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Posted: 12/3/2001 8:35:52 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/3/2001 8:39:43 PM EDT
This sounds reasonable to me.
8) How will a ban on Masturbation be enforced? Strictly! Among other tactics, we plan to: * Place random Masturbation-checkpoint roadblocks in America's cities where motorists will be stopped and their cars searched for signs of Masturbation by police with finger-sniffing dogs. * Add the phrase "Masturbation-Free" to the Pledge of Allegiance and require everyone to recite this and other Loyalty oaths when buying food or receiving health care. * Create Masturbation-Free zones around schools. As harsh as the punishment for Masturbation will be, we'll double it if the Offense occurs within 1000 feet of a school. * Make anti-Masturbation research a huge priority. The thousands of scientists and engineers who now waste their time on trivial matters like Baldness and cosmology should be permanently diverted to developing an effective Anti-Masturbation plan and a space-based Missile shield. * Create a National Secret Police Force to investigate incidents of Masturbation, terrorism, Flag-burning and hippie drum circles.
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Link Posted: 12/3/2001 8:44:34 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/3/2001 8:45:34 PM EDT
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