Me 49 , Parts Mgr.Car dealer, 8-5 no weekends. Roughly 50+k.14 yrs same place.
Her 48 V.P.Bankaudits,security whatever.Bankers hours some travel. 60+k.Several years.
Us 4000 sq ft Cape Cod 6 acres,3 car garage,other buildings a regular Green Acres.1200 month.  She pays .I pay everything else,phone taxes insurence.....175k owed.
Me Harley,4wheeler,trailer,guns,big Ford loads of accumulated stuff,ie collectables.
Her not materialistic,some furniture car,spends money on grandchild and son.
Lived toghter 13 yrs.Non combative but very dull and complacent.
All my family lives here 15min any direction,whats left getting old.
Hers in Fla,Md,Tenn,La,Nc.Parents dead,just siblings.
Problem..Gets job offer at same Major bank upper position can be six figures with stock options.Sounds great except must move to Fairfax area,no commute.
Me would have to make complete livestyle change and sell my toys and get new enployment.Lose access to hobbys,hell I got a range in back yard.
I still own my homeplace but it's under rental contract for a year so that has me screwed on where to live if I don't follow the betterhalf to the city.I know I'am not the first or the last,but it's a first for me.

well it's kind of hard to understand.

But you wrote that you have lived together for 13 years, correct?

If so that's considered married in the commonwealth of VA so it ain't as easy as saying see ya.

I don't think that has much meaning anymore.It's like should I give it all up to follow her career or go back and bach it without giving up all I've worked for.What can you gain for another 40k to leave the "country" and move to the city and try to lead the same livestyle.It's not like we could move to Landsdowne from the low 800's.It's more like an apt. or a 50 yr. old house for 500k.No yard,no garage,no workshop.In her defence her mind not really right.Her son is a Marine 12yr. God Bless Him but he was in logistics and has voluteered for Iraq,no demanded to go and teach them how to fight in his words.Change of MOS and whatever.Plus the 6yr old granddaughter in LA. that she can't see enough.Relitives believe it's to make up for what she didn't do for her son.I just feel it's the old rock and hard place thing.Her career or my ailing family and want to keep my toys and friends.and activities.I personally don't see anywhere in Fairfax or Falls Church that is suitable for me or my political views.

I would have to be on your side on this one.  Life is not ultimately about how much is shown on your W-4.  It should be about being happy and I wouldn't be happy to do a complete lifestyle change for another 40k before taxes.

I thank you for your opinion.Don't get me wrong I like coming to the
"city" to eat,hang out and shop.I've only moved once from my home at age 41 to this beautiful place we have now but she has moved many times and has even been burned out of an apt. before,how we met but anyway...I'am an only child and my family has always lived here and taken care of the one's that get old.She has had very little home roots to speak of,lived between two parents back and forth all her life,with the sibblings leaving as soon as possible and done well by the way.She is a corporate gogetter and position means so much to her.She is topped out here and advancement seems so important.Me I be a service worker forever.She's got a CPA and is a excellent accountant and loves the work.Our only problem is we really have little in common when it comes to hobbies.Remember Abner and Gladis Kravitz on the Bewitched show.The commuter population is becoming so large here sometimes I feel like I'am already living in the city.My job does't pay enough to commute back and forth and you tell me where I can get a dealershio job 8to5 and no weekends,which I know you can't spend but nowadays has to mean something.In my defence she told me Monday she applied for the job but didn't expect to get it.Thursday night she tells me she got the job and it was too good to pass up so she accepted it.Mouth flops open......

Quoted: I don't think that has much meaning anymore.It's like should I give it all up to follow her career or go back and bach it without giving up all I've worked for.What can you gain for another 40k to leave the "country" and move to the city and try to lead the same livestyle.It's not like we could move to Landsdowne from the low 800's.It's more like an apt. or a 50 yr. old house for 500k.No yard,no garage,no workshop.In her defence her mind not really right.Her son is a Marine 12yr. God Bless Him but he was in logistics and has voluteered for Iraq,no demanded to go and teach them how to fight in his words.Change of MOS and whatever.Plus the 6yr old granddaughter in LA. that she can't see enough.Relitives believe it's to make up for what she didn't do for her son.I just feel it's the old rock and hard place thing.Her career or my ailing family and want to keep my toys and friends.and activities.I personally don't see anywhere in Fairfax or Falls Church that is suitable for me or my political views.

Nothing for nothing but legally it most certainly does. Now if both of you say fuck it and part ways no big deal, but most women don't usually follow that line of thought when you say "I don't want to be with you any more".

so if she challenges you for shared property and assets just know that she as that legal right.

As for the not wanting to move, if she is going double or triple her salary simply keep the place you have now and buy a condo or the like in NVA. You can come back on weekends or whatever.

Quoted: well it's kind of hard to understand. But you wrote that you have lived together for 13 years, correct? If so that's considered married in the commonwealth of VA so it ain't as easy as saying see ya.

Virginia does not have common law marriage, so no, they are not married.

Quoted: Nothing for nothing but legally it most certainly does. Now if both of you say fuck it and part ways no big deal, but most women don't usually follow that line of thought when you say "I don't want to be with you any more". so if she challenges you for shared property and assets just know that she as that legal right.

Are you an attorney in Virginia? I am, and I've never heard of this.

No I's an Arms dealer but thanks for asking.

I don’t care what we have in the State as far as what it is called. But from experiences in Life if you live with someone for years and years and gather/enter into, mutual property/contracts like a house/car you can not simple say “fuck it I’m out”

Right or wrong Mr attorney?

If it was only about love and passion it would be no big deal.I'am the first and only one to "have anything nice" as my mother puts it.I grew up watching my grandmother put water in the ketchup bottle to get that last bit out,plus other things I remember growing up in a single parent household.I was brought up by people who lived through the depression and thought a pork shoulder and white beans were a treat.In these times of waste and to take for granted the things we have I guess I've become very possive of my property.I lived and took care of each of these people untill they died because they took care of me.I've had a great life and do to a bad heart and not willing to change my eating habbits or exercise I probaly won't make it past 60.So going in debt again for 30 yr. is beyond me.As the house goes it's 50-50 but I purchesed the 6 acres with my own money,65k if it matters.I believe I've reached my own kobiashi-maru,an unwinable situation.I hope she looks around and sees what she has and judge that against job title. Pray for Our Troops  Thanks.

Just out of curiosity why would you have to move to the Fairfax area. Where in VA do you live now? Fairfax are is getting very expensive looking at around 500+ for a house up in thta area. Closer to DC the more expensive it gets. My answer is I dont know man you sound like you are set where you are? Does more money= Happienes?

I vote stay where you are, sounds like you have a nice setup there. Good luck!

Thanks alot, yea 15 min west and its God's country W.Va.She says the bank requires living local,me I don't know.It's not the money but position for her.Female climbing corporate latter thing i guess.I know 40 thousand more a year gross ain't shoot in Fairfax county.When I sit on my front porch drinking a cold one and look out at the Blue Ridge and know what's on the other side,I just wonder why.

Quoted: Are you an attorney in Virginia? I am, and I've never heard of this.

If it got ugly, there are various things that may land these folks in court.  Unless of course there was never a co-mingling of funds to purchase majors items of the household.

You know, like furniture, curtains, dishes, a new deck -- whatever.

Quoted: Her 48 V.P.Bankaudits,security whatever.Bankers hours some travel. 60+k.Several years. ... Gets job offer at same Major bank upper position can be six figures with stock options. Sounds great except must move to Fairfax area, no commute.

I've been in jobs before with stock "options".  They don't often pan out, so take them off the table when calculating income.

A $60k salary in God's Country will get you a heck of a better standard of living than close-to-six-figures in Fairfax County.  Most of the difference will be eaten up by income taxes, property taxes, and the cost of housing.

The ONLY reason I would consider it is if she's in some sort of pension plan at work where the retirement benefit is based on annual salary rather than years in service.  In that case I could see moving into the area for a few years and renting a place to live in Ffx while keeping your current home.  Otherwise, I'd pass.

Just MHO.

Thanks Bubbles,most everyone I talked to think the same.The only thing we have jointly is the house,so thats kinda cut and dry.I buy the groceries,pay the taxes,insurance,all ultilities,anything else,She pays morgage,ins.,and home taxes.It pretty much is a wash.All the appliances and three quarters of the furniture are mine,plus all the tractors,mowers ect.It's a good life,if we want steak every night we can have it.It just seems to be such a extreame change,especially at my age.I only hope it will work out.I am hoping maybe she'll get an apt.to live in during the week and come home on the weekend.I forgot we have three dogs and I would miss them the most.

She accepted the job without talking to you, seems to me she doesn't expect you to go.  I could be wrong, but a "couple" should talk about these things.  And 100k here in Fairfax county is a PAYCUT from 60k in other parts of the state because of cost of living.

I would happily take a pay cut to leave this area if jobs in my part of my industry were available outside the DC area.

shooter

I think I was expected to go unquestioned.

Then I would be even more concerned.  You have roots to your current locale, and lifestyle, and any plans to move should have been mutually agreed upon.  I would be pretty annoyed if I were in your shoes.  Then again, I may also be looking into jobs in the area where she will wind up, if you are serious about sticking together.  Just don't sell your toys, you will resent it for a long, long time.

shooter

I was afraid talkind about shooting gun might be tanking out of context.

You wouldn't find a place to do it, there are some shooting facilities not far from Moran-ville, but I don't think any of them are actually in his district.  I could be wrong, because I don't know where the southern boundary is.  However, if I can get a couple more gun types in Alexandria it may be time to work against Moran staying in power.

shooter

for what its worth...

http://www.vsb.org/publications/brochure/married.html


i guess i am "sort of" an attorney...meaning i have graduated from law school, but have yet to sit for the bar....if you are common owners of property that can cause issues, but based on what you have said, it is likely the court says you have a landlord-tenant relationship in relation to your real property...

personal property could be much different (the furniture...did you both pay for it?  or did it come from separate accounts?  be prepared to have to separate your "stuff")

having said all of that....if you love her, then you are an idiot to stay where you are and let her go...if she is just a simple prop to occupy your time, let her go...

ive been married almost 9 years now...in that time I have postponed going to law school for 3 years to work where my wife's residency was (for those unfamiliar, doctors dont get to completely choose their residency, they rank programs and then a match places them...we were placed in a location away from any law school)...and the reason I have not yet sat for the bar is because I am doin the stay at home dad gig with our two boys.....a career to me is something i do to get money to support my family habit...if we could both stop working tomorrow, and maintain an income level commensurate with our current one, both of us would walk away from our careers....these are just jobs....home for me is where my wife and sons are, and if that needs to be someplace else for the good of everyone thats where we would be....

having said that....ALL of our decisions have been made together, after much communication, soul searching, and examination of the consequences...it isnt paradise...no marriage is...all require work...sometimes i get angry that i am not working...sometimes i wonder what life would be like had i taken some of the big firm job offers i had and worked towards partner....but i made my choice...family is WAAY more important to me than any job, home, location, etc could ever be...

thats my answer...its not right or wrong, just mine...you may feel entirely different, and that will influence what you decide...

as an aside...if she leaves and you let her, she may be gone forever....if you move though...well rural virginia was there long before you, and will likely be long after...just food for thought

Ya know this is been like sitting around the campfire with your friends.I have concluded that this transfer ie promotion sh-t has gotton so overwelming to me and I apprciate the responces.I did leave out that I do suffer with bad case of depression,altho being treated with a finely tuned blend of caffine,nicotine,and prescription drugs in doesn't make it any easier to handle. With that being said tonight in celebration of her announced promotion I will stand my ground and Katy bar the door she will have to move my arse out.I might lose but I refuse to go down without a fight and I see no free ride to Fairfax in her future.She might need that 40k raise.

Thanks Again.

F.D.S. The only stink stopper !!!

Stay where you are and don't look back....

Well I got home .I cried,I got loud ,and boy am i drunk.We traded the i still love yous you can still leave with ne in the city.We can seek consuling...should of thought about that before accepting job.Yea she stopped by moms house and made her cry with the youv been like my parents thing,That was very sad for them Its ashame for these thing to happen but they do and we have had some wonderful time s together.I hope others won't have to go through this but it will happen.I am glad we had no children involved but the dogs,and that sucks the most.iTS to bed now and try to sleep it off I sure ain't getting any younger. God Bless all of you.

Quoted: Quoted: well it's kind of hard to understand. But you wrote that you have lived together for 13 years, correct? If so that's considered married in the commonwealth of VA so it ain't as easy as saying see ya. Virginia does not have common law marriage, so no, they are not married.

Isn't it illegal to cohabitate in VA?

it is illegal to co-habitate in Virginia...just one of many things illegal here....

it also could make any legal issues hard....agreements based on an illegal relationship arent generally looked upon favorably...

doesnt look like its an issue anymore though...

Well the option to move with her to NOVA is still here but, I cannot say that no happier we are together now MY attitude would probaly just get worse.I thought I was prepared to stay with her for better or worse nomatter what.I've never been with someone that was such a gogetter and career minded,with moving upward as a prime objective.Being a selfish only child I'll admit but damn if I couldn't think of someplace better to move than NOVA.Not ment as a slur against those that live there but I 'am not the Beverly Hilbillies by no means but you just have to make a home somewhere.I can't see me maybe moving again in 2 to 3 years to N.C. if she succeeds and moves up again.i guess all I can do is thank her for all the good times we had and hope it all will come out in the wash.The want to climb the corporate latter just isn't in me I'am too root bound.I feel like that first night at boot,laying in my rack wondering what the f..k have I done....

Shit  sounds like your both set nicely now. Why be greedy. leave some thing for the others. lol F nva it would take 6 digits just to get me to even consider liveing there and another 6 to drive to work every day. and the first 6 better start with a 4 or 5 . Man sounds like your happy where you are  stay there and get on with life. that is unless she is going to support you and then you can play.

Quoted: Isn't it illegal to cohabitate in VA?

I believe it is (though I don't have a cite handy). Of course, it's probably enforced about as often as the criminal prohibitions on adultery, fornication, etc. (i.e., almost never).

The only thing giving me greif is I gots no place to live.I have to wait for the house to sell[yea right]. 49 years of stuff plus tools equipment tractors ect. ect.This has been the whole problem all along, to move sell and maybe regret like he-l or sit back take a breath in six months or a year wonder what the big deal was.

I dont place any faith in marriage. I think it comes down to commitment to each other.
So not being married doesn't say anything about how you feel about your wife.

My wife is a CPA and a go getter also, so I think I can see were your coming from.



I want, NO I need my wife to be happy and if it took moving I would support my wife as much as I could. I hate NOVA but I would try if she asked because I know she would do the same for me. This only works if its a two way street.

Now change the word wife to husband if both parties cant say this then the relationship is ONE sided and you need to look out for yourself. In that case I would try to find someone who has MY best interest at heart at your present location.

Plus not taking hormone medicine makes them a differnt person.20 years to maybe get  cancer or 20 years of misery.

Quoted: Plus not taking hormone medicine makes them a differnt person.20 years to maybe get  cancer or 20 years of misery.

I hear ya .

Love the dog!!

Like Custer I'am circlin the wagons.I have made an appointment with a lawyer.I just hope he's not with Bandini and Locke.  Like grains of sand through an hour glass.......

Quoted: Love the dog!!

Here is the newest one 7 weeks

Sounds like your woman made the decision to move out with out considering how you feel.

Let her go. If you both want to have a long distance relationship it may work out.  

As far as your property goes if you own it together as a joint owner she could take you to court to force you to buy her half out or sell the prorty and divide the spoils but I don't think it is all that easy a process. Probably better for her to just let her stake in your home ride for the time being.  

Saigon....I'm still in Saigon.....   Well this is the most bizzar way to go through life.The atmosphere is generally quiet like nothings wrong,all phone calls are on the cell,outside on porch.Damn I can't snoop,need bionic ear.Theres been no relators come by or anybody making house values around that I know of.She has free access to any info or legal questions she needs answered at the bank,hence me seeking a lawyer.I'm settling down out of panic mode to let's see what happens.I do have my family behind me for support and that helps along with understanding friends.I've been real careful not to mudrake her,no need.It's turning into one of those it's a real shame kind of replys.But as a life long batchelor who stayed single all these years just so this wouldn't happen to him it sucks.I have found that a person who is not collage educated or working professonal should really consider not being involved with a professonal or a working over achiever.Try to marry a Greenpeacer and a graduate of Ted Nugent school of life,it just won't work.I still am impressed with the responces from you because it is a serious matter for me and my relatives and could end up with a very bad ending.  Love Stinks..Nazereth

The plot thickens...it acually is coming together.See the better half works directly for the bank president.El presedente tells her as long as he's here he will see that she any job assistence he can give her,sort of going to the head of the line.Well the old pres retires today and I guess she has to grab at the first brass ring availible or lose all chance of moving on up..to the east side.She is not without a job but I guess board with her present lifestyle,me included.But sitting sitting on the porch last night watching  this six point chasing the does around reminded of what men do.That view was way better than looking out at a metro train going by or praying every day she gets home safe from work,which I will always do.To live in the big city is a decision people make every day but I feel it's just not right for me.Unless they have open season on criminals and gangs.I would never feel comfotable living there.Eleven states to chose from he she picks NOVA.One dig I did get in,she passed her motorcycle licence test,but of course no cycle,so I told her she should have applied for a concealed carry permit instead,it would be more useful.With two attempted rapes in Vienna yesterday doesn't make her leaving any easier.Man I'am getting tired of washing off the tears.

Not to play devil's advocate her or anything, but NoVA aint THAT bad....

my mom lives on 10 acres in prince william county....friends and family bow hunt deer on her property...in 20 minutes you can be in manassas or in potomac mills...

yes, some of NoVA sucks, and traffic sucks...but honestly traffic in charlottesville sucks...as does traffic in roanoke...

i am sure she will be fine in NoVA...i personally just decided to move back to south NoVA if that makes any sense...

orange (where we live now) is pretty, and its nice country...but I like being near everything...and if it turns out i dont like it i can move back..

Yea your probaly right.A lot of overreaction on my part.It's her big move up verses my total change in life.Had a first long talk last night and a lot came out.The move doesn't nessary have to be in town but in the region.It's up to me whose still in love with her to go on and change and make some sacrifices or stay here and shoot ol' yellar.