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1/22/2020 12:12:56 PM
Posted: 10/11/2007 3:11:07 PM EST
I thought y'all'd get a kick out fo this; I did. This was forwarded to me by my wife.

Driving in Dallas,Texas

First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.

Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Denton County and your Mapsco is one-day-old, then it is already obsolete. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. (Frisco has screwed everything up.)

Dallas has its own version of traffic rules: "Hold on and pray." There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.

All directions start with, "Get on Beltline," which has no beginning and no end.

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 11. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 8. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooo much fun with that, we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Uh Oh, we're in Fort Worth!"

If someone actually has his or her turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators - and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas...

All old ladies with blue hair in a Mercedes have the right of way. Period. And remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas...

Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road . On the south end, it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and
Highway 5. It ends in Sherman...

The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. It also ends in Sherman.

If asking directions in SE Dallas, you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you better be armed... And remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas!

The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental!

A trip across town east to west will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.

It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway. Don't let this confuse you.

LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round (if it's Spring) - and if it's Fall, the Texas State Fair is in full swing.

If you go to the Fair, pay the $8.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park. Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2,500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, and possibly a gunshot wound. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him.

Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, racetracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

Final Warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers... Remember, it's legal to Be armed in Texas!
Link Posted: 10/11/2007 3:47:03 PM EST
I'd say that about sums it up right.
Link Posted: 10/11/2007 5:43:54 PM EST

Originally Posted By Flaco:
I'd say that about sums it up right.

Link Posted: 10/11/2007 8:46:13 PM EST
That will cover the bases 100%
Link Posted: 10/12/2007 12:28:49 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/12/2007 12:29:19 AM EST by badlnb]
Yep that is about how it is.

I would add these Items though:

It is perfetly acceptable to use the HOV lane as a high speed passing lane on on the LBJ Freeway to get to the Stemmons freeway exit southbound, even if you are driving alone.

If you get slowed down by a car going 65 on the Stemmons freeway, it is probably someone from an out of town place such as Fort Worth.

If your car breaks down on I-30 inside loop 12 on the East side of town, get it towed as soon as you can and don't let it sit there over night unless you want it stripped down.

Link Posted: 10/12/2007 2:02:31 PM EST
Thanks for reminding me why I feel the urge to avoid the Metroplex! I was thinking of venturing toward Cabellas...and that out of town but still to close for me when I go up to Jacksboro
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