I was in high school, in gym class. It was physical fitness test day. I wanted to skate out
of it and stayed in the bleachers. Did no good. The coach called me down to do my situp
test and i was the last one. Remember situps in school? Someone else holds your feet
down. The coach called some girl out, at random, to hold my feet down.
Incidentally, this girl and I were not friends. We were not friendly. We did not like each other.
So I'm cranking out situps and this girl I don't like is holding my feet down. Imagine the
view.
My crotch, my ass. Clothed, but nonetheless.
All of a sudden, I ripped one of the loudest farts I've ever had to this very day, and it
was a long one, too.
I must emphasize that it took me by surprise.
Into a gym that was pretty quiet. Some students were sitting in the bleachers, talking
and killing time, but it wasn't noisy.
My fart rang out loud, long, and clear over all other sounds in the gym.
There was a moment of UTTER silence. Shock and awe sets in....
And then 250 high school students, four coaches, and myself all virtually lost control of
our bodily functions as the laughter engulfs us all.
ONE person is not laughing. The girl I nearly shat upon, of course. I swear, that fart
moved her hair!
She looks like...well...like someone just farted right in her face at close range in front of
a live audience. Did she want to kill me or did she just want to die herself?
I looked at my coach to try to defuse the situation, but to no point...he was on his knees,
laughing so hard that tears were running down his face.
Sam Kinnison couldn't have gotten a bigger laugh out of an audience.
I wasn't the most popular guy in high school. But for days after that, students who
didn't even like me would come up to me and congratulate me for practically shitting
on that girl, who was definitely UNpopular with almost everyone.
For a few days I was famous. I was the Mad Farter.
Even my teachers heard the story, and while they "officially" disapproved, they were
caught grinning about it, too.
CJ