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Posted: 3/11/2002 8:49:28 PM EDT
> > >>These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken >down and now published by court reporters. How did they keep from laughing >while these were all taking place? > > >>__________________________________________________ > > >>Judge: "Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give >your wife $775 a week." > > >>Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks >myself," > > >>______________________________________________ > > >>Q: What is your date of birth? > > >>A: July fifteenth. > > >>Q: What year? > > >>A: Every year > > >>______________________________________________ > > >>Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact? > > >>A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. > > >>_____________________________________________ > > >>Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? > > >>A: Yes. > > >>Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? > > >>A: I forget. > > >>Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you've forgotten? > > >>______________________________________________ > > >>Q: How old is your son, the one living with you. > > >>A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. > > >>Q: How long has he lived with you? > > >>A: Forty-five years. > > >>______________________________________________ > > >>Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up >that morning? > > >>A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" > > >>Q: And why did that upset you? > > >>A: My name is Susan. > > >>_________________________________________ > > >>Q: And where was the location of the accident? > > >>A: Approximately milepost 499. > > >>Q: And where is milepost 499? > > >>A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. > > >>_______________________________________ > > >>Q: Sir, what is your IQ? > > >>A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think. > > >>________________________________________ > > >>Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? > > >>A: After the accident? > > >>Q: Before the accident. > > >>A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it. > > >>________________________________________ > > >>Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue >lights flashing? > > >>A: Yes. > > >>Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? > > >>A: Yes, sir. > > >>Q: What did she say? > > >>A: What disco am I at? > >
Link Posted: 3/11/2002 8:50:46 PM EDT
> > >>Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he > > >>doesn't know about it until the next morning? > > >>________________________________________ > > >>Q: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he? > > >>_________________________________________ > > >>Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? > > >>_________________________________________ > > >>Q: So the date of conception of (the baby) was August 8th? > > >> > > >>A: Yes. > > >>Q: And what were you doing at that time? > > >>_________________________________________ > > >>Q: She had three children, right? > > >>A: Yes. > > >>Q: How many were boys? > > >>A: None. > > >>Q: Were there any girls? > > >>__________________________________________ > > >>Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? > > >>A: Yes. > > >>Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? > > >>__________________________________________ > > >>Q: How was your first marriage terminated? > > >>A: By death. > > >>Q: And by whose death was it terminated? > > >>_________________________________________ > > >>Q: Can you describe the individual? > > >> > > >>A: He was about medium height and had a beard. > > >>Q: Was this a male or a female? > > >>_________________________________________ > > >>Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition that I sent to your attorney? > > >>A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. > > >>________________________________________ > > >>Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? > > >>A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. > > >>________________________________________ > > >>Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? > > >>A: OK. > > >>Q: What school did you go to? > > >>A: Oral. > > >>_________________________________________ > > >>Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? > > >>A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. > > >>Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? > > >>A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. > > >>___________________________________________ > > >>Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? > > >>___________________________________________ > > >>Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse? > > >>A: No. > > >>Q: Did you check for blood pressure? > > >> > > >>A: No. > > >> > > >>Q: Did you check for breathing? > > >>A: No. > > >>Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? > > >>A: No. > > >>Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? > > >>A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. > > >>Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? > > >>A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. >
Link Posted: 3/12/2002 2:15:32 AM EDT
Knowing when to quit asking questions: Lawyer: And who bit the plaintiff's finger off? Witness: The defendant did. Lawyer: Did you actually SEE my client bite the plaintiff's finger off? Witness: No, I was facing the other way. Lawyer: So what makes you think my client is the one who bit the plaintiff's finger off? Witness: I turned around and saw him spit it out.
Link Posted: 3/12/2002 3:50:13 AM EDT
>>>>>>Q: Did you think this was a funny thread? >>>>>>A: Yes, I did >>>>>>[img]http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/biggrin2.gif[/img]
Link Posted: 3/12/2002 4:15:34 AM EDT
Very funny! DrMark
Link Posted: 3/12/2002 9:45:45 AM EDT
Thank you that was funny.
Link Posted: 3/12/2002 9:58:22 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/12/2002 10:30:49 AM EDT
To oneshot1kill......now that was good. I could really see that happen. I remember this guy in an accident, trying to get away from a cop who was trying to stop him. He is drunk the cop asks in the back of the ambulance. "Do you have any weapons on you." The drunk responds "no I was putting the gun under the seat when you put your lights on."
Link Posted: 3/12/2002 2:41:31 PM EDT
My favorite lawyer story goes something like this: Lawywer: Officer _____, did you actually see the crime committed? Officer: No, sir. Another officer did. Lawyer: And you have faith in this other man's testimony? Officer: Yes, I do. Lawyer: Tell me, Officer _____: do you have a locker at the police station where you keep your things? Officer: Yes, I do. Lawyer: And do you have a lock on your locker? Officer: Yes, I do. Lawyer: Then can you tell me why, if you trust your fellow officers so much, that you feel you have to lock your locker in a [i]police station[/i]? Officer: Well, our station is in the same building as the courthouse, and lawyers have been known to walk through there.
Link Posted: 3/12/2002 3:07:51 PM EDT
Holy shit that was good. Nothing quite like being there in person to hear it though, huh oneshot? Gotta save this thread.
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