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Posted: 12/31/2005 6:19:20 AM EDT


I dont think she tries nearly as hard as she THINKS she does. We argue about it constantly. It might get better for a week but she goes back to her normal way. Yes we do have a 14 month old little girl, and yes she is 3 months pregnant. I mean the house is not disgusting but, I like my house clean what can I say. She's thinks I should help more. I help alot on weekends, but I work 11.5 hour shifts on weekdays, so i cant help that much. No she does not work.

Feedback from other married men please
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 6:21:25 AM EDT
This is not the place to be getting support. You wife could see it as an attack.

Talk to her about it and quit arguing.

Think about hiring a maid to come in once a month to do deep cleaning.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 6:21:30 AM EDT
Well I am not a married guy, single, BUT I keep my house clean, and work a full time job, as well as do everything else related to the upkeep of my house.

If 1 person can do it, I dont see why 2 cant.

Link Posted: 12/31/2005 6:23:17 AM EDT
I dare you to post this in the womens forum.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 6:25:02 AM EDT
Constant exposure to germs builds resistance,making you healthier in the long run.
At least that's what my wife tells us!
And I'm not gonna argue,'cause then I'LL be doing the cleaning!
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 6:26:17 AM EDT

Originally Posted By 2A373:
I dare you to post this in the womens forum.



+1
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 6:28:59 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/31/2005 6:30:25 AM EDT by SWIRE]
Does your wife do any type of work outside the home as well, such as charity, children programs, church, or is she strictly a stay at home mom? If she is strictly stay at home there is no reason for the house not to be clean with most of the responsiblity falling on her. You are working your butt off to provide the means to live by working the 11.5 hour days. It's up to her to make sure you and the house are taken care of so you can continue to provide for the family.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 6:31:05 AM EDT
My first wife was anal about cleaning, partially because she had lived in the Caymans for a long time before we were together in some pretty terrible conditions. We would clean every day for about an hour,and everything had to have its place. My current wife and I are much more relaxed about cleaning, much worse than we should be,letting lot of things go til we HAVE to clean it in a burst of prolonged housekeeping. In many ways, this is not as good as we SHOULD be about it, but especially with kids, you are going to have more of a mess than if it was just the two of you.Rather than argue about whether you clean "enough", clean up "as much" as you can.Pick up after yourself everytime you do or use something,and you'll find that in the long run that makes the regular cleaning sessions easier. She may be home all day,but that doesn't mean she has a lot of free time on her hands, especially being pregnant and having a small child. Help out, don't argue,and you'll get through it.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 6:31:14 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 6:39:39 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pyro6988:

Originally Posted By 2A373:
I dare you to post this in the womens forum.



+1




+29
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 6:41:56 AM EDT
Clean enough that you dont have to use a closed hand for disipline
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 6:44:12 AM EDT
maybe you should have waited a bit longer before knocking her up again
or you should help out if you want it cleaner
unless you can post pics showing that what she considers clean really isn't
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 6:45:42 AM EDT
As long as friends and family aren't afraid to come to your house to eat, you're good to go.

My sister-in-law(God rest her soul) was a good person, a great cook and a terrible housekeeper. It finally got to where I couldn't eat there. They have handicapped twins under 6, the house is much better now.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 6:46:51 AM EDT
We have had this discussion at our house too. However, my wife has improved greatly in recent years, and now our house is always available to drop by.

Our biggest challenge has been teaching her to "see" the items that need to be cleaned. She just wouldn't notice it. One time, I waited (without saying anything to see when she would do the dishes. After every dish in the house was used, she came home with paper plates.)

This has been a long process, but we are nearly there. Keep hoping, don't be a jerk about it, set realistic expectations, and do your part.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 6:52:08 AM EDT
Put a pack on your back and watch the 14-month-old for a day and see how much you get done.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 6:55:20 AM EDT


Link Posted: 12/31/2005 6:55:39 AM EDT

Originally Posted By bvmjethead:
Think about hiring a maid to come in once a month to do deep cleaning.



+1

My wife does a great job taking care of our home and our infant daughter, but I have a cleaning service come in once a month to do a thorough cleaning.

Link Posted: 12/31/2005 6:57:45 AM EDT
If your shoes stick to the kitchen floor she is not even trying.

If dust puffs up out of the carpet when you walk across it she is not doing enough.


You could spend a half hour a day helping out.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 7:09:46 AM EDT

Originally Posted By No_Serfing:
Put a pack on your back and watch the 14-month-old for a day and see how much you get done.



+1

If she is pregnant, she should not do any heavy lifting whatsoever ie. lugging a vacuum cleaner up and down stairs.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 7:15:53 AM EDT

If you have a 14 month old and a pregnant wife you are going to have to lower your standards of clean. Your place will never be really clean again until your kids move out. If the house cleaning is your wife's only real fault you should count yourself as blessed and not sour your marriage with constant arguing about it. I used to be the same way, but it's not worth fighting about.
Your wife has either been pregnant or had a small child for the last two years. Quite an ordeal. Now she is knocked up again. They usually feel bad the first trimester. Clean it up some yourself. Thirty minutes a day of man cleaning is about the same as two hours of woman cleaning. It won't be like you wished it was but it will be as good as it can. It will never be clean like it was before you had kids.
As long as your wife is not a phsyco taker/user if you want her to clean the house she probably will as soon as you quit complaining about it and be nice to her when you get home. If she reaches the point that she dreads you coming home because of constant bitching and arguing you will be on the glide path to divorce.
Being trapped in a house all day pregnant with a 14 month old ain't that much fun. If everything it OK except the messy house you don't really have a problem.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 7:24:54 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/31/2005 7:25:52 AM EDT by Overlord66]
I think you need to go easier on her until you have your other kid. But then realise that it's not easy to keep the house clean and take care of 2 kids. I suggest that you stop arguing about it becasue that definately isn't helping anything. Now if the house is so dirty that you childs well being is in jeapordy that yes, I think you two need to talk. But if your just being an ass about it and want the house to sparkle when you get home than I think you need to relax.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 7:31:01 AM EDT
She's watching way to much tv during the day.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 7:32:28 AM EDT
Remember to put her and the family first. This shit ain't worth losing all of them over. Personally, maybe set a new tone by keeping the 14 month old for a few hours on a saturday and send the wife to the spa. While she's gone, clean the place up. When she gets back that afternoon, after the spa treatment and finds a clean house as well, you'll be golden. She will probably take some initiative to try and keep it cleaner if you take the first step.

My $.02
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 7:35:32 AM EDT
You live there to, help out if you dont like it. She is growing a baby. Thats hard work. Your baby. Treat her like a queen.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 7:38:59 AM EDT
My house is a friggen disaster, I'm a lazy fat ass slob though and work graveyard shift. I'd rather sleep than clean house and the wife works swing shift. I think she's lazy too. Hell my kids are lazy and would rather play X box than do thier homework. I took their X box away because of it, maybe I should take the house away from my wife...... hmmmm......

Link Posted: 12/31/2005 7:40:31 AM EDT

I dunno - what did you agree on when you hired her?

Link Posted: 12/31/2005 7:47:26 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 7:48:31 AM EDT

Originally Posted By 1shott:
Well I am not a married guy, single, BUT I keep my house clean, and work a full time job, as well as do everything else related to the upkeep of my house.

If 1 person can do it, I dont see why 2 cant.





I keep my hpuse cleaner than it was when I was married. I think it is easier because it's just me and I put up whatever I get out as soon as I am done with it. When there was three of us I think things tended to pile up.

Plus with being single, you never know who you might ask over, or just have them show up. Gotta be clean.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 7:59:30 AM EDT

Originally Posted By paul_the_welder:

I dont think she tries nearly as hard as she THINKS she does. We argue about it constantly. It might get better for a week but she goes back to her normal way. Yes we do have a 14 month old little girl, and yes she is 3 months pregnant. I mean the house is not disgusting but, I like my house clean what can I say. She's thinks I should help more. I help alot on weekends, but I work 11.5 hour shifts on weekdays, so i cant help that much. No she does not work.

Feedback from other married men please




soooo......... your wife is currently preggers with your mutant spawn, and you already have a 14 mo old kid, but your house just isn't clean enough by your standards?

Hahaha, and I thought I was an ass. Hire a maid! Seriously, have a maid come in every friday so the house will be nice and clean for your weekends. This way instead of cleaning on your weekends you can rub the wife's feet.

Link Posted: 12/31/2005 8:59:03 AM EDT


I'm suprised by the sane and intelligent feedback. I was expecting to be called an assh@le. which I can be sometimes I relize. I think the maid service is a good idea. Not as easy to find out here away from the city, but i'm going to look. besides this I have no problems with my wife, she is a wonderful person and A great mother. Thanks everyone!
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 9:01:02 AM EDT
Clean enough to eat pie off the floor.

You should damn well better help....


if you want to eat pie off the floor
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 9:01:51 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 9:11:19 AM EDT

Originally Posted By paul_the_welder:

I dont think she tries nearly as hard as she THINKS she does. We argue about it constantly. It might get better for a week but she goes back to her normal way. Yes we do have a 14 month old little girl, and yes she is 3 months pregnant. I mean the house is not disgusting but, I like my house clean what can I say. She's thinks I should help more. I help alot on weekends, but I work 11.5 hour shifts on weekdays, so i cant help that much. No she does not work.

Feedback from other married men please



Ease up, and get out the vacuum cleaner yourself, and HELP OUT.

I raised three kids myself, and it is utterly exhausting, just doing that. When you have small kids, it's very tough impossible/not worth it to keep a house barrack-room, white glove clean.

Lighten up. YOU try being pregnant soon after giving birth AND raising the first child AND trying to keep your house military-style clean. Man- no wonder they came up with "women's liberation"...
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 9:16:32 AM EDT
After being married for 25 years, I can comment on that, give her a hand and ease up on the cleaning. House work is exhausting especially if you have children. Your house will never be clean enought with even a single child. How about bitching less and giving her a hand, better yet do her a favor and ask her what needs to be cleaned and do it, and then buy her some flowers, hire a sitter, and take her to a romantic dinner. Believe me.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 9:23:48 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 9:31:25 AM EDT
thank you to the guys who have helped out here. I am the anal one in my home about it being clean. There is a spot for everything and it needs to be there. The floors need to be spotless, counters washed down, sinks, toilets showers etc. clean and shiney. Guess what, I have relearned in the past 3 years, IT IS NOT POSSIBLE when you have a toddler/infant in the home, I can't imagine being pregnant on top of that too. It is all I can do some days to keep the floors vaccumed for dog hair. A child takes much of your time, feeding, dressing, diapering, playing, reading and teaching the things they need to know. When nap time comes, some days I am so tired I nap too, if I am not napping, I am taking an hour to myself to read or surf the internet (like now). After that hour is done, then I work on the house until our son wakes up. He is getting old enough now (nearly 3) that I can have him help me clean and it does help.

paul_the_welder, you need to lighten up some. If that is the only thing she is doing wrong, then you are very lucky. If it really bothers you that much, get off your high horse that you bring in all the money after working 11.5 hour shifts on weekdays and do the stuff she isn't doing to suit you adequately. You say she doesn't work, well I got news for you, she does work, she just doesn't leave the house to do it or bring in a paycheck, but she works.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 9:52:50 AM EDT

Originally Posted By MrsGungho:
she does work, she just doesn't leave the house to do it



Another good point... She could probably use some social ventures if at all possible. Watch the kid and let her get out for awhile, or hire a sitter and take her out.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 10:02:38 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 10:03:24 AM EDT

Originally Posted By WildlandFirefighter:

Originally Posted By 1shott:
Well I am not a married guy, single, BUT I keep my house clean, and work a full time job, as well as do everything else related to the upkeep of my house.

If 1 person can do it, I dont see why 2 cant.





I keep my hpuse cleaner than it was when I was married. I think it is easier because it's just me and I put up whatever I get out as soon as I am done with it. When there was three of us I think things tended to pile up.

Plus with being single, you never know who you might ask over, or just have them show up. Gotta be clean.



I am single also and it takes me 3 hours per week to keep the place spotless. All you need is a system and don't let any of it go on.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 10:03:49 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/31/2005 10:08:08 AM EDT by fla556guy]
My advice is to tell her straight up. If you can't keep it clean, and your home all day, what do you expect me to do, besides work 11.5 hours a day during the week, and (never said how many) on the weekend so that you can stay home and complain about how messy the house is. Sorry, but being married does not make you her personal slave, nor do I think you should hire a maid. A maid will not help the situation. She just wants to complain about something, and that is the most noticable thing to her. If she can't understand that a marrage is "give and take" then she has no business being married. I tell my wife this: I'm fine with how the house is. If you don't like it, you fix it. I'll help with the general chores the best I can, but if something is so bad that your going to bitch at me, you were home before I was, by probably 3 hours or more, why didn't you do it?

PS> Why is it when there is a problem with this type of stuff, the wife always gets the breaks such as:

1. Hire a maid
2. Hubby do more, send wife to spa
3. Live with it

If I told my boss that I was too tired or otherwise too incapacitated to do my work well, and suggested any of those above things, I'd GET FIRED! And he'd be laughing as I walked out.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 10:03:55 AM EDT


We keep our house clean enough that the dog can drink out of the toilet.


Link Posted: 12/31/2005 10:06:28 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 10:09:51 AM EDT

Originally Posted By fla556guy:
My advice is to tell her straight up. If you can't keep it clean, and your home all day, what do you expect me to do, besides work 11.5 hours a day during the week, and (never said how many) on the weekend so that you can stay home and complain about how messy the house is. Sorry, but being married does not make you her personal slave, nor do I think you should hire a maid. A maid will not help the situation. She just wants to complain about something, and that is the most noticable thing to her. If she can't understand that a marrage is "give and take" then she has no business being married. I tell my wife this: I'm fine with how the house is. If you don't like it, you fix it. I'll help with the general chores the best I can, but if something is so bad that your going to bitch at me, you were home before I was, by probably 3 hours or more, why didn't you do it?

PS> Why is it when there is a problem with this type of stuff, the wife always gets the breaks such as:

1. Hire a maid
2. Hubby do more, send wife to spa
3. Live with it

If I told my boss that I was too tired or otherwise too incapacitated to do my work well, and suggested any of those above things, I'd GET FIRED! And he'd be laughing as I walked out.



reread the original post, SHE is not complaining, he is.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 10:12:39 AM EDT
I'm supposing this is your first pregnancy.

If so, know that a woman's body is undergoing huge transformations and half of it involves powerful hormones....mood changing hormones.... so walk on egg shells if you want to save your relationship.

Usually the first trimester involves serious 'morning sickness' which in our case was 'all day sickness'.

And the woman generally feels worn out.... but by the 8th month she'll suddenly get a huge boost of energy - the 'fix up the nest cause the little uns are coming' instinct kicks in and you'll probably have her demanding a paint brush, new tiles and carpet - and re arranging furnature. etc etc.

It's very important to sit down and calmly CALMLY talk about you and your wife's expectations about life, finances, free time, hobbies, home needs, menus, work duties, etc. and be flexible and mature - if the garbage needs taking out and she's nursing the baby, just do it.

Ditto on occasionally taking care of 'her' job, like making dinner or cleaning up. Maturity comes to mammals when they have offspring, not before it. In humans, becoming a parent is the most maturing thing a guy can go through because suddenly there's a totally helpless little bundle of joy to take care of which means your wants, needs, desires, hopes, dreams....are all now negotiable whereas the baby's needs are paramount.

Welcome to the world of grown ups.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 10:12:55 AM EDT
Can't wait to see where this one goes.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 10:15:00 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/31/2005 10:16:13 AM EDT by AcidGambit]
Does she work ? If she doesn't work, the house better be fucking spotless... My opinion.

...and if she doesn't work, there better be food cooked too... God gave women smaller feet so they can stand closer to the stove.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 10:15:07 AM EDT
My wife is a cleaning freak. Obsessive compulsive about it. Consider yourself lucky.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 10:15:38 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 10:19:04 AM EDT
Let me be the first to say IBTL on this one... Only downhill from here. The good advice stopped several posts back.

Link Posted: 12/31/2005 10:21:35 AM EDT

Originally Posted By paul_the_welder:

I'm suprised by the sane and intelligent feedback. I was expecting to be called an assh@le. which I can be sometimes I relize. I think the maid service is a good idea. Not as easy to find out here away from the city, but i'm going to look. besides this I have no problems with my wife, she is a wonderful person and A great mother. Thanks everyone!



If that's what you want I'm still prepared to call you one!!

My answer to your question is the wife should keep it as clean as she feels she can and is willing. If you want it cleaner than that, do it yourself. My ex and I used to argue over this quite a bit and he'd sometimes gripe about how I did things so I quit doing the things he either complained about or made fun of me for. I don't think I had to vacuum the apartment for over a year. He didn't want the dishwasher used but would get frustrated if I didn't do the dishes. I'm sorry, a dishwasher has a purpose, and if one is available I'm gonna use it rather than do them by hand, so I'd let 'em stack up til he did them. You don't like the way I do things, do it yourself was my motto. The complaint of I work all day didn't apply either 'cause we had a child and both worked full time.

By the way, children can destroy in 5 minutes what it took you two hours to accomplish.
Link Posted: 12/31/2005 10:21:39 AM EDT
Most of this has been said before, but it bears repeating. Your wife does work, and she works longer shifts than 11.5 hours/5 days a week. She is dealing with a 14 month-old all day every day and she is 3 months pregnant. You pretty much have three choices here: lower your standard as to what is "acceptable to the grand pooh-bah", get off your butt and help out, or hire a cleaning service.
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