OK, NO IM NOT HAVING A BREAK DOWN,JUST A ? I HAVE A 13 ALMOST 14 YRS OLD AND A 12 ALMOST 13 YR OLD LIVING AT MY HOUSE. MY OL LADY SAID SHE WOULD RATHER ME WHIP THEM THEN GROUND THEM. THEY ARE BOTH GIRLS AND I FEEL THEY AS GIRLS DONT NEED WHIPED BUT GROUNDED. WHEN I WHIP THEM I FEEL SICK TO MY GUT. THEY KNOW THIS BUT THEY ALSO KNOW I WILL DO IT. I AM RAISING A BABY FROM MY OL LADYS NIECE,SHE IS THE BEST KID EVER AND IS 6 MONTHS OLD. WE HAVE HAD HER SINCE BIRTH. THE TWO OLDER ONES ARE FOR THE OLD SCHOOL. WHAT SHOULD I DO FOR NEW SCHOOL? TIME OUT? I DONT BELIEVE IN THAT SHIT.

Whenever my mom, dad, or grandparents whiped my ass it ALWAYS sraitened me out.  Grounding me never did becouse I would sneak out anyways. Then I would get another ass whipping.

i have a 13month old that is the happiest baby ever. She does get into stuff that she souldnt, and my wife and i just yell her name and say no. I do belive in giving a spanking but she is too small for that right now. So i dont know how much help this is but i figured id tell ya.

A proper spanking will almost always be more effective that timeouts (while younger) and grounding (when older).  Punishment should be swift, and should be put behind the recipient as quickly as possible yet the lesson must be taught and remembered.

Grounding makes the child contemplate the whole event for too long a period, and will eventually turn the child away from you.  

When you are punished swiftly, you go from fear to embarrasment to acceptance of your actions.  When punishment is extended (like a grounding), you end up going into an anger and resentment phase which can be damaging.

Grounding a teen or pre-teen should be given only after spankings proove ineffective.  And in that case, the person being punished should be periodically reminded durring the ground period, that the reason for the extended punishment is because he or she did not learn from the spankings.

Quoted: WHEN I WHIP THEM I FEEL SICK TO MY GUT. THEY KNOW THIS BUT THEY ALSO KNOW I WILL DO IT.

It sounds like you are doing it just right.
If you hate it, I'm certain you are no danger to them.
And you will only use it as a tool, and not as a cure-all.

Make your wife spank them since they are girls. Either that or take away certain priveledges for awhile and they will straighten up.

If I may toss my .02 cents in here.  I have no problems with spanking the children,  just make sure they know what they did wrong,  tell them over and over again why you are spanking them.  I feel the physical punishment along with the verbal telling them is the better so that they associate what you are saying with the spanking.

There's a time and a place for spankings.  Past a certain age I think it does more harm than good. It's a real good attention getter for younger children.  Once they get older and can better understand boundarys, set them and stick to them.  Let them know that "actions have consequences, always." Consistancy is everything!  What's wrong today is wrong tomorrow.  Kids have a simplistic view of things, it's "black or it's white," "right or wrong."  We're the ones that are confusing with "our grey areas."
At 13 and 14 I feel for you. That age they are greatly influenced by their peers & friends.  Try to "guide them toward the right choices" in both activities and friends.  There's alot going on in their minds and bodies at that age.  I work at a middle school in special ed and there's "never a dull moment!"  Keep them busy doing productive things and don't be afraid to "be the parent" not the "friend!"

JMHO & YMMV
(There are no easy answers!)

Hessian-1  

Spare the rod, spoil the child.

I never saw a kid that couldn't benefit from an occasional spanking, myself included.

Quoted: Make your wife spank them since they are girls. Either that or take away certain priveledges for awhile and they will straighten up.

this is good advice, make the wife whip them if it comes to that. if it's just grounding then you do it. but neither of you can give in.....

Quoted: Make your wife spank them since they are girls. Either that or take away certain priveledges for awhile and they will straighten up.

Not trying to be a dick but... What does gender have to do with disiplining your children?

My wife and I have an equal part in the disipline of our daughter (few and far between luckily) she has had a few spankings from both of us and just the mention of "getting the paddle" has a profound effect on her.

Scott

Quoted: Quoted: Make your wife spank them since they are girls. Either that or take away certain priveledges for awhile and they will straighten up. Not trying to be a dick but... What does gender have to do with disiplining your children? My wife and I have an equal part in the disipline of our daughter (few and far between luckily) she has had a few spankings from both of us and just the mention of "getting the paddle" has a profound effect on her. Scott

Well I had always noticed from growing up that women usually took the role of disciplinarian with daughters up till the teen years. I guess maybe it stems from the unwritten rule that men dont hit women maybe? A paddling from a mother seems more just in our society? A man might be too hard?

Im not an expert or even experienced in the slightest so this is just a guess FWIW

OH MY GOODNESS- you ARE WHIPPING children!? LOL! Seriously, I believe teenagers are too old for corporal punishment. We spank our 22 months and 5.5 yr. old sons. However, spanking is always reserved for direct challenge to parental authority. It is a firm reminder and a confirmation that their parents have the authority and are in charge. They are never spanked for childish acts or genuine mistakes. However, disobedience to direct and clear parental orders will be seen as a challenge to parental authority and will be punished more harshly. If children do not know that you are in charge, they’ll never listen to you.

Small kids quickly learn this pattern and the frequency of corporal punishment becomes rare. Therefore, its effectiveness increases. Spanking, like any other punishment, becomes far less effective when it is dished out too frequently.  Punishments and other parental tools such as yelling will be tuned out when used too often. We reserve yelling for things that require the boys immediate compliance. Commands such as "STOP" will cause them to halt dead in their tracks because they are so shocked that we YELLED at them. This is very useful when trying to stop your children from running into the street or doing anything that will kill them.

Be creative with your teenagers. Mix your parental tools up to keep them guessing. The anticipation of how they will be punished is half of the torture. Taking privileges away, explaining the reasons of doing the right things, letting them know that they are loved no matter what (which is not to say that you are pleased with their errors), and how much it hurts those who love them when they do bad things- all will go a long way to steer big kids in the right direction. Above all, parental authority and an united front between the parents must be protected at all costs.

I am not a child behavior specialist but I did stay at Holiday Inn Express last night. YMMV.

Quoted: OH MY GOODNESS- you ARE WHIPPING children!? LOL! Seriously, I believe teenagers are too old for corporal punishment. We spank our 22 months and 5.5 yr. old sons. However, spanking is always reserved for direct challenge to parental authority. It is a firm reminder and a confirmation that their parents have the authority and are in charge. They are never spanked for childish acts or genuine mistakes. However, disobedience to direct and clear parental orders will be seen as a challenge to parental authority and will be punished more harshly. If children do not know that you are in charge, they’ll never listen to you. Small kids quickly learn this pattern and the frequency of corporal punishment becomes rare. Therefore, its effectiveness increases. Spanking, like any other punishment, becomes far less effective when it is dished out too frequently.  Punishments and other parental tools such as yelling will be tuned out when used too often. We reserve yelling for things that require the boys immediate compliance. Commands such as "STOP" will cause them to halt dead in their tracks because they are so shocked that we YELLED at them. This is very useful when trying to stop your children from running into the street or doing anything that will kill them. Be creative with your teenagers. Mix your parental tools up to keep them guessing. The anticipation of how they will be punished is half of the torture. Taking privileges away, explaining the reasons of doing the right things, letting them know that they are loved no matter what (which is not to say that you are pleased with their errors), and how much it hurts those who love them when they do bad things- all will go a long way to steer big kids in the right direction. Above all, parental authority and an united front between the parents must be protected at all costs. I am not a child behavior specialist but I did stay at Holiday Inn Express last night. YMMV.

Uh, What he said!^

Hessian-1

Quoted: Quoted: OH MY GOODNESS- you ARE WHIPPING children!? LOL! Seriously, I believe teenagers are too old for corporal punishment. We spank our 22 months and 5.5 yr. old sons. However, spanking is always reserved for direct challenge to parental authority. It is a firm reminder and a confirmation that their parents have the authority and are in charge. They are never spanked for childish acts or genuine mistakes. However, disobedience to direct and clear parental orders will be seen as a challenge to parental authority and will be punished more harshly. If children do not know that you are in charge, they’ll never listen to you. Small kids quickly learn this pattern and the frequency of corporal punishment becomes rare. Therefore, its effectiveness increases. Spanking, like any other punishment, becomes far less effective when it is dished out too frequently.  Punishments and other parental tools such as yelling will be tuned out when used too often. We reserve yelling for things that require the boys immediate compliance. Commands such as "STOP" will cause them to halt dead in their tracks because they are so shocked that we YELLED at them. This is very useful when trying to stop your children from running into the street or doing anything that will kill them. Be creative with your teenagers. Mix your parental tools up to keep them guessing. The anticipation of how they will be punished is half of the torture. Taking privileges away, explaining the reasons of doing the right things, letting them know that they are loved no matter what (which is not to say that you are pleased with their errors), and how much it hurts those who love them when they do bad things- all will go a long way to steer big kids in the right direction. Above all, parental authority and an united front between the parents must be protected at all costs. I am not a child behavior specialist but I did stay at Holiday Inn Express last night. YMMV. Uh, What he said!^ Hessian-1

The large bearded one doesnt need force! He simply unleashes the speared tongue and they are silenced! Its as if GAWD ALLMIGHTY sent down thunder and great winds!!!

It's true, I have a direct line to the "Man," as far as "thunder and great winds!!!" It depends on what I had for dinner.

As an educator, I can honestly say that spanking is best left to the younger age children.  I would suggest suspending corporal punishment once a child is out of grade school.  

A teenager is not going to benefit from a spanking.  A better course of action would be to remove privledges such as TV, cell phone, computer, etc.  In my opinion, this would have a more profound effect on the child than a spanking.

I do not have children and often wonder about this issue.  Do I want to use a violent act on someone who loves me and relies on me for everything?  What does corporal punishment truly teach????  I recieved many spankings as a child and deserved every one.  I turned out ok, I think, so needless to say I am still pondering the issue.  

I guess what it truly comes down to is are you doing what you believe is best for the child?

Sorry I could not be much help just felt like adding my two cents.

Along the lines of grounding, I have heard of taking away priveledges.
Things like cell phones, restricting computer games, taking away clothes and leaving minimal required clothing (nothing fancy, one pair of shoes, etc..)  Take away stereo, MP3 players etc...

A good whippin

Will keep them a tickin

On the right road.

us 3 boys in the family got lickins early on--later on, the strap--

all Pa had to say was: "Get me THE STRAP!" and everything settled down.