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Page Hometown » Ohio
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10/20/2017 1:01:18 AM
9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 8/22/2005 12:40:10 PM EDT
You think all Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange!

You know all the 4 seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter and construction.

You live less than 30 miles from some college or university.

You know what a buckeye really is, and have a recipe for candied ones.

"Toward the lake" means "north" and "toward the river" means "south."

You know if other Ohioans are from southern or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouths.

You can spell words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine, Tuscarawas, Wapakoneta and you know

which letter is doubled in Cincinnati.

"Vacation" means spending a day at Cedar Point in the summer and deer hunting in the fall.

You measure distance in minutes.

Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You know what should be knee-high by the Fourth of July.

You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition.
For example: "Where's my coat at?"

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You think of the major four food groups as corn, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

You carry jumper cables in your car.

You know what 'pop' is.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. (Amen!)

You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires six pages for
sports.

You know which leafs make good toilet paper
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 12:52:11 PM EDT
Most if not all of this is true!





Link Posted: 8/22/2005 1:32:22 PM EDT

Originally Posted By mywifehatesguns:

which letter is doubled in Cincinnati.






Down hear its pronounced "cincinnata"
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 2:05:59 PM EDT
Here are some guidelines to assist others in understanding what it takes to be an Ohioan.


"Know the state casserole. The state casserole consists of canned green beans, Campbell's cream of mushroom soup and dried onions. You can safely take this casserole to any social event and know that you will be accepted. In fact, Neil Armstrong almost took this casserole to the moon in case he encountered alien life there. NASA nixed the plan out of concern that the casserole would overburden the Apollo rocket at liftoff.

Get used to food festivals. The Ohio General Assembly, in an effort to grow bigger offensive linemen, passed legislation years ago requiring every incorporated community to have at least one festival per year dedicated to a high-fat food. Thus, Sugarcreek honors Swiss cheese, Bucyrus has a bratwurst celebration and Gahanna, seeking an edge over other towns, has recently introduced the Triglyceride and Low-density Lipoprotein Festival. It is your duty as an Ohioan to attend these festivals and at least buy an elephant ear.

Know the geography. Of Florida, I mean. I've run into Ohioans who couldn't tell you where Toledo is but they know the exact distance from Fort Myers to Bonita Springs. That's because all Ohioans go to Florida in the winter. Or plan to when they retire. Or are related to retired Ohioans who have a place in Sarasota. We consider Florida to be the Lower Peninsula of Ohio.

If you can't afford to spend the winter in Florida, use the state excuse, which is that you stay here because you enjoy the change of season. You'll be lying, but that's OK. We've all done it.

Speaking of Ohio weather, wear layers or die. The thing to remember about Ohio seasons is that they can occur at anytime. We have spring like days in January and wintry weekends in October. April is capable of providing a sampling of all four seasons in a single 24-hour period. For these reasons, Ohio is the Layering Capital of the World. Even layering, however, can pose danger. Golfers have been known to dress for hypothermia and end up dead of heat stroke because they couldn't strip off their layers of plaid fast enough on a changeable spring morning.

Don't take Ohio place names literally. Upper Sandusky is below regular Sandusky. Circleville is square. East Liverpool has no counterpart to the west. Also, if a town has the same name as a foreign capital... Lima or Berlin, for example... you must not pronounce it that way lest you come under suspicion as a spy. Hence, it's not LEE-ma as in Peru, but LYE-ma as in bean.

Become mulch literate. Ohioans love mulch and appreciate its subtle differences. Learn the difference between hardwood, cypress and pine bark at a minimum. Researchers think the state affinity for mulch derives from its relatively flat terrain. People have a subconscious need for topography, and when it can't be supplied naturally, they are more likely to make little mulch hillocks in their front yards.

In order to talk sports with obsessive fans in Ohio, you have to be knowledgeable on three levels-professional, college and high school. The truly expert Ohio sports fan knows not only the name of the hotshot quarterback at Abercrombie and Fitch High School, but also what colleges he's interested in, how much he bench-presses, who he took to the prom and what he got on his biology quiz last week.

Remember that Ohioans are never the first to embrace trends. When we do embrace them, we do so with a Midwestern pragmatism. For example, if you see an Ohioan with a nose ring, there's a good chance he's had it undercoated to guard against rust.

The best way to sell something in Ohio is to attach the term "Amish" to it. The product need not be genuinely Amish. This would explain the existence of Amish moo shu pork.
I hope you found this guide to be useful. If it offends you, please let me know. I will bring a green-bean casserole to your house to make amends. "

Link Posted: 8/22/2005 2:26:53 PM EDT
Green Bean Casserole

That hit's close to home. I cannot remember the last family gathering I attended that did not have one.
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 3:18:10 PM EDT
wow....all of this is sooo true
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 3:35:42 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 3:47:37 PM EDT
"You measure distance in minutes. "

Sorry, but I think this one should be changed to:

You measure distance in the number of beers you can drink on the way there. Atleast that's the way it's usually done in the Shelby county.

Link Posted: 8/22/2005 5:08:13 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 7:17:51 PM EDT
You've seen that joke about being able to tell where a person is from based on how they drive, right?

The Ohio one says "Both feet on brake, both hands on steering wheels, eyes firmly shut: Ohio, but driving in Kommiefornia".

I do not believe this to be the case at all.

Drive 270 around Columbus, in fact, take any of the interstates near the bigger cities, if you doubt me.

I think that joke SHOULD read:

"Pedal to the floor, dodging in and out of traffic at 90+ mph, one finger on steering wheel, adjusting radio and eating, lighting cigarette, or taking a pinch of snuff: Ohio".
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 8:31:34 PM EDT
add in there talkin on the cell phone too
Link Posted: 8/23/2005 2:58:58 AM EDT

Originally Posted By JEC:

Get used to food festivals. The Ohio General Assembly, in an effort to grow bigger offensive linemen, passed legislation years ago requiring every incorporated community to have at least one festival per year dedicated to a high-fat food. Thus, Sugarcreek honors Swiss cheese, Bucyrus has a bratwurst celebration and Gahanna, seeking an edge over other towns, has recently introduced the Triglyceride and Low-density Lipoprotein Festival. It is your duty as an Ohioan to attend these festivals and at least buy an elephant ear.




As a Gahanna native, this does seem like something that the City would spend money on! (the Herb festival just wasn't helping anybody bulk up)
Link Posted: 8/23/2005 4:32:59 AM EDT

Originally Posted By mywifehatesguns:
Green Bean Casserole

That hit's close to home. I cannot remember the last family gathering I attended that did not have one.



Same here!

....damn, this is making me hungry
Link Posted: 8/23/2005 6:27:24 AM EDT
Guess i'm not a yankee ;-D
Link Posted: 8/23/2005 8:18:43 AM EDT
My hats off to mywifehatesguns and JEC . You both covered just about every base and I have lived in ohio all my life [ 42 years } The only reason I dont move is because I love the possibility of having all 4 or at least 3 seasons in 1 day.
Link Posted: 8/23/2005 2:11:32 PM EDT
It's good to live in the heart of it all.
Link Posted: 8/23/2005 5:12:05 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/23/2005 5:13:59 PM EDT by watersniper]
ETA: AWWWW SH$% LOOK AT MY POST COUNT!

<-------







Originally Posted By dpcop:

Originally Posted By JEC:

Get used to food festivals. The Ohio General Assembly, in an effort to grow bigger offensive linemen, passed legislation years ago requiring every incorporated community to have at least one festival per year dedicated to a high-fat food. Thus, Sugarcreek honors Swiss cheese, Bucyrus has a bratwurst celebration and Gahanna, seeking an edge over other towns, has recently introduced the Triglyceride and Low-density Lipoprotein Festival. It is your duty as an Ohioan to attend these festivals and at least buy an elephant ear.




As a Gahanna native, this does seem like something that the City would spend money on! (the Herb festival just wasn't helping anybody bulk up)



I grew up there too! Graduated in '94. Anyway I thought you got the munchies after the Herb Fest???
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