I'm so sorry.

LEO have a rough job, and don't get a lot of respect.

Prayers to you for comfort.

So sorry for your loss.

Praying for you.

And good for you to seek out people to talk to about it.

Sorry for your loss. :(

Please stick around here.

It might help, we're a lot like a family.

Crazy, but all we got. It sure helps me.

I knew about Nathan's wreck/death.

I didn't know about James.

Calling Bob R. now.

So very sorry for your loss.

Very sorry to hear this.

I am sorry for your loss and prayers sent.

Fifteen years as a cop, broke my back, been retired now for sixteen years.  I lost an academy classmate to suicide, watched several good cops, including one I loved like an older brother, drink themselves to death trying to numb something inside.

You have my condolences.  I wish I could tell you I know how you feel, but no one really can.  It hits us all, though, so we share that much.

I'm sorry to hear that, I've had family that has taken their own life and it is difficult.

Take care of yourself while you mourn.

RIP.

sorry for your loss

Very sorry to hear of this

So very sorry for your loss.

K9346, log out and log back in. You will see the membership benefits that’s ml2150 provided.

I’m sorry to hear this. We lost one of our officers to suicide last year. He left a wife and young daughter behind. I hope your getting the help you need.

Very sorry for your loss, prayers sent

Suicide claims another .... I have seen a lot of the effects of suicide in my life and seen in first hand in person with a friend of mine when I was 12.  It tears apart the ones it leaves behind and leaves a lot of others more confused.  One my my ex-g/fs committed suicide after being sexually abused for years by her step father.  I can tell you one thing it does get better there is light on the other side as one of the left behinds.  Do not try and carry the burden yourself it is not your fault and do not hesitate to seek professional or friendly help no shame in seeking help.

It is truly messed up the number of LEO's and Vets who cannot take the burden and choose this path.  We must do all we can to help those when we recognize the signs and also look for those signs.  One of my good buddies had the signs and a few of us helped him get the help he needed.

SUICIDE SUCKS!

Sorry to hear of this.

I'm so sorry.

Sorry for your loss.

Very sorry for your loss

My condolences.

Is there a gofundme page?

I'm sorry for your loss.

Very sorry for your loss.

Horrible.

Many leo’s are worried about getting mental health help. They can have their department cause issues if they do.

This needs to stop. Cops see some horrible things.

Very sorry for your loss.

Not an LEO, but many years ago a very dear friend chose his own time.  It was, and always will be, a hard thing to bear.  You will be in my thoughts.

sorry for your loss

I am so sorry for your loss.



As another mentioned there is a stigma and a perceived threat to ones livelihood when you seek help.  Also a biggie for cops and service members if they are gun guys they don’t want to get put on the no guns list.   If one is truly sick and need help you need the help.   Hiding it helps no one.  I worked with one officer that was on for ten years, doing poorly at work, drinking, sickly all around.   Before he was going to get a serious performance reprimand, he resigned and went back to his old job in time.   In a few months he looked great.  He said it was all the stress at work, he hated the job and as such he was smart to get out and change.   I fear if he didn’t he may have been at risk.   He made the right call for him thankfully and avoided the LE mental health trap.

In 23 years I have lost friends in LE and out of LE to suicide.   Men and women.  . There are people here that will do their best to get you or anyone else help.

So sorry for your loss

Please see here:
"If you are depressed, think life isn't worth living, or just need someone to talk to:Please........."
https://www.ar15.com/forums/General/If-you-are-depressed-think-life-isn-t-worth-living-or-just-need-someone-to-talk-to-Please---/5-1214606/

I'm sorry for your loss.

I am sorry for your loss. .

Lost a  high school class mate to suicide .  Lost a longtime family friend to a suicide,/murder. Lost an uncle to suicide cause my aunt bitched at him everyday. Lost a couple of close friends to cancer in public saftey.   Worked several suicides with the FD. it is never easy. I can't explain it. Ever. I can't explain life. Sometimes it just sucks

Sometimes we train people, sometimes we help people,  sometimes we can't help ourselves.... Well, that is life.

My dad killed himself, yet I doubt I have any clue how painful this must be for you. I offer my deepest condolences on your loss. If there is anything anyone can do then this is probably a good place to ask.

My condolences for the loss of your husband.  I have been in LE now for over 20 years.  it can be very tough on not only the officer, but his family as well.  Bottom line, cops see bad things.  It jades you.  There has to be a release from it.  Keeping it bottled up inside just leads to depression, which I am sure you know.  I have 5 kids, 2 are grown, but three are little and my wife is a widow.   I live for them.  I put my family first.  Even though I work to defend our nation, the bottom line is they come first.   This career (20 years LE and 10 military active duty) has cost me a lot of things:  2 marriages, a knee, back, several friends (both through on the job accidents/war/violence and sadly as well - suicide) and my health.  Stress is a killer.  It can kill in so many ways.  Not just in LE or .MIL jobs but in life.   The Alpha types that are duty driven unfortunately have a hard time putting themselves before the public/country.  We need heroes.   More than that our heroes need less stress and more love and understanding.   Being a LEO/Military wife is not an easy job.  It literally is double the work of the average wife.  The constant worry, raising the kids, keeping the home and even the full time job often go unnoticed.   It's not from lack of care, it's usually from exhaustion.  LEOs and Military men and women need to take the extra time out to spend that quality time with their Significant Other.  To say NO to the overtime.  To cherish the time they have with their children and spouse.   Religion plays a big part in my relationship with my wife.  I am gradually learning to "let go" of things.

I don't know if this will comfort you at all, but please know we will keep you and your family in our prayers!   Reach out here if you want to.  I don't get on here all the time anymore but will subscribe and check this thread everytime I do.   God bless you and know that you are loved!

Regards,

83rd

My condolences on your husband's passing.  LEO tend to have a high suicide rate and years ago there was a survivor group to help families cope with the loss.  You'll have to do some search on the net to see if it's still around.  Even the survival rate among retirees isn't that good.  Too many guys tied up their identity to the badge and were lost once they stopped having to wear it.

<----- Ret. LEO as are my friends (we're all old pharts).

I am so sorry for your loss.

I am fire and between cancer and suicide, I have lost too much of myself and so many more of my friends. Please contact me if you would like to speak to our FD chaplain. He is a wonderfully insightful man who has personally felt the pain of suicide.

May God forever bless you and your husband.

Here's something I found that you may want to visit:

http://www.suicidefindinghope.com/content/law_enforcement_suicide

I've known two officers who committed suicide.  One was sick and didn't want to suffer.  The other was concerned over cancer and had close relatives who were killed by it.  We talked about it for a while (my father died from his cancer related radiation treatments).  His wife leaving him was the final straw that led him to "snap" and end his own life.

Please visit the link, read through it and see if there is some thing useful to you.  Remember, it wasn't your fault that it happened.  Don't blame yourself.

Very sorry to hear this news. Your posting here after 6 mos. is very apparent you are still in terrible pain and looking for answers. I wish I had them. Sometimes there are none.  
Nothing said here can fill that hole in your heart. I know, that hole is deep and nothing fills that void.  The only thing that I found that helped was time. Second by second, minute by
minute, day by day, week by week. Eventually it starts to heal. I'll pray that time will bring you relief and eventually healing.

April 5 was 41 years for me on the job.
My sincerest condolences and deep regret at the loss of your husband.  I have seen suicide and I know the ugly, deep hole it leaves in the survivors.  
I urge you to contact www.copsalive.com and see what help and support they can offer.   I know they address the issues surrounding LE suicide and the survivors.  God Bless you Ma'am, and may he Rest in Peace.
CopsAlive link

Ma’am, I’ve had a Brother and mother both commit suicide. I’ve seen it through all stages of the event/trauma.

I am just generalizing here as I do not know the specifics of your situation, but I have traveled the road.

It is very important you understand that it is not your fault. Men are often very spontaneous in the act while women usually plan it out. That is not to say he didn’t have dark thoughts prior, but usually when a man does it, they just decide this is it. My point is this; it is highly unlikely anything in this world could have helped him once he made his mind up. So please do the one thing necessary for you to make it through this, and put down any load of guilt you are shouldering.

It is very hard to grasp in your position, especially in the first year or so, that in his mind he may have felt in some way that by him doing what he did he was not saddling you with the load of his troubles. Especially with Alpha male types, it is so much easier to just remove himself from the equation vs him feel like he is bothering anyone with his feelings. It is just the nature of the beast.

You absolutely have to understand he would want you to carry on. In my experience, the first 3-6 months you are in shock of what happened. You do not know if you are coming or going, just numb. When the reality of it sets in, as I suspect you are dealing with now you try to rationalize it and want to know why. I personally had and I’ll be honest, still have ups and downs of anger then sadness toward those in my life who did this.

It is ok to be angry at them. You have to be honest in your emotions to be able to deal with it. It is ok to be absolutely pissed off or consumed with sadness, but the key is to always put one foot in front of the other every single day. Even if it baby steps, you have to keep going. Find small goals to meet and work toward them. I had so much going for me personally when I went through this, and it was like all of a sudden the one domino set off the others. My family fell apart, and has never recovered. So many things went down that I don’t really wish to get into, but I am sure that period of a few years probably took 10 off my life. Even though it really brings up a lot of emotions I would rather not revisit, when I see a post like yours my heart breaks for you.

It will not be better tomorrow, or next week, or next year. It is no different than a terrible scar from a physical injury, it will always be with you. It will however, with time get easier and easier to deal with. You will get stronger, and you will move on. Everyone is different, and has their own pace and process of dealing with things. Like I said the 3-6 month mark is when it really hits home what has happened. That is normal and ok. Let it hurt, let it out, give yourself time and the room to grieve and keep taking those baby steps forward. If for no other reason so that maybe one day you can be there for the next person crossing this bridge.

We can be a rude bunch, but you’ll find no better group of assholes when it really counts and someone really needs a hand.

I’m really sorry to read this

The honest truth is suicide kills twice as many officers a year compared to felonious assaults, yet it’s not even remotely mentioned in the academy or most training. I’ve been doing it 17 years and I’ve heard a few calls involving LEO’s. One was a supervisor at his desk that let suicide take control of him.

I can’t imagine what you are going through. I hope you can get through it.

@NorCal_LEO If you can narrow down who she is, can you reach out to her in any way? Maybe let us kinda know...?

Sorry for your loss. Words cannot fill the void that you feel.
Talking with people and keeping your husbands memory alive will help. Put one foot in front of the other each and everyday. Its not how he died that defines his memory, its how he lived and loved.
You have my prayers!
jpk

So very sorry for your loss.  May he rest in eternal peace and know that you're always welcome here.