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Posted: 1/21/2008 2:40:59 PM EST
Here are mine:

When I was 11, my mother, my younger brother, and I went into a local radio shack to look for something. To this day I dont remember what it was for and we did not stay long for reasons I am about to explain. As we came in the store, two electricians, I guess, who obviously had a liquid lunch were lurching out having failed to find what they were looking for. As the first one passed us, the second said wait a minute. That was the first warning sign. He then stopped and obviously pressed his ass cheeks together and "deliberately" let out a thunderous foul smelling fart in front of the store clerk and a young mother with children. The farting fool thought that it was sooo funny staring at the store clerk. His friend looked back in disgust and said "I dont know you" turned his back and walked out the door. Everyone in the store was disgusted and horrified with one exception:

Me of course, I was laughing my ass off and got dirty looks from both my mother and brother for doing so. To this day I still chuckle about it, but do not dare mention.
At a laboratory I used to work at many years ago, some equipment was in a back room by itself separated from the rest of the lab by another storage room in between. One day I was at the entrance to the storage room leading to the back room. A fellow who used to work there, but who came by the occasionally use the back room equipment, passed me and entered the storage room to the back room. I was talking with a coworker at the entrance. I am talking and talking and this fellow goes back and forth several times. To be honest I was not paying attention how many times he came and went. Some additional background information, this fellow named steve who was going back and forth was a born again Christian and a lay preacher.

So I have not been paying careful to how many times steve left and entered the storage room leading to the back room. Now I go into the storage room to get some work done myself and I am well bloated after lunch. To relieve the pressure I let out three deliberate and loud farts while passing through the storage room. Just as I am turning the corner into the back room and releasing the last cannon blast I am looking into the indignant face of Reverend steve!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless the say, I told him I did not think that he was still there while in great shame. He did not say much to me the rest of that day.  In fact I never again got any of his born again literature from him after that.   I still chuckle about it.




cmmg
Link Posted: 1/21/2008 2:44:46 PM EST
[#1]
So tagged.  
Link Posted: 1/21/2008 2:45:58 PM EST
[#2]
I was slouched down in my seat in a class in college and I had been slipping small silent farts.  They were bad and everybody in the class could smell them.  Then I ripped one that smelled exactly the same as the others, the only difference was this one was amplified by the angle it came off the seat I guess.  It was loud and my dirty little secret was out.
Link Posted: 1/21/2008 2:46:32 PM EST
[#3]
This is not a www.hoofarted.com or www.icemelted.com tag.
Link Posted: 1/21/2008 2:47:48 PM EST
[#4]
Oh dont be so uptight.  Have some fun and share your dirty deeds
Link Posted: 1/21/2008 2:54:12 PM EST
[#5]
tag


But I was laying in bed with the dog at the foot and the cat on the wifes pillow. Let one slip and about 20 sec later both the cat and dog streaked out of the room.


Wife walked in wondering what I'd done and started gagging
Link Posted: 1/21/2008 2:59:25 PM EST
[#6]
I was in high school,  in gym class.  It was physical fitness test day.   I wanted to skate out
of it and stayed in the bleachers.  Did no good.  The coach called me down to do my situp
test and i was the last one.   Remember situps in school?   Someone else holds your feet
down.    The coach called some girl out, at random, to hold my feet down.  

Incidentally,  this girl and I were not friends. We were not friendly.  We did not like each other.


So I'm cranking out situps and this girl I don't like is holding my feet down.  Imagine the
view.   My crotch, my ass.  Clothed, but nonetheless.

All of a sudden, I ripped one of the loudest farts I've ever had to this very day, and it
was a long one, too.    

I must emphasize that it took me by surprise.

Into a gym that was pretty quiet.  Some students were sitting in the bleachers, talking
and killing time,  but it wasn't noisy.  

My fart rang out loud, long, and clear over all other sounds in the gym.

There was a moment of UTTER silence.  Shock and awe sets in....

And then 250 high school students, four coaches, and myself all virtually lost control of
our bodily functions as the laughter engulfs us all.

ONE person is not laughing.  The girl I nearly shat upon,  of course.  I swear, that fart
moved her hair!    

She looks like...well...like someone just farted right in her face at close range in front of
a live audience.    Did she want to kill me or did she just want to die herself?


I looked at my coach to try to defuse the situation, but to no point...he was on his knees,
laughing so hard that tears were running down his face.


Sam Kinnison couldn't have gotten a bigger laugh out of an audience.



I wasn't the most popular guy in high school.    But for days after that,  students who
didn't even like me would come up to me and congratulate me for practically shitting
on that girl, who was definitely UNpopular with almost everyone.

For a few days I was famous.   I was the Mad Farter.    


Even my teachers heard the story, and while they "officially" disapproved,  they were
caught grinning about it, too.



CJ


Link Posted: 1/21/2008 3:00:09 PM EST
[#7]
Once, I was in Wal-mart and had some serious gas issues. The little woman was doing her thing and I went to the housewares dept. I starting ripping some really good ones while slowly walking down the aisle, I would then hide around the corner and watch the other folks walk down the aisle. The look on their faces was worth the torture of shopping with the Mrs.
Link Posted: 1/21/2008 3:01:44 PM EST
[#8]
I was passing medication at the jail.  I walked into a cell to give the guy his meds and I let a loud one go.  My expression was impassive as I asked, "did you say something?"  The guy about fell off his bunk laughing.
Link Posted: 1/21/2008 3:02:34 PM EST
[#9]
IBTL
Link Posted: 1/21/2008 3:03:19 PM EST
[#10]

Quoted:
IBTL



ahhh your no fun  
Link Posted: 1/21/2008 3:05:39 PM EST
[#11]
Last week a someone I work with ripped one into the phone so quick I didn't have time to move away. He was about 2 from my desk.  Up untill this point I had made a point to go out the back door, As I had gas that would make the paint peel and the ceiling tiles turn brown, SBD's for the next 3 hours. I loved watching him turn green and run out of the office.
Link Posted: 1/21/2008 3:05:47 PM EST
[#12]
TAAAAAAAAG
Link Posted: 1/21/2008 3:07:13 PM EST
[#13]
After school one day when I was say 16 or so, I was at a buddy's house hanging out. Got the bright idea to light some farts. So there I am sitting on his couch with a lighter to my ass (clothed) and I rip a good one. Damn couch was made of woven thread with loose fibers and it flash burned all but where I was sitting.

Link Posted: 1/21/2008 3:07:53 PM EST
[#14]
Link Posted: 1/21/2008 3:08:36 PM EST
[#15]
I was in psyc class on the floor doing some kind of relaxation meditation crap in my senior year of HS. I happened to be surrounded by girls with a couple of my buddies on the other side of the room. Well, when the teacher wasn't paying attention I sat up real fast to throw something at them and just let one rip. God that was embarrassing, even the teacher started laughing uncontrollably.
Link Posted: 1/21/2008 3:10:34 PM EST
[#16]
In church one Sunday morning my mother lets one rip on thoughs nice wooden pews.  Well it sound like a M2 going off.  With out skipping a beat she slapps my brother on the arm and yells at him to stop doing that.  My poor brother
Link Posted: 1/21/2008 3:11:17 PM EST
[#17]
lets not
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