Here is my spoof on the reporter at the gun shop type news stories.


Reporter: Tonight will are going to take a look at one of the major problems facing the nation, vehicle violence.
Reporter: There are over 40,000 people killed by vehicles every year. As the violence only gets worse many are calling for increased vehicle control.
Tonight we are going to take a look at just how easy it is for someone to purchase one of these vehicles. What we found, may shock you.
*Cut to auto lot*
Reporter: Here we are at a car sales lot, there are many of these lots just like this one. This one in particular is just 100 yards from an elementary school. We are going to show just how easy it is for someone to buy one of these vehicles and get it onto the streets of America.
We looked around the lot some until we found a Cadillac Escalade, a common vehicle used for many crimes and a favorite of gang members. We met with Bob, the salesman here.
Bob: So you are interested in the escalade? It is one of our best sellers.
Reporter: Yes, can you tell us some of the features of this vehicle?
Bob: Well this model has a 6.2-liter V8, 403 horsepower and will seat 8 occupants.
Reporter: About how much does this thing weigh?
Bob: It goes about 5,000 lbs.
Reporter: And is this model fully automatic?
Bob: Yes it is a Six-speed automatic, 0-60 in 5 seconds, top speed of 107 mph.
Reporter: Fully automatic? All you have to do is press the pedal and this thing just goes on its own?
Bob: Well yea, it is very easy to operate.
Reporter: Even a child could learn to operate this with ease?
Bob: Oh yea, my 15 year old knows how to drive one of these things.
Reporter: Isn’t that kind of dangerous, I mean you have a 5ton, fully automatic vehicle that can go just about anywhere?
Bob: Well…
Reporter: How far can you get on one tank of gas?
Bob: You can go a couple hundred miles easy. Refueling only takes a few minutes and you are back on the road.
Reporter: So what you are telling me Bob, is that anyone with a drivers license, even someone as young at 16 can come here and buy one of these things?
Bob: Oh yea, we try to make it as easy as possible for the customer.
Reporter: Do you ever feel bad about the slaughter on America’s streets because of the product you sell?
Bob: I have never really thought about it but uh…
Reporter: I am sure everyone has heard of George Russell Weller, 89 who killed 10 people and injured more than 70 when his car plowed through a farmers market in Santa Monica. This was truly a massacre and was only possible because of such easy access to vehicles.
Bob: Well…
*Cut back to studio*
Reporter: What we have seen tonight is happening all around the nation. The easy access to motor vehicles is disturbing to say the least. On average 114 people are killed each day by these deadly machines. The only answer is stricter vehicle control. Does the average person really need a 5ton fully automatic vehicle? This power is usually only needed for police and emergency vehicles, the average person has no real need for such power.

Send it to the Half Hour News Hour.


96Ag

5000lbs = 2.5 tons, tho 5 is more dramatic.

Nice.  Can I put that on my blog?

Quoted: 5000lbs = 2.5 tons, tho 5 is more dramatic.

I thought of that too, but the way its written makes it sound even more alarmist news-media-ish.

Quoted: Nice.  Can I put that on my blog?

sure go ahead.