>> > >Dear President Bush:
>> > >
>> > >I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family,
> and I
>> > >would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the
>> > >border
>> > >from
>> > >the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know
>> > >you
>> can
>> > >help with this.
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration
>> > >quotas
>> > >and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here.
>> > >So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm
> on
>> > >my
>> > >way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
>> > >
>> > >1. Free medical care for my entire family.
>> > >2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might
> need,
>> > >whether I use them or not.
>> > >3. All government forms need to be printed in English.
>> > >4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.
>> > >5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.
>> > >6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the
> flag
>> > >pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.
>> > >7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
>> > >8. I will need a local
>> > >Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to
>> > >government services.
>> > >9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any
>> > >effort
>> to
>> > >learn local traffic laws, so warn folks to be careful when they see me
>> > >coming.
>> > >10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo
> from
>> > >Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers
>> speak
>> > >English.
>> > >11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on
> my
>> > >car, and expect to enjoy a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not
>> want
>> > >any
>> > >complaints or negative comments from the locals.
>> > >12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and
>> > >don't
>> > >enforce any labor laws or tax laws or immigration laws.
>> > >13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and
>> > >never
>> > >say a critical word about me, or about the strain I
>> > >might place on their staggering
>> > >economy.
>> > >
>> > >I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things
>> for
>> > >all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres.
> Fox
>> > >won't mind returning the favor, if you ask him nicely. However, if he
>> > >gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your
> V.P.
>> > >Thank you so much for your kind help.
>> > >Sincerely,
>> > >