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Posted: 8/31/2005 10:30:37 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/19/2005 10:47:14 AM EDT by 1911greg]
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Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:32:13 AM EDT
If you really care about her, stay with her, but don't expect her to change.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:33:13 AM EDT

Originally Posted By 1911greg:
Been seeing this girl for a while now we really get along well she is into guns, cars, military so we have alot in common and she is really a caring and kind person.

So the other day she starts acting out of place and just leaves, well i soon discovered that she seems to have some real issues.

first off she is very self concious about her weight even though she is thin and has a great body, next she told me she had a eating disorder when she was younger. Then she tells me that at a very young age a relative did some things to her and she cant stop thinking about it lately. She says that she is fine but i know that she has changed recently and these emotions are coming back out.

So what should i do? I really care about her but a part of me was very scared to here about all this.

She has had some crazy mood swings the past couple days sometimes where I feel like she is a totally different person.

This is weird, very weird and i have no clue what to do.

is there anyway for someone to get over these issues?



Buckle up, cowboy...she can't deal with it so you'll be dealing with it.

Or maybe she'll just 'get better'.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:34:19 AM EDT
Run. Once broke it can't be fixed. The cracks will always be there.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:34:50 AM EDT
Her moodswings and emotional reactions to the past might be related to her cycle. Hormones can make a woman do crazy things.

Having said that, RUN!!! It will not get better until after menopause. Hang out if you can wait that long.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:35:27 AM EDT
I was dating a girl for a couple months when out of nowhere I find out she is/was anorexic and had been engaged until about 1 month before I started seeing her. This is a 20 year old mind you. Things didn't work out. Unless you REALLY care for her your best bet is just get out of her life and let her sort it all out.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:35:31 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:
Run. Once broke it can't be fixed. The cracks will always be there.



+1 Cracks kill.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:36:03 AM EDT
heres some facts:

"most girls have had an eating disorder before."

"A large percentage of girls have been molested before."

Its a sad state of affairs that these things happen, and they happen alot.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:36:23 AM EDT
If you care about her, and she sounds great to me, seek the help of a counselor.

Get her professional help, this is her way of asking for it.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:37:11 AM EDT
Women with issues should wear warning signs.


Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:38:41 AM EDT

Originally Posted By arowneragain:
Women with issues should wear warning signs.






That would be redundent, since all women have issues.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:39:05 AM EDT

Originally Posted By dvr9:
Her moodswings and emotional reactions to the past might be related to her cycle. Hormones can make a woman do crazy things.

Having said that, RUN!!! It will not get better until after menopause. Hang out if you can wait that long.



it will start in about 2 days so that could be it.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:39:16 AM EDT

Originally Posted By gaspain:
heres some facts:

"most girls have had an eating disorder before."

"A large percentage of girls have been molested before."

Its a sad state of affairs that these things happen, and they happen alot.



Unfortunately true. I've known several women from my past who had similar experiences.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:40:30 AM EDT

Originally Posted By gaspain:
heres some facts:

"most girls have had an eating disorder before."

"A large percentage of girls have been molested before."

Its a sad state of affairs that these things happen, and they happen alot.



yeah i know its pretty amazing how much a sicko can fuck up their lives
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:40:31 AM EDT

Originally Posted By arowneragain:
Women with issues should wear warning signs.





If it becomes law, I'm investing in sign printing supplies.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:40:50 AM EDT

Originally Posted By IAMLEGEND:

Buckle up, cowboy...she can't deal with it so you'll be dealing with it.

Or maybe she'll just 'get better'.



+1 The gift that keeps on giving...
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:41:47 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/31/2005 10:42:13 AM EDT by sixgunsblazing]
RUN

as said by the Offspring:


I'm seeing this girl and she just might be out of her mind
Well she's got baggage and it's all the emotional kind
She talks about closure and that validation bit
I don't mean to be insensitive, but I really hate that shit

Oh man she's got issues
And I'm gonna pay
She thinks she's the victim
Yeah

Now I know she'll feel abandoned
If I don't stay over late
And I know she's afraid to commit
But it's only our second date

Oh man she's got issues
And I'm gonna pay
She thinks she's the victim
But she takes it all out on me

I don't know why you're messed up
I don't know why your whole life is a chore
Just do me a favor
And check your baggage at the door

Now she talks about her ex nonstop, but I don't mind
But when she calls out his name in bed
That's where I draw the line
You told me a hundred times how your father left and he's gone
But I wish you wouldn't call me daddy
When we're gettin' it on

Oh man she's got issues
And I'm gonna pay
She's playing the victim
And taking it all out on me
My god she's got issues
And I'm gonna pay

If you think I'm controlling
Then why do you follow me around
If you're not co-dependent
Then why do you let others drag you down

I don't know why you're messed up
I don't know why your whole life is a chore
Just do me a favor
And check your baggage at the door
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:41:48 AM EDT
Eating disorders are indicative of severe problems. They rarely get better. I'd run like the wind.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:42:16 AM EDT

Originally Posted By AMZ:
If you care about her, and she sounds great to me, seek the help of a counselor.

Get her professional help, this is her way of asking for it.



x2
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:42:45 AM EDT

Originally Posted By catch223:
If you really care about her, stay with her, but don't expect her to change.



Truer words have never been spoken.

A little therapy might help her, but don't ever expect all those issues to just dissapear.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:43:23 AM EDT

Originally Posted By arowneragain:
Women with issues should wear warning signs.





They do. They're called boobs. If you see someone with boobs, it's an almost certain warning that they've got more issues than National Geographic.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:43:53 AM EDT
She might be bi-polar. Good luck man.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:43:57 AM EDT
I have dated a couple of women who were freaky-deaky, no-holes-barred, anything goes sex monsters. But, they have f'ed up lives. Lotsa stuff in their past. (I think there is a definate link!)
Anyway, the relationships went sour and ended badly.

I have since married a respectable woman. What I don't get physically is more than made up for by knowing she won't go bonkers or stab me in the back.

Now that you know where I'm coming from, I guess I would say have fun. Go shooting, driving, whatever you do. But don't take it too seriously. I don't believe in love conquers all, relationships are a choice. Choose someone sane.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:44:50 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/31/2005 10:45:19 AM EDT by Dusty_C]
Be a nice sweet loving caring guy and she will see that your not any of the guys from her past and things will stay great. Fuck up one time and your the guy that molested her, you called her fat, and poked her in the butt without so much as a kiss on the back of the neck or KY and you'll pay, dear God almighty you will pay. I hate to say this but it's true. All women (and most men) have issues. Some women get to be more caring and very sweet when they go through some things. Stick around and you'll be grateful, especially if she gets help to get past things.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:44:54 AM EDT
I didn't want to get wrapped up in any mushy nonsense so I didn't read your post or the follow-up responses. The answer is "dump her".

If you feel concerned enough to post/ask the question then you know in your heart mind the correct response.

Then again, just like the "My GF is interested in a bi-threesome" question from a month ago, be a man, hit it. Just don't count on any future with her. Have fun now.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:45:11 AM EDT
Have her go see a shrink for a while.
I knew a girl like that when I was younger. She started to see a shrink when she was 17 and I met her when she was 23 and she was still seeing the shrink. She was pretty normal and she was working out her issues but it is a long process.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:46:37 AM EDT
If you care about her like you say, reassure her that she doesn't have to deal with it alone.

Be there for her, let her vent (sometimes it's good just to let things out), and support her in any counseling efforts.

The "cut & run" folks tend to be self centered and have little hope of a good relationship.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:47:39 AM EDT
Read this site. Then you will know what to do.

www.nomarriage.com
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:49:10 AM EDT
I was with a girl who had been molested as a kid. Like you, i didn`t learn about it until she started having problems and acting out. I already cared for her deeply. It would come and go, and most of it was good, but when it was bad it was awful. She would become self destructive, and very unpleasant to be around. I talked her into seeing a therapist, and was she started on prozac which made her not care about her problems so much, but she also didn`t care about anything else much either.

We were off and on for about 5 years, and i finally got sick of trying to save/help her and it ended ugly. I havn`t spoken to her in 6 years. She was drop dead gorgeous, and very smart. She could have had and done anything she wanted. She is now married to a local radio DJ, covered in tattoos and piercings and on drugs.

I can`t tell you what to do, but after her, i can tell you i try and find out those sorts of things right away and avoid those women with that sort of past trauma and problems like the plague.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:50:16 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Dusty_C:
Be a nice sweet loving caring guy and she will see that your not any of the guys from her past and things will stay great. Fuck up one time and your the guy that molested her, you called her fat, and poked her in the butt without so much as a kiss on the back of the neck or KY and you'll pay, dear God almighty you will pay.



Wow I think you hit the nail on the head.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:52:08 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/31/2005 10:52:52 AM EDT by KN]
Like my buddy always says.

"There all psycho whores!"

I agree but still have high hopes to find one that aint someday.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:52:20 AM EDT

Originally Posted By 1911greg:

Originally Posted By dvr9:
Her moodswings and emotional reactions to the past might be related to her cycle. Hormones can make a woman do crazy things.

Having said that, RUN!!! It will not get better until after menopause. Hang out if you can wait that long.



it will start in about 2 days so that could be it.




Keep a log. That will tell the tale. I've done it and it works!
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:55:22 AM EDT

Originally Posted By TheKill:

Originally Posted By 1911greg:

Originally Posted By dvr9:
Her moodswings and emotional reactions to the past might be related to her cycle. Hormones can make a woman do crazy things.

Having said that, RUN!!! It will not get better until after menopause. Hang out if you can wait that long.



it will start in about 2 days so that could be it.




Keep a log. That will tell the tale. I've done it and it works!



really same behavior right before and during? The part that i find weird is how can hate you yet want to fuck your brains out right before they start
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:55:51 AM EDT
Break up with her and IM me her phone number

Sorry bud someone had to say it
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:56:21 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Brohawk:
If you care about her like you say, reassure her that she doesn't have to deal with it alone.

Be there for her, let her vent (sometimes it's good just to let things out), and support her in any counseling efforts.

The "cut & run" folks tend to be self centered and have little hope of a good relationship.



+1

It all depends on how much you care and what you expect out of the situation.

Best of luck with your decision.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 10:57:49 AM EDT
I thought you were going to tell me something scary!

What you describe isn't that scary.

Obviously I can't diagnose your relationship for you, nor diagnose your girl friend, but I've lived through some strange and pretty serious shit with women and I've learned things. You probably will want to give her some slack and talk things through. This is probably fine, but keep these things in the back of your mind. Her mood swings might be just because she's a woman, OR they might indicate something very serious such as bi-polar disorder. Be aware that your girlfriend's issues might be relatively minor, or they might be extremely serious; serious enough to make it impossible for you to ever form a permanent mature, constructive relationship with her.

Good luck!


Link Posted: 8/31/2005 11:04:35 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Q3131A:
Read this site. Then you will know what to do.

www.nomarriage.com



Q, you deserve a Nobel Prize for.......... something. I don't think we would have found this at the Oprah Winfrey Book of the Month club.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 11:05:48 AM EDT
Just understand that there is no cure for psychiatric disorders, only "treatments" she will NEVER get better. If she needs meds to be "normal", she will always need them. And in my experience she will not stay on her meds, most people that need them don't.

make intelligent choices.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 11:06:15 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:
Run. Once broke it can't be fixed. The cracks will always be there.



+1
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 11:08:13 AM EDT
How old is she?- over 30 and you need to exit the moving vehicle.

Does she live with family? - if so then you need to consider she could still be living in the toxic stew she grew up in.

Do you love this woman? - pure and simple. This is a yes or no answer, provisos are bullshit.

Eating disorders are treatable. Don't know squat about sexual abuse, but I would hazard a guess that it is much more difficult to treat and will impact your relationship 10X worse than an eating disorder.

Be honest about your own limits. Can you handle some jealous behavior on her part? Some trust issues?

Hope it works out for the best.


Link Posted: 8/31/2005 11:13:06 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Spade:

Originally Posted By arowneragain:
Women with issues should wear warning signs.






That would be redundent, since all women have issues.



[cough] true [/cough]
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 11:18:31 AM EDT
Jennifer Wilbanks?
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 11:20:01 AM EDT
OK.
If your already attached ,it's to freaken late.

If your not attached ,GET OUT !
No matter how much you care ,no matter how strong
you think you are or how smart you are ,YOU
can not help her threw it.

When it's over ,you'll feel like what happened to her happened to you,
and on top of that ,you'll lose her in a way that's similar to
having someone you love die.
Then you'll watch someone you love become worthless garbage.
She'll turn into a used and abused drug addicted whore .
You'll suffer along for the ride ,every step.
WORSE than watching them die.
YOU can NOT beat the drugs as they consume her.

If you think your strong enough ,go back and read that last part again,
at least 10 times !

If you are already in to deep,do NOT try to help her yourself.
Take her to a shrink.
Not because there ideas are so "great" ,but because they can
remain detached and write out prescriptions.
If you must care ,get between her and drugs any way you can.
Prescription drugs can really help smooth out her mood swings,and
help prevent her from seeking out drugs for an escape.

I don't wish to bore every one here with my story,or think to
much about days past.
Suffice it to say,I've been there,and I gave up future to try
and save hers.
In the end ,she didn't want saved ,she wanted to destroy herself.

I know people that the meds have helped out,keep that in mind.

Oh,whatever you do ,keep you guns locked up !
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 11:20:21 AM EDT

Originally Posted By 1911greg:

Originally Posted By Dusty_C:
Be a nice sweet loving caring guy and she will see that your not any of the guys from her past and things will stay great. Fuck up one time and your the guy that molested her, you called her fat, and poked her in the butt without so much as a kiss on the back of the neck or KY and you'll pay, dear God almighty you will pay.



Wow I think you hit the nail on the head.



Been married twice and my wife is a therapist. My wisdom comes with pain....
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 11:20:47 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 11:27:03 AM EDT
Since nobody else has asked; Is she pregnant? Do you know for sure?
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 11:27:32 AM EDT
I would recommend reading Dr. Laura's book 10 stupid things women do to screw up their lives and 10 stupid things men do to screw up their lives. Probably ought to read the man's book first to protect you for what's to come with the woman's book.

Now I don't know you're g/f but chances are she can't handle Dr.Laura's blunt reality. If so try to soften it for her some what. I think she speaks the truth but she doesn't pull any punches.

Coming from my own personal experiences here the fact is there are just some things you can't change. If you dwell on them they won't get better. Your g/f has to be able to take responsibility for what's happened to her [meaning accept that it happened and protect herself from further abuse] and she has to get over them. Move on. If she can't do that [on her own] then my advice to you is to RUN FORREST RUN. I'm the most compassionate person you'll find but there are some problems that you just have to be able to deal with on your own.

Read Dr.Laura though.

Patty
*ETA* If you call DrLaura and you're shacked up with the g/f May God have mercy on you as Dr.Laura won't!
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 11:37:05 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Cheesebeast:
How old is she?- over 30 and you need to exit the moving vehicle.

Does she live with family? - if so then you need to consider she could still be living in the toxic stew she grew up in.

Do you love this woman? - pure and simple. This is a yes or no answer, provisos are bullshit.

Eating disorders are treatable. Don't know squat about sexual abuse, but I would hazard a guess that it is much more difficult to treat and will impact your relationship 10X worse than an eating disorder.



no she is 20, doesn't live with family they live very far away, yes...
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 11:51:52 AM EDT
She's broken. Return her for one that isn't. Seriously.

Nothing but trouble, and not worth it IMHO. Trust me on this.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 11:53:03 AM EDT

Originally Posted By RaynoEleven:
Just understand that there is no cure for psychiatric disorders, only "treatments" she will NEVER get better. If she needs meds to be "normal", she will always need them. And in my experience she will not stay on her meds, most people that need them don't.

make intelligent choices.




Well put. +1.
Link Posted: 8/31/2005 11:56:29 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DOW:
She's broken. Return her for one that isn't. Seriously.

Nothing but trouble, and not worth it IMHO. Trust me on this.



Ok thanks for the advice guys, I guess i thought it might be a chance to fix things Recently I have dated a few girls before finding this one and i guess i just thought i had found a good one.

Damn it can be crazy finding a nice woman, either you have nothing in common or they are crazy or you fight its tough out there!

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