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10/20/2017 1:01:18 AM
9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 9/22/2005 4:01:32 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/22/2005 4:03:27 PM EDT by az-gunner]
Arizona Barbie Dolls!!

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Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Barbie Dolls for The Arizona market:

Scottsdale Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at Scottsdale Fashion Square. She comes With an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired Foreign lapdog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter dream house with a saguaro cactus in front. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic ex-husband Ken comes with squeeze-me Skipper and a Ferrari.

Chandler Barbie
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or Secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately. She can swear in English or Spanish. Available at Target.

Apache Junction Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, bowie knife, A 78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be bought with cash, preferably small bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

Ahwatukee Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card set, and country club membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. Ahwatukee Barbie hasn't been affordable since the early 80's.

Mesa Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a classic Metallica shirt and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. Wants to major in NASCAR at MCC. She has a six-pack of Coors Light And a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick Mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Available at Ross.

Goodyear Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Mesa Barbie's (discontinued) house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss, and a see-through halter top. She comes with Barbie's dream doublewide trailer. Available at Wal-Mart. Cheap.

Sedona Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic (nose job) Barbie wears Leopard print spandex, and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music with friends at the lodge. Into crystals. Comes with percocet prescription and two alimony checks Also cheap.

Phoenix Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll Optional accessories include a G.E.D. and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Flagstaff Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Flagstaff Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.

Gilbert Barbie
Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion and is perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting or in Japan on business. Gilbert Barbie aspires to become Scottsdale Barbie. Not cheap, but still very naive.

Tucson Barbie
Into basketball and marijuana,. Dropped out of PCC, and does nothing but complain about Phoenix Barbie.

Guadalupe Barbie
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car seats. This is the only Barbie who is willing to do manual labor. Ken comes in a meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not yet available for Guadalupe Barbie or Ken. Available at Food City.

Van Buren Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the "snap-on" parts.

Sun City Barbie/Ken
These dolls are going fast! Well, what we mean is they're old and don't have much time left. Both write checks for everything or pay in change, and can provide hours of endless repetitive conversation about "The Good ol' days." Drives a golf cart, signals right to turn left. Can be seen
in Barbie Grocery Store (sold separately) arguing over prices. Available at the doctor's office
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 4:30:06 PM EDT


Good stuff!!!!

-John
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 7:11:01 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 8:41:18 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/22/2005 8:41:31 PM EDT by big_peter]

78 El Camino


Nail on Head
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 6:08:54 AM EDT
rip off of original tucson barbie write-up. down with phoenix!

Catalina Foothills Barbie:

This princess Barbie is only sold at La Encantada Plaza . She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version Barbie.

Tucson Barbie:


This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately.
South 6th Avenue Barbie:

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash, preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
South 6th Ken occasionly ventures out of his territory to 12th and Valencia for a quick drive by shooting.

Oro Valley Barbie:

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

Marana Barbie:

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans, two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

49ers Barbie:

This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the club. Percocet prescription available.

Sahaurita Barbie:

This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Marana Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home.

4th Avenue Barbie:

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two 4th Avenue Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.

South Park Avenue Barbie:

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass.
Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Vail Barbie:

She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting.

South Tucson Barbie:

This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Juan doll comes with a meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not available for South Tucson Barbie or Ken.

Miracle Mile Barbie/Ken:

This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on parts". (batteries not included)

Green Valley Barbie/Ken:

These dolls are going fast! Well, what we mean is they're old and don't have much time left. Neither of these can drive, but they both write checks for everything or pay in change, and can provide hours of endless repetitive conversation about "The good ol' days". Can be seen in Barbie Grocery Store (sold separately) arguing over prices.
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 4:48:47 PM EDT
Damn, ol "AJ Barbie" done cracked me up!!!
Link Posted: 9/25/2005 2:14:38 AM EDT
Where is the Glendale Barbie?
Link Posted: 9/25/2005 1:36:30 PM EDT
what no snowbird barbie?
Link Posted: 9/25/2005 4:36:39 PM EDT
What about the Ft. Huachuca/Sierra Vista Barbie?
She does her two mile run before chow, fires expert with the M-4, M-240, M249 and the M-9. Then dos camo and a Ghilli and low crawl around range 6. From there she does maint on the M-113A3s just before heading to the rapelling tower. After hours she goes to the Sorry Gulch, drinks at least a pitcher of Sam Adams. Agreeing to a date with Special forces Ken she spits on the Bisbee Barbie who is protesting outside the main gate.
Link Posted: 9/25/2005 5:05:41 PM EDT

Originally Posted By threefeathers:
What about the Ft. Huachuca/Sierra Vista Barbie?
She does her two mile run before chow, fires expert with the M-4, M-240, M249 and the M-9. Then dos camo and a Ghilli and low crawl around range 6. From there she does maint on the M-113A3s just before heading to the rapelling tower. After hours she goes to the Sorry Gulch, drinks at least a pitcher of Sam Adams. Agreeing to a date with Special forces Ken she spits on the Bisbee Barbie who is protesting outside the main gate.

I only went down there for a day, but none of the girls were anything worth making a trip back for
Link Posted: 9/25/2005 5:18:49 PM EDT

Originally Posted By threefeathers:
What about the Ft. Huachuca/Sierra Vista Barbie?
She does her two mile run before chow, fires expert with the M-4, M-240, M249 and the M-9. Then dos camo and a Ghilli and low crawl around range 6. From there she does maint on the M-113A3s just before heading to the rapelling tower. After hours she goes to the Sorry Gulch, drinks at least a pitcher of Sam Adams. Agreeing to a date with Special forces Ken she spits on the Bisbee Barbie who is protesting outside the main gate.



Doesn't sound like any Ft. Huachuca/Sierra Vista Barbies I ever met down there. All the ones I ever met where working a double shift at WalMart to pay the bills!
Phessor
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:00:02 PM EDT
Understand that 5 of the 15 entries in Miss Arizona including the winner Little Audrey were Buena graduates. I took Audrey shooting and she indeed fires a Sig quite well. We were on the plinking range at Ft. H. in June and at least 5 of the young second lieutenants in the Basic Officer Course met the criteria for Sierra Vista Barbie.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:10:38 PM EDT

Originally Posted By threefeathers:
Understand that 5 of the 15 entries in Miss Arizona including the winner Little Audrey were Buena graduates. I took Audrey shooting and she indeed fires a Sig quite well. We were on the plinking range at Ft. H. in June and at least 5 of the young second lieutenants in the Basic Officer Course met the criteria for Sierra Vista Barbie.



that reply is useless without pics
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