Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally will not hear.

The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers around the world.



  Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
 
  Delta351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

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  "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."

  "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

  "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

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  From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm fucking bored!"

  Ground Traffic Control: " Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

  Unknown aircraft : " I said I was fucking bored, not fucking stupid!"

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  O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."

  United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this.....I've got the little Fokker in sight."

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  A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
 
  Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

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  A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll-out after touching down.

  San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

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  Taxing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
  A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"
   " The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant. " It took us a while to find a new pilot."

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  A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:

  Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

  Ground (in English): "If you want an answer, you must speak in English."

  Lufthansa(in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

  Unknown voice from another plane (in a perfect British accent): " Because you lost the bloody war."



 007


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I don't have a liscense to kill, but I do have a learners permit.

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer, you must speak in English." Lufthansa(in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice from another plane (in a perfect British accent): " Because you lost the bloody war."

Hehehe. Thanks for the jokes, I needed that before I went to work!

Thank you for the humor.......I needed it after just getting off from work.

Quoted:     ==================   From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm fucking bored!"   Ground Traffic Control: " Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"   Unknown aircraft : " I said I was fucking bored, not fucking stupid!"   ==================   O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."   United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this.....I've got the little Fokker in sight."   ==================

My two favorites.  I almost fell out of my chair reading the "fucking bored" one.