sorry if this is a dupe... hadn't seen it here, and just read it so... here we go..
Little Johnny was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked
the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical
answers came up: fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer,
etc. Little Johnny was being uncharacteristic-ally quiet, so the
teacher asked him about his father.
"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all
his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is
really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love
with him for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the
other children to work on some exercises and took Little Johnny
aside and quietly asked him, "Is that really true about your
"No," said Little Johnny. "He works for the Kerry campaign, but I
was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
A long time pastor of a small Missouri church died unexpectedly last weekend. The deacons and church elders got together and called the synod to request a new pastor. “We need one right away to perform the burial and then lead the church service the following Sunday”. They were told not to worry, a new pastor fresh from the seminary would be sent out immediately.
So the new pastor packs his bags and jumps in the car. On the way he gets lost and finally arrives at the cemetery four hours late but everyone is gone. He drives by the church next door and sees a backhoe and two men so he grabs his bible and jumps out of the car. He runs up and introduces himself and begins preaching. As he finishes the benediction one of the men turns to him and says “I have been grounds keeper for this church for twenty five years and this is the first time anyone has performed a service for a septic tank”.