The following is an actual help wanted ad on page 20 of the Money Saver in
Eugene , Oregon . (Gotta - be true…. Got it in an email?)
Entry level position.
Starts $8 per hour.
Primarily we clean roofs and gutters, powerwash, and trim tress.
Looking for someone who is not allergic to sweat.
Must be able to work without a coffee cup in one hand and a cigarette in the other.
Must understand that it’s OK for the boss to make a profit.
Must understand company vehicles are not to be used for crash tests and are not receptacles for your personal trash.
Must own and know how to operate an alarm clock.
Must not request more days off than the boss.
Must not ask the boss for a raise if you’ve turned down overtime.
Must understand that opening day of fishing and hunting season are not
considered automatic days off.
If you think it’s OK to be late to work, I’m sure you won’t mind if your paycheck is late also.
Having your wife or your girlfriend call for you about this job, does not demonstrate that you have good delegating skills.
If you’ve had more jobs than you can remember in the past year, don’t call
to brag about how many trades you know.
If you take company tools and supplies home but never return them, do not apply.
If you like to work a couple of months and collect unemployment the rest of the year, do not apply.
If you do not believe in taking a shower, dressing decent and brushing your
teeth on the day you apply for this job, do not apply.
If most of your work experience is making license plates we are not
authorized to make or sell them.
If you always seem so much smarter than the people you work for, start
your own damned business.