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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 3/29/2006 7:57:38 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/30/2006 5:13:32 AM EDT by pattymcn]
The Link

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail. Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need". "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the Wilmington Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Davidson) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Davidson. He just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said,

"A pumpkin? Damn... is it midnight already?"
Link Posted: 3/29/2006 7:58:36 PM EDT
wow.....
Link Posted: 3/29/2006 7:59:59 PM EDT
Good story...Its not quite midnight here, so I guess I will have to abstain.

No pumpkins in Idaho this time of year anyway...
Link Posted: 3/29/2006 8:02:27 PM EDT


thats to funny
Link Posted: 3/29/2006 8:03:38 PM EDT

Originally Posted By usp45c:


thats to funny



No kidding. Great come back though don't cha think?
Link Posted: 3/29/2006 8:09:13 PM EDT



Link Posted: 3/29/2006 8:12:58 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/29/2006 8:14:53 PM EDT
Pumpkin poon...now thats a new one
Link Posted: 3/29/2006 8:16:59 PM EDT
better than cucumber?
Link Posted: 3/29/2006 8:18:11 PM EDT
I always wondered why he spent so much time in the pumpkin patch...

Link Posted: 3/29/2006 8:18:32 PM EDT

Originally Posted By staraero:
better than cucumber?



nothing beats warm watermellon



i wouldnt know..... i've heard....... from people.........
Link Posted: 3/29/2006 8:25:07 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Napoleon_Tanerite:

Originally Posted By staraero:
better than cucumber?



nothing beats warm watermellon



i wouldnt know..... i've heard....... from people.........



Warm apple pie. Come one now...

A close second would be warm prickly pear cactus leaves. After one removes the spines and makes the correct "peter pocket" (like a pita pocket, but for the ManTool).

But that too is what I have been told.
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 2:19:59 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/30/2006 2:21:02 AM EDT by BOBK48]
That guy has issues!!!!
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 2:44:34 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Napoleon_Tanerite:

Originally Posted By staraero:
better than cucumber?



nothing beats warm watermellon



i wouldnt know..... i've heard....... from people.........



"You leave a watermelon out in the sun, but why don't you just have sex with a real woman? What is it with the watermelon? You're not Greek!"

10 points to whoever can identify the quote correctly.
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 3:45:03 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BOBK48:
That guy has issues!!!!



you can say that again
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 3:53:09 AM EDT
pumpkin pie... nice
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 5:13:57 AM EDT

Originally Posted By MagKnightX:

Originally Posted By Napoleon_Tanerite:

Originally Posted By staraero:
better than cucumber?



nothing beats warm watermellon



i wouldnt know..... i've heard....... from people.........



"You leave a watermelon out in the sun, but why don't you just have sex with a real woman? What is it with the watermelon? You're not Greek!"

10 points to whoever can identify the quote correctly.



I give up, what movie?
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 5:16:23 AM EDT
I'd have let the guy go, just on the account of his come-back.

Kharn
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 5:23:14 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 5:25:19 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 5:25:21 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BOBK48:
That guy has issues!!!!



Wellll....by the tone of the article it appears they stopped him before that point....
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 5:33:36 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/30/2006 5:34:34 AM EDT by QUIB]

Originally Posted By Tomislav:
I always wondered why he spent so much time in the pumpkin patch...



Na....It's more like:

"I saw the WHOLE thing officer!"

Link Posted: 3/30/2006 5:34:46 AM EDT
Greatest reply to a LEO question EVER.

Link Posted: 3/30/2006 5:37:12 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 5:40:48 AM EDT
Sir, I assume you realize Washington Cty, NC is quite rural, they don't get much excitement there. And from what I read in the local papers they want to keep it that way, that's why they're so much against the Navy building an OLF there, the jets might "disturb" people like this! JMHO, 7zero1.
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 5:42:54 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 5:43:26 AM EDT

Link Posted: 3/30/2006 5:52:19 AM EDT
Based on the title of the site I have to assume this is not a real story.



Link Posted: 3/30/2006 6:36:42 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/30/2006 7:15:50 AM EDT by junebug68]

Originally Posted By Lancelot:
Based on the title of the site I have to assume this is not a real story.






I live in Wilmington, North Carolina and I haven't heard a thing in the local news about a guy fucking a pumpkin. And this is a decent-sized port city, not "the sticks". I guess I could have missed the story, however.
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 6:38:57 AM EDT
what do they do in Wilmington NC for Haloween?

Pump kin.
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 6:46:55 AM EDT

Originally Posted By buddysblackrifle:
pumpkin pie... nice







He shoulda stayed home and screwed his couch. Didn't anyone tell him the screwing your couch is like bangin' Angelina Jolie?
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 8:15:27 AM EDT

Originally Posted By junebug68:

Originally Posted By Lancelot:
Based on the title of the site I have to assume this is not a real story.






I live in Wilmington, North Carolina and I haven't heard a thing in the local news about a guy fucking a pumpkin. And this is a decent-sized port city, not "the sticks". I guess I could have missed the story, however.



Who knows? I guess its rather bizarre that someone would think up such a story!
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 8:46:38 AM EDT
Gives new meaning to jack-o-lantern, now jack-off-lantern.
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 9:16:59 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/30/2006 9:18:55 AM EDT by injun-ear]


Hell, e'r'body knows that it ain't season yit. Ay'er way too young right now...hell ay'ain't even seedlin's yit.

EDIT: Or should I say: "Ewww They're not even seedlings yet.

P.S. There ain't no "pumpkins" being grown outdoors in N.C. this time of year.
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 10:27:57 AM EDT

Originally Posted By injun-ear:


Hell, e'r'body knows that it ain't season yit. Ay'er way too young right now...hell ay'ain't even seedlin's yit.

EDIT: Or should I say: "Ewww They're not even seedlings yet.

P.S. There ain't no "pumpkins" being grown outdoors in N.C. this time of year.



Way to screw up a good story with reality!
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 10:32:23 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:

Originally Posted By injun-ear:


Hell, e'r'body knows that it ain't season yit. Ay'er way too young right now...hell ay'ain't even seedlin's yit.

EDIT: Or should I say: "Ewww They're not even seedlings yet.

P.S. There ain't no "pumpkins" being grown outdoors in N.C. this time of year.



Way to screw up a good story with reality!


injun-ear has a good point that didn't occur to me. Nobody even has canteloupes in the ground yet, and even if there were, they wouldn't be mature enough to have sex yet!!!
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 10:35:51 AM EDT
It's an old joke - NOT a true story.

I've heard it before.
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 10:41:42 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ShortMikeB:

Originally Posted By buddysblackrifle:
pumpkin pie... nice







He shoulda stayed home and screwed his couch. Didn't anyone tell him the screwing your couch is like bangin' Angelina Jolie?



My couch is cleaner...
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 10:52:37 AM EDT
Poonkin pie !!

Jb
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 10:54:12 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Lancelot:
Based on the title of the site I have to assume this is not a real story.







You'd be assuming correctly:
www.snopes.com/risque/caught/pumpkin.asp
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 10:55:55 AM EDT

Originally Posted By NoVaGator:
what do they do in Wilmington NC for Haloween?

Pump kin.




Link Posted: 3/30/2006 10:58:05 AM EDT

Originally Posted By JohnTheTexican:

Originally Posted By Lancelot:
Based on the title of the site I have to assume this is not a real story.







You'd be assuming correctly:
www.snopes.com/risque/caught/pumpkin.asp



Did you read the entire article?

Although 1998's Malcolm Davidson and his "Is it midnight already" line were wholly fictional, the key element of this tale did play out in real life at least once. In September 2002, Bill Patton of Macomb, Michigan, was sentenced to ninety days in the hoosegow for indecent exposure stemming from a 2000 incident during which neighbors saw him masturbate in his back yard, then observed him through his basement window pleasuring himself with a pumpkin. His crime lay in being seen — one is allowed to love vegetables as much as one wants, provided one doesn't do it in public.

I don't care if its true or not. Its funny!
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 11:10:53 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/30/2006 11:11:14 AM EDT by metroplex]

Originally Posted By pattymcn:

Originally Posted By JohnTheTexican:

Originally Posted By Lancelot:
Based on the title of the site I have to assume this is not a real story.







You'd be assuming correctly:
www.snopes.com/risque/caught/pumpkin.asp



Did you read the entire article?

Although 1998's Malcolm Davidson and his "Is it midnight already" line were wholly fictional, the key element of this tale did play out in real life at least once. In September 2002, Bill Patton of Macomb, Michigan, was sentenced to ninety days in the hoosegow for indecent exposure stemming from a 2000 incident during which neighbors saw him masturbate in his back yard, then observed him through his basement window pleasuring himself with a pumpkin. His crime lay in being seen — one is allowed to love vegetables as much as one wants, provided one doesn't do it in public.

I don't care if its true or not. Its funny!



There's not a whole lot of stuff going in MI, I guess he was bored?
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 11:14:14 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:

Originally Posted By MagKnightX:

Originally Posted By Napoleon_Tanerite:

Originally Posted By staraero:
better than cucumber?



nothing beats warm watermellon



i wouldnt know..... i've heard....... from people.........



"You leave a watermelon out in the sun, but why don't you just have sex with a real woman? What is it with the watermelon? You're not Greek!"

10 points to whoever can identify the quote correctly.



I give up, what movie?



Not a movie. It's from GTA: Liberty City Stories, the show on Liberty City Free Radio with the haughty and disgusting French chef (Coq au Vin with Richard Goblin).
Link Posted: 3/30/2006 11:14:38 AM EDT

Originally Posted By 7zero1:
Sir, I assume you realize Washington Cty, NC is quite rural, they don't get much excitement there. And from what I read in the local papers they want to keep it that way, that's why they're so much against the Navy building an OLF there, the jets might "disturb" people like this! JMHO, 7zero1.



I vacation in Wilmington every year; I wouldn't consider it rural.

Funny story, even if it's not true .
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