So I screwed up and didn't prep properly for the positibilty of a dying wife.

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - So I screwed up and didn't prep properly for the positibilty of a dying wife. (Page 1 of 2)

Posted: 1/2/2011 10:08:28 PM EDT

I thought I had my shit somewhat together. Plenty of food and water, ammo stacked high and deep. Bug out bags and locations. No debt. What I really didn't expect to happen while in my early 40's was for my wife to die. Preps for that had been put on the back burner as I was foolish enough to think that I had plenty of time. Please learn from my mistake. Here is what I posted over in Team - thought it might help here. Link

She's the kind of woman that arfcom guys would love. Attractive, fun, likes to shoot, camp etc. She's my best friend and fox hole budy. My 14yo daughter and 13 yo son are devistated. so many hopes and dreams have been crushed.

JJ

Posted: 1/2/2011 10:57:13 PM EDT

[#1]

ETA Please everyone, remember that Mrs. jj01 is not dead. She can get better too. Please keep this fact in your thoughts as you offer your support to the jj01 family.
I really get frustrated replying to issues like this because words sound so cheap grrr.

I'm very sorry for the stress you and your family are under. I'm sorry that you hurt. I'm sorry that your kids hurt. And I'm sorry that your wife hurts.

donne3 made a good post in the other thread about capturing life.

Posted: 1/3/2011 12:13:18 AM EDT

[#2]

Sorry to hear about your loss. But I am glad you posted it. It reminds all of us how fragile life can be. My sympathies.

Posted: 1/3/2011 12:40:08 AM EDT

[#3]

No words, other than sorry for the pain you are suffering...

Posted: 1/3/2011 1:12:29 AM EDT

[#4]

I'm so sorry to hear this.

Posted: 1/3/2011 1:19:14 AM EDT

[#5]

I have nothing to add that others haven' already said. I will say a prayer for your children and wish you the best in this next part of your journey.

Posted: 1/3/2011 2:22:32 AM EDT

[#6]

I'm so sorry to hear what you and your family are going through. Stay strong, brother.

Posted: 1/3/2011 2:25:25 AM EDT

[#7]

I am sorry....

....hug you children tight.

Posted: 1/3/2011 2:33:58 AM EDT

[#8]

My condolences to you and your family, JJ.

Posted: 1/3/2011 2:35:59 AM EDT

[#9]

Prayers to you and your family. I cant even imagine....

Posted: 1/3/2011 3:04:28 AM EDT

[#10]

I pray you find comfort with your famialy in your grief.

Posted: 1/3/2011 3:23:22 AM EDT

[#11]

Prayers for your wife, you and your family.

I can't begin to know the stress you all are under but I pray for her well-being.

Posted: 1/3/2011 3:23:28 AM EDT

[#12]

I'll keep her and your family in my prayers.
As long as there is life, there is hope.
NEVER give up, stay strong, and stay positive.
I know too many people who are still walking around, when others, including the Docs, had all but given up on them.

As posters pointed out over in Team, we should prepare for this ,for both of you, in all situations.
Anyone of us could be gone tomorrow.

Posted: 1/3/2011 4:09:35 AM EDT

[#13]

I've followed the other thread some, and can only offer that what you're trying to do to be prepared must be tough, but it's the right thing to do. When the time comes, I hope you are all at peace.

Posted: 1/3/2011 4:09:55 AM EDT

[#14]

I will keep you and yours in our prayers.
I cannot imagine the difficulty, and thank God for my wife daily.

Posted: 1/3/2011 4:18:51 AM EDT

[#15]

Sorry to hear of your situation. I hope that you find the ability to get through the days and years ahead, for your childrens sake. You still have a family that you need to protect and plan for.

Posted: 1/3/2011 4:23:59 AM EDT

[#16]

Mine passed away 2 1/2 years and I still dream about Her. I went to a grief counselor which helped but honestly it's been the passage of time that the most healing.

Posted: 1/3/2011 4:25:59 AM EDT

[#17]

Nothing that any of us can do, will rid you of the pain and anguish you are feeling right now. Thankfully, God has graced us with diminishing memories and that will help ease the pain.

I will pray for you and your family, to keep you strong in these trying times.

Try to take it one day at a time right now and it will be easier to get through. My Father-in-Law died on Easter and it has been a rough year.

Stay strong.

Posted: 1/3/2011 4:54:18 AM EDT

[#18]

I am sorry for what you are experiencing and what is to come for your family. Based on the other thread, you need to set up an appointment with an attorney, and get both of your wills and medical directives in order. I am sure your wife would prefer you to have the ability to follow her medical wishes (which you need to talk about) rather than her doctors. While you expect to live for many years to parent your children, one never knows. The will works both with assets, and with appointing guardians for minor children. If you do not have one, the state will determine who gets what and who goes where.

Talking about funeral arrangements should also be done. You can save a lot of money by planning ahead. I am sorry to write it in this thread, because it sounds cheap, but it is true. Once you decide what type of funeral arrangements she desires, you can call different funeral homes and get prices. There is a lot of variation in prices between firms, on the order of several hundred percent for the same goods and services sold.

Fox Chase has an experienced and professional hospice center at the hospital. They have little apartment rooms set up if the time ever comes when you are unable to continue to care for her at home.

We all hope the best for your wife and your family, and hopefully you all will have many more years together.

Posted: 1/3/2011 5:46:41 AM EDT

[#19]

Quoted:
I thought I had my shit somewhat together. Plenty of food and water, ammo stacked high and deep. Bug out bags and locations. No debt. What I really didn't expect to happen while in my early 40's was for my wife to die. Preps for that had been put on the back burner as I was foolish enough to think that I had plenty of time. Please learn from my mistake. Here is what I posted over in Team - thought it might help here. Link

She's the kind of woman that arfcom guys would love. Attractive, fun, likes to shoot, camp etc. She's my best friend and fox hole budy. My 14yo daughter and 13 yo son are devistated. so many hopes and dreams have been crushed.

JJ

I lost mine when I was 34. I feel for you. I'm 44 now and still have to talk to mine once in a while to get perspective on things. You are who you are today because of her and she will always be a part of you and your children. Keep that in your hearts forever and try to live the lives she'd want for you. Hang in there and do what you gotta do for all of you.

We were very lucky and had a wonderful hospice agency for my wife. They made the journey so much easier and did an outstanding job of caring for all of us. They also taught the wife to live while she could instead of waiting to die. That allowed the us and the kids to make some great memories along the way. I was so impressed with the care that we received that I eventually dropped my career and obtained a bachelor's in nursing so that I could help other families in that situation.

Feel free to PM if you want my phone number to get things off your chest or just talk.

Posted: 1/3/2011 5:47:34 AM EDT

[#20]

There is nothing you can do to fully prepare for the loss of a family member. No matter how well prepared you think you are, it is still going to knock you off your feet when it happens. We lost one of our sons nearly a year ago and it still hurts.

All I can say is don't waste a second while you still have it. Getting the financial side of this squared away is the easy part, believe it or not. The wife may be the focus now, but the kids are the focus going forward. Make sure the kids understand what's happening, and that it is not the end of the world. Mom wants them to be strong and keep going.

I hope your family has religion, it greatly helps in these situations. I'm not sure we'd have made it through our situation without it. It helps knowing that we are more than just our bodies and that a better place awaits. Prayer never hurts, either.

God bless your family.

Posted: 1/3/2011 6:09:20 AM EDT

[#21]

My condolences, our prayers are with you and your family...

Posted: 1/3/2011 6:10:20 AM EDT

[#22]

You and your family have my greatest sympathies and prayers.

At my age, I've had to deal with my share of this. What I can tell you that to me what is most important is we play our role. This is where your survival preparedness mindset is by far at its most needed. It sucks to have our lot in life, but it is our lot. It is we that have to keep our self together, to show strength where there is none, so others may pull from our strength. It is us that must lead others to the sliver lining though our own cloud may be dark. Its from our strength, the family survives intact and the time our loved ones has is best spent.

Tj

Posted: 1/3/2011 6:41:11 AM EDT

[#23]

My prayers and sympathy for your family.

Posted: 1/3/2011 6:43:20 AM EDT

[#24]

Quoted:

No words, other than sorry for the pain you are suffering...

This, and I am also sorry for your loss.

Posted: 1/3/2011 6:52:21 AM EDT

[#25]

Thank you so much for allowing us to share and learn from your burden. It a sad privilege and honor. It speaks highly of your character and the esteem and love you hold for her. I pray that future holiday seasons may someday be again viewed with loving memories and fondness. Though it is impossible to know exactly what weights your heart has borne through the years, I can assure you, as trite as it may sound - and as horrible as it is and will continue to be - it will get better if you let it. Draw your strength from your children and they from you. God bless you all. You are in our prayers.

Posted: 1/3/2011 7:37:36 AM EDT

[#26]

I'm so sorry about your family's suffering. May God Bless you, your wife and your children. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Posted: 1/3/2011 7:55:18 AM EDT

[#27]

I fought cancer from the age of 15-17 and 23-33. My advice would be to live each day to its fullest. Get off of suger, find a reason to live and laugh as much as possible!!!

For years I would make the goal of living to the next family members Birthday. From Jan. 26 (my dads) to mine in March, to one of my brother's in May, my youngest brother's in June, my sisters in Aug. Another brother's in Sept, Another in Nov. and then we were in to Thanksgiving and CHRISTmas.... I lived that way for almost 8 years!!!

Having a good church family is real important for you, your wife and your children!!

My last thought is to NOT get into feeling sorry for yourself or your wife..

I will keep your wife in my prayers...

Amos1909

Posted: 1/3/2011 8:28:33 AM EDT

[#28]

so sorry for your loss. i'm at a loss for anything else to say.

Posted: 1/3/2011 8:33:48 AM EDT

[#29]

As many have already stated...words cannot express how badly we all feel for you and your family. Just remember that the sun will rise tomorrow and you must be strong for your children.

Posted: 1/3/2011 8:43:37 AM EDT

[#30]

Thoughts and prayers sent.

Posted: 1/3/2011 9:00:47 AM EDT

[#31]

Prayers sent to your family...

Posted: 1/3/2011 9:18:00 AM EDT

[#32]

Can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for your family. Lost my wife at age 27; we have a son who was 4 at the time. Sudden: didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. The only thing that kept me on this earth (quite literally) was my son. I needed him to know that, yes, we were in the toughest part of our lives; but we had eachother, and Mommy would want us to continue to live for her. I had to be a dad for him, because I know he was looking to me to show him that everything would be okay.
I know this may not apply exactly to your kids, as thay are older than mine was, but it may help you through the road you will face. Also, surround yourself with family and friends. Don't try to be stoic and a loaner. Take EVERY OPPORTUNITY to find a shoulder to lean on. It helps....trust me. God Bless.
P.S. My son is 20 now, and still loves hearing stories about his mom. Shared memories will keep her alive for all of you.

Posted: 1/3/2011 10:02:27 AM EDT

[#33]

Prayers sent for you and your children, GOD Bless you all,,,no words will heal your pain, but I can tell you it gets down to a dull throb at some point

Chef

Posted: 1/3/2011 10:24:21 AM EDT

[#34]

So sorry. My wife went through a cancer scare only 6 months into our marriage. She's cancer free 3+ years now.

Posted: 1/3/2011 10:51:10 AM EDT

[#35]

I edited my other post in this thread to add this.

Please everyone, remember that Mrs. jj01 is not dead. She can get
better too. Please keep this fact in your thoughts as you offer your
support to the jj01 family.

Posted: 1/3/2011 10:57:44 AM EDT

[#36]

Buddy, don't give up yet. The most important thing is to still believe.. and KNOW that there is a possibility that she could recover from this. Actually, don't think that it is a possibility, think that its a very likely outcome. I highly suggest that you look beyond allopathic medicine for answers and treatments. It may be as simple as giving her body and mind the environments they need in order to function properly and then they will fix the problem on their own. The human body and mind are both very resilient creations.

Also, another thing you might consider is facing your deaths prior to dying. There are ways to do this. They are not for the faint of heart or the negative minded. PM me if you'd like to know exactly what I'm talking about as I don't feel comfortable mentioning it in public.

Posted: 1/3/2011 1:53:46 PM EDT

[#37]

Our prayers are with you as well. We're on that pathway too. Things like this test you and will show you what is really important in life. Like Tj said, your survival mindset is an asset as you move thru this. Hang in there, endeavor to be the man your she and your family needs at this time and from here on out. There is always hope for positive turn arounds and for the future. When it gets mentally overwhelming - rest. Just rest and pray as you recharge bro.
Any number of us would answer IM's if you need to talk.

Posted: 1/3/2011 3:59:38 PM EDT

[#38]

Our hearts go out for you and your family JJ01.

Posted: 1/3/2011 4:43:43 PM EDT

[#39]

My heart hurts for you. My GF has had a battle with cancer. Years later she is still having complications from all the chemo. I hope the very best for your wife, children and you. We try and not dwell on the unknown or what the future will bring us but rather to live and laugh as often as we can. Little things like a hug, smile and laugh go a long way these days. Those will be the things you will hold on to and remember forever.

David

Posted: 1/3/2011 5:19:41 PM EDT

[#40]

My sincerest sympathy to you and your family in this tough time.

Posted: 1/3/2011 5:29:08 PM EDT

[#41]

Quoted:
I thought I had my shit somewhat together. Plenty of food and water, ammo stacked high and deep. Bug out bags and locations. No debt. What I really didn't expect to happen while in my early 40's was for my wife to die. Preps for that had been put on the back burner as I was foolish enough to think that I had plenty of time. Please learn from my mistake. Here is what I posted over in Team - thought it might help here. Link

She's the kind of woman that arfcom guys would love. Attractive, fun, likes to shoot, camp etc. She's my best friend and fox hole budy. My 14yo daughter and 13 yo son are devistated. so many hopes and dreams have been crushed.

JJ

Dude,

Please consider make a digital MASTER Copy off all the pics of your wife.

Maybe give hard copy pics to the kids, and take them to the Kinkos for digital scans?

Include EVERY digital pic you can get your hands on. Ask friends/kids to check their digital database for pics.

Then save the Master Copy in multiple formats of digital (USB, DVD,...) give a DVD to your brother/sister to keep for the kids "just in case".

I know this may seem hard, but I have done these exact steps in my personal life.

natty

Posted: 1/29/2011 7:43:15 AM EDT

[#42]

Positive thought & prayers are powerful things. I'll be praying for you and your family.

Posted: 1/29/2011 9:03:37 AM EDT

[#43]

Lord, we come to You today, to beg for healing for our brother's wife Maureen. We pray that Your loving hand will touch her, and rid her of her cancer. We implore You to grant peace and understanding to her children, peace, understanding, and strength to her husband. We ask for wisdom for the doctors to carry out Your will during her treatment.

We beg You for Your mercy to rain down.

In our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ we pray.

Amen.

Posted: 1/29/2011 12:17:31 PM EDT

[#44]

Prayers for you and yours.

Posted: 1/29/2011 3:12:15 PM EDT

[#45]

Prayers inbound for Mrs. jj01. I can't read the thread in team so I don't know the situation. That said, don't give up hope. Miracles DO happen.

Posted: 1/29/2011 6:10:19 PM EDT

[#46]

Quoted:
Lord, we come to You today, to beg for healing for our brother's wife Maureen. We pray that Your loving hand will touch her, and rid her of her cancer. We implore You to grant peace and understanding to her children, peace, understanding, and strength to her husband. We ask for wisdom for the doctors to carry out Your will during her treatment.

We beg You for Your mercy to rain down.

In our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ we pray.

Amen.

Amen again.

My prayers were sent, and now I've repeated with yours!

Posted: 1/29/2011 7:18:42 PM EDT

[#47]

Quoted:
Lord, we come to You today, to beg for healing for our brother's wife Maureen. We pray that Your loving hand will touch her, and rid her of her cancer. We implore You to grant peace and understanding to her children, peace, understanding, and strength to her husband. We ask for wisdom for the doctors to carry out Your will during her treatment.

We beg You for Your mercy to rain down.

In our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ we pray.

Amen.

Amen.

Posted: 1/29/2011 8:15:39 PM EDT

[#48]

Quoted:
Lord, we come to You today, to beg for healing for our brother's wife Maureen. We pray that Your loving hand will touch her, and rid her of her cancer. We implore You to grant peace and understanding to her children, peace, understanding, and strength to her husband. We ask for wisdom for the doctors to carry out Your will during her treatment.

We beg You for Your mercy to rain down.

In our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ we pray.

Amen.

Amen

We are praying for Maureen's full recovery.

Posted: 1/29/2011 8:22:36 PM EDT

[#49]

My mother kicked cancer's ass. At least that is what I tell her. She battled with breast cancer and has been clear for two years. I coined a phrase that now heads all of our correspondence (she lives over-seas). I tell her all the time... "You're my ninja!" I guess it sounds funnier out loud. You are welcome to it. It really takes the toughest sort to fight this battle. I am sure that your wife has what it takes. Cancer survivors are the toughest fighters out there.

Posted: 1/30/2011 1:05:14 AM EDT

[#50]

Prayers for you and your family. Y'all focus on life and beating her cancer.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - So I screwed up and didn't prep properly for the positibilty of a dying wife. (Page 1 of 2)

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