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11/20/2019 5:07:11 PM
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:21:53 PM EST
OK, so I'm at home a few nights back, it's around 6-7pm, the phone rings.
Wife looks at the caller ID, "NRA"- "Honey, it's for you."
OK. they've been calling for about 10 days straight at this point, I've either ducked them because I was in no mood for a survey, or simply wasn't there.

"NRA Chick"- Hello MR .45, I'm (blahblahblah) from the NRA. I'd like to ask when the last time you had the opportunity to go hunting or shooting was." (OK....the direct approach.However- I HEARTILY dis-like being manuvered upon. Plan Alpha it is...EXECUTE-EXECUTE-EXECUTE)
ME- "This afternoon."
NRA Chick- "Really?!"
ME- "Yeah. I was in a parking lot downtown Spokane. There were so many scumbags I'd could've limited out before anyone noticed a few were missing. I just couldn't figger what to do with the gut piles."
NRA Chick "*Uhhhhh* "Wow"....."You're QUITE the character Sir."
ME- Yeah, I'm a real riot. What can I do to you?"
NRA Chick- *Uhhhhhh*[HeHaa]...I, uhhhhhhhhhh....am calling in regards to the need for your support of the NRA more now than ever Sir..."
ME- "Hey, Wow, great script. It's just that it sounds like a poorly modified version of "Da Dems R gonna get us" in 2000, and every version since."
NRA Chick- "Wellllll....President Obama's voting record..."
ME- "Is dismal, Yeah, got it. Current events also indicates he at least has some smart handlers that won't let him push ANY Gun legislation until his second term when he's a lame duck.
NRA Chick- "While that might be Sir.."
ME- "You're not calling to debate political future, you're calling for money. Whatcha Need?
NRA Chick- "Well the current gun control bill HR 45 also known as the Blair-Holt...."
ME- "Is dead in the water, and has been since inception in about 2006....."
NRA Chick- "Uh, oh...well, it is still an open bill...."
ME- "That the Dems need a shitload more of mass-murder incidents to get anywhere close to. Hell, last year's NRA Firearms Salesman-of-the-Year IS the friggin' current Commander-In-Chief, and everyone of them KNOWS it. Look, I know some folks will jerk their knee in reaction to the information that you're using, but, I'm far more inclined to think that the Dems and Republican Freedom Grabbers will backdoor a thousand tiny laws, use their influence with other govermental bodies the induce "regulatory" changes and restrictions Loooooooooooooong before they come out with an outright ban. They had their chance and failed. They're using this HR45 as a paper dragon. They know it'll fail, but they want the NRA and voting public's attention on it. What interests me more is if you go off script and tell me what Wayne & Co. is doing about the smaller agencies and their increasingly invasive regulatory changes."
NRA Chick- "Wow Sir, you seem to be very well informed on these matters...What I'd like to do is get you to re-new your membership in the NRA, I see here you were a annual member last year....."
ME- "Yes, while I was in Iraq."
NRA Chick- "Oh........well Sir, please let me thank-you for your military service. I have a great respect for the military and really truly do appreciate everthing that it is you do for me and our nation."
ME- "Thank you...those that can should, right?"
NRA Chick- "Indeed Sir...now, I'd like to get you over to our accounts dept..."
ME- "Sure, how about you just send me the information, I'll look it over and get back to you."
NRA Chick- "I can't do that from here, but will get you to someone who can.
ME- "OK, fine, thanks."

NEW NRA Chick (NNC)- Sir, I'd like to confirm your adress that we have in our records?"
ME- "Sure, go ahead"
NNC "blahblahblah"
ME- "Correct"
NNC- "Now Sir, Would you like to commit to a 1 year, 2 year, 5 year, or Lifetime Membership?"
ME- "I'm not going to "Commit" to anything, however, you can send me the information on all of the above."
NNC- "Well sir, I cannot do that. I need for you to make a commitment over the phone and then we mail out the membership application."
ME- "I don't, and will NOT, make a decision right now. I AM receptive to looking over my options on paper, and then making a decision, but WILL NOT commit at this point and time."
NNC- "Well sir, I can only send this out to you if I have a commitment."
ME-"What is it with wimmin?"
NNC- "Sir?"
ME- "Nothing. Look, this is no way to retain members. You can either send me the paperwork, or lose my number."
NNC- "Sir, are you willing to give up the benefits the NRA can provide you..."

OK Folks. As most of you know, that little gem was MORE than enough for my rage virus to kick in, and the comment as a stand alone was MORE than enough to launch Matt45 in excess of the point where he FuckingSnaps like last year's dried twig. I assure you. There was no smooth transition, I didn't feel a foggy haze come over me. No, not so much. Any and all rage I supressed over the past month welled to the surface like a truckfull of Mentos dropped into a 5000gal vat of Diet Coke. There was no transition, it ALL just came out. Fucking bitch.


ME- "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY???? BENEFITS? REALLY? THE NRA IS GOING TO CEASE TO EXIST IF I DON'T PONY UP????? IS THE NRA GOING TO PUT ME ON A "DO NOT LEGISLATE FOR:" LIST??????? GIVE UP BENEFITS? HEY, LOOK HERE LADY, HOW ABOUT YOU GIVE UP THE BENEFITS I HAVE PROVIDED YOU FOR THE LAST 16 YEARS I'VE BEEN IN UNIFORM? HOW ABOUT THAT? YOU DON'T FUCKING STRONGARM ME....YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR MIND....GO CHOKE YOUR SCRIPTWRITER, THEY SUCK.

NNC- *Crickets* Uhhhhhhgahhhhh....uggg...aaaa...eeeerrrrrrr...............

NNC- "Sir, uuuuhhhhh, do you, uhhhhhhhhhh, no longer wish for the, uhhhhhh, NRA to contact you by, uhh, phone?"
ME- "You're pretty perceptive. YES, lose my number. Never call it again. If I want to DONATE money to the NRA, I'll do it online."
NNC- [CharlieBrown'sTeacher]wtrycvubnhiyic[/CharlieBrown'sTeacher]
ME- *CLICK*

MRS.45 "No NRA this year?"
ME- "FUCK the NRA and Go suck an egg."
MRS.45 "AllRighty. Out of eggs BTW"
ME- "Don't make me laugh. I'm trying to be pissed"
MRS.45 "Oh, OK"

MRS.45 FTMFW!
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 12:27:35 PM EST
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 12:32:49 PM EST
poor girl. just trying to do her job. gets all jumped on by a big meanie.

Link Posted: 11/2/2009 12:49:53 PM EST

Originally Posted By Phil_in_Seattle:
Q: How can I reduce the amount of mail I receive from the NRA?
A: Simply email us at membership@nrahq.org or dial 800-NRA-3888 and request to be placed on the "Do Not Promote" list. This will significantly reduce the amount of mail you receive without affecting important mailings, magazine service, or your membership renewal.


Works for the phone calls too.
Not So Much. I did this about two years ago. I guess they "lost" that supposedly permenant list.

Link Posted: 11/2/2009 12:51:21 PM EST

Originally Posted By 2whiskeyP:
poor girl. just trying to do her job. gets all jumped on by a big meanie.



The first one WANTED jumping on. She just didn't do it right.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 12:54:52 PM EST
Wait....Whats on my face.....Oh...Thats a smile...
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 12:59:40 PM EST
Donate $20 to the NRA from the Democratic National Party and and versa-vice.

They spend $378 combined on postage asking each other for money.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 1:00:27 PM EST
do you need a hug
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 1:03:24 PM EST
And people used to wonder why I liked getting him all worked up........................it truly is amazing to behold......................................
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 1:04:06 PM EST
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 1:04:31 PM EST

Originally Posted By dillonivik:
do you need a hug

The cans of Ether in the shop are NOT for your personal use, Skippy.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 1:09:02 PM EST
Originally Posted By Silly_Look:
Donate $20 to the NRA from the Democratic National Party and and versa-vice.

They spend $378 combined on postage asking each other for money.


This. I haven't renewed my membership because they wasted all of my money the last time sending me innumerable membership applications and six different membership cards. WTF?
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 1:11:28 PM EST
Life Member

Link Posted: 11/2/2009 1:38:20 PM EST
Matt45, it's been about a year since I bought any gift memberships.

Would you like me to buy you one?

I'll need to know your phone number.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 1:44:15 PM EST
Originally Posted By GrabMyWrist:
Life Member



This. But I still get asked to renew my membership by some of the telemarketers that they hire out to get members to renew.

They get tend to lose their place in the script when they ask me to renew my membership and I reply that I didn't know I needed to renew a life membership.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 1:57:02 PM EST
I've been an on again off again member for about 7 years now. I think I have 4-5 different expired membership cards with different numbers on 'em. That must be why they don't call me much.

They did call asking for Hippy the other day, however. Not sure she's ever been a member.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 2:08:19 PM EST
[Last Edit: 11/2/2009 2:09:24 PM EST by AMESO]
9/10

Good style points, and I liked the dramatic pause before the explosion.

-1 for lack of "what are you wearing?"
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 2:31:04 PM EST
Y'know, anytime you get an unsolicited call from anyone who is not a private individual it will most certainly lead up to asking you for money one way or another.

Before fifteen seconds is up it's easy to politely tell them you won't conduct business over the phone and that they must remove your name from their calling list. I get very few repeat calls.

https://www.donotcall.gov/



I should add though that last summer about a week after I got home from an Alaska cruise I got a call from Carnival simply asking if I had a good time. THAT was a stunner.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 2:42:16 PM EST

Originally Posted By MACE_Hardware:
Matt45, it's been about a year since I bought any gift memberships.

Would you like me to buy you one?

I'll need to know your phone number.

Thanks Man, that's a VERY gracious offer, I keep making noises about being a Life member, but this last little exercise in money mis-management has set me back a bit further.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 2:44:46 PM EST
So, did you pick up some eggs?
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 2:47:17 PM EST
Originally Posted By PCR-00:

They did call asking for Hippy the other day, however. Not sure she's ever been a member.


They're on to you.......they, meaning 'Them'.

.....take the kids.....screw the dogs.......and head to Montana!

NOW
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 3:13:07 PM EST
Originally Posted By Matt45:

Originally Posted By MACE_Hardware:
Matt45, it's been about a year since I bought any gift memberships.

Would you like me to buy you one?

I'll need to know your phone number.

Thanks Man, that's a VERY gracious offer, I keep making noises about being a Life member, but this last little exercise in money mis-management has set me back a bit further.

PM info if you're interested. I bought life back in the Klinton years and "upgraded" to some sort of Grand Wizard or something Y2K. Since then I won't send them money but I like to randomly buy guys new memberships instead.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 3:41:52 PM EST




Originally Posted By PCR-00:
So, did you pick up some eggs?



IF you had made it to the FB Matt45 Pig-A-Palooza you'd know why this is an inside joke. FB Matt45 will not be lacking eggs, OR "Huevos" anytime soon.

Since you didn't, and you're still, for some unknown reason, on the "OK" list, I'll break it down for ya:

I still have MY two. The chickens produce more every day, of a different varient. Henceforth the effected humor being inserted by my betrothed one is the insinuation that we lack "eggs" when, in reality, there is FAR more than a plethora of the ovals to be had in various dimensions and unique properties in and around the .45 Estate.

Get it NOW?


Link Posted: 11/2/2009 3:42:09 PM EST

I can't believe she stayed on the phone that long. I would have told you to fuck off well before the end of that! haha....
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 3:44:32 PM EST
[Last Edit: 11/2/2009 3:44:52 PM EST by Matt45]

Originally Posted By bulld4wg:

I can't believe she stayed on the phone that long. I would have told you to fuck off well before the end of that! haha....
You're right, FNG.


Fuck Off.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 3:45:17 PM EST
Listen....

Will you guys stop pissing Cupcake45 off. I swear you're gonna give him a heart attack!

Link Posted: 11/2/2009 3:45:39 PM EST
Hmm, NRA chick? should have started talking dirty to them...why not? They called you after all
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 3:45:49 PM EST
[Last Edit: 11/2/2009 3:46:05 PM EST by GrabMyWrist]
Fail.....

Link Posted: 11/2/2009 3:46:38 PM EST
[Last Edit: 11/2/2009 3:47:20 PM EST by Matt45]

*Sigh*

Least you got the rank right.

You didn't even get the rank right. See above.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 3:48:23 PM EST

Originally Posted By Matt45:

Originally Posted By PCR-00:
So, did you pick up some eggs?



IF you had made it to the FB Matt45 Pig-A-Palooza you'd know why this is an inside joke. FB Matt45 will not be lacking eggs, OR "Huevos" anytime soon.

Since you didn't, and you're still, for some unknown reason, on the "OK" list, I'll break it down for ya:

I still have MY two. The chickens produce more every day, of a different varient. Henceforth the effected humor being inserted by my betrothed one is the insinuation that we lack "eggs" when, in reality, there is FAR more than a plethora of the ovals to be had in various dimensions and unique properties in and around the .45 Estate.

Get it NOW?




Soooooo, you got eggs then. Gotcha!
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 3:54:16 PM EST

Originally Posted By PCR-00:
fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap

Nice Flag.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 3:55:14 PM EST
I bought a life membership and rarely hear from them......except for my magazine arriving monthly.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 3:55:56 PM EST

Originally Posted By Matt45:

Originally Posted By PCR-00:
fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap

Nice Flag.


Ok, now you are confusing me... Are we still talking about eggs?


I need a drink.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 5:05:47 PM EST
This thread was almost impossible to masturbate to.


almost.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 5:51:11 PM EST
Ya can't fap all day, if ya don't start fapping early.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 5:52:15 PM EST
Originally Posted By gwitness:
I bought a life membership and rarely hear from them......except for my magazine arriving monthly.


Link Posted: 11/2/2009 6:11:34 PM EST
I don't think I'll ever be an NRA financier.

I love the look of their face @ the WACs shows and such, when I tell them I'm not giving my money to an organization who occasionally spends it on causes I don't agree with. Especially since I can contribute to individual pro-2A causes directly.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 7:02:20 PM EST
Originally Posted By bobbitybobbity:
Ya can't fap all day, if ya don't start fapping early.


I like that!
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 7:30:02 PM EST
I'm gonna drive out to BFE and leave a dozen eggs on your front steps.

I've been irked at the NRA ever since they sent me a DVD that I never asked for and wanted me to pay for it or send it back.

T
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 7:59:53 PM EST
Good rant Matt, I give it a 10/10.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 8:11:08 PM EST
Originally Posted By Kolat:
I've been irked at the NRA ever since they sent me a DVD that I never asked for and wanted me to pay for it or send it back.
T

Not a bad DVD either. Nice PIF. ( I declined to pay or send it back. Don't want to reward bad behavior.)
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 8:24:49 PM EST
It's weird.. they used to hound the fuck out of me. Then I became a NRA CRSO and they have NEVER once sent me an piece of mail other than the magazine or called me since Not a damn peep, nada, zip, zilch, zero.......
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 10:36:28 PM EST
I feel for ya 45. I send my money in, then use the vast majority of their freaking junkmail (including their useless magazines) as fire lighters.

Fuck em'. Them and the republican/democratic party both prey on FEAR WAY TO MUCH... Seems to be the only straw they have left or they've found
something that works. Apparently gun owning Conservatives and bunny huggers are the folks most easily controlled via fear tactics. Might be some truth in
there really, but for the most part it just pisses me off.

You gave them way more time than I would have.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 10:43:51 PM EST
Originally Posted By Kolat:
I'm gonna drive out to BFE and leave a dozen eggs on your front steps.

I've been irked at the NRA ever since they sent me a DVD that I never asked for and wanted me to pay for it or send it back.

T


Yeah I remember that same fiasco... I didn't want it, sent it to a buddy in Iraq, then they say they want it back... Followed that up with some more hatemail DEMANDING it back...

The one I just got last month at least says "if you don't wanna subscribe yadda yadda consider it a gift or send it back".

Pretty damned irritating, the millions in marketing they waste on folks that are already members...
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 11:58:46 PM EST
Link Posted: 11/3/2009 3:01:22 AM EST
Wow, you are cool bro.
Link Posted: 11/3/2009 5:01:47 AM EST
Originally Posted By Kolat:
I'm gonna drive out to BFE and leave a dozen eggs on your front steps.

I've been irked at the NRA ever since they sent me a DVD that I never asked for and wanted me to pay for it or send it back.

T


This.

I threw it away without watching it, and have subsequently thrown away every piece of mail asking for NRA-ILA donations, membership renewals, or asking me to buy a stupid ass Chuck Norris revolver.

At least they don't call me.
Link Posted: 11/3/2009 5:53:51 AM EST
Originally Posted By OdT:
10/10

BTDT

Next time, ask them if there's a man you can talk to. They love that.




Link Posted: 11/3/2009 7:28:13 AM EST

Originally Posted By Wespe:
Wow, you are cool bro.


If you're my "bro", Mom shoulda swallowed.
Link Posted: 11/3/2009 7:31:29 AM EST
American Red Cross is the same way about blood donors.. they didn't seem to understand why I'm not donating till after flu season I also mentioned to them that if they want me to answer their calls, to stop hiding their phone number as anonymous.
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