recoil wise i would stay away from .40, IMO its worse than both 9mm and 45acp. im a 45 man. I would suggest these guns in this order:
SIG P220 Stainless(one of the best damn 45s out there)
Springfield 1911 - loaded, TRP, Professional
Kimber 1911 - warrior, tactical
Colt 1911 - Trophy(dont have experience with any other model)
if you are looking for a tupperwear gun i would go with Springfield Armory's XD45ACP or XD9. i have the 4in model of both, they are 100% reliable, point better than glock, and are just as easy to break down.
IMO the XD is a better gun than the Glock, there are NO reasons glocks are better than XDs except for the finish. But the new XDs are fixing the finish, have much more reliable mags, etc...
If you decide to go with 9mm my suggestion would be as follows:
Browning High Power
SIG 226 Stainless
XD9
Weight is how i would combat recoil - the heavier the gun the better it behaves. unless you plan to use it as a CCW.
mind you all these suggestions are what I would buy, its just my opinion.
good luck and let us know what you end up with!