When you find your good deal on some MRE's here is a good recipie you can use to spice it up a little!
Chez Ranger - by Frank Rodgers
>
> I had a date the other night at my place. On the phone the day
> before, the girl asked me to "Cook her something she's never had
before" for dinner.
>
> After many minutes of scratching my head over what to make, I
> finally settled on something she has DEFINATELY never eaten.
>
> I got out my trusty case of MRE's. Meal, Ready-to-Eat. Field
> rations that when eaten in their entirety contain 3000+ calories.
Here's what I made: I took three of the Ham Slices out of their plastic
> packets, took out three of the Pork Chops, three packets of
> Chicken-a-la-King, and eight packets of dehydrated butter noodles and
> some dehydrated/rehydrated rice. I cooked the Ham Slices and Pork
Chops in one pan, sauteed in shaved garlic and olive oil.
>
> In another pot, I blended the Chicken a-la-king, noodles, and
> rice together to make a sort of mush that looked suspiciously like
> succotash. I added some spices, and blended everything together in a glass
> pan that I then cooked in the oven for about 35 minutes at 450
degrees.
> When I took it out, it looked like, well, ham slices, pork
chops, and a bed of yellow poop. I covered the tops of the meat in the MRE
> cheese (kinda like velveeta) and added some green sprinkly thingys
from one of my spice cans (hey, if it's got green sprinkly thingys on it, it (looks fancy right?)
>
> For dessert, I took four MRE Pound Cakes, mashed 'em up, added
> five packets of cocoa powder, powdered coffee cream, and some water. I
> heated it up and stirred it until it looked like a sort of chunky
> gelatinous organism, and I sprinkled powdered sugar on top of it.
> Voila--Ranger Pudding.
>
> For alcoholic drinks, I took the rest of my bottle of Military
> Special Vodka (yes, they DO make a type of liquor named "Military
> Special"--it sells for $4.35 per fifth) and mixed in four packets of
> "Electrolytes - 1 each - Cherry flavored" (I swear, the packet says that). It
> looked like an eerie kool-aid with sparkles in it (that was the
> electrolytes I guess... could've been leftover sand from Egypt).
>
> I lit two candles, put a vase of wildflowers in the middle, and
> set the table with my best set of Ralph Lauren Academy-series China (
> my set of 8 place settings cost me over $600), and put the alcoholic
drink in a crystal wine decanter.
> She came over, and I had some appetizers already made, of MRE
> spaghetti-with-meatballs, set in small cups. She saw the dinner, saw
the food, and said "This looks INCREDIBLE!!!"
> We dug in, and she was loving the food. Throughout the meal, she
> kept asking me how long it took me to make it, and kept remarking that
I obviously knew a thing or two about cooking fine meals. She kind of
> balked at the makeshift "wine" I had set out, but after she tried it I
> guess she liked it because she drank four glasses during dinner.
>
> At the end of the main course, when I served the dessert, she
> squealed with delight at the "Chocolate mousse" I had made. Huh?
> Chocolate what?
> Okay... yeah... it's Chocolate Moose. Took me HOURS to make...
> yup.
>
> Later on, as we were watching a movie, she excused herself to
use my restroom. While she was in there, I heard her say softly to herself
> "uh oh" and a resounding but petite f**t punctuated her utterance of dismay.
>
>
> Let the games begin.
>
> She sprayed about half a can of air freshener (Air Freshener, 1
> each, Orange scent. Yup. The Army even makes smellgood) and returned
to the couch, this time with an obvious pained look.
> After 10 more minutes she excused herself again, and retreated
to the bathroom for the second time. I could hear her say "What the hell is WRONG with me???," as she again send flatulent shockwaves into the
> porcelain bowl. This time, they sounded kinda wet, and I heard the
> toilet paper roll being employed, and again, LOTS more air freshener.
>
> Back to the couch. She smiles meekly as she decides to sit on
the chair instead of next to me. She sits on my chair, knees pulled up to
> her chest, kind of rocking back and forth slightly. Suddenly, without
a word, she ROCKETED up and FLEW to the bathroom, slammed the door, and
> didn't come out for 30 minutes.
>
> I turned the movie up because I didn't want her to hear me
> laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my cheeks.
>
> She came out with a slightly gray palor to her face, and said "I
> am SOOOOOO sorry. I have NO idea what is wrong with me. I am so
> embarrassed, I can't believe I keep running to your bathroom!!" I gave
> her an Immodium AD, and she finally settled down and relaxed.
> Later on, she asked me again what I had made for dinner, because
> she had enjoyed it so much. I calmly took her into the kitchen and
> showed her all the used MRE bags and packets in the trash can.
>
> After explaining to her that she had eaten roughly 9,000
> calories of
"Army food" she turned stark white, looked at me incredulously, and said "I ate 9,000 calories or dehydrated food that was made 3 years ago?"
> After I concurred, she grabbed her coat and keys, and took off
> without a word. She called me yesterday. Seems she couldn't s**t for 3 days, and
> when she finally did, the smell was so bad, her roommate could smell
it from down the hall. She also told me she had been working out nonstop to combat the high caloric intake, and that she never wanted me to cook
> dinner for her again, unless she was PERSONALLY there to inspect the
> food beforehand.
>
> It was a fun date. She laughed about it eventually, and said
that that was the first time she'd ever crapped in a guy's house on a date.
> She'd been so upset by it she was in tears in the bathroom while I had
> been in tears on the couch.
>
> It was a fun night.