself wif' a rag on a stick."
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 3:16:39 AM EDT
Everyone knows you need only 3 corncobs, two red and one white. Use a red and the the white to see if you need the other red
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 4:05:10 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/21/2002 4:07:49 AM EDT by realist]
Fat people water pic their ass... FIRST.... Permanently unscrew water massager from hose in shower... Lift right leg and place on corner ledge (assuming you have one in your bath tub) Place thumb over end of hose to increase water pressure to desired area Spray ass liberally till clean... Now, comes the tricky part, to eliminate track marks in your under ware, you must now use a two finger technique... while still holding good pressure with your thumb, place hose at opening of your Arse,"spincter" simultaneously inserting your index finger up your ass to open crevice... You are now engaging in what is called a semi enema.... When water is clear, hose down your leg and feet thoroughly... At this time all chunks larger that the drain must be forced down the drain... best procedure is to stomp on them with your feet while spraying water..... Finally... spread toes and spay to remove all excrement that oozed upward while stomping You are now a refreshed man .... [:)] edited for spelling [rolleyes]
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 5:15:10 AM EDT
Originally Posted By realist: Fat people water pic their ass... [SNIPPOLA] You are now a refreshed man .... [:)]
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Now AR15.com has TRULY led me into areas of knowledge that are beyond anything I could have desired to know. [puke] What do I do now to erase this thread from my memory? Run a magnet over my head, maybe?
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 6:13:31 AM EDT
....thyroid problem.... Nope. I don't buy it. I don't care what medical condition a person has, if their activities consume 3000 calories per day and they eat only 2000, they're going to lose weight. A "thyroid problem" as it's called is an excuse. A cop out. A lie. Exercise enough and eat little enough, and you'll burn the fat stored in your body for energy. A really fat person can live for months without any food at all, just water. And the odd thing is, when you switch over to internal stores, after just a few days you stop being hungry. As for people who look like a pink blimp and eat a pound of pork fat a day, and much more, I really think there should be a program in place that handles them like our mental health program. Have them committed, institutionalized, and forced to lose weight through proper diet and exercise. When they regain a reasonably healthy body without significant excess fat, by that time they've (hopefully) learned that being fairly thin contributes to your sense of well-being and they've also learned how to eat responsibly. If you can get them in the habit, they MAY stay with it. Why not? We have an intervention program for practically every other kind of self-destructive behavior, don't we? If you want to see the shape of America, go to your local Wal-Mart and start looking at the condition of people in there. You'll see that half the adults have some weight problem, and a disturbingly high number of kids do, too. Just on principle, in the past few months I've almost totally removed processed sugar and excess salt from my diet, and reduced my caffeine intake to a shadow of what it once was. I felt good before, but I feel better now. CJ
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 6:24:07 AM EDT
I know a lady who wipes back to front-we call her Draggin Lady
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 6:25:13 AM EDT
There is a person where I work who is 400 pounds+ who always smells like shit. I don't think he knows where his ass is let alone how he will wipe it.
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 6:32:58 AM EDT
Taking off my [img]www.democraticunderground.com/duforum/Images/tinfoil.gif[/img] which protects me from this sort of information. With all this talk, I'm on alert for scatman to make a comeback. Placing my [img]www.democraticunderground.com/duforum/Images/tinfoil.gif[/img] back on.
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 12:11:44 PM EDT
Seriously, how do fat people wipe?!
another use for the the common cat me thinkz
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 12:33:19 PM EDT
kinda like the old joke about the bear and the rabbit in the woods. The bear asks the rabbit if he has trouble with crap sticking to his fur. The rabbit says no, so the bear wiped with him. [:)]
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 12:34:42 PM EDT
In reference to the Necromancer name that caused some concern earlier in this thread. A Necromancer is a death wizard. No, I do not know what a death wizard is. But it is referred to in a RUSH song and a friend of mine who was a crew chief of an F-117 during Desert Storm named his plane the Necromancer. The art was an evil looking wizard throwing bombs (instead of lightning). FWIW: This fellows plane is the one modeled by Monogram. Even has his name on the landing gear door of the model
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 1:23:25 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Necromancer: A better question is: How does a blind man know when he is done wiping his ass?
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It's called "Scratch & Sniff." [;)]
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 2:14:27 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 2:22:19 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 2:33:07 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 2:36:22 PM EDT
One of those French Butt washing toilets.
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 2:45:30 PM EDT
My brother wailed about this condition I said go on diet.eat chicken an rice slim food cut back on the booze trim off the pack a day smoke stack.his reply was kinda like F***Y**(wanted sympathy=mommies dead) If ya' wanna stay 300lbs.plus @5'8" an whine about your hav'nt seen your pecker don't phone me click!!!!
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 2:46:55 PM EDT
This thread caused too many bad visuals. I'll still come to AR15.COM because I am just as sick as the rest of you a$$holes. I feel so at home here.
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 2:52:40 PM EDT
A rather large man at work once called our supervisor and requested to go home as he had to "take a shit". The request was denied and said man was told there was a bathroom where he was working. The large individual then stated that he couldn't use that bathroom as he could not reach to wipe. Request still denied. Individual then proceeds to use the bathroom, remove his T-shirt, floss with it, placed it in a plastic bag, took it to the supervisor and dropped it on his desk asking, "Now can I go home and get a new T-shirt?" True story.
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 6:38:56 PM EDT
LMAO!!!
Link Posted: 3/21/2002 6:43:27 PM EDT
It's time to put an end to this [i]shitty[/i] topic.
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