Are all women vengeful when it comes to love?

I know this woman who i'm intrerested in  but she has a man so I dont mess with her. I come to find out she broke up with him so I figure what the hell. Problem is that i'm getting this bigtime vengence feel off of her. He must of wronged her good and hard because when she talks about it, she gets very angry, tearful, and starts talking about how to get back at him. I think i'm starting to see a little of the psycho side of her.

I think Im going to have to throw this one back in, or at least wait for her to get over this anger she has right now. Too bad to because she is smart,funny, sexy, passionate, and good looking. Its the psycho speak thats giving me the willies.

Guess my ? is have any of you ladies ever been scorned and became a vengeful person because of it?

Give her some time, then try again.  I think everyone can go a little nutso after a breakup.

You have no idea what it feels like.

Quoted: You have no idea what it feels like.

Oh, yup.  Maybe it's because I'm a woman, but for a woman it has many dimensions.  Accepting a man into your bed requires a certain biological acceptance of the possibility that he may father your children, whom you will no doubt have a permanent attachment to and he, well... might never even know about.

Quoted: You have no idea what it feels like.

How did you get over it then?

I seem to run into women all the time with emotional baggage they can't let get of.

Quoted: Quoted: You have no idea what it feels like. How did you get over it then?

What says I have?

Quoted: Quoted: You have no idea what it feels like. How did you get over it then? I seem to run into women all the time with emotional baggage they can't let get of.

It hurts like hell, but time heals the wounds. You HAVE to give it time. Of course we're vengeful after a break-up, and it's not a good idea to just jump right into a new relationship.  So, after a break-up, rest assured I'm going to verbally rip a guy to shreds and get tearful if I'm in the first stage of post-relationship hell. The more angry and tearful I am, the more I am attached and the harder it is to let go.

I wouldn't be able to be in a successful relationship right now had I not given myself time to get over it and realize that it's gone, it's not coming back, and it might work with someone else.  It's important to make sure that your relationship goals are commensurate with that of your partner.


ETA: Sometimes I feel a twinge of sadness when I recall a lost love, but I must remember that the relationship ended for a reason (which could range from the guy was a total dick, our goals weren't the same, bad timing).

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: You have no idea what it feels like. How did you get over it then? What says I have?

No one.

The reason I asked is this;


I dated this girl that had gotten out of a very bad relationship about 6-8 months prior.

We were just dating about a month.. when she would break down and start crying over the phone when I wouldn't answer. (My job precludes me from using the phone, she would call 2-3 times a day... and she would be near tears at one point or another sometimes)

According to someone that knows her well, her last b/f fucked her over badly. She would give him her trust, and then he would use it against her. She had some very, very serious trust issues.. and it prevented me from getting to know her. I picked up stuff every once in awhile, but her as a person.. I never knew.

I later told her that it would probably be better if we split our ways.

2 weeks later, she was dating someone else..

Either I helped her (in a subconcious way?) get over some issues, or its her rebound guy.

I have issues myself..... however, I try my hardest not to treat people as if they were my EXs.

Quoted: You have no idea what it feels like.

Is that because we men are devoid of emotion and incapable of the deep feelings of the womenfolk?

That explains why men never go crazy after a relationship and stalk their ex's, hunt them down and kill them, or just plain become tards after a relationship spirals down the crapper.



Some people (including men) know exactly what it feels like, yet somehow manage not to make a pathetic asses of themselves to "show" someone. Character is character, whether you have a vagina or not.

The only vengeance someone should carry out against an ex is growing up and living happily without them. That's the best payback, ever.

Quoted: Quoted: You have no idea what it feels like. Is that because we men are devoid of emotion and incapable of the deep feelings of the womenfolk? That explains why men never go crazy after a relationship and stalk their ex's, hunt them down and kill them, or just plain become tards after a relationship spirals down the crapper. Some people (including men) know exactly what it feels like, yet somehow manage not to make a pathetic asses of themselves to "show" someone. Character is character, whether you have a vagina or not. The only vengeance someone should carry out against an ex is growing up and living happily without them. That's the best payback, ever.

And Swingset does it again...
Bravo, Dear, Bravo.

It wasn't meant to be. It hurts like hell. My RX?: Counsel of friends, Vodka, Chocolate...repeat as necessary.


When you're ready, live well...it's the BEST revenge.

Quoted: Quoted: You have no idea what it feels like. Is that because we men are devoid of emotion and incapable of the deep feelings of the womenfolk? That explains why men never go crazy after a relationship and stalk their ex's, hunt them down and kill them, or just plain become tards after a relationship spirals down the crapper. Some people (including men) know exactly what it feels like, yet somehow manage not to make a pathetic asses of themselves to "show" someone. Character is character, whether you have a vagina or not. The only vengeance someone should carry out against an ex is growing up and living happily without them. That's the best payback, ever.

Oh, please Swingset.  This is such bullshit.  Day after Day we see threads on arf from guys who had their hearts stomped on, and are looking to get back at "the bitch".  Remember the wonderful porn pic "im me for pics" thread from a few months ago? If that wasn't a "get back at the bitch" thread I don't know what was.

I think men dwell on their feelings far longer than women do.  Women mourn, talk to our girlfriends, and get over it.  Men dwell on breakups and bad relationsihps for the rest of their lives, it seems.  They'll never look at a woman again the same way after they've been wronged, since all women at that point take on the same face of their ex's.

We women have girlfriends that we can talk things through.  We're allowed to cry, to mourn, to grieve a relationship.  I think the pride thing that men guilt each other into forces them to bottle up feelings and eventually they wind up coming out in ways that are much more detrimental than a woman ever would do.

Again, no generalizations, just based on my experiences with men, and what I've seen here on this board.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: You have no idea what it feels like. Is that because we men are devoid of emotion and incapable of the deep feelings of the womenfolk? That explains why men never go crazy after a relationship and stalk their ex's, hunt them down and kill them, or just plain become tards after a relationship spirals down the crapper. Some people (including men) know exactly what it feels like, yet somehow manage not to make a pathetic asses of themselves to "show" someone. Character is character, whether you have a vagina or not. The only vengeance someone should carry out against an ex is growing up and living happily without them. That's the best payback, ever. Oh, please Swingset.  This is such bullshit.  Day after Day we see threads on arf from guys who had their hearts stomped on, and are looking to get back at "the bitch".  Remember the wonderful porn pic "im me for pics" thread from a few months ago? If that wasn't a "get back at the bitch" thread I don't know what was. I think men dwell on their feelings far longer than women do.  Women mourn, talk to our girlfriends, and get over it.  Men dwell on breakups and bad relationsihps for the rest of their lives, it seems.  They'll never look at a woman again the same way after they've been wronged, since all women at that point take on the same face of their ex's. We women have girlfriends that we can talk things through.  We're allowed to cry, to mourn, to grieve a relationship.  I think the pride thing that men guilt each other into forces them to bottle up feelings and eventually they wind up coming out in ways that are much more detrimental than a woman ever would do. Again, no generalizations, just based on my experiences with men, and what I've seen here on this board.

Daisy, DECAF hun...First 2 sentences were said 'Tongue in Cheek.'
I think...at least that's how I took it.
And the last 2 were aimed at both genders.
But I hear ya...

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: You have no idea what it feels like. Is that because we men are devoid of emotion and incapable of the deep feelings of the womenfolk? That explains why men never go crazy after a relationship and stalk their ex's, hunt them down and kill them, or just plain become tards after a relationship spirals down the crapper. Some people (including men) know exactly what it feels like, yet somehow manage not to make a pathetic asses of themselves to "show" someone. Character is character, whether you have a vagina or not. The only vengeance someone should carry out against an ex is growing up and living happily without them. That's the best payback, ever. Oh, please Swingset.  This is such bullshit.  Day after Day we see threads on arf from guys who had their hearts stomped on, and are looking to get back at "the bitch".  Remember the wonderful porn pic "im me for pics" thread from a few months ago? If that wasn't a "get back at the bitch" thread I don't know what was. I think men dwell on their feelings far longer than women do.  Women mourn, talk to our girlfriends, and get over it.  Men dwell on breakups and bad relationsihps for the rest of their lives, it seems.  They'll never look at a woman again the same way after they've been wronged, since all women at that point take on the same face of their ex's. We women have girlfriends that we can talk things through.  We're allowed to cry, to mourn, to grieve a relationship.  I think the pride thing that men guilt each other into forces them to bottle up feelings and eventually they wind up coming out in ways that are much more detrimental than a woman ever would do. Again, no generalizations, just based on my experiences with men, and what I've seen here on this board. Daisy, DECAF hun...First 2 sentences were said 'Tongue in Cheek.' I think...at least that's how I took it. And the last 2 were aimed at both genders. But I hear ya...

Ok, perhaps it was a bit harsh.  but PM, you've been married since you were what, in diapers?  Kidding.but really.  You have no idea what's out there for dateable material once you get to the mid 30's.
Most men my age are divorced or never been married.
The divorced ones are usually chemically depressed because they lost their one true love, for whatever reason.  They'll never find another woman they can love like their ex wife.  So don't even try to crack through that outer shell. They're just hopeless.  And you get the "I'm no good for anyone right now" routine.    They won't allow themselves to get close to another woman for fear that she'll stomp on his heart just like his ex did.  Yeah, I've seen that one before.

The never been married ones are just as bad.  They're holding out for some ideal perfect woman.  Or someone just like mom.  Except they still live with mom.

And if they have kids, then your kids will always take second place with them, along with you.  They'll spend half their lives in a car going across state to their kids soccer/pinewood derby meets.  And you'll be busy with your kids.  You'll wind up spending the end of the day in bed together.
That's about when you'll see each other.  That is if he's not spending the rest of his time fixing up the ex's house, because she doesn't trust anyone other than her ex husband to work on the house that she wound up with in the divorce proceedings.

If he doesn't have kids, he'll resent the time you spend with yours.

See how fun the dating life can be in your 30's?

Thank god I found me a youngin with none of this bullcrap baggage.

Quoted: See how fun the dating life can be in your 30's? Thank god I found me a youngin with none of this bullcrap baggage.

So your saying cruising the high schools for dates works for both of the sexes then?

Quoted: Ok, perhaps it was a bit harsh.  but PM, you've been married since you were what, in diapers?  Kidding.but really.  You have no idea what's out there for dateable material once you get to the mid 30's. Most men my age are divorced or never been married. The divorced ones are usually chemically depressed because they lost their one true love, for whatever reason.  They'll never find another woman they can love like their ex wife.  So don't even try to crack through that outer shell. They're just hopeless.  And you get the "I'm no good for anyone right now" routine.    They won't allow themselves to get close to another woman for fear that she'll stomp on his heart just like his ex did.  Yeah, I've seen that one before. The never been married ones are just as bad.  They're holding out for some ideal perfect woman.  Or someone just like mom.  Except they still live with mom. And if they have kids, then your kids will always take second place with them, along with you.  They'll spend half their lives in a car going across state to their kids soccer/pinewood derby meets.  And you'll be busy with your kids.  You'll wind up spending the end of the day in bed together. That's about when you'll see each other.  That is if he's not spending the rest of his time fixing up the ex's house, because she doesn't trust anyone other than her ex husband to work on the house that she wound up with in the divorce proceedings. If he doesn't have kids, he'll resent the time you spend with yours. See how fun the dating life can be in your 30's? Thank god I found me a youngin with none of this bullcrap baggage.

Pinewood Derby???? WTF is that?

But all you've said above also can apply to the females in that dating age bracket, no? Except the living with mom part. We females hit a certain age and realize that 2 women PMSsing in one house is bad for the Earth's orbit and leave ASAP....

To tell the truth, if I were not married right now, I would not even try to hold a meaningful relationship with any man.

I'd find me a f*ckbuddy and call it a day.
Seriously...<raises hand to God>

Quoted: Ok, perhaps it was a bit harsh.  but PM, you've been married since you were what, in diapers?  Kidding.but really.  You have no idea what's out there for dateable material once you get to the mid 30's. Most men my age are divorced or never been married. women that age are the same The divorced ones are usually chemically depressed because they lost their one true love, for whatever reason.  They'll never find another woman they can love like their ex wife.  So don't even try to crack through that outer shell. They're just hopeless.  And you get the "I'm no good for anyone right now" routine.    They won't allow themselves to get close to another woman for fear that she'll stomp on his heart just like his ex did.  Yeah, I've seen that one before. same applies to women The never been married ones are just as bad.  They're holding out for some ideal perfect woman.  Or someone just like mom.  Except they still live with mom. yet again. Women fit in here too And if they have kids, then your kids will always take second place with them, along with you. same for women with kids. A guy will always be second. Or third if she's still carrying a flame for the former husband They'll spend half their lives in a car going across state to their kids soccer/pinewood derby meets.  And you'll be busy with your kids.  You'll wind up spending the end of the day in bed together. That's about when you'll see each other.  That is if he's not spending the rest of his time fixing up the ex's house, because she doesn't trust anyone other than her ex husband to work on the house that she wound up with in the divorce proceedings. If he doesn't have kids, he'll resent the time you spend with yours. so do women without kids See how fun the dating life can be in your 30's? Thank god I found me a youngin with none of this bullcrap baggage.  Younin's have their problems as well. You'll take a back seat to anything new and exciting. You'll take a back seat to their friends. Etc...

Point here is not that men aren't vengeful. We are, but that doesn't mean that women aren't. Just different reasons.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: You have no idea what it feels like. Is that because we men are devoid of emotion and incapable of the deep feelings of the womenfolk? That explains why men never go crazy after a relationship and stalk their ex's, hunt them down and kill them, or just plain become tards after a relationship spirals down the crapper. Some people (including men) know exactly what it feels like, yet somehow manage not to make a pathetic asses of themselves to "show" someone. Character is character, whether you have a vagina or not. The only vengeance someone should carry out against an ex is growing up and living happily without them. That's the best payback, ever. Oh, please Swingset.  This is such bullshit.  Day after Day we see threads on arf from guys who had their hearts stomped on, and are looking to get back at "the bitch".  Remember the wonderful porn pic "im me for pics" thread from a few months ago? If that wasn't a "get back at the bitch" thread I don't know what was.

You're not understanding my point at all. I'll speak in "womenese".

Ok, first, like, um, I said that you, like you know, said um, uh, that....

No forget it, I'll get lost.

My point was, dear, that women are not the only ones who go nuts after a relationship. Men can feel the pain of loss just as bad as women. We are not different in that regards.

You seemed to be insinuating that men can't know what it feels like to be wronged. That's not true, at all....if that was what you were saying.

And, I made no apology for men going nuts or being vengeful. It's a selfish, petty act no matter who carries it out. That was my second point.

Look again at what I said:

Some people (including men) know exactly what it feels like, yet somehow manage not to make a pathetic asses of themselves to "show" someone. Character is character, whether you have a vagina or not. The only vengeance someone should carry out against an ex is growing up and living happily without them. That's the best payback, ever.

Translation: Some people (men and women) know exactly what it's like to be wronged, yet somehow manage not to carry out vengeance or act like a moron after a breakup. Here is where I'm saying that being vengeful, no matter your sex, is juvenile....and shows a lack of character. This includes men, mmkay?

And, then I said getting on with your life is the best vengeance.

If I'm full of shit about any of this, well I'm happy to be clueless.....because I've lived 36 years without ever finding myself looking to "get even" with a lover that wronged me (and there have been a few). As a consequence, I don't carry my hurt into the next relationship - which might explain my 14 years of happy marriage. If you disagree with my sentiment, that's your perogative.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: You have no idea what it feels like. Is that because we men are devoid of emotion and incapable of the deep feelings of the womenfolk? That explains why men never go crazy after a relationship and stalk their ex's, hunt them down and kill them, or just plain become tards after a relationship spirals down the crapper. Some people (including men) know exactly what it feels like, yet somehow manage not to make a pathetic asses of themselves to "show" someone. Character is character, whether you have a vagina or not. The only vengeance someone should carry out against an ex is growing up and living happily without them. That's the best payback, ever. Oh, please Swingset.  This is such bullshit.  Day after Day we see threads on arf from guys who had their hearts stomped on, and are looking to get back at "the bitch".  Remember the wonderful porn pic "im me for pics" thread from a few months ago? If that wasn't a "get back at the bitch" thread I don't know what was. You're not understanding my point at all. I'll speak in "womenese". Ok, first, like, um, I said that you, like you know, said um, uh, that.... No forget it, I'll get lost. My point was, dear, that women are not the only ones who go nuts after a relationship. Men can feel the pain of loss just as bad as women. We are not different in that regards. You seemed to be insinuating that men can't know what it feels like to be wronged. That's not true, at all....if that was what you were saying. And, I made no apology for men going nuts or being vengeful. It's a selfish, petty act no matter who carries it out. That was my second point. Look again at what I said: Some people (including men) know exactly what it feels like, yet somehow manage not to make a pathetic asses of themselves to "show" someone. Character is character, whether you have a vagina or not. The only vengeance someone should carry out against an ex is growing up and living happily without them. That's the best payback, ever. Translation: Some people (men and women) know exactly what it's like to be wronged, yet somehow manage not to carry out vengeance or act like a moron after a breakup. Here is where I'm saying that being vengeful, no matter your sex, is juvenile....and shows a lack of character. This includes men, mmkay? And, then I said getting on with your life is the best vengeance. If I'm full of shit about any of this, well I'm happy to be clueless.....because I've lived 36 years without ever finding myself looking to "get even" with a lover that wronged me (and there have been a few). As a consequence, I don't carry my hurt into the next relationship - which might explain my 14 years of happy marriage. If you disagree with my sentiment, that's your perogative.

Swingset, I quote the original poster's first sentence...

"Are all women vengeful when it comes to love?"

My response was to this, and to your saying that men (okay, I skimmed over the "some men" part in a rage) seem to have a better handle on getting over bad relationships without getting mired down in feelings of hate and vengefulness.  You must admit that this board does see more than it's share of "she done me wrong" threads.  Practically on an every hour basis or so.
And the thread goes on and on for pages and pages.  In my experience in dating, and unfortunately, twice in my life I've found myself forced to get back into that scene after thinking I had finished with that route, I see many more men than women that are jaded and vengeful.

That's how I see it.  I'm sure it's probably an equal footing, but I don't go around trying to find eligible women, so there ya go.

If I misinterpreted what you said, I apologize.

And I do not think I have ever posted this "um..er ..it was, like,  um..." ya know..."WOMENESE"

that wasn't nice.    No recess for you.

Quoted: And I do not think I have ever posted this "um..er ..it was, like,  um..." ya know..."WOMENESE" that wasn't nice.    No recess for you.

Awww...you take everything so personally. (just like a woman, too)

Quoted: Quoted: You have no idea what it feels like. Is that because we men are devoid of emotion and incapable of the deep feelings of the womenfolk? That explains why men never go crazy after a relationship and stalk their ex's, hunt them down and kill them, or just plain become tards after a relationship spirals down the crapper. Some people (including men) know exactly what it feels like, yet somehow manage not to make a pathetic asses of themselves to "show" someone. Character is character, whether you have a vagina or not. The only vengeance someone should carry out against an ex is growing up and living happily without them. That's the best payback, ever.

I wasn't saying men don't know what it feels like.  The original poster may not know what it feels like - to give all of yourself to someone for so long only to have it thrown back in your face like it wasn't enough.

Sadly, I think everyone can relate to heartbreak.

Quoted: The original poster may not know what it feels like - to give all of yourself to someone for so long only to have it thrown back in your face like it wasn't enough.

While I understand the hurt, you should look at any failed relationship as opportunity - because it really is. I know it's trite, but it's absolutely true.

If someone throws that love back at you, disregards it, you should look at it as a lucky break, a chance to escape to something better - instead of dwelling on the time spent, the effort, the energy, the loss. Women like to think of a relationship as a house, something they've worked on, worked for, earned. Well, that's all well and good but if the house kicks you out, it's not your house anymore. Find someone new, and make a better house.

All you ever serve by dragging that pain forward is making the next person in your life, who might be a better mate, pay for your experiences.

Quoted: You have no idea what it feels like.

There are many of us that do know what it feels like.  It's awful -- the worst pain you'll ever feel in your life.  It doesn't go away.  You just learn to live with its presence and eventually ignore it like you do your senile uncle or something.  There are days though...when you can't run from it.  It just creeps up on you, you stay in a slump all day.  When it hurts that bad no one can really provide comfort for you.  You have to find your own way when the pain looms so large the tears refuse to come.  I would not wish that on my worst enemy.

Quoted: All you ever serve by dragging that pain forward is making the next person in your life, who might be a better mate, pay for your experiences.

Ding Ding.

As I've told past girls in relationships...


"I AM NOT YOUR EX, DO NOT TREAT ME AS SUCH!"

Doesn't really go over that well.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: The original poster may not know what it feels like - to give all of yourself to someone for so long only to have it thrown back in your face like it wasn't enough. While I understand the hurt, you should look at any failed relationship as opportunity - because it really is. I know it's trite, but it's absolutely true. If someone throws that love back at you, disregards it, you should look at it as a lucky break, a chance to escape to something better - instead of dwelling on the time spent, the effort, the energy, the loss. Women like to think of a relationship as a house, something they've worked on, worked for, earned. Well, that's all well and good but if the house kicks you out, it's not your house anymore. Find someone new, and make a better house. All you ever serve by dragging that pain forward is making the next person in your life, who might be a better mate, pay for your experiences. While that is indeed true, it stands to reason that past experiences make us skeptical about future relationships.  Nobody wants to go through what has caused them pain in the past.  Unfortunately, you have to wade through the muck to find the gold.

As long as you learn not to repeat mistakes, there's nothing wrong with past experiences guiding you into the next. Problem is, people like to use their bad experiences as a defense mechanism, which can serve to keep the good out as well as the bad.

Here's the clincher.  You have to trust again before you can have a fulfilling "next" relationship.  I hate to say it but based on the posts on GD, I'm starting to feel like a trustworthy man is a fable (or he's married to someone else already).  If it is a fable, I feel safer cashing out and going home alone.

Quoted: As long as you learn not to repeat mistakes, there's nothing wrong with past experiences guiding you into the next. Problem is, people like to use their bad experiences as a defense mechanism, which can serve to keep the good out as well as the bad.

Thats the problem right there.

They allow their past, to control their present. You learn from the past.. but, don't let it control your life.

Quoted: Here's the clincher.  You have to trust again before you can have a fulfilling "next" relationship.  I hate to say it but based on the posts on GD, I'm starting to feel like a trustworthy man is a fable (or he's married to someone else already).  If it is a fable, I feel safer cashing out and going home alone.

Do you think there was a "cut off", when all good men got married, and no good man ever again would be single, or enter the dating game? From that line in the sand, from here to eternity, all men who are available are shitbags?

No?

Of course there are good partners out there. And, a whole mess of jerkoffs. It's the same for men, it's the same for gays I'd imagine. Know why it's so hard to wade through it all? Because it's worth it.