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10/20/2017 1:01:18 AM
9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 8/22/2005 5:00:06 PM EDT
so I'm in my office, getting some things ready for a meeting...I felt the pressure of a fart building up. I unconcernedly let fly.

Oops. Bad things. Just in time to not be able to do anything about it, a giant bolus of wet shit blasted its way out of my sphincter and into my poor unsuspecting boxers.

Goddamn it.

I ran (hobbled) down the hall toward the shitter, praying to God that no one decided to walk out of their office behind me. Thankfully, I made it to the shit house unobserved. Sighing with relief as I slammed the stall door behind me, I dropped trou and whipped out my knife to cut my shorts off. As I commenced cutting, I realized that the foul blast had penetrated my boxers and striped my khakis as well. Jesus.

I'm trapped in a building with 400 lawyers, and I've shit myself like Grandpa after a bowl of prunes.

I sliced my boxers off and stuffed them in the trash can and tried to wipe the foulness from the seat of my pants. No good. And God, did I mention the stench?

I carefully wiped my ass, realizing that an insufficient job would result in further stainage. I quick-peeked out the shitter - the hallway was empty! Run!

I slid into my office and slammed the door, and looked down at my high-backed chair.

Looked down at the brown racing stripe now in the middle of the seat. Fuck.

I peered out my door...no one to be seen. Thinking quickly, I rolled my chair out into the hall and into the (vacant) office two doors down - swapping my fouled chair for the clean one therein. Now to make my escape.

I picked up my laptop case, and lengthened the shoulder strap so that it would hang level with my shit-stained ass. I slung the case around back and moved out with a purpose to the elevators. All I needed now was an empty elevator to make it to the parking garage, and I'd be home free. The BOB had a poncho in it that I could use to keep from fouling my seat, if only I could make it to the car undetected.

It was not to be.

The elevator opened to reveal a summer associate. I stepped into the elevator, backed up against the opposite wall, and punched the 7th floor button. The door slid closed, and the stench from my beshat breeches began to permeate the atmosphere. The poor kid got a panicked look in his eyes (thank GOD it wasn't one of the chicks), and I BACKED out of the car on my floor. I moved out at EIB ruck-march speed to my car, covered the seat, and tore ass(no pun intended) out of the parking garage.

What a damn day.
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 5:04:44 PM EDT
You're the James Bond of busting ass.
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 5:06:21 PM EDT
5 points for putting "bolus" and "sphincter" in the same sentence.

Good job on spelling too!
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 5:06:41 PM EDT
Great story!
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 5:07:18 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/22/2005 5:07:18 PM EDT by MrsGloftoe]
Please don't post "Oops I crapped my pants" threads on the board.
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