We all have seen and heard the rules of women........now , in one spot, the Rules of Men.
You'll notice they are all marked #1.......this is not a typo.


1.   Men are NOT mind readers
Ask for what you want.  Let us be clear on this one!  Subtle hints do not work!  
Strong hints do not work!  Obvious hints do not work!   Just say it!   Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost any question

1.   Come to us with a problem  only if you want help solving it.   That's what we do.   Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for....and always remember , crying is considered blackmail.

1(part b)    Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1.(part c)    Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball , football or guns.

1.    Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.   In fact, all comments become Null and Void after 7 Days. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1.    If you think you're fat, you probably are  Don't ask us.

1.   You can either ask us to do something ...or tell us how you want it done.  Not both.   If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1.    Learn to work the toilet seat.   You're a big girl.   If it's up, put it down.   We need it up, you need it down.   You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down

1.    Sunday sports, it's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.  Let it be.

1.    If it itches, it will be scratched.  We do that.

1.    If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.  We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle....sorry.

1.    If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.(also....see "FAT")

1.   When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really!

1.   You have enough clothes.

1.   You have too many shoes.

1.   When in doubt....cook bacon.



Please feel free to add or modify as you see fit.

If I text you when I am driving and ask you to do something or look up something for me, just do it and dont ask me a shit ton of questions about why.  I will explain later

Edit: I am the reason phones and driving are illegal in some states

No I don't want to go on a trip with your sister and her boyfriend that would not be a vacation!

(Thank god she already knew the answer and didn't want to go either.)

these are really funny! and true

holy shit whirlygirl got a membership, that means we cant talk about you in team and have to get rid of the pictures  ohhteh noes

If at anytime you think there is a bad time for a bj and a sammich, think again.  Better yet, stop thinking altogether.

The notion that a chick (including my wife) can tell me about a problem and not send me in to problem solving is BS.

That should be rule # 1.........oh wait––

Here's another one:  "If I ask you a question and you don't respond, I take that as a yes."

About 10 years ago, this list used to include "1. Never cut your hair."   Somewhere along the way it was lost.

I was wondering when someone would notice this!pictures? I already seen em' and they do me no justice!

when you ask me to fix the washing machine ( and i do ) dont ask about all the bits that are left


surpurfluous will be my answer

Where's "show up naked and bring beer?" Mr PMM said THAT was the rule when I married him....



SOB lied, didn't he?

Does the damned thing work>yes> don't fuck with it> stop.

Only thongs, no granny panties ever, unless you're a granny and that will be up for discussion then, maybe.

Thine womenz shall nay enter the inner sanctum of their man's bedroom chambers lest she nought be adorned by clothing and be adorned with a large flagon of mead in one hand and the tasty flesh meats of a bovine creature in the other.

yes we get sky tv on it now

must print

ever wear one of those things? (thongs) like having a piece of rope up your ass all day.....

Another good alternative is wearing nothing.

If the ass looks good enough, its worth the effort don't ya think?

No skinny butted girls need apply

fashion over comfort?okay, to a point...my fat ass in thongs? not a sight for the faint of heart

true. everynight in bed.

THE RULES

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want... Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do, sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. If your bum looks big in 'this' we'll say so.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Aye, well played!

Always acceptable

read them before. I disagree with one. Mr. Man is to put the seat down. why? because I keep the bathroom clean, and thusly my rules apply to it. Do you have any idea how unpleasant it is to stagger into the bathroom at 2 am to pee, and feeling the cold water in the bowl smacking your ass?

No. It happened once in our relationship, and that was the last time. Else no sammiches and pie.

Nope.........sorry.

The seat is left where its left.....period.

And using pie as a weapon only leads to 'eating out'.

my money is my money.

I make it. it stays in my acct. pay your own rent damnit.