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12/15/2017 11:52:10 PM
Posted: 6/29/2001 4:06:36 AM EST
[:D] A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry lady demanded, "What took you so long?" The unperturbed doctor replied, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area."
Link Posted: 6/29/2001 4:17:16 AM EST
Q. WHAT IS LONG BLACK AND SMELLY? A. THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE.
Link Posted: 6/29/2001 7:20:36 AM EST
Originally Posted By AR15MAN: Q. WHAT IS LONG BLACK AND SMELLY? A. THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE.
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LMAO
Link Posted: 6/29/2001 8:06:35 AM EST
[img]http://www.theaskguys.com/%7Epics/right.gif[/img]
Link Posted: 6/29/2001 9:18:39 AM EST
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his bunker wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang. "Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Boudreaux down at the Fred's Lounge in Mamou. I'm callin' to told you we officially declarin' war on you!" "Well, Boudreaux," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Rat now," said Boudreaux, (hesitating) "there is me, my cousin T-Nom, my nex door neighbor T-Boy, and the whole bunch from the bar. That makes us eight!" Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Boudreaux, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Kee-ough!" said Boudreaux. "I gots to call you back later!" Sure enough, the next day, Boudreaux called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We got us some war equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Boudreaux?" Saddam asked. "Well, we got us two combines, a dozer, and a farm tractor." Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Boudreaux, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke." "Poo-yie!" said Boudreaux. "I gots to get back to you later." Sure enough, Boudreaux rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, da war still be on! We got ourselves some airborne! We've took T-Cat's utra-light glider an we put us a shotgun in the cockpit, and Nonk got outs of jail today and he is gonna join our army too!" Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Boudreaux, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" "Ah-yie-yie!", screams Boudreaux, "I gots ta call you back later." Sure enough, Boudreaux calls again the next day. "Bon jour, Sad-damn! I gots to toll you we is callin' off dis war." "I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Boudreaux, "we all had a long talk at the bar an Shariff Wayne Morgan says no way he's gonna feed two million prisoners."
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