need advice regarding expensive gift recieved from fiance

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - need advice regarding expensive gift recieved from fiance

Posted: 11/24/2003 8:56:16 AM EDT

Ok guys, heres the thing, over the weekend my fiance presented me with a gift, she described it as a token of our engagement. Kind of an engagement ring for men if you will. It's not a ring though, it's a new Movado Museum watch. Listen, I don't know what these things cost but I am pretty sure it was very expensive.

The thing is, I know my fiance doesn't make A LOT of money. She is a school teacher here Vegas. Granted, she has a master's degree so she is a little higher up on the pay scale than most teachers but still, I know this watch was probably a stretch for her.

So when I recieved it I was obviously very excited as I've never recieved such an extravagant gift before. Than I started feeling bad about accepting the gift because of how much it probably cost.

I mentioned that maybe we should return the watch and buy an inexpensive watch like one of those Swiss Army Watches or something like that. Besides, I don't even feel like I can wear this thing without scratching it all up. She seemed very dissapointed and kept telling me that she really wants me to keep this watch, she doesn't care about the cost.

So, what should I do? Should I insist she return the watch or should I keep the watch???

Posted: 11/24/2003 8:58:03 AM EDT

[#1]

Have her sister email me.

Posted: 11/24/2003 8:59:11 AM EDT

[#2]

Keep it.

She obviously respects and admires you enough to buy you such a nice watch.

Was it cash or credit? [:D]

Posted: 11/24/2003 9:04:44 AM EDT

[#3]

Ok...excuse my tone here but are you stupid? Keep the damn watch and give it to her good for giving you such a good present. Obviously she likes you alot. She's gonna be upset if you take it back.

You should feel flattered she gave such a thing. Take care of what a sweet thing you have.

Just out of curiousity how do you feel about her?

Posted: 11/24/2003 9:04:54 AM EDT

[#4]

Say "Thank you" and shut up about it.

Posted: 11/24/2003 9:06:17 AM EDT

[#5]

(Dr. Laura mode on) Definitely keep it. It means a lot to her to do something special for you. Go together and buy another everyday watch unless your everyday activities are benign enough to allow you to wear this one as your only watch. If you buy another watch, wear this one on nice occasions and make sure you make time for nice occasions to show her how much it means to you. (Dr. Laura mode off)

CW

Posted: 11/24/2003 9:07:17 AM EDT

[#6]

Keep it. I know the feeling but you'll get over it and it'll make her happy.

Posted: 11/24/2003 9:09:55 AM EDT

[#7]

I would have mixed feelings at first too. The money she just spent on that watch would soon have been your (plural) money, so if you're going to be pretty tight on funds after you marry, that'd probably annoy me a little.

But then again, some things aren't about the money. She obviously cares about you a great deal to give you something that cost her so much, and she wants you to have it. I'd take it and wear it. Think of her love when you use it, and try not to worry about the dollar signs. [:)]

And good luck to you both. [beer]

Posted: 11/24/2003 9:16:59 AM EDT

[#8]

Well, I know it seems dumb to even think twice about it but I still feel bad about it for some reason.

I am pretty sure she had to use a credit card to buy the gift. (by the way, she is very responsible with credit so nothing to worry about there)

She even woke me up before she went to work this morning and told me she wants me to keep it. Ahh hell, I don't know what to do.

The thing is, I would never in my life spend this kind of money on a watch, that's the thing. I mean, I kind of wish she took me to the gun store and let me pick a new gun or something like that, you know what I mean???

Posted: 11/24/2003 9:23:29 AM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:
Well, I know it seems dumb to even think twice about it but I still feel bad about it for some reason.

I am pretty sure she had to use a credit card to buy the gift. (by the way, she is very responsible with credit so nothing to worry about there)

She even woke me up before she went to work this morning and told me she wants me to keep it. Ahh hell, I don't know what to do.

The thing is, I would never in my life spend this kind of money on a watch, that's the thing. I mean, I kind of wish she took me to the gun store and let me pick a new gun or something like that, you know what I mean???

View Quote

I think we just found the crux of the problem.

I hear you my brother. [:)]

Bob

Posted: 11/24/2003 9:28:20 AM EDT

[#10]

It's the thought that counts. Just say thank you and wear the damn watch!

Posted: 11/24/2003 9:29:52 AM EDT

[#11]

You can't return it. If you do it will be a major insult to her. Why?

Yes it probably was expensive and took a lot of hard work to save up the money to buy. The watch isn't just a gift and something pretty to look at. It's a symbol of how she feels towards you and of the effort that she is willing to put into the relationship for you.

If you return the watch, what it would be saying is that you don't care that she put a lot of hard work and sacrifice into the relationship. That's why she seemd disappointed because it was as if you were rejecting her, not the watch.

So the next time you see her, tell her you are going to keep the watch, give her a great big hug, and tell her how much you love her.

Posted: 11/24/2003 9:33:21 AM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:
The thing is, I would never in my life spend this kind of money on a watch, that's the thing. I mean, I kind of wish she took me to the gun store and let me pick a new gun or something like that, you know what I mean???

View Quote

You don't realize how lucky you are to have this girl do you? All that you can focus on is yourself. Try looking at what she was trying to accomplish with the gift, instead of focusing on yourself. Do you give gifts to other people to boost their own ego or do you give gifts to symbolize something? Think about it.

Posted: 11/24/2003 9:35:47 AM EDT

[#13]

Return the watch, but first find a cheap knock off of it on the internet, buy cheapo replacment. return original, buy gun with leftover funds. Whos to know????

Posted: 11/24/2003 9:36:36 AM EDT

[#14]

The watch looks like a Movado...but its not the gold model, looks like your running at a close 2nd place.

Do something very nice for her....women like attention, even the little things....be a sweatheart to her, take a drive up to Scotties Castle or a nice picnic somewhere in Death valley (this is the best time of year to go)...
Do something for her....and when you nail her out in the desert, you can look at your new watch to see how [s]long[/s]fast it was. [sex]

BTW KEEP THE WATCH YOU DOLT! DON'T MAKE HER SAD!

Posted: 11/24/2003 9:37:33 AM EDT

[#15]

Quoted:
Well, I know it seems dumb to even think twice about it but I still feel bad about it for some reason.

I am pretty sure she had to use a credit card to buy the gift. (by the way, she is very responsible with credit so nothing to worry about there)

She even woke me up before she went to work this morning and told me she wants me to keep it. Ahh hell, I don't know what to do.

The thing is, I would never in my life spend this kind of money on a watch, that's the thing. I mean, I kind of wish she took me to the gun store and let me pick a new gun or something like that, you know what I mean???

View Quote

Does she know you well enough to know you'd value a firearm over a watch??

If the answer is no, you shouldn't be engaged..

If the answer is yes, then she gave you the watch as something "special". It could become an heirloom, or just for special during the 60 years of your marriage...(If this is the case, keep the watch, and love your woman)

Them wimmins are like that sometimes....

Posted: 11/24/2003 9:42:28 AM EDT

[#16]

Whether or not it makes sense to return it has nothing to do with anything.

You screwed up a little by even suggesting it (although hopefully she will see it as you being responsible and overwhelemed). If you actually did it, you will hurt her. It really is that simple, even though it might seem irrational.

Posted: 11/24/2003 9:42:33 AM EDT

[#17]

Have you thought of talking to her about it?

If you're not so comfortable with each other that she will get offended if you tell her your concerns, then you shouldn't be getting married.

If she doesn't appreciate the fact that you are looking out for her (now) and yours (later) financial future, then you shouldn't be getting married.

Ask her. Just be nice and honest about it. Her response will tell you volumes, and will either confirm a good choice or alert you to a bad one.

Good luck!

Posted: 11/24/2003 9:48:20 AM EDT

[#18]

Look, it's not a money thing. It's an emotional thing for her. It's a token of her trust, it's a part of her, above all it's a sacrafice on her part to you, kinda like a kidney. Accept it without guilt, it means more to her than it does to you. If you reject it, she will interpret is as you not being serious about your relationship. You don't need to wear it day & night. Wear it when you dress up and go out to dinner, treat it like women treat fine jewelry, take care of it and 20 years from now it will still have special meaning. As an added 2 point nookie bonus, especially for showing your initial insensitivity, make it up to her by going to the jewelry store and have the back engraved with something sentimental.

Posted: 11/24/2003 9:49:20 AM EDT

[#19]

One of the things we must learn is to accept gifts with grace - keep it, let her know how much you appreciate the gift, and take comfort knowing that the cost of her engagement and wedding rings are going to tower over the cost of this watch.

I'm 99.999% positive she isn't going very far out on a limb with this watch, unless she is overburdened with other debt.

Posted: 11/24/2003 10:03:56 AM EDT

[#20]

Quoted:
Look, it's not a money thing. [red]It's an emotional thing for her. It's a token of her trust, it's a part of her, above all it's a sacrafice on her part to you,[/red] kinda like a kidney. Accept it without guilt, it means more to her than it does to you. If you reject it, she will interpret is as you not being serious about your relationship. You don't need to wear it day & night. Wear it when you dress up and go out to dinner, treat it like women treat fine jewelry, take care of it and 20 years from now it will still have special meaning. As an added 2 point nookie bonus, especially for showing your initial insensitivity, make it up to her by going to the jewelry store and have the back engraved with something sentimental.

View Quote

Bingo!

Posted: 11/24/2003 10:04:43 AM EDT

[#21]

sell it and buy a gun

[i]Dislcaimer: The above is most likely not the best advise for preserving the relationship[/i]

Posted: 11/24/2003 10:06:42 AM EDT

[#22]

I had the same problem. I dont wear a watch and the wife thought she would get me a VERY NICE watch. It was nice but I told her I wouldnt wear it. She looked at it as a gift not a watch, a piece of jewerly. She was hurt but I told her I didnt wear a watch because I didnt want to. Not because we couldnt afford one. I would rather take it back and put the money back in savings.
This was along time ago and now she would NEVER think about getting me a piece of jewerly. She knows better. I dont even wear a wedding ring
If she wants to give me a present she waits untill we are alone.

If you are going to marry, now is a good time to get honest. Why beat around the bush

I for one agree with you 100%

Posted: 11/24/2003 10:28:38 AM EDT

[#23]

Keep it and show her how much you appreciate it.

You are worried about the money, when you should be worried about her feelings.

Posted: 11/24/2003 11:02:01 AM EDT

[#24]

I understand how you feel about not wanting to scratch the thing. My parents got me a decent watch for graduation 15 years ago and the thing is still sitting in a drawer, unworn.
Women are emotional, wear it proudly for a while.

Posted: 11/24/2003 11:19:56 AM EDT

[#25]

Quoted:
I am pretty sure she had to use a credit card to buy the gift.

The thing is, I would never in my life spend this kind of money on a watch,

View Quote

CONGRATS ON BUYING SOMETHING YOU NEVER WANTED!! and just think you get to pay the INTEREST on it too! BWAAHAHAHAHAHA.

Posted: 11/24/2003 11:21:38 AM EDT

[#26]

Do what your heart is telling you to do.

[size=6]BUT,[/size=6] whatever you do, calmly and thoroughly explain your position to her. Thank her profusely and better pay some special attention to the man in the boat this evening.

Keep the dog gone watch and wear it proudly.

Posted: 11/24/2003 11:24:25 AM EDT

[#27]

I just looked up prices of Movado Museum watches. Didn't see any over $1000. Hell, I piss more than that in beer on a weekend... Sure you might find a postban AR for that but it's not worth hurting her feelings for a thousand bucks. Wear it with PRIDE and she'll feel like a million bucks. --RR

Posted: 11/24/2003 11:27:02 AM EDT

[#28]

Keep it and say thank you.

Just as you probably enjoy giving her nice gifts (if you don't you need to rethink things a bit) hse enjoys giving you similar gifts.

I enjoy it when I give my wife big ticket gifts she would never buy for herself, and I would be hurt if she returned one.

Posted: 11/24/2003 11:27:25 AM EDT

[#29]

You actually suggested returning it??

The word "dumbass" comes to mind! She obviously cared enough to give this watch to you after saving up the money. DO NOT return it. Wear it and think of her everytime its on your wrist and maybe years from now you are doubting the relationship or are having a rough spell. Remember that she gave a Movado and not a Swiss Army watch. Its a sign of how much she cares.

Dumbass. [;D]

Posted: 11/24/2003 11:39:52 AM EDT

[#30]

Quoted:
You actually suggested returning it??

The word "dumbass" comes to mind! She obviously cared enough to give this watch to you after saving up the money. DO NOT return it. Wear it and think of her everytime its on your wrist and maybe years from now you are doubting the relationship or are having a rough spell. Remember that she gave a Movado and not a Swiss Army watch. Its a sign of how much she cares.

Dumbass. [;D]

View Quote

Yah, I guess I just needed you guys to kick me in the tail on this one.

Lol, thank you guys, I really appreciate it, it didn't even occur to me she would be hurt by my suggestion of returning it for something cheaper. thanks again

Posted: 11/24/2003 11:44:07 AM EDT

[#31]

If I got something like that from someone special I would not think twice: I would wear it all the time. If it were damaged I would spare no expense to fix it, if it were lost I would spare no effort to find it. After about 40 years there will be more to it than a price tag. Then give it to a grandson or granddaughter.

Posted: 11/24/2003 2:25:32 PM EDT

[#32]

Keep the watch! This is a symbol of her love for you; it shows that she cares about you and is willing to make sacrifices for your happiness. Even suggesting returning it is highly insulting.

Keep the watch and let it serve as a reminder of how much she cares about you. Wear it when you go out and remember to make 'time' for her.

Posted: 11/24/2003 3:55:42 PM EDT

[#33]

[size=4]Listen, you smuck, in marriage there are things you do for yourself and there are things you do for her. Do it for her... wear the dam watch, be proud of her love, and don't take too long learning this lesson. Otherwise, you will end up in Superior Court and she will take much more than that watch back.[/size=4]